Sarah's Transition Diary .. days 1569 - 1596


.... is for those who might want to contact me about my diary.

Day 1569. Thursday 26th March 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

05.00 .. I’m in pain and feel like I need the loo. The nurse pumps in some morphine then helps me out of bed for the walk to the loo.

05.10 .. I’ve produced enough gas to heat a home for a day, but little has come to pass. I clean up and ring the buzzer .. I’m helped back to bed.

06.00 .. The hospital day starts .. nurses come in and open my curtains.

07.00 .. I give Frankie a call to see how she is today ..

07.55 ..Dr Suporn comes to see me, he does a thorough check on things, he’s happier with my left breast now, he’ll remove the catheter tomorrow. He says I can come off the drip, but they’ll leave the needle in for now, for morphine hits, I can get up now but will need to carry my bag.

Two nurses and the Administrator come to see me. The administrator, Minda, just want’s to know if I’m happy with the service .. the nurses want to give me another bed bath ... luxury.

08.55 .. My breakfast arrives, rather late for some reason.

09.15 .. I pop an e-mail to my colleagues in interactive at work, asking them if they have any code I could use for mouse rollover on images, so as to play a sound.
09.25 .. A nurse arrives and changes the arrangement for my drip, the drip is taken away, but the needle and a new shorter tube are left in for morphine shots. 

11.35 .. Lunch has arrived .. PAB .. affair .. A sliced apple and a banana .. no it’s not a pear, it’s papaya.

11.39 .. Jillian from Louisville pops up for a chat .. she’s checking up on me ..

12.01 .. Jillian goes, it’s her bedtime ...

12.02 .. Petra pops up for a chat, she’s terribly kind with her flattery, she really does need to see an optician .. she can’t be safe on the roads .. LOL.

I get a nurse to get me a clean blue tube sheet, so I can step in to it and wear it as a skirt. I wander off to see Frankie, next door ..

Frankie is in good spirits, though somewhat in pain. I get a chair to sit on .. initially I’m quite comfortable without a doughnut. However, after a short while it’s the weight of my breasts that is really causing my pain. Sitting with my arms crossed underneath them really doesn’t help much  In the end I can’t take it anymore and I go back to bed.
13.15 .. I head back to my room, gosh my boobs are aching .. << grimace >>.

13.40 .. Alison has come to see me, it turns out she’s paid extra for a suite .. and effectively got the same room as Laura and Micheline had last year .. very nice.

14.02 .. I spot Rachelle in Canada on line, so I pop her a message ..

14.20 .. Julie from Dorchester ops up for quick chat ..

14.55 .. Nanda arrives just as the nurse is putting 50 cc of morphine in .. Nanda apologizes and goes to leave saying she’s “looking for an English girl” .. yes Nanda it’s me !!! She says I look so different .. that really is a worry .. she’s going to go next door to chat with Frankie before returning, to allow the nurses to finish me off.

15.20 .. Nanda returns, we chat about all sorts, acceptance at work and where ever we go. She’s an interesting woman, SRS “about 7 years ago, and like 99% who have done has no regrets. We talk about our home lives and the things we like to do.

16.00 .. The nurses return to check my stats, Nanda takes this as queue to get on with her life.

16.08.. I have a chat with Ellen in New Zealand .. we haven’t chatted for a while.

16.30 .. I get a reply from Nicholas about mouse rollover code .. he’s sent me a script to modify and try .. I soon discover it doesn’t work .. << sighs >>.

16.45 .. My evening meal arrives, gosh they like to eat early. The portions they serve are enormous too .. tonight I chose chicken curry with boiled rice .. and a plate of fruit .. grapes and star fruit I think they are called.

17.19 .. My best friend Linda pops up for a chat .. I click that she does some nifty web site development, so I tell her about my woes with mouse rollover sound .. she has a script that works apparently .. so she e-mails it to me to try .. it doesn’t work either .. I must be really thick today.

17.20 .. Petra pops up for a chat .. she’s full of flattery as usual, she doesn’t stay to long as she needs to sort some work related stuff out.

17.46 .. Tina pops up for a chat .. we get disturbed by the nurses coming in to check my stats .. and she wanders off before we really finish.

17.47 .. I spot Andrea on Skype, she had her revision this afternoon here in the hospital. I’m surprised to find that she’s actually back in the hotel, catheterized to. We chat briefly, till a nurse comes in to top me up with more morphine. Gosh it’s magic stuff.

18.08 .. Monique pops up to see how I am .. she left the hotel here at some horrendously early hour for her flight back to Australia Tuesday morning..

Between on line chat’s I’ve tried to tweak things with the script Nicholas sent me, I can’t make it work .. and the replacement sent to me by Linda .. I just can’t get either of them to do what I want.

19.11 .. Linda goes off to walk the dogs, promising to have a look later to see what I’ve done wrong.

20.10 .. I Skype out to my mum .. we chat for a while, she wants to know all the ins and out’s of what I’ve had done. I explain Nanda’s reaction to seeing me earlier .. and my worries now for Karen.

20.20 .. I set to typing up today’s diary .. I’ve got such a lot I want to try and do .. but the morphine renders me pretty useless for a while after the initial hit ..

21.48 .. Rachelle in Canada returns for a chat ..

22.00 .. ish .. a nurse comes and tops me up with Morphine and I loose the will to do anything with my brain .. I try and chat with a couple of friends on line .. but it’s difficult thinking about that really ..

23.38 .. Tina returns, having noticed I’m still visible .. she’s just checking up on me regularly and showing what a friend she is .. maybe we’ll meet one day.

23.55 .. Tina says goodnight and I try calling Karen again .. I get an answer this time.

I tell her about Nanda’s reaction earlier, I don’t want to worry her really, I’m sure I’ll look more normal before I return home ..

00.07 .. I say goodnight to Karen, then try to record a few more thoughts here .. sadly I’ve not had many ..

00.30 .. nightie night..

More to come ... but probably not as usual .. at the moment if I can’t record stuff within 30 mins or so it’s gone !! morphine and the lack of hrt .. I’m brainless I really am.

Day 1570. Friday 27th March 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

The drugs worked and I slept ..

06.30 .. my day begins .. two nurses arrive to check my stats out .. and feed me couple of pain killers. The weather looks good outside.

My thoughts swing to Alison, who is having her SRS today .. she’ll have just finished her hibiscrub shower I guess, and now enduring the long weight .. I hope Christine and Zoe are with her .. company at this time would be great .. I remember feeling so scarred and lonely at that time.

07.00 .. another nurse arrives carrying an iv bag .. it’s antibiotics .. initially it won’t flow in the installed needle .. but the nurse with a little effort gets it going .. but with 20% left the flow stops .. it’s blocked again.

07.35 .. I get visit from Aey and Wi .. they say the nurses will change my IV cannular soon and give me morphine .. for breast massage.

07.53 .. I’m eating my breakfast when a yahoo box opens from Alison, a couple of doors away, she’s having her SRS this morning, says she’s remarkably calm, having Christine and Zoe with her at this time must be such a help.

A couple of nurses appear to change my cannular, this doesn’t go well. She searches my left arm for a suitable place .. can’t find one, so she tries my right .. she doesn’t hit the right spot .. she looks perplexed, says “sorry” and removes it. Back to my left hand, she finds a vein near my thumb .. that’ll be a pain and get in the way .. but it’s success this time.

08.25 .. A possie of 6 nurses turns up to see me just as Frankie Skype’s  .. she calls off as we agree I’ll come around later.

08.28 .. Christine and Zoe come in to see me, Alison has been taken down, Zoe, bless her, is a little red eyed. They are going back to the hotel soon on a tuc-tuc .. they’ll enjoy that.

08.37 .. Dr Suporn arrives .. poor Alison .. she’s got a bit of a wait then. Dr Suporn takes off my pressure dressing from my breasts .. gosh that hurts for a few minutes as the blood flows better .. he demonstrates the breast massage technique .. ouch!! ., Aey says she’ll be back later to do it, Dr Suporn tells a nurse to give me some morphine first. He inspects my Vulva, the right side is very swollen, I’m allowed to look in a mirror .. apart from the swelling it looks really beautiful now. Dr Suporn also removes my catheter, so now I’ll have to keep getting up to take a pee .. swings and roundabouts .. << grimace >> .. just worried my control won’t be to good.

Dr Suporn and girls disappear and I’m allowed a full shower. Oh the luxury of a full monty, but I have to use hibiscrub again under my arms and my vulva. Naked, I can see why my right arm’s been painful .. I have a massive bruise forming on the inside of my arm running from elbow to arm pit ..

09.34 .. I’m back on my bed .. all clean, a nurse puts Betadine on all my wounds, then cream’s my vulva with the white burns cream they use here called Dermazine, and a slick off another cream called Cogitine along the line of my incision under my nose.

09.39 .. Kathie from Seattle comes up to chat again .. we chat for a while then things start to happen .. a nurse comes in and I’m given a blast of Morphine .. so am I to expect Aey back .. any minute .. I get about 30 seconds demo on one breast then she runs off .. not to return.

11.40 .. Lunch has arrived .. it’s a fruit platter of apple, grapes and something I think that is called a star fruit. A glass of orange juice washes it down.

I now find a Yahoo box open from Jillian too .. so I’, chatting to two at once .. typical of the last few days ..

12.01 .. Alan & Fiona arrive for a visit, that’s really kind of them .. they are Emma’s folks and have left Emma at the hotel. Emma is doing great, and on her first full day out yesterday she did Sophie’s all day lecture .. gosh how brave. Fiona comments that I look better now .. and I do.

12.12 .. Alan & Fiona leave I’ll see them tomorrow.

Well I sort of lost track of today again .. shots of morphine sort of do that to you. I know I jumped out of bed a little to often possibly to have a “pee pee” as the nurses kept asking, just cause I didn’t trust myself after two days catheterized ..

I spent some time with Frankie, I showed her my company web site and some of the things I’ve co-designed with Steve my part time business partner. I think she’s impressed. I organize an invite for her to join the post op girls club too.

18.00 .. ish .. I go for a hobble round to Alison’s room, she’s back from her surgery and awake. She says it was all a totally peaceful experience .. I’m glad she found it that way. I don’t stay too long .. she needs rest now, I’ll try and nip back in, in the morning. Christine looks relieved .. Zoe .. she maybe be a child but having spoken to her, I realise she’s got a wise head on her shoulders when she wants.

I return to Frankie briefly to update her on Alison.

The evening is spent building two web pages, off of the index page, one to introduce some of the clinic staff, one to show the hospital staff.

22.15 .. A nurse comes and pumps 50cc of morphine into me so I can start my breast massage. Gosh this is one hell of a hit too .. my head starts to swim .. now how does the massage go, this mornings demonstration was rather brief to say the least?

22.33 .. I chat with Michelle after she pops up on Yahoo .. I was getting lonely I must be honest, waiting for Karen to get home from work .. typing is so difficult post morphine, so after we exchange Skype .. I agree to call her back after on Skype .. this is much easier.

23.48 .. I end the call to Michelle so I can call Karen ..

23.50 .. I call Karen .. my head is a mess and we talk through a few things for nearly 20 minutes .. thank goodness for Skype.

00.10 .. I head for the bathroom for another pee .. I don’t trust myself yet, and to brush my teeth and wash best I can ..

00.25 .. I’m finally in bed ready to sleep .. I take the sleeping pill the nurse delivered when she gave me the morphine.

More to come ...

Day 1571. Saturday 28th March 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept pretty solidly to be honest, drugs do work sometimes ..

05.55 .. I’m woken by a nurse connecting an antibiotic drip to my cannular, after flushing with saline and giving me morphine I think, from the “hit” .. it won’t flow .. so she resorts to flushing it again .. it works till about the last 20% exists 30 minutes later ..

06.20 .. Breakfast arrives .. two slices of toast with marmalade ( which the Thai’s really can’t make ), a glass of fresh orange juice and a mixed fruit yoghurt.

I try and do a breast massage .. well I assume I’m doing it right ..

07.45 .. I’m showered and dressed .. I try to gather my thoughts ..

07.55 .. I take my camera and Marantz recorder with me as I head into the corridor .. I think there is a shift change over meeting going on .. I grab a few more pictures and voice tags from the nurses, only one doesn’t want to know for some reason .. ho hum.

08.05 .. Back in my room .. I start to pack .. well I flop on my bed for a while first .. this drugged sleep really doesn’t do one much good .. I feel exhausted really ..

08.50 .. ish .. as I start to pack a nurse comes and removes my cannular .. I need to get myself organised .. I can’t think straight .. proven later when I discover on the last two nurses voice tags ..I didn’t record the frame number off the camera .. but they are in sequence .. so no problem.

08.53 .. Alison left me a yahoo message a short while ago .. I answer “ Hi see you in a minute” .. I nip round to see her and say goodbye .. she’s had a reasonable night it seems .. I offer her / Christine two pairs of brand new socks, Alison didn’t bring any .. they except .. I also leave her a bottle of Evian to enjoy.

I nip round to Frankie .. it’s a hug goodbye .. and I leave her a bottle of  Evian to enjoy too. In my morphine haze, I’d forgotten to drink / ask for them myself.

09.05 .. Back to my packing .. ummmm .. where is everything 

09.20 .. I’m nearly ready to go ... the laptop is the last thing to go ..

09.30 .. I go say thank you to the nurses .. I give the two boxes of truffles in the Selfridges bag, nope not fancily wrapped .. to a nurse at the station .. she looks in and smiles .. she’s one of the nurses from last year, so she might remember what they are .. << smiles back >>.

09.45 .. “Wi is trying to hurry me up and help pack .. my brain is still numb from this mornings morphine .. things aren’t getting sorted in the right order to me.

09.50 .. I’m offered a wheel chair but insist I’m ok to walk .. I’m taken down to the back door of the hospital and loaded into one of the clinic people carriers ..

09.55 .. ish .. I’m glad to sit down .. it’s been a bit of a trek it seems .. the engine’s running and the aircon is on .. just before Wi closes the door, she looks at me and immediately looks concerned .. I’m glowing I know .. she reaches up in front of me and opens the ceiling air vents directly on to me .. gosh that’s nice.

10.10 .. We are back at the hotel .. it’s a very quick drop off .. Wi has an airport run to do and can’t stay .. I flop on my bed and dose a little.

11.50 .. I’ve set the computer up and Kathie in Seattle is the first to say hello to me today ..

12.34 .. Kathie says goodbye .. she’s off to bed.

I need something to dry my nose up badly .. I walk out in the midday sun, without any protection .. stupid if only for minutes .. the clinic of course is closed .. so no advice available .. I head back to the hotel .. ruddy hell it’s hot out here .. I dive into the coffee shop entrance, nearer to the clinic, just to get out of the sun for the last 30 metres or so ..

I join Andrea, Steff and Susie for lunch .. can’t remember what I had ..

Post lunch Andrea is uncomfortable, poor girl is still catheterized and is coolly walking around in a pink sun dress with a neat matching pink clinic bag carrying you know what .. she’s got guts .. but she’s not the first to be seen doing so here .. we agree to go to her room 

16.15 .. ish .. I leave Andrea’s room and head back to mine .. I’m not feeling too good.

16.46 .. Leigh from Sunningdale pops up for a chat .. this is the first time “she” has given my “his” real name .. she hasn’t kept up with the diary and didn’t realise I was out here again ..

17.34 .. Leigh says goodbye ..

From this point on .. to be honest the morphine had lost it’s effect some time ago .. I got really stressed over time by the rising pain .. and things didn’t get noted here .

However at dinner I was very alarmed and frightened by a huge American ( half German) TS who is charging around ranting about her hair and what a local salon charged for what they’ve done ..

It’s explained to me while she’s away from the table having a rant in the distance .. that she’s hooked on some “second life” web site, and see’s SRS as some answer to her problems .. “dubious” 6 months RLT .. gosh does she have a problem .. rather a large one sadly .. I think Dr Suporn and the hospital will have a problem tomorrow .. she’s being admitted tomorrow I believe .. I’ll worry again when she returns.

Back to my room .. the Idarac 200mg pain killers are having little effect .. I can’t sleep .. I chat to friends .. I am in agony if I lay down .. from apparent bed sores on my bottom ( two ugly red patches that feel “spongy” and are oh so tender )

01.00 .. I’m going crazy .. I don’t know what to do .. I’m so tired .. I attempt sitting in the chair to sleep .. but just the weight of my breasts on my chest are creating extra pain .. though I might have nodded off ..

Effectively .. I didn’t sleep .. the pain was to much ..

“Completed” in the early hours of Sunday 29th ...

Day 1572. Sunday 29th March 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

That may have been my worst night ever .. I ummed and ar’d about calling the clinic for help, but just like last time when I layed awake all night first night out of hospital scared of wetting the bed .. this time the pain in any position “laying” was just intolerable .. I didn’t make that call, I don’t want to create a fuss .. the quiet english rose, even if wilting with age, is the person I am really .. I think I did dose off very briefly when I was literally on my elbows and knees .. for relief .. I think pain creates adrenaline .. something has kept me going ..   

08.20 .. I give up and get up ..

09.40 .. I join Susie and Emma at a table for breakfast .. they think I look tired but better .. well my top lip has reduced magically over night ..

10.47 .. I return to my room .. via Susie’s .. she’s given me some Tramadol in a bag .. so very much appreciated .. 

11.03 .. Kathie pops up for a chat on Yahoo .. she’s one caring woman .. but then history has proven that.

11.21 .. Susie comes to visit .. says hello on cam to Kathie .. Kathie soon excuses herself .. she’s done her caring duty to me for today .. thank you .. as many others have and it’s so appreciated.

Susie has come to collect copies of my pictures of clinic girls and things .. she ends up with a “key” with 634Mb of photo’s .. she shows me some of her pictures on her motorbikes, and scenery from Spain she saw on her bike .. a classic old BMW one. I show her some French ones .. Monet’s garden, the hotel, my favourite waterfall ..

The maid arrives to do my room .. she works around us.

12.30 .. ish .. Susie is in pain despite laying on my bed for a while .. heads back to her room.

13.20 .. I head down to eat lunch with Susie, Andrea and Steff. They are all stuffing sandwiches which come with chips .. I order the fresh fruit salad .. then realise I shouldn’t have .. I remember this .. desperation fruit .. LOL. Most of the chat is led by Steff .. she’s trying to get her HRT changed .. I’ve suggested she goes to see Dr Perring. Steff is going to show me sometime how to use the script she sent me last night to make mouse roll over sound work on my site.

14.40 .. Back to my room ..

14.50 .. I try a Skype call to Alison in the hospital .. no response .. so I send here a text message on Skype instead ..

15.53 .. Alison comes back on text type .. and we chat. She’s really not a happy bunny, she’s reacted with some of the drugs she’s been force fed, and they had made her feel bad. She’s refused to take them and now is perking up a bit, which is good news. Although I’ve  failed to reach Frankie, Christine and Zoe have been visiting her, so she’s OK.

Alison says Bow has been around, though she didn’t really see her as she was out of it at the time .. so maybe I will get a visit.

16.29 .. “Bow”, one of Dr Suporn’s girl Friday’s appears .. I tell her about my experience last night and that I’m unhappy being “sent home” with nothing stronger than “Idarac 200mg” (Floctafenine) as pain killers.

17.37 .. Christine from Whitby calls on Skype phone .. she just can’t curb her sense of humour and she has me in agony holding my cheeks together trying not to grin and smile .. as per Dr Suporn’s instructions.

18.03 .. Christine goes, she needs to hang her washing out.

19.40 .. I finally head down to eat .. and join a table with Susie, Steff and a French girl, whose English is a lot better than my French .. we chat about all sorts ..

21.30 .. I leave the table .. I really must leave ..

23.02  .. I say goodbye to Petra ..

23.03 .. I pop a couple of lines to Maria near Teddington following a couple of abrupt exchanges .. she didn’t realise my situation really .. a misunderstanding both ways ..

I flop on my bed before taking another Tramadol .. dough .. I do sleep after while .. I’ve realised this is the first day I haven’t taken a picture ..

00.21 .. I call Karen on Skype .. we chat for a while .. gosh I’m so home sick .. I have tears running down my face .. my addled brain .. she tells me I’m repeating things .. DOH ..

00.45 .. Time to pack up, take a Tramadol, exercise my breasts and sleep .. hopefully .. gosh my bottom is so tender.

More to come .. unlikely .. unless I glean stuff from my Yahoo Messenger / Skype archives.

Day 1573. Monday 30th March 2009.

Memory Joggers ..

I didn’t sleep to well .. despite the Tramadol .. I tried all sorts, with bra, without bra, on my back, on my sides as I do at home ..

04.45 .. This might be a bit late ..

09.00 .. I’m awake .. I get up .. breakfast is a plain bio yoghurt with ginger and honey added .. it will do at this time, I take another Zumenon .. I started yesterday, forgot to say that I think, and the rest of the clinic meds and my supplements from home. I read my e-mails as I eat .. gosh .. I’ve had a few nice replies from people, on and off groups, about the clinic staff .. apparently a few have shed tears, and a German patient from a month ago wants to link her site to mine to give her readers access.

09.50 .. I head for the bathroom

10.25 .. I’ve just stepped out of the shower when I hear a knock on my door  . holding a towel in front of me I lean out of the bathroom and use the spy whole .. it’s Aey band Wi .. I open the door a crack .. they giggle and say they will come back in 15 minutes .. I know what for, so I take a Tramadol in preparation ..

I dry my hair the best that I can  and slip a pair of knickers on just as there’s a knock on my door ..

10.42 .. Wi and Aey return ..

10.58 .. Wi and Aey leave me resting on the bed .. gosh that smarts ..

11.55 .. I pack the laptop up and head for the clinic ..

12.05 .. I'm in the clinic, and ask when I can see Mrs Suporn .. soon !?! this is probably "Thai time" .. << lol, grimace >>.

13.50 .. ish .. Aoi ( Mrs Suporn ) is ready for a chat, I suggest we go somewhere quieter, so she leads me through to the “sitting room” where Sophie does her lectures.

15.00 .. ish .. I finish with Mrs Suporn, after a while sitting around in the clinic reception with others .. I head back to my room before returning to the clinic ...

18.05 .. I get to see Dr Suporn .. about my nose, for which he gives me some capsules to help dry it up .. and he looks at my bottom .. he's really quite concerned about the right side .. I mustn't sleep on my back for a few days till it's better .. great .. can't sleep on my side well either .. << mummy, grins >> .. Mrs Suporn offers me a massage for my back tomorrow, "as a service" .. that's very kind of her .. we agree 11.00 tomorrow.

21.50 .. We are back at the hotel .. well we won’t do that again, though it was nice being in a relatively luxury car from the hotel.

22.55 .. Andrea and I return to the 7th floor .. gosh my back ..

02.35 .. I’m in bed ..

More to come .. maybe ..


Day 1574. Tuesday 31st
March 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

Another restless knight ..

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. golly gosh .. I’m so tired ..

08.00 .. Up and at it .. I answer a couple of e-mails on some groups .. then head for

08.50 .. I call Frankie after getting a “text message” on Skype from her.

09.10 .. I join Emma and her folks Alan and Fiona for breakfast ..

10.05 .. Back in my room ..

10.27 .. Wi arrives .. breast massage is very, very painful, specially left side, though right seems bigger .. 

11.00 .. I’m in the clinic ..

The masseuse loses me on the stairs, I return to Aoi ( Mrs Suporn ) who giggles as I explain the woman went to fast for me and lost me .. LOL.

11.10 .. My massage begins up on the 2nd floor of the clinic ..

12.10 .. All good things have to end ..

13.28 .. I’m back in my room .. I give Frankie, who is now back here in the hotel a Skype call .. She’s like some assistance in “resetting” her room .. I tell her I’ll go round after calling Karen.

15.15 .. Back  in my room .. I need to go ..

15.28 .. I’m back in the clinic

16.55 .. I’m invited into “exam room 1 ”, and asked to strip naked .. Dr Suporn has a look at my breasts, both are swollen a bit, well the right one quite a lot. He decides to drain the flood out, Aey is holding my left hand as he starts on the right. He cleans the whole breast, shoves the insert hard to the middle and sticks a large needle in the side, I can feel the breast get less tighter .. he draws off 220cc !!!. Dr Suporn looks at me and grins .. “if you liked that size that is how much extra you need inside !!”

My left side has less in it for sure, this makes it harder for him, it takes 3  attempts to get into the pocket .. ouch, ouch .. aarghhh ... but he only manages to work out 50cc, I’m left more than slightly lop sided !!!

He goes down below, and says it’s all looking good, I can start dilating again to .. << grimace >> .. not looking forward to this.

17.25 .. Dr Suporn has done what is needed, I get dressed and go back to the main area ..   

Choose dress style .. to be made in purple silk .. with the embroidery ..

18.45 .. I head back to the hotel ..

19.05 .. A “refreshed” Frankie calls ..

19.25 .. I head down to the restaurant .. Jessica, part of the furniture here after a three month stay is on her way home .. she gives me a hug from behind initially .. “no right to right is OK” .. we hug from the front .. << grimace >>. Danny is late ..

19.40 .. Jessica, tearfully as is so often the case, is on her way back to Salt Lake City, USA.

23.19 .. Finally get through to Karen ..

23.35 .. Tina pops a message up .. then we do a voice call .. Tina’s proving to be a good friend .. she’s taken over from Linda, who I haven’t “chatted” to for about 5 days .. << grimace >> .. 

23.58 .. I’m finally in that position .. with number 1 for the first time ever.

01.20 .. I’ll call it cooked, well I got to depth for 20 minutes or so with number two ..

01.58 .. Check back with Karen, Jamie’s call is good news .. Vic and Jamie are now property owners in Canada ..

02.15 .. I take a sleeping tablet and finally climb into bed ..

More to come ...

Day 1575. Wednesday 1st April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I seemed to sleep OK .. I don’t remember much after finally getting the pillows right the sleeping pill and Tramadol together do there magic.

07.00 .. The alarm goes off .. ruddy hell my breasts hurt so much, especially the right one .. I snooze the alarm for about 30 minutes before getting up ..

08.40 .. I head down for a quick breakfast .. muesli, some pancakes with maple syrup, all washed down with orange juice and water .. did I mention the slices of two different “raisin bread” and the chocolate marble cake .. sorry scales .. << grimace >> .. but I know I’ll be doing some exercise. I wish I knew the exact weight of my “inserts” .. so I can 

09.15 .. As I leave the restaurant Frankie  arrives, doughnut in hand .. we exchange hugs .. but I must get a shift on sadly. 

09.18 .. I’m back in my rook, I quickly take all the pills I’m supposed to, then put all the bags in to my handbag for the lunchtime round. I scoop up what else I need .. my brain is working, I remember the sun block.

09.31 .. I’m in reception for the 09.30 Pattaya trip .. but of course this is clinic “Thai time” ..

09.50 .. The bus has arrived, with Jib and driver Danny .. we are finally off .. we don’t get a long way before we stop to fill up .. with water for us folk. Back on the road but we stop again for coffee, but only Jib and Danny want it.

As we head for our first official stop, the “World Gems Collection Co.,Ltd.” place, I get myself creamed up.

We arrive at the jewellery place and get given VIP passes and are given a guided tour through an exhibition of raw stones, and pictures “painted” from the dust of stones being cut .. amazing, but no photographs are allowed.

On past an area where we can see into the place where the jewellery is being made .. I can’t believe, given the level of business they must do .. that the manufacturing side is just that there.

We are then led into the sales floor, not a lot smaller than a football pitch .. this is supposed to be the worlds biggest jewellery out let.

A card I collect tells me what Karen and I’s birth stones are .. “Sapphires” for Karen and “Aquamarine” for me. First I go looking for some earrings for Karen, my initial idea was to try for something to match or get close too, the necklace / pendant I bought her .. which was set with a large amethyst.

Nothing I like really .. so it’s got to be sapphires .. there was a pair that was drop dead gorgeous .. how much !!!!

I’m offered a “Complimentary coffee” .. I should think so too, I’ve just paid all the staff salaries for a day.

From there we go across to a “cheap” Thai souvenir shop .. Frankie has me to get some fans .. Jib phones her to check on the quantity of these 50 Baht baby painted Thai fans she want’s.. 15!!! I get 5 for myself too .. and she want’s a Buddha .. Jib suggests she can get that in Chonburi.

So I go looking for a few items for Karen and I, an enormous painted wall “fan”, with a purple background will do nicely ..

12.20 .. We are on the road to the “Nong Nooch Tropical Garden” ..

12.45 .. We’ve arrived, first thing is lunch .. it’s a help yourself  buffet for 100 Baht .. I do some nice shots of the folk using my camera’s remote. Lunch is a plate heaped up with egg fried rice, chinese pork, some not so good chicken curry and some “home made” chips .. that’s what they claimed. Returning for dessert, we are put off by all the flies on the fruit ..

13.20 .. Feeding of us is finished .. off into the Gardens .. except we do get to see the amazing flower display ..

We head into the “petting zoo” .. there are animals on display you can’t pet. There is one of those sedated tigers you can have you picture taken with .. I fall to temptation .. Jib takes my camera and shoots of a load, later when I’m offered my picture for 100 Baht .. I decline .. as Jib has done a cracking job, I’m sure the others will give me some too .. I decline.

14.35 .. We  start to queue for the dance and martial art show .. gosh it’s warm.

14.50 .. We are seated .. “air conditioning” Thai style is in use .. massive fans with “water fogers” .. it might cool you down for a while just you end up damp .. Jib asks if we’d like ice creams or drinks .. I  opt for an ice cream .. she produces some tubs, Seana sitting next to me has a freshly opened and chilled coconut.

15.00 .. The dance and traditional marshal arts show starts .. It’s not well lit .. so I sit on the floor and use my chair back as a tripod using my favourite clamp .. though I say it myself .. I’ve got some cracking shots .. though the fast action ones are a blur of movement. We leave the show early to go to the Elephant show .. 

The Elephant show is something else .. loads of photo’s. I can’t be sure if the Elephants enjoy this .. riding “tricycles”, playing football and netball, “dancing” and giving “Thai massages, Elephant style to willing victims from the audience. 

16.20 .. The elephant show has ended .. so we head back to the pickup  point .. I can’t resist paying 50 Baht to have my picture taken with one of the glamorous dancers .. then take some pictures of other “take” animals on display .. an Orangutang, what looks like a cheetah whose drugs have got the better of it, and yet another dozy tiger ..    

We need refreshment .. a very cold can of Pepsi for 20 Baht does the job ..

16.35 .. We load into the “bus” and head back towards Chonburi .. 

16.50 .. We’ve stopped at some lights, just as they are about to change green our way, somebody on a bike roars through and doesn’t clear the other lane .. smash .. there is a pile up between two  or three bikes

17.00 .. We’ve stopped outside a house, Jib and Danny get out, after 5 minutes we find out why we have stopped, this is Sophie’s house, we can’t see anything of it behind it’s high walls, she comes out and asks if we are all OK.

17.15 .. We  are back on the road ..

18.35 .. We are back at the hotel .. I take my stuff up to my room and strip off my top .. gosh I’ve been warm .. then put the laptop on charge .. it ran out of power after about an hour .. this battery isn’t a lot of use really ..

I call Frankie .. she’s got another 20 minutes or so of dilation to do .. then she’ll come round to me.

I freshen up then set too off loading today’s photo’s onto my laptop, delete the obviously floored ones, then save the whole lot ( 680Mb ish ) to a couple of data keys, to lend to people at dinner.

19.10 .. Frankie knocks and comes in just as I’m struggling into a fresh top .. my favourite corset fronted white T shirt .. hmmm .. it’s a little tight for sure, should be a nice fit when my breasts have shrunk a little. I finish my data copying .. it takes five minutes .. we head down stairs.

In the restaurant we are alone for quite a while .. we have eaten by the time Seana appears .. my dinner was mango with “warn” sticky rice .. OK .. it’s a pudding .. but that’ll do nicely.

 Andrea, Susie and Steff arrive back from their trip to Bangkok .. Andrea comes over to us and sits to show us what she’s bought ..

Seana want’s to borrow the data keys full of photo’s .. and asks for any others around and about .. so I suggest she brings her laptop up to my room and we’ll play musical keys .. she ends up with an enormous amount of my photo’s from now and last year .. << smiles >>. 

20.35 .. ish .. We head back to our rooms.

20.50 .. ish .. Seana arrives, she sets up camp on the side of my bed, while I’m filling more keys for her ..   

21.45 .. Seana leaves, 1.7Gb of pictures heavier on her laptop .. << smiles >> .. she’s one of those mystical bean poles .. she’d fly away in a puff of wind .. OK Seana, I’m green with envy really.

21.49 .. I spot Abby in Arizona on Yahoo and send her a quick message .. we switch to Skype ..

21.51 .. We haven’t spoken to each other for ages .. as my web cam fires up I realise I’m missing an earring .. panic sets in, thinking I’ve lost it on the trip today .. I search my room .. surely if it had been missing at dinner, Frankie would have said something. I check the top I put in my washing bag earlier .. it falls out of the sleeve .. phew.

22.42 .. Abby and I call it a day ..

22.54 .. A call with Karen on Skype leads to a photo session on Yahoo .. showing of a few of today’s photo’s ..

23.00 .. Tina calls .. I tell her I’ll be back ..

23.23 .. Karen’s back is aching sitting at the computer .. she’s bored with my photo’s I think .. so we say goodbye ..

23.25 .. I go back to Tina and start a voice session and we do a photo share session ..

00.20 .. I say good bye to Tina ..

00.21 .. Cue Jillian from Kentucky .. we chat about breasts .. she want’s hers done .. she knows about the pain .. 

00.37 .. Gillian goes, intending to call earlier in future .. thank you.

01.27 .. I start to get ready for bed ..

02.20 .. Sleeping pills consumed, I get into bed, nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1576. Thursday 2nd April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I got off to sleep quite quickly .. I woke about 05.00 feeling cold so pulled the quilt over me ..

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. as usual I hit the snooze button, planing to get up after the second reminder .. after 20 minutes .. however I dosed off and it was the third that woke me up << grimace >>.

08.00 .. I’m woken up .. arghhh .. I’m late .. I head for the shower straight away .. my hair is still good so I can get away with a quickie routine .. I eat a couple of baby bananas I took yesterday so I can take my meds earlier ..

Frankie calls to see if I’m ready for breakfast .. I’ll join her down there .. 

09.35 .. I head down to the restaurant for breakfast .. and join Frankie and Andrea at a table, along with Tamara who is in full flow again. Breakfast is muesli, followed by yoghurt with fruit, then a slice of marble cake and just one slice of raisin bread, all washed down with orange juice and a cup of coffee.

Jib suddenly makes an appearance .. I start to worry she’s doing the rounds this morning .. but she’s not .. she’s collecting today’s hospital entrant. Seana appears after they start to clear breakfast away .. but she manages to grab a few things and sits on an adjacent table till Frankie departs ..

Wi and Bow make an appearance .. they are doing the rounds .. Wi says she’ll see me about 10.40 ..

10.28 .. I head back to my room ..

10.32 .. I find a message from Kathie in Seattle .. she’s off to bed soon so we only talk briefly ..

10.37 .. Kathie says goodbye .. nightie night. I start on some diary notes for today ..

11.05 .. Wi finally arrives .. Thai time rules. She checks my meds and looks down below .. all is OK. She starts massaging my breasts .. she soon decides I’ve got a lot of fluid on the left side .. she asks if DR Suporn has taken any off .. I explain what happened on Tuesday.

11.25 .. Wi heads off to the next patient .. I call Frankie .. Andrea is there with her .. when I try to shut my PC down, something very odd happens .. I do a recycle start on it and it shuts down fine .. how odd.

We head off for the clinic, as a stopping off point, Frankie needs to go to The Forum to collect her glasses .. I’ll go with her, she’s far from full strength .. I need some blank CD-R’s and a couple of DVD+R’s ..

12.10 .. Frankie heads off and I quickie catch up, leaving my laptop at the clinic for safe keeping. I stay with Frankie till she gets to the opticians .. I head up to the food hall to get some more pads for myself .. then start searching for disks. I find a little booth selling individual CD-R’s and DVD+R’s .. from pancake boxes .. they put them into little thin sleeves. 70 Baht for 3 x CD-R’s and 2 x DVD+R’s. 

13.05 .. I’m back in the clinic .. I start the wait for my massage .. a Thai tea from Danny is a cooling relief.

13.45 .. I’m invited into examination room 2 by Jib for a breast massage .. only to be followed in my Aey too a minute or so later .. ok I’m getting nervous .. I remove my top and bra .. and lay down .. a knock on the door is cue for Aey to come in.

They start the massage .. Jib on my less painful right side .. Aey on my right. I’m soon groaning in pain and I’m welling up .. “relax” says Jib “less painful” .. yeah right !!!. Gosh they barely stop, once they start talking they start getting out of sink and the rocking and rolling makes it hurt more .. I cry stop at one point, and they do for a few moments before starting again .. Aey at one point says my feet look swollen .. least of my worries at the moment .. Jib says I should walk around more.

A phone rings .. Aey’s .. phew .. she stops to answer it and walks off leaving Jib solo. Jib soon changes side .. gosh she is tough on me .. soon Cin walks in and starts on my right side. I’ve got tears in my eyes again, Jib says “I only hurt you cause I love you !!” .. I reply “I’d hate to think what you might do if you didn’t like me” .. Cin and Jib giggles. They work on me in bursts, at one point Cin gives a hard shove to my less painful right breast, causing me to yelp in pain .. they stop immediately .. “ruddy hell that hurt.

They give me a ,more gentle massage and call it a day. Jib says I should let the clinic do it twice a day till I go home ... 

14.15 .. My tormentors are finished with me .. I return to the waiting room / reception .. where I’m offered a drink .. cold water please ..

I power up my laptop .. only to find my diary file is corrupted, it only holds info up to half way through the flight here on the 18th March .. the backup was incomplete .. I’m mortified .. only relief is that I did an upload last night of everything I had .. so I start rebuilding my Word Perfect copy from my web pages .. takes about an hour ..and I’ve lost the 20 minutes of work from this morning.

16.15 .. Frankie heads back to the hotel .. I must do soon too to return for another breast massage.

16.30 .. I pack up and head back to the hotel.

17.50 .. I’m back in the clinic .. worried that I’m to late for a massage .. Wi and Cin to the rescue. I’m taken into exam room 1 and my top stripped off .. Wi is on my left side, Cin is on the right .. they are quite gentle, though my toes are curling with the pain, especially from the left side.

I hear the door open and close and think nothing of it .. till I hear voices and the girls stop .. I open my eyes to see Wi and Cin back away and Jib and Aey take over. My heart sinks .. justifiably as they start on me .. these two don’t take prisoners gently. I’m soon wincing in pain, “more pain needs more massage” Jib reassures me. Jib says she can feel a lot of fluid in that side, well I know that cause Dr Suporn had difficulty draining the left on Tuesday, Aey adds that she can “ feel some on this side, not a lot, no worry”.

After 5 minutes I say stop .. they do briefly but then restart slowly building the pressure up. Because my left breast is ½” or so high at the moment, Dr Suporn has given specific instructions for the left breast, which seems to mean the girls are pressing down my chest fairly hard as well as the left to right motion.

Jib starts to “need” the implant in a downward motion and it’s hurting quite a bit, suddenly Aey does the same with the right for some reason, and until this point hasn’t been hurting me too much. She bears down with both hands and the pain is such I nearly pass out, I make a noise about as close to a scream as I can and they both stop dead .. I look straight at  Aey .. “that really did hurt a lot” .. she says sorry and they stop, calling it a night.

They help me dress, then after a short rest I go back into the waiting room .. I get a surprise .. “Noon” is in to see old friends. Noon worked for Dr Suporn last year .. “bing” thought bubble appears .. I’ll do a sub page for clinic old staff .. where I can move current staff into as they leave. Noon agrees to be photographed and she says her name as the other girls have ..

I head back to the hotel, I have a dinner date with Frankie for a Pizza tonight across the road at the Pizza Factory.

19.05 .. Frankie and I head for the Pizza Factory .. Frankie being just a couple of days out of hospital is being really brave, walking slowly as prescribed. The bridge over the road isn’t kind to her.

19.15 .. ish .. We’ve made it and are seated .. a waitress comes to take our order I twist in my seat and feel a stab in the side of my chest, it’s excruciating, but after  5 - 10 seconds it seems to pass .. what the hell was that ?

Well we really enjoy our meal, we both ordered medium size Pizza’s .. Frankie is beaten by hers, washed down with a large quantity of Pepsi, it’s a never empty glass arrangement for a fixed fee .. 45 baht I think.

Meal over, we’ve sorted the money for the bill between us and I go to stand up .. that pain in the side comes back .. it’s bearable at first. As we head for the hotel, it’s now me who has to keep stopping every hundred yards or so .. the pain is building rapidly, I’m getting shorter distances between stops, breathing is really painful .. as we approach the hotel I’ve got tears in my eyes .. I stop short of the hotel steps and a door man rushes out to offer help. I make it inside and head for a seat.

The door man brings me some dry tissue. I’m offered a wheel chair, stupidly I refuse and get up to head for the lift .. I don’t get that far before I have to pause .. I get into the lift and we go up, as I turn out of the lift the twist action “kills me”, I feel faint and my knees buckle .. I can’t straighten up .. my head steadies after a few moments I get back on my feet .. I walk down the corridor twisted to my right side, Frankie opens my door and see’s me in. I try to lay on the bed on my left ride .. big mistake .. I see stars and burst into tears.

Frankie has only a couple of staff names in her phone, the clinic phone I have  has most. She uses my clinic phone to call Jib.

This needs shortening, and I loose track of time .. after a short while, Jib calls back after calling Dr Suporn, his instruction is for me to take two Tramadol and a Valium .. Tramadol no problem .. he’s arranging for the hospital to rush me round some Valium immediately .. Frankie calls Andrea to see if she has any, she hasn’t.

In the mean time, Frankie’s helped my get my top half undressed and into my nightie, and I’ve found a way of laying “comfortably” ( a relative term ) on my right side, by laying over a pillow to keep me hunched up.

The two tramadol soon affect my head, and reduce the pain a little. After some time, don’t know how long the Valium arrives, I’m still writhing in agony as I swallow one. Frankie is a real star, she’s sitting at the end of the bed .. talking to me occasionally. She helps me move further onto the bed, but I can’t get in it, I’m boiling anyway, she gives me my dressing gown to keep the draft of the air conditioner off me. My head is spinning before the Valium hits me .. after it does the pain reduces, my breathing gets a little easier but I’m out of my head on another planet ..

Frankie told me she left me about 22.30 .. after I seemed to relax and calm down some and breathing easier .. I do remember her saying to call her if I need anything, and she was taking my door card with her .. she moves my computer on to the bed and sets the web cam up .. my Skype is set to auto answer, and she leaves the bathroom light on to shed light in my direction.

I vaguely remember talking to Tina, but that might have been a dream or something ..

I drift in and out of consciousness, and do manage to talk to Karen briefly around midnight .. I’m not making any sense, but she is concerned about me.

It’s a ruddy long night, I got up some time around 04.00 I think and took more Tramadol, another Valium and managed to get to the loo .. the effects of the first pills seem to have been wearing off. I return to bed .. I’m soon in gaga land again, I may have slept for an hour or so ..

“Completed” Sunday 5th April ...

Day 1577. Friday 3rd April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I’m not sure of the time when Frankie returned, I was suddenly aware of her voice in the fog, she says I haven’t moved since she left me, well I know I did but I only had one “comfortable” position

10.30 ish .. Wi comes to see me .. Frankie leaves me after a while so Wi can examine me .. she’s concerned and was going to try and make a clinic appointment for me .. I tell her I have one anyway. She leaves and I need another wee .. I’ve drunk two bottles of water during the night .. as I walk past my mirror my reflection stops me dead .. my right breast is enormous .. Wi hadn’t noticed that, nor had I till now .. I’m conscious enough to realise to take a picture or two with my camera, with the remote it’s easy. Though in pain, I eat a yoghurt so I can take some more tablets .. I use the loo, take another couple of Tramadol, but not anymore valium .. and lay down again.

Saint Frankie is in and out a lot to me checking up .. and calling regularly on Skype too.

13.30 .. ish .. my room phone rings, it’s agony getting to it .. there’s a mess up with drivers, can I be ready to leave at 14.00 .. I’ll try .. Frankie helps me dress. No bra will fit me, nor any of my tops, except the one I bought at the Big C supermarket .. It’s a gareish patterned bell tent basically .. it’s mid thigh length .. to short .. I need a skirt.

13.55 .. The room phone rings .. I’m being hassled to get to reception for my ride to the clinic. Frankie offers to get a wheel chair .. but with the Tramadol active still I can walk, with my arms crossed in front of me to support my massive breasts.

I’m helped into the waiting car for the short drive, on my arrival at the clinic the waiting area is stuffed .. Mrs Suporn, surprised by my appearance helps me down to the back lounge which is empty bar one .. I lay out on the sofa .. time drifts bye ...

15.10 .. I get called and helped into examination room 2 and made ready for the doctor .. a complete strip .. as he walks in he looks at me and stops .. it’s a double take in Thai I think .. << grimace >>.

He examines me, he’s aware of the pain I’ve been in. He says this extreme reaction is rare and sets about draining my breasts again, he starts on the right. Mrs Suporn is trying to comfort and distract me .. she tells me how long they’ve been married,  and the promise made to her when they married. I can’t reveal what was said, she makes me smile, but I do work out from info provided that Dr Suporn must be 48 !!! .. assuming my brain is working. I feel my breast deflating, the reduction of pressure is a relief in its self. He says the fluid is not infected, shows me a syringe full and that he’s taken out 320 cc from that side at that point .. I think he got another syringe out after the one he showed me.  At this point he asks when I’m going home, I can sense from his reaction there’s an issue here. He thinks it would be wise if I stayed an extra week to ensure he’s got this under control .. ho hum.

Dr and Mrs Suporn change sides .. and he starts on the right .. and removes 250 cc .. I thank him, the relief is immense. He says he’s going to give me a shot of antibiotics now, and get his nurse to do some every morning in my room for the next 4 days. It’s Mrs Suporn who delivers the sting .. and gosh it does, and he’ll review things next Tuesday.

Dr Suporn inspects my other bits, he tells me the SRS non dissolvable stiches will be removed next week .. and then the nurse removes the other stitches from under my arms and the ones under my nose. Gosh I’m shattered but relieved .. I’m helped back into my clothes and shown the door.

15.40 .. I’m back in reception .. where I drink some water and just relax relieved for a while .. a long while. Sitting near to Tamara was a mistake initially .. Nanda arrives later and I go and chat with her too.

Frankie’s waiting for a breast massage, I wait for her to be finished.

18.20 .. I head back to the hotel with Frankie ..

19.33 .. I call MD Paul in London on Skype to explain my situation ..

19.44 .. I end the call with Paul ..

It’s a late dinner with Frankie .. and it’s PIZZA for two in the restaurant .. wasn’t this what started my problems yesterday .. probably not.
21.10 .. Back in my room ..

21.49 .. My Skype pops up .. It’s Patricia .. Christine in Whitby’s 80 year old mum .. she’s pleased as punch with her new laptop, she bought the model I suggested .. however Skype can’t find the web cam .. I try to talk her through it, but to no avail. So we chat about things here and there, she really is a breath of fresh air to talk to, wish my mum was like her.

22.09 .. Patricia says goodbye .. I need an early night, she’s expecting Christine around soon do something for her.

22.18 .. I call my engineering boss Gary on his mobile, that blows a whole in my Skype credit, but we are chatting about things here and at work for some time .. obviously me being here a week longer will mean getting Andrew, Martin and Jonathon to do a week extra of days. There is some gentle humour about my physical state, we make each other laugh, though I have to keep my face under control.

22.40 .. I promise to keep Gary informed and end the call.

22.48 .. I try home again .. still no answer.

00.05 .. I’ve decided the only way to monitor what’s happening with my breasts is to measure and photograph them twice a day .. 43.5 inches round the fullest part at moment, feel and look OK.

00.13 .. I’m ready to climb into bed .. WHAT !!!! .. there’s a shock .. nightie night.

Much more to come .. Thailand and me aren't made for each other it seems ..

Day 1578. Saturday 4th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept fairly well it must be said, I woke a few times bone dry, I woke up in a lot of pain about 05.00 and took a Ibuprofen to see if that would help .. I must admit it didn’t really, but I did sleep on.

07.30 .. The alarm wakes me up .. I keep snoozing it, and I did snooze a couple of times, clearly .. before I realised it was ..

08.20 .. up  and at it .. I eat my two Plantains I collected last night so I can take all my meds early.

Find messages from Nicola_Robyn, Kathie in Seattle and Ambre rose .. I send them all the same message .. I need to shower .. It’s not quite the full monty but my hair is terrible ..

09.40 .. I arrive in the restaurant .. Emma and Frankie are sitting in the outer part with a Singapore girl and her mum .. so I sit the other side of the “bars” next to Emma in the main part .. think table for 8 with bars down the middle. Andrea joins me my side, soon Christine and Zoe appear and the staff slide another table to make our side of the bars sit 6, Alison herself soon arrives. She’s looking, ( and feeling she says) a lot better today ..

Emma is in 407, so I’ll have to go pay her a visit and see if we can get a simple mouse rollover script page working for me .. but then don’t find the time.

10.45 .. As Alison, Christine, Zoe and I we come face to face with “Dang”,  “You Sarah” she asks, “Yes” .. “I come to give you injection”. Back in my room Dang says she’s Dr Suporn’s assistant for 17 years, she lets me take her picture “ no make up” she says .. “natural beauty” I tell her she smiles .. and poses with the syringe for me .. << grimace >>.

I ask her what the antibiotic is, “ Enthromycin”, that’s a relief. Yesterday’s feeling sick afterwards must have been something else.

I lay for a while .. take an extra tramadol and feel quite perky afterwards .. so much so I agree to go do some shopping for myself and frankie.

As I’m completing the deal on the DVD-R’s for Frankie, CD-R’s for me, and got the price down on an 8gb memory stick, Christine stops by me .. she’s loaded down with water .. something I might have to top up with. I offer her one of my purple shoulder bags, she accepts it.

Done deal, I return to the hotel with Christine, nattering away as you do as we go. I offered to take something heavy off her hands .. like one of the 5litre water bottles she’s carrying .. but no, the stubborn mountain goat doesn’t want to give me anything heavy to carry.

Christine charges along, at a pace which is quick for me, she’s glowing and getting quite red in the face, I suggest we slow down .. but no she wants to charge on .. ( to get away from me probably  .. LOL )

15.43 .. We are in their new room, 708, Alison is on the bed with her laptop, Zoe’s being Zoe .. seeing me glowing she’s waving her hands in front of me to cool me down .. << smiles >> .. “Thank you”.

I suggest to Alison, after enquiring if she’s still using the clinic stand-up method of cleansing .. she is, I suggest she might try the one leg over and sit on one cheek method on the side of the bath, I’d told Frankie and she’s found it a lot easier, as I did when I was told .. Alison isn’t sure about deviating from the clinic methodology.

15.47 .. I return into my room .. only to find the Nero down load I tried has paused when the PC has gone into black screen mode . .DOH .. I restart it .. and try to call Karen .. no answer. I dump my stuff and head round to Frankie’s .. to deliver her disks .. she’s about to dilate .. now there’s an idea ...

15.51 .. Back in my room, my right breast is starting to ache .. oo er .. I try a little massage .. it’s OK but the left hurts immediately I start to move it side to side .. making it’s usual creaking sound as I do.

16.25 .. Gosh I’m tired  .. think I’ll try a session after I’ve raised Karen ..

19.28 .. My Thai mobile rings .. it’s Karen asking me to call her back from her mobile, she’s at home. Seems our full time Skype phone is off line so I call the home land line.

19.30 .. I finally get through to Karen .. but she’s answered using the Skype cordless handset, so I guess the phones own router / combiner has hung the tcp/ip port as it does occasionally. I talk her through resetting it, which cuts the BT line too. I recall the land line, she answers on another land line only handset. Suddenly the home skype phone appears on my contact list so we can talk on Skype.

As we  talk my room phone rings .. it’s Andrea saying everyone is in the 2nd floor Chinese restaurant .. “is Emma with you” .. “Everyone is here she repeats”.  As I head back to the PC to finish with Karen there is a knock on my door .. It’s Zoe .. “are you coming to dinner she asks” .. I invite her in and she says hello to Karen .. who says hello back .. Karen’s dinner is ready ( coked by Robert ) to so we end the call.  

19.40 .. I  finally head down stairs .. with Alison, Christine and Zoe.

In the restaurant there is no sign of Emma .. ( sorry Andrea if I was a little sharp at this point ) .. I rush down to the restaurant / café to find Emma enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea, she’s sitting with the Singapore girl and her mum.

Andrea has put me between a rock and a hard place now, I did agree to eat with Emma, I explain the situation .. the Singapore girls tell Emma to go join us upstairs .. so she does, a waiter carries her tea and tea pot upstairs.

“Everyone” is now sat around a large round table, Zoe, Christine, Susie, Andrea, Emma, Frankie, myself and Alison complete the circle in that order. Zoe is having fun taking everybody's photograph ..

The food arrives in dribs and drabs .. mine arrives last .. Chicken in Schezan sauce with chillies .. it’s very nice, a vast quantity too .. for some reason I’m the last to finish eating, and maybe the only person not beaten by there meal .. OK .. I admit .. I left some of my rice, but had eaten others while I waited for my meal.

Meal over .. we all say goodbye to Andrea .. she’ll be missed for sure ..

22.25 .. I’m back in my room .. I check my bust measurement .. I’ve grown an inch and a bit since this afternoon .. I hope this is because of the meal and nothing else .. << grimace >>.

23.22 .. Lynn pops up for a chat ..

01.59 .. I say goodnight to Lynn and head for the bathroom ..

I find a Skype text message on my return from Christine in Whitby .. “[04/04/2009 20:12:18] Christine *****: Your still on line Sarah, just leave them alone and go to bed girl. C x”

02.18 .. I answer the message from Christine in Whitby, [04/04/2009 20:18:41] Sarah.Gts: sorry mum, turning the lights off now .. :( .  I take sleeping pill and a Idarac pain killer and get into bed ..

I do some gentle breast massage through my nightie and bra till the drugs take effect .. it doesn’t take long, though my right breast is quite tender again .. << grimace >>..

To come  LOL ...

Day 1579. Sunday 5th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

07.30 .. My alarm wakes me up, as it’s on my “Sarah phone” which I left charging earlier I have little choice other than to get up and switch it off.

A quick chat in the Transgender_Outreach chat room, parallel with a private yahoo with Michal .. she and I can, and do chat about personal stuff.. and we do.

08.10 .. Time for a shower, it’s a quickie routine .. to save time I don’t feel up to doing much with my hair.

09.02 .. I head down with Frankie ...

09.45 .. In great discomfort I head back to my room .. I take an extra Tramadol     

10.25 .. I wake with a start hearing my name called .. “Dang” is in my room, I’d left it on the hook so anyone can walk in .. Dang adds a “painkiller” to the syringe too and delivers the stinging blow .. except it doesn’t sting so much today ..

After a while my breast pain fades a little and my head gets that light feeling like Morphine gives you ..

11.13 .. Kathie from Seattle answers my message on Yahoo and we switch to Skype .. she is such a caring woman, we chat about things happening here and she asks about Karen and our children .. I tell her the story of Claire, how she was brain damaged at birth by the trainee midwife, the cover up that followed and life since then with Claire, at one point I’m in tears .. it still hurts to think about how Claire was during the difficult final years at home and the two disastrous “care” homes that didn’t ( care properly that is ).

If anybody out there has connections with the Pope, Karen deserves a “Saint hood” for what this life has served her up .. an arse of a first husband, but a lovely caring son Jamie from that short marriage, after a second son our Robert she longed to have a daughter .. and we got Claire, we love her obviously even though she made our life hell, especially Karen who suffered most of Claire’s violence with amazing grace at times.

Then I have to go and transition .. but she’s still with me too .. as so many say about her, including Kathie the other day, Karen is one amazing woman .. I’m a flood of tears now .. gosh I miss her so much .. I love her so much for her soul and what she endures .. yet I know her feelings in return aren’t so strong as when I was her “proper husband” in earlier years, she tells me very occasionally that she still has some love for me but it’s not the same as before I announced my transition.

12.32 .. Jib enters my room, Kathie has been waiting to talk to her .. but Thai time is flexible .. Jib remembers Kathie, she used to call Kathie “Big Mumma” .. as Kathie had told me earlier, without prompting Jib uses that term of endearment .. and if you knew Kathie the way I do now, it’s clearly very fitting. Jib and Kathie chat briefly about last year .. 

12.38 .. Kathie says goodbye to Jib and I and Jib helps me strip my top off, she comments on my Yahoo profile picture that people see in messenger chat boxes .. the infamous purple top one .. “very beautiful” she says, I thank her. She has seen the nurse who told her she had given me a pain killer too. I ask what it is, it’s not morphine, sounds like “desterginent” .. apparently its’s a powerful pain killer and muscle relaxant combined.

Jib gives me a breast massage .. luckily I can’t feel much at all .. Jib says there is liquid in my right side again .. as if I didn’t know that, but she adds that it feels good too as in free to move. She moves to the left side .. it’s got fluid too, as she massages it for the first time it starts to move without the squeaking / grating sound .. this is a good sign given that there isn’t the quantity of fluid there like Thursday to “lubricate it so much .. Jib is happy.

12.48 .. Jib departs heading for Frankie ..

13.17 ..Frankie Skypes me from across the hall .. we learn we have a couple of other likes in common .. Pink Floyd .. mentioning it I tell her about a film I saw ages ago “Vondanagen’s” “Chariots of the Gods” .. Pink Floyds “Atom Heart Mother” album, with the cow on the front of the sleeve was the sound track .. gosh how I wish I could get hold of that “LP” on CD now .. I’ve looked but never found it.

She starts me off on Hi-Fi when she mentions valve amps .. she ( as he ) used to play in a rock band for years .. I get on my soap box for a while .. sorry Frankie .. << grimace >>.

I have a strawberry yoghurt and a few pieces of dried Mango for “lunch” so I can take the lunch time dose of pills of my pills.

14.25 .. I’m in that position .. it’s been 4 ½ days again .. I’m surprised that number 2 goes in relatively painlessly, though I think that jab 4 hours ago I still effective ..

14.58 .. I’ve taken it easy .. but I’m at depth .. time to try number three .. << grimaces @ thought >>.

Ok, I knew this wouldn’t be easy ..  after 5 minutes, I haven’t got it all the way, I’m “stuck” about 2/3rd’s along the taper, I try some slow gentle pot stirring .. that hurts .. I lay here just doing static at this point for about 5 minutes .. I have too withdraw .. I discover my vagina had “squeegeed” off all the lubricant off the last part of the taper where I was stuck .. so I add more and spread  the “wall” back down.

15.12 .. I try again, after 5 minutes, I’m about another ½" in, I try to relax, just “gripping”  the dilator between my thighs, letting my sound track wash over me .. one problem, I can’t do the usual massage along  my lower abdomen to the pubic bone, because of the stitches still there from my revision.

15.23 .. I think things have relaxed .. I apply some pressure, it slides the rest of the way over the taper .. phew .. 6.5" so I’m not at my  depth yet .. I relax again doing static, just gently giving it push in every minute or so .. one advantage of static is I can type here, albeit with one finger of one hand << grins >> .. with a lot of typos I have to correct

15.32 .. Karen calls me on Skype .. as I’ve set Skype to auto answer she gets to hear my sound track before I can pause it .. her first words are “I can guess what your doing” .. LOL. Well it’s some good news from Karen that relieves some of the guilt about messing up Easter for Claire .. she’s going to try and do it with Robert, but shortened too two nights.

15.47 .. Karen rings off and my Skype hangs again ..

16.39 Jillian from Seattle ( must be close to Kathie, she lives there too .. pops up for chat, she’s the one coming out for a couple of revisions both srs and to her AM ( BA ) .. in few weeks, she asks to have a look, shameless hussy that I am with other Dr Suporn patients that I am, I give her a quick flash on web cam .. “wow” .. she’s impressed .. she sends me a couple of photo’s, “top and bottom” .. gosh .. I’m a little shocked too .. I won’t say why.

16.55 .. Jillian says goodbye.

I withdraw number three from it’s static role .. ok “we have a problem Houston” I’m a little stuck .. the lubricant has dried .. after some gentle rock and rolling it releases .. phew .. didn’t fancy soaking in Thai bath water to get it out. Feeling brave .. I re lube it with English Aquagel and try for some dynamic .. to really loosen up ..

17.00 .. I’m at 7.5" Thai inches, more than I thought I’d see post revision with number 3, as Dr Suporn has tightened up the Labia, the point I measure to as we are directed, is closer to my body now .. WOW !!!

15  minutes quality time ... go ..

17.10 .. As I pause second to reach out for some tissue, I give a little cough, lucky it was only a little one as Id forgotten to clamp my thighs .. number 3 pops out straight onto clean tissue on the slug mat I’m using .. oop’s .. a couple of inches further and it would have been on the sheet. If it had been big cough the big TV screen at the bottom of my bed would have been a sitting duck .. << grimace, giggle .. I’m trying hard not to smile at that thought .. LOL >>.

17.20 .. I got carried away and call it time, Ok it’s been nearly 3 hours .. but I’m really happy that I’ve done what I have, I’ll try again on Wednesday evening ..  a proper 3 day jump to see what happens. My “Thai boy friends” resting beside the bed .. I take an opportunity to just lay and relax .. I think I dosed off .. but woke just as ..

17.47 .. Tina pops up then voice chats on Yahoo .. so my cleanse gets delayed a while we chat about the two Yahoo groups that we own, I co-own one, SRSinThailand with Tina, the other called .. “post-op-transgendered-girls-club” I’m only a moderator on.

18.33 .. I give Frankie a quick call .. she’s finished her dilation too and is finishing off .. she’ll knock me up when she goes to eat ..

Just as I’m putting my hair up, Frankie knocks on my door, she enters as I finish .. I call through to Alison & Co, there “secretary” Zoe answers, Alison isn’t ready yet apparently, they’ll come down and join us later, Zoe’s quite efficient.

19.00 .. ish .. Frankie and I head down, to join a table with Emma and her folks who have returned from their mini trip to Pattaya, and Susie, who’s eating her last meal before the clinic bus arrives to whisk off to the airport for her 01.00 ish flight home tomorrow morning.

It’s both a sad and happy time .. depending which side of the coin your looking at .. Emma’s in a bit of a wicked mood trying to make me crack up.

Dinner tonight, is a cheese burger of all things .. and a Pepsi because Frankie and I have drunk them dry of 7 up. As I near the end of my meal I start to realise my pain is coming back .. I realise now there is a correlation between the onset of this pain and eating, the pain is just left of centre under my right breast, seemingly in the crease as if the under wire is digging in. Time and again I’m lifting my bra away to relieve pressure .. it helps momentarily.

20.15 .. I’m back in my room .. in an hour Frankie will collect me and we’ll go down to wave Susie off as she heads back to the UK .. I settle to do some diary ..

21.10 .. A call to Claire .. she, Karen and Robert are walking in the garden .. I’ll have to call back a little later.

21.18 .. I’m thinking I’d better go get Frankie and head down to wave Susie off, she calls at that moment on Skype I head down with my camera and the promised audio CD of my dynamic dilation sound track. Zoe’s taking everyone’s picture .. I take her’s .. as I do a flash chance .. she actually captures my flash going off .. we laugh, “I bet you couldn’t do that again if you tried” .. I tell her .. she show’s everyone, as she thinks it’s a clever shot she decides to “lock” it so she  can’t delete it.

Susie, naturally, doesn’t look to happy to be leaving .. Emma and her folks are here too. After a while the pain under my breast gets really intense, so I go sit just away from the others .. Alison notes after a few moments and checks if I’m OK. From my position I’m first to see the bus arrive.

So it’s hugs all around, Susie has the CD with my business card in with it, she promises to keep in touch.

21.40 .. Susie’s bus, driven by Danny departs .. we guess the woman in the front passenger seat may be his wife. I head back to my room, Frankie and I take a second lift alone, by the time we get to the seventh floor we find a flustered Alison leaning against the wall in the lobby, apparently Zoe  managed to trip her up getting out of the lift .. ouch !!!

21.45 .. Time to try Claire again .. success, one of her careers answers and hands the phone to Claire. As always, Claire with telephone calls are always short lived .. after a couple of minutes of hard work, Claire hands the phone to Karen and we chat briefly. karen and robert are going to have a bit of a slog home down the M1, I’ll be in bed long before then.

I remember to take my post dinner tablets, and decide to try doubling up on the Movicol fro a couple of days .. my system seems really sluggish, not a lot seems to be happening on a daily basis and I’m feeling bloated a lot.

01.18 .. I’m washing for bed, having taken an Incidol ( “for allergic symptoms ) aka runny nose, two Paracetamol and a Xanax sleeping pill when Christine from Whitby calls .. she’d forgotten about the time. She’s had a good day and had sold 5 of 8 pictures at a show .. she’s got to go into production again quickly for another show due soon .. I did suggest a scanner and ink jet .. for the water colours she does .. the ink will still run if it got wet .. LOL.

01.44 .. The pills have kicked in well and truly by the time Christine has finished, I yawning and swaying on the chair ..

I go brush my teeth and head to bed .. gosh I’m shaky as I stand up .. oo er.

01.55 .. not an early night again .. doh .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1580. Monday 6th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

07.30 .. The alarm goes off, hell my breasts hurt, I can’t roll over fast enough to switch the alarm off .. I miss several opportunities to stop the alarm cause with the vibrator switched on to it’s rattled itself out of reach onto the floor ..

08.03 .. Up and at it, I cancel the alarm .. I check my PC .. another SPAM /SPIM message on Yahoo Messenger in the name of andreahillaire .. Andrea Hillaire used to run the Stormes nights in different locations .. she’s obviously lost control of her ID, or given it away to somewhere inadvertently .. I do the form filling again.

As I start to prepare for a quickie shower I measure my breasts .. 44.0 inches .. that means if I’ve got the tape measure in the right place, I’ve lost 0.5 inches over night .. Yippee !!!

08.39 .. I’m drying myself off when I hear a familiar voice, it’s Kathie in Seattle checking up on me, even from the bathroom she can hear me on Skype using the hands free mode that I do .. eventually I’m in my undies and can sit in front of the cam “there you are” she says .. LOL.

She chats about her work, she works three nights a week in an assisted living complex for OAP’s. She’s a personal care assistant .. so she does the same sort of things that Claire’s “minders” as I refer to them do. I’ve said it before that she’s a kind caring person, her job proves it.

08.55 .. Kathie goes ..time to dress and hit breakfast .. gently today I promise myself.

I join Frankie and some others, soon joined by Alison and Co. in the restaurant .. though I promised myself a go lightly breakfast .. they’ve got no muesli again .. I fall foul of an omelette and four rashers of bacon that attacked me .. in defence I consumed some yoghurt with fruit in it, followed by more fruit .. a coffee or three washes it down .. I need something to keep me awake. 

10.23 .. I’m back in my room waiting for the nurse .. the weather outside isn’t pleasant .. it’s raining .. Thai style rain !!! I finish sorting my morning routine, cake all my pills and supplements, but not the HRT today just in case .. I suspect I’ll me laying around and snoozing some today.

10.44 .. Dang, the nurse arrives to give me my jab .. she asks some questions about pain, feels and examines my breasts and phones Dr Suporn. There is quite a bit of conversation in Thai and when she is finished Dr Suporn has told her to give me the muscle relaxant / pain killer again .. she’s just finished filling the syringe when there is a knock on my door .. it’s Bow come to check me out.
The nurse gives me my daily sting, though I must admit the mix with the pain killer is less painful than the first time with out it .. as in less persistent sting. When she’s finished, she tosses the syringe and empty bottles into my waste bin .. now I’ll  get to see exactly what she’s  given me. The nurse goes, telling me “not to worry, will get better” ..  and Bow starts her stuff. Off with the bra again and she massages my breasts.

She says she can feel a lot of fluid, the left is still far more painful than the right, she says Dr Suporn will drain them again tomorrow. She massages my left breast, first and last, so it gets an extra session. The right side, though still pretty swollen, is almost pain free as she massages it, but as she does I can feel the rush of  the pain killer hitting me. Finished with the breast massage, she counts my tablets and heads off for the next patient, she’s already been to see Frankie

11.08 .. Bow goes on her way ..

I retrieve the nurses discarded items so I can check out what I’ve been given .. the antibiotic is “Netromycin”, and the vial held 150mg .. the other item is “Dynastat” 40mg in sodium chloride solution. The double sided A4 instruction sheet for the Netromycin is all in Thai, even if the outer box had some English on it.

With me feeling generally good, but just a little “queasy” again following the jab, I sit down and answer some of the many off group e-mails I’ve had from friends and diary readers who seem to care about my predicament at the moment .. some I feel really guilty about as they are over a week old.

Abi from Arizona is a friend of mine on Yahoo, Skype and Facebook .. she’d left a message on my Facebook account, so I answer, she soon replies again .. another true friend indeed .. we soon end up chatting on Skype for a while.

13.10 .. ish .. Frankie is here .. we chat about a few things, and as we are such close friends I reveal the secret of my nails to her .. she’s not sure she could do the same, but I’m sure she could with practice .. I soon learnt how not to glue my fingers together .. LOL.

13.45 .. I call Karen, she’s getting ready to leave for work, apparently Claire was on good form yesterday and she didn’t get too held up on the M1 & M25 when she returned, the maid arrives to do my room as we chat. I eat a quick lunch .. bio yoghurt with ginger and honey .. something to absorb with my pills.

14.10 .. I’m off for a massage .. Frankie wants to get her nails done, so we head off after collecting umbrella’s from reception, and I extend my booking on the room to the 18th April .. seems Thai’s count the days differently to us, and my 30 day package still covers .. I hope it does for the internet too. Frankie comments she’s travelling faster now .. she shore is, she’s clearly getting stronger everyday, even with her small appetite .. wish I had hers for sure .. << grimace >>.

14.20 .. We arrive at the massage place, sadly they aren’t all working and are currently busy, I have to come back in an hour. So we go shopping .. what else is a girl to do with time on her hands. 7-Eleven on the same side of the road is first stops I can buy some water .. ok I’m being stupid here .. so I’m now lugging around 6kg of load I don’t need to yet.

We need to cross the road, Frankie decides the bridge is still to much for her and does the lemming run across the road to a break in the wall .. I follow !!! ... DOH. Fortunately the traffic is light today .. and we make part two quite quickly too. We head to Boots to try and get a pill carrier for me .. they don’t have any, but an English speaking assistant points me where to go in The Forum complex. So we head there and success .. 20 baht .. it’s exactly the same style as the one I left at home, given to me by the clinic last year, except it’s green, not pink. Do I mention part clearing the end of a shelf with my loaned umbrella .. no I wont .. << grimace >>.

Part 2 of my mission is to get some more bra’s .. the bra I bought a few days ago is soooo comfortable, I want to buy some more the same .. but I head into the Phoenix place first, see something nice which is cheap enough and feels nice, so I buy one of those, made by “Elfé”, it’s european flesh coloured rather than Thai darker “flesh colour”. Problem is 95c ( Thai size ) is as hard to find as 38AA is at home .. two different extremes for different countries.

I then head back to the stall that I bought the first one from to see if I can find more .. with an assistants help who hitches my top up to read the label .. LOL .. I do succeed in finding two more bra’s by the same manufacturer “Sabrina” in there “OUTLINE” range, in different colours, one exactly the same style and rose pattern embroidery material but off white rather than pale pink, the other is plain white and smooth.

15.20 .. I enter the massage place, Frankie goes in next door to get her nails done .. but soon returns to the massage place to let me know it’s a no go for her. The massage place girl gives me the usual very light weight baggy crop trousers to put on and a top .. which might have fitted two weeks ago, yes it was two weeks ago that I was here .. but there’s a big deal of difference between an AA and something resembling a very full D or DD .. it won’t do up, I try to hold the edges together as I appear back from behind the screen .. cue laughter.

The woman ( same one who did me last week in the clinic ) starts my full body massage .. gosh she’s good .. I come very close to dozing off at times .. Frankie wanders back to the hotel, she thinks.

The woman remembers my breasts are sore from Tuesday, when she asks me to roll over she magic’s some extra cushions out to pad me with .. arghhh ... lovely. For the final part I have to sit, she comments on my slightly exposed breasts .. “beautiful” she says .. I thank her .. my hair is done falling forward into my lap .. “beautiful hair” she comments .. “thank you” .. keep going your tip is getting bigger .. << smiles >>.  

16.20 .. All good things come to an end .. she packs me off on my way, I promise I’ll be back.

16.35 .. As I approach the hotel I meet Bow who is coming away .. she says I look really tired .. “I am, the massage was that good” .. she smiles .. “take it easy Sarah” .. I’m trying .. LOL.

15.02 .. I give Frankie a call, she’s 15 minutes into the drudgery, she feels she might be doing things wrong, but from what she says I’m sure she’s doing fine, I try to reassure her that she’ll be OK too. She’s to see Dr Suporn, as I have to, tomorrow too.

I answer a few group e-mails ..

15.40 .. Tina calls voice on Yahoo ..

15.44 .. Frankie pops up on Skype .. we have a three way conversation, everyone can hear everyone .. Frankie’s nearly finished and is soon gone on Skype ..

Tina and I continue to chat about some e-mails on two of our groups .. some people have some funny ( not ) ideas ..

18.35 .. There’s a knock on my door .. I let Frankie in, Tina can see Frankie for the first time ..

18.40 .. Tina says goodbye .. Frankie and I head down to eat. When we arrive  it is spookily quiet .. I’m thinking, it’s a so called public holiday today, is the restaurant closed to night .. not a member of staff to be seen. Emma and her folks Alan and Fiona soon arrive, quickly followed by Alison and Co. A little later, Julie, the French FFS girl makes her first post op appearance .. the first thing I do is apologise to her for not keeping my promise to see her Friday in hospital, I was in no fit state. She tells me not to worry. Julie is a thinly disguised extra from a TV road crash scene .. gosh I feel for her.

Dinner tonight for me is Spaghetti carbonara and a banana smoothie .. sorry scales .. oh your not here .. shame.

I find out Emma’s dad Alan was in the fire brigade .. so that creates a new line in chat, though I never served in the fire brigade, I worked for Chubb Fire near the fire engine plant and did a Duke of Edinburough’s award scheme fire course .. I think he’s surprised by some of my “inside” knowledge .. I’m a mine of useless info sometimes .. so who else knows that the old flat fronted Dennis fire engines were sports cars in disguise, with roaring ( quietly ) Rolls Royce petrol engines .. oh dear am I sounding “blokee” again .. LOL. Emma’s dad points out they had drum brakes so they didn’t stop so well going down hill .. << grins >>. 

20.33 .. I’m back in my room and go into brief paranoia mode, wondering if my breasts have grown or shrunk .. I quickly strip my top off and bra and done the clinic bra for the measurement .. 44.75" .. << head in hands .. arghhh >> .. though post meal I’m not in pain .. like the last few days .. so that’s good news .. << smiles >>.

21.00 .. ish .. Emma arrives .. complete with memory stick with the code she’s done for me ..

She explains the pages of code .. she’s a clever bunny in her field for sure, a lot of what she’s telling me is rocket science and it goes over my head.

However .. she shows me how to modify my pages, add some extra folders with scripts and things to my site and we modify one picture on the clinic girls page .. we try it .. Yippee it works, it’s not mouse over code, but this code allows a single click to play  the sound, and once only till it’s stops naturally .. and the page doesn’t disappear.

She shows me her site .. gosh she’s got some clever things happening there, though most of the site is needing building up.

We go on to chat about our first computers, her current one is certainly flasher than my home “new” computer for the last three years. We chat a little about the company I work for her and show her the sites developed and maintained by Phil, Andrew P and the team .. 

22.35 .. ish .. Time has flown, Emma looks a little tired, as I feel, so Emma departs .. with a promise I’ll treat her to a massage at the place I’ve been going to as a thank you ..  when we both have time .. done deal.

Following Emma’s instructions .. I change the code behind all the clinic girls pictures and up load the page .. they all work .. I then set to doing some tiding up on the page and give Emma the credit, and a link to her site .. Thanks Emma.

23.04 .. Liya pops up and asks how I’m fairing, she gets the latest news then goes, telling me to let her know the out come tomorrow.

23.07 .. Tina voice calls on Yahoo .. it’s another long friendly natter ..

23.55 .. Tina rings off ..

23.59 .. I call Karen .. Roberts been doing really well on his diet, getting slimmer of the week again last week, and hit his first target .. 2 ½ stone off.

I end the call with Karen, do some tiding up but before I can shut down ..

00.20 .. Theresa pops up for chat, she’s excited, got an appointment to see her NHS surgeon for SRS ..

00.28 .. Theresa says BRB ..

00.36 .. Still no sign of Theresa .. I say goodbye .. I’m going to bed.

I’ve added some final notes for today .. I must finish Thursday and Friday last week too .. decide that tomorrow will have to do for it .. but with brain running in extended play mode I expand the little notes I made where I can ..

02.20 .. I’m ready for a mass upload ..

More to come ...

Day 1581. Tuesday 7th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

Tramadol and Xanax ( sleeping pill ) didn’t really help. By bottom is still a little tender and this bed is so ruddy hard, I try all sorts to get comfortable .. the best was on my left side, cuddling a spare pillow into my cleavage so my right breast, even with the clinic issue bra on, can rest on something .. I did get moments of sleep .. but nothing really beneficial.

07.30 .. My alarm goes off, I lean across to snooze it and nearly pass out, gosh my left breast is particularly painful right now.

07.52 .. Up and at it, it really hurts getting to my feet .. I eat the banana I took yesterday and follow it with a Tramadol and the rest of my meds ..

09.40 .. I join a table with Alison’s clan and Frankie, the waiters extend the table for me to x6.

Apparently I’ve just missed Tamara, who was using some foul language ( Frankie tells me later ) in front of Zoe .. I would have taken her aside to be honest, Frankie was too polite and I guess Alison and Christine wouldn’t have wanted to make anymore of it in front of Zoe.

The good news, is this is Tamara’s last day .. so no more being spoken at continually about her vagina.

10.05 .. Frankie calls to see if I’m OK .. the paracetamol hasn’t worked yet ..

13.10 .. I’m invited into Examination room 1, it’s my 5th and final anti biotic jab .. sans pain killer .. gosh it stings ..

14.10 .. Letter written to Eva Air to plied my case, Emma and I nip down to the massage shop.

14.15 .. ish .. the two masseurs start on our feet .. oh no .. I’m repaying Emma with torture .. she’s got ticklish feet !!! .. She jokes bout doing a rollover body map for her site indicating area’s ticklish by degree .. LOL. She seems to calm down after a while and I think she actually enjoys it .. and as we walk back to the clinic she comments about the waking on air sensation ..

15.25 .. Emma and I have returned to the clinic .. it’s not long till I’m called into Examination room 1 again .. to be seen by Dr Suporn. I’m prepared by Bow, stripped naked with one of there little covers to give me some dignity. While we wait, he’s next door with Frankie apparently, the nurse takes some pictures of my vagina.

Dr Suporn enters and examines my breasts .. then decision is not to drain them today, but he’ll see me again Thursday .. to see if they attempt to drain away themselves. The pain particularly on the left side is my worry .. he prescribes more massage .. 3 times a day in the clinic when open .. and I must do my under arm stretching exercises more. He also tells me to phone if at night I can’t sleep through pain .. he’ll get a nurse to come jab me at the hotel .. I’ll be desperate then, I hate needles.

Moving down to my vagina, he’s really happy, as I am, that the right hand side labia minora has lost it’s swelling .. it’s looking really pretty down there, and the hair is getting long enough not to act as velcro hooks on underwear and pads .. bliss .. LOL. He departs to the other examination room, and I’m helped to get dressed.

When I arrive back, Emma is telling the gathered group something she discovered this morning. The page she was doing for me is on the web site she and her folks Alan and Fiona, used as a reference before coming out, commenting how informative it is .. << blushes >> .. others agree cause they’ve used it to .. << blushes >> .. it’s just one of many accounts out there really, but thanks are nice to get occasionally.

16.20 .. I’m invited into Examination room 1 by Bow .. she’s gentle .. soon I here a door open .. NOOOOOoooooo .. it’s Aey and Jib..
Jib stands on my left side, looks at me with one of her wicked grins and makes out as if she’s cracking her nuckles before starting .. flinch now .. silent scream later .. Miss Pain ( "Jib" is the Thai word for pain ) is about to do a breast massage .. << grins meekly hoping for sympathy and a gentle ride >>  .. she does her job with a smile, no pain no gain, and to be fare she does start off fairly gently !!!

I don't want to paint the wrong picture of Jib, she did pose for this picture a day later in Exam room 2 more than happily, but this is pretty much what I saw !!  Click the picture to see a more characteristic Jib taken seconds earlier !

Jib and Aey are rattling away in Thai, one can only imagine what they are saying, occasionally one pauses and they get out of sync .. add 50% extra pain, stirring well and cook at gas mark 8 for 5 more minutes .. << grimace’s earn no let up, a yelp does >>.  They help me dress and show me out to receiption.

16.35 .. I’m back in the reception area .. it’s almost stopped raining.

17.19 .. Frankie calls .. she’s trying to do her first dynamic dilation, she hasn’t had Sophie’s lecture yet, so she’s asking me how. As yet she hasn’t got a copy of my dilation sound track that’s going round here like a dose of salts .. so I play her my file from here through Skype .. LOL .. and do a voice over for a few cycles till she’s got the knack .. I leave the track playing till she’s finished .. In the meantime I’m chatting still in three Yahoo boxes ..

Frankie appears in my room and the three people chatting with on Yahoo I excuse myself from.

We head off for The Pizza Company, only to find Emma and her mum waiting for a delivery from the same place in the hotel reception.

20.08 .. Just as we are finishing in Swenson’s ice cream place I spot an elephant out in the street .. no I’m hallucinating on Tramadol .. Frankie can see it to. We quickly finish and pay and go out .. the elephant has gone. As we cross the bridge back to the hotel side I can see it in the distance .. I use the bridge metal work to support the camera at 250mm zoom .. in the dark .. it’s a 0.7 second exposure .. but the elephant is stationary  .. I fire off half a dozen shots .. I think one is useable ..  

20.21 .. We are back at our rooms .. Frankie thanks me for the CD

20.22 .. My computer opens a Skype window on auto answer .. it’s Patricia, Christine of Whitby’s mum .. she’s one kind and funny woman, she’s had an accident with her teeth today, she’s laughing infectiously about it .. I’m not allowed to laugh and smile like that ..

20.44 .. Pat says goodbye ..

21.10 .. Frankie calls on Skype .. we are chatting when ..

21.13 .. Christine calls on Skype .. I introduce them to each other, hey, my first Skype conference call .. though video free it seems. Frankie says goodbye leaving Christine and me chatting .. her mum’s talking to she was suppose to given Christine about trying to make me laugh seems to have gone astray .. it’s standard Christine .. wise crack after wise crack .. encourageing me to join in, I’m holding my non smiling face so tight it starts to hurt ...

23.00 .. Bust size check .. 44.5 ..

23.53 .. I call Karen with the news .. << sighs >>..

00.10 .. I say goodbye to Karen and return to my Yahoo box with Michal ..

03.06 .. I’ve got to try and sleep .. one Tramadol and one Xanax

More to come ...

Day 1582. Wednesday 8th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I had hardly any sleep at all again ..

06.10 .. Company mobile rings for first time .. straight away the chap starts on about a lack of ads in LOndon, he can’t get Dave, I apologise saying he needs to speak to Andrew .. I can’t help from Thailand really .. he didn’t know, says he’s sorry and rings off. I should have turned my phone off ..

I get up and head to loo ..

06.20 .. As I’m washing my hands the company mobile is ringing, it’s Angela on the Arqiva “radio desk” .. I told them the other day I’m off till 11th, clear one operative’s PC isn’t networked to another, so much for making a note against my account, she apologises, ringing off to call Andrew .. ruddy RCS .. I make some notes and go back to bed for another hour .. I took a large drink of water then  laid down cuddling my spare pillow .. comfort / tiredness take over till ..

07.30 .. The alarm went off, stupid girl, I must have hit the stop rather than snooze .. cause the next thing is ..

10.05 .. I’m aware of a knock on my door .. I check the time .. gosh .. and answer door, It’s Frankie checking up on me .. worried I wasn’t at breakfast.

I raid my fridge for a chocolate wafer and my last strawberry yoghurt .. guess I need to go and buy some more to last me .. I’ve just finished when there is another knock on my door ..

10.25 .. I spy Bow through my door spy hole .. she comes in. “ Sorry to wake you she says” .. and questions how I am. She checks my pills, I take the breakfast collection quickly .. I do a quick bust check .. 44.0 .. << smiles >> .. then I lay down so she can do me a breast massage. The difference in sensitivity ( pain ) between the two is very noticeable, though the right is clearly more swollen, it’s still the left that is “chi jib”.

10.38 .. Bow departs telling me to go to clinic for extra massages .. I sit and make some notes and change my Yahoo status .. Kathie in Seattle pops up for a quick check on me, she’s just getting ready for her 3rd night shift in a row so she’s not got time for a chat really.

10.50 .. I guess I need to shower, dress and head across to the clinic to see if my flight stuff has been sorted.

My flight stuff still isn’t  sorted ..

16.10 .. No sooner had we finished talking about her, the dress lady arrives .. with my dress .. Aey shows me to the big toilet shower in the clinic to try it on. OK .. so how do I get into it .. in

17.55 .. Jib invites me in to Exam  room1.. to be joined by Cin for a work out, otherwise known as a breast massage ..

18.20 .. Back in my room, a quick chat with Frankie ... to organise 19.00

19.00 .. Frankie is here on the button ..

20.25 .. I’m back in my room, I’ve just missed a Yahoo with Kyle in Truro

20.33 .. Tina pops a message up, she’s had a reply from Dr Chettawut, following an e-mail from her .. but she still hasn’t heard from Sophie 10 days or so after Dr Suporn said he’d get Sophie to write to Tina confirming a conversation I had with him on Tina’s behalf. Having said that, Sophie is moving to the USA apparently, and has informed all current, booked and recently post op patients, including me about a week ago, that there will be major e-mail holdups, with her prioritising

22.40 .. Linda disappears ..

22.42 .. I call the office in London, Bethan the temp receptionist answers .. DOH .. Carolyn is still off .. Andrew is just heading back to Cardiff .. so I speak for a while with Sarah M ..

22.55 .. Sarah’s got one of her conference calls to make, so we finish off, I promise to send a picture ..

More to come ...

Day 1583. Thursday 9th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...   

Another restless night .. I did sleep for a couple of hours maybe .. one Tramadol and one Xanax don’t do much to help.

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. it’s the usual routine of hitting the snooze button .. I’m just so tired .. but can’t get comfy ..

08.47 .. As I head for the shower I find a yahoo message from Gillian .. I do a quick reply .. 

09.23 .. I’m in the restaurant for breakfast, I don’t ask for tables  to be shuffled, I sit adjacent to Zoe .. she stands by me for a moment and makes out to drag the table across .. it’s Ok I say .. I’m almost by her.

10.35 .. ish .. I’m just setting up my bed to dilate  when there is a knock on my door .. it’s Aey. When I tell her I’m about to dilate, she asks to watch me, using my sound track. I think this might be an indication that Aey’s English isn’t that good, because although I tried to explain yesterday when we transferring files to the Doctors computer, and she read / copied the instruction page from my site .. clearly she didn’t really comprehend.

So the DVD version is playing, I start to dilate and explain as I go .. she clicks all of a sudden and she smiles, “this is very good .. sounds relax  you too” .. she asks for a copy of the DVD version too. She offers me a breast massage, but it would be difficult dilating at the same time. So after watching me and understanding .. she leaves heading to Alison in 708, she’d been knocking on 701 still .. a communication problem I think.

I call Frankie, I know her laptop has a DVD burner, she’s more than happy to copy my DVD for me ..

12.25 .. I check with Frankie, she’s finished copying the DVD for me for the clinic.

12.30 .. I head for the clinic .. gosh it’s hot outside today, with no hasse cloud to shield a bit ..

12.35 .. I’m in the clinic .. Nanda is one of the few people here at the moment. I go sit by her and I ask Danny for a Thai tea .. << smiles >>.

I show Jib the modified page and pictures .. she laughs .. and is happy with it.

13.35 .. I try to call Karen on Skype .. I’m probably a little early ..

13.45 .. Still no answer from Karen ..

13.55 .. I can’t raise Karen, even on the home phone .. I wonder if she’s had to go to work earlier than normal.

14.15 .. Aey takes me through to Exam room 2 for a breast massage, who should pop through the joining door to room 1 .. Jib. So it’s the two of them that do my first breast massage of the day .. they start gently enough, or at least it seems that way .. after 5 minutes I’m starting to get tears in my eyes ..

14.35 .. The  girls have finished with me, it is a relief .. but they say I need more massage to cure the pain .. it’s a double edged sword for sure ..

As I return to the main area Alison and Co have arrived. Nanda and I have some similar tastes in music .. so I play her some of the music I have stored on my PC .. I promise to do a CD for her of a particular artist to listen to in her car.

15.25 .. Frankie arrives for her revision later .. she soon pics the guitar up and starts to play .. she is really good, though she denies this .. I get my Marantz out but sadly I’ve left the record level too high when I placed it near her, so the recording is distorted .. I’ve asked her to do it again some time .. << smiles >>.

Frankie is led off to get changed into a gown for her revision.

15.55 .. Frankie returns to the reception in her gown and now  with the local anaesthetic cream and the cling film wrap .. she’s got the nervous wait now. 

16.25 .. In frustration, I call the Eva Air office in London, trying to chase up my flight. According to them they’ve only received the info from Bangkok this morning. The girl gives me a ruddy heart attack when she tells me all the flights are full till the 24th .. further checking she finds that Bangkok had reserved me a seat for the 22nd .. but aren’t sure it still exists ( WHAT !!! ) .. I’ll find out later from a call via Bangkok office .. however they are only going to charge me £100 for doing it given the circumstances described by my doctor .. well that’s something I suppose.  I tell the girls that if they check Eva in 20 minutes all should be sorted for 22nd ..

16.37 .. Bow takes Frankie upstairs to prep her for revision .. as Dr Suporn rushes down and into Exam room 1 to see somebody else .. he’s one busy bea ..

The dress lady has arrived, she’s made some alterations . including letting the bust out a little .. and added  loads of extra beads to the front, must have taken ages. It’s stunning, though I’m not, I look and feel really rough, but the dress maker wants to photograph me and be photographed with me wearing the dress .. I oblige .. Bow uses my camera and takes some shots too. Nanda says I look good in the dress .. as do others .. I’m really pleased .. the pictures aren’t that good, if I can get the energy I’ll have to do a dress up session and get some pictures somewhere here, with or without help

I take the dress off and pay the balance .. the price has gone up 300 Baht .. and I give a 300 Baht tip on top .. I love it, just need a few places and excuses to wear it, the next company bash might be one, but I suspect this years will be cancelled due to economics.

I go sit with Nanda again .. she’s now picked up the guitar Frankie was playing .. she can actually play a little .. not in Frankie’s league but a lot more than me .. << smiles >>. I tell her I might be stuck here till the 24th .. so she says we must sort out another day that week to go do something else .. there are some nice people here for sure.

17.12 .. Frankie makes her wobbly way down the stairs .. she’s sorted ..

17.15 .. Bow beckons me across to her, she’s on the phone to Eva .. the 22nd April was only a standby reservation .. they can’t guarantee me a seat to the 24th .. it goes from bad to worse .. there is a long silence the other end, I return to the couch .. almost in tears.

17.25 .. Frankie is dressed in her clothes again and is going to be driven back, and offers me a lift .. I have to wait for more torture so she leaves alone.

Bow comes and sits by me, she’s still on the phone .. OK .. they now guarantee me a seat for the 22nd .. I ask for that in writing .. I’m not going to get that it seems, but Bow assures me all will be Ok for 22nd, I’ve just got to pay the £100 on credit card at the airport.

I need to make some calls to all my credit card companies .. American express aren’t a problem at all .. Citi Bank Mastercard aren’t quite so easy .. but Barclaycard are giving me a totally hard time .. Karen’s going to have to call them, they will be history with me soon.

18.10 .. It’s a bit late .. but Jib agrees to give me another breast massage .. this time accompanied by CIN in Exam room 2. I strip my top off, as I get up onto the plastic couch it squeaks like a very loud “fart” .. “that wasn’t me, it was the couch” .. they laugh .. Jib says “ we know you don’t fart”.

Soon after they start on me they are giggling .. I look questioningly up at Jib .. “hot milk” is the reply with more giggles .. I do feel rather warm .. << grimace >> .. after all the stress with Barclaycard. The way they mash me around, I thought, but did not say “will soon be butter or cheese” !!! .. << grins >>. Cin does something on my right side that has me yelping .. she stops and takes her hands away .. I point to the area .. she feels gently, looks at me blankly then starts again .. 

18.27 .. I’ve been moaning, groaning, panting, sticking my nails in the cushion, anything to try and get away from the pain .. my nose is running cause of the tears in my eyes .. they stop. it’s such a relief when they’re done.

18.35 .. I’m back in my hotel room, I set my laptop up and call Frankie .. to make sure she’s OK .. she is, but confirms she’s skipping Emma’s fair well meal.

18.40 .. My room phone rings .. it’s Emma, just checking on who is coming tonight, I let her know Frankie won’t be .. we are all meeting at 19.00 in the 2ND floor Chinese.

18.45 .. Tina calls .. she’s a dear, but luckily, the hands free works well into the bathroom, so I can “freshen up” before tonight’s meal.

19.00 .. The call with Tina  ends .. I rush down to the chinese as fast as my kitten heals will carry me.

A table for 6 becomes a table for 7 as Alison, Christine and Zoe arrive. Well it’s a happy smiley meal for a sad occasion .. Emma, folks Fiona and Alan will be leaving at 21.00 tomorrow.  I get some photo’s so does Fiona ..

Well the food is really nice, we share a large egg fried rice, apparently enough for 10, and we order individual or paired up mains, mine is duck with honey, I want to try the Chinese Crispy date pancakes .. but not alone, Emma nd Fiona say they will have some, so we end up with a large 12 portion plate to share .. it’s lovely.

Well the end of the meal see’s a long chat about our coming out to all at home, but it swings round towards the end about my site, Emma and Alison both say what help it was reading the detail of my previous adventure here last January, as always I find this line embarrassing and talk it down, I’m just glad that people get some help from my ramblings.

Once we’ve all chipped in our 421Baht each, there seems to be a mistake, and the head waitress refunds some money as we were supposed to have received a discount. 200 Baht comes back .. after much insistence from Fiona, I accept one of the 100 Baht notes, it seems my friends want to help me with the extra 11 nights I’ve now got to pay and support myself for. 

22.50 .. I call Karen, suddenly dawns on me, easter tomorrow .. she’s actually been off work all week .. my head is on a different planet .. stress, stress and more stress.

23.20 .. My call with Karen ends and I call Tina, she popped up a while ago in a message box asking if I was here .. normally start of a voice call .. so I call her ..

23.27 .. Tina and I chat for a while .. on Yahoo

23.35 .. Christine from Whitby calls on Skype .. Tina meet Christine, Christine meet Tina .. Christine comments about my face appearing blue again .. Tina says can she see .. not while Christine is on Skype .. Christine after a few wise cracks, and threats from me about telling her mum she’s still trying to make me laugh .. she says she’ll leave Tina and I in peace and call back in a day or so.

00.28 .. I’m chatting with Kylie in Truro .. end up trying to sort her sound problems on her PC .. her sons had rebuilt the PC .. the essential front panel hardware seems to be missing ..

01.01 .. Kylie says goodbye ..

01.07 .. I call Karen to see if she’s sorted Barclaycard .. she hasn’t and bites my head off .. shortest Skype call ever .. I wonder what she’s watching on TV .. << sighs, sulks >>.

01.15 .. Karen calls me, she’s talked to the arses at Barclaycard, my Visa card will now be OK till 22nd here, I’m only going to use it now as last resort, give the commission to somebody else. Karen asks shouldn’t I be in bed .. maybe ..

02.15 .. Today’s diary sort of sorted .. I do an upload and head to bed .. but can I get comfortable nope .. the Tramadol and Xanax sem to be nothing.

Sitting upright is less painful .. so I sit at my computer and make some CD labels for the clinic, borrowing the clinic Logo from their own web site to put on the label .. I create a generic version, then do CD and DVD versions.

04.10 .. CD / DVD labels created .. I lay down again .. I’m rolling around, cuddling the pillow, I can’t get comfortable at all, nothing helping tonight I am afraid.

To come LOL ...

Day 1584. Friday 10th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

Well if I slept .. I don’t know how long for ..

07.30 .. My alarm goes off .. 

Well to be honest, I lost the plot with life today, well the early part that is .. I’m so tired, and the pain isn’t helping, a lot of the comings and goings go unrecorded or not noted mentally. I think I made breakfast .. and I think it was Bow who did the hotel round.

Mrs Suporn browses my pictures and helps identify some of the old staff girls who are no longer here.

My appointment with Dr Suporn arrives, in Exam room 2. He checks my breasts, though both have fluid in, he only wants to drain the worst one, the right, he gets just 100cc out this time, but that small amount is enough to relieve the feeling of pressure considerably. He does a quick check on my vagina .. it’s looking good. He’s concerned about my apparent exhausted appearance. He’s giving me 3 special sleeping pills with a dire warning .. I must lay down before I take them .. or I’ll fall down .. these will make me sleep. He also extends my antibiotic cover and gives me another sort of anti inflammatory for my breasts .. one of these is more powerful than the double dose of what I’m taking at the moment.

Just as the doctor goes to escape, I ask if he’ll say a few words at the start of a couple of edited audio tracks .. he grins, “nobody will understand my accent” .. he’s missed the point .. let’s face it, he is our saviour and hero .. I want him to say “This first part is for you to relax and get your depth, when you have depth, go to the next track please” .. then to top a 15 minute “quality time track” with something like “well done, now start your 15 minutes quality dynamic dilation time” .. he’s a busy man .. and he’s off into next door. The girls help me dress and I’m returned to reception.

Mrs Suporn suggests next Thursday will be photo day .. the girls will wear the uniform of their choice, though I prefer the Thai one over the “European” one .. I mention the Thai uniform skirts and how lovely they are .. the girls wear there own choice of white blouse style with the long tight skirts that are a blaze of red and gold. I ask Mrs Suporn if it’s possible to get one made in the same material .. apparently not, they have none of that batch of material left, however .. she has a quick word with a girl who disappears and returns with a fold of material.

Mrs Suporn says this is the material for the skirts they’ve just replaced .. it’s a little darker in it’s make up .. but she says I will like this one better .. as it unfolds it’s got purple in the pattern .. awesome or what !!!

Next thing is she’s on the phone to the dress maker .. I discover that when 30 minutes later she walks in !!! I’m summoned over to be measured up .. I ask how much it’ll cost, only to be put in my place .. Mrs Suporn will pay for it to be made. I’m embarrassed and have a  word with Mrs Suporn, she’s already bought me the pink silky dress .. but she’ll have none of it .. it’ll be ready to try on next Thursday and she’s paying .. period.

16.35 .. I head back to the hotel .. just to drop things off ..

17.30 .. Back to the clinic .. for my final breast massage ..

18.08 .. Jib finally calls me into Exam room 2 for my breast massage .. the roudy American is moaning at Dr Suporn in Exam Room 1 about the length of time the clinic is closed .. till the 16th .. Jib opens the dividing door and says something before setting to on me. She’s been going gentle on my aching left side for a couple of minutes when the door opens .. it’s theatre nurse Dawn  who joins Jib, doing my now a lot less painful right side.

I don’t know if this was connived, to make Jib look gentle and kind, she is really .. but Dawn doesn’t hold back and soon has me yelping in pain .. that really did hurt. Some words are exchanged in Thai .. Dawn looks at me with a worried / sorry look.

The American’s tone with Dr Suporn is astonishing .. I can’t believe my ears .. Jib pulls faces at times. It goes quiet for a while then Dr Suporn pops into the room I’m in, he’s shaking his head but grinning .. this man has as much patience as he does patients.

18.32 .. I’m back in my hotel room, my phone soon rings, it’s Emma inviting me down, I pre apologise for Frankie’s absence.

18.40 .. I join Emma, Fiona and Alan for their last meal .. along with Alison and Co.

Emma and folks disappear soon after they finish their meal, Fiona says she’ll drop some stuff of at my room, to distribute .. and Emma has given me their network login and password to hand on .. mine lasts longer anyway.

20.00 .. I return to my room briefly ..

20.20 .. We’ve gathered to see off Emma and folks away .. time for a few last photographs ..            

20.34 .. The big bus arrives with Danny, and we assume “Mrs Danny” in the front passenger seat. Emma and folks stand and make their final goodbye’s .. Alan is so at ease with us all, he sidles over to me .. “come here Sarah” .. he gives me a warm hug .. as does Fiona .. I’m not sure if I’ll miss Alan’s humour that had me cracking up in pain so many evenings at meal time .. but as a couple of human beings, and parents to admire .. I’ll miss them. Emma gives me a hug too .. she’s so easy going with an oldy like me, and funny with it .. I’ll miss her for sure .. 

20.39 .. Emma and her folks are driven away .. gosh what a nice clan they are .. not sure what was happening inside the van with it’s tinted windows .. they took ages to move away .. but I’m fighting back the tears ..

01.55 .. I call Karen ..

02.12 .. I’ve taken that sleeping tablet .. it takes a few minutes to work ..

More to come ...

Day 1585. Saturday 11th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

Gosh that was good .. took just a few minutes for that sleeping pill to hit the off switch inside me .. then ..

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. I do have the presence of mind to just snooze it .. and I do a couple of times .. the 3rd reminder gets me out of bed .. I need the loo anyway.

08.03 .. I’m out of bed to find a Yahoo window opened by Kathie in Seattle .. but moments ago .. we type text for a moment then switch to Skype .. gosh that’s easier .. and she can hear me in the bathroom .. not to well I hope .. << grimace >> ..

08.48 .. Frankie Skype’s me just as I’m getting in the shower .. she’s heading off for breakfast .. I promise to follow asap.

09.40 .. I’m in the restaurant .. Frankie is sitting with Alison Christine and Zoe .. while I’m collecting my muesli a waiter moves a table so I can join the others .. I’m next to Zoe now .. she’s so sweet.

Breakfast is .. muesli, followed by yoghurt with fruit in it  and some american style pancakes with maple syrup .. washed down by a glass of sweet pineapple juice and a couple of cups of coffee. 

10.30 .. Just as we are getting up to leave the restaurant .. Cin arrives for her clinic round of the hotel, she gives Zoe a hug.

Back in my room I find a note pushed under my door from Nanda, suggesting arrangements for next Wednesday .. I try calling her mobile .. no answer. I call Frankie a little later to let her know that I’ve heard from Nanda .. Frankie is a little worried about her strength .. but I’m sure she’ll be fine.  

11.30 .. The maid arrives to do my room, she keeps looking round as I road test my pages when she hears the voices.

11.43 .. Frankie Skype’s me to let me know Cin is with her, will be with me next ..

11.50 .. Cin arrives .. we chat about the girls page she can see on my laptop .. but it’s quickly down to work .. breast massage time, I lay in the middle of the bed, but the works both from my right side, one at a time. She asks how and when my last dilation went .. oh yeah .. I better do that again .. really strange with my best friends here doing twice a day ..

12.06 .. Cin gives me a hug and she leaves saying she will think about a description by her name on my site ..

12.09 .. Another power cut ..

12.14 .. The power is back .. but it’s soon clear that the hotel’s router hasn’t come back on line. A call to reception to let them know.

12.30 .. The router is working, but I soon have a couple of  staff clutching a laptop at my door to sort my problem out .. but I don’t have a problem any more.

I spend time tweaking my web site pages and doing an email that I modify and hit 5 groups with.

14.20 .. E-mails sent and sorted, a few group ones and one to Dave at work who enquired over my health .. one of the few to do so .. I have my lunch .. my last yoghurt with some ginger and honey. I’ll need to go get some more to tie me over.

15.15 .. I try calling Karen at home on Skype .. no answer ..

15.25 .. “Eirikke” from Florida pops up to check on my health .. she’s a TS student now working her way through college doing phone sex .. hmmm .. I know we have to work our way through transition .. but there are things I’d  hoped I’d never have to do .. that’s one for sure.

I wish I didn’t have the BBC World News on at this moment .. there is an item on treatment of  people in care homes, the enforced medication, I’m sure Claire is in a far better environment, but this sort of program / item is a worry ..

15.55 .. After an email from a girl called Stacey, who is out here soon, we start to chat on Yahoo and then on Skype .. but we do have some problems .. but on web cam Stacey looks stunning .. and young .. green with envy ..

17.45 .. I head for the shops .. oo er .. think I’m late .. I call in on Alison and Co .. Christine is down in the coffee area, Alison is doing the drudgery ..

Once out on the street I realise I’m too late for The Forum, so I head down past the massage place to the 7-Eleven .. the selection of yoghurts is poor .. so this is a wasted trip till I see a nice little pressie for someone .. LOL.

18.27 .. Frankie calls on Skype .. checking in about dinner .. I agree to collect when Alison and clan are ready ..

19.10 .. Knock, knock .. it’s Zoe come to collect me for dinner, I say give me 5 seconds .. she gets to 4 quite quickly so I say 4.1, 4.2 .. she gets the message .. I’m out by five !!!! .. she knocks for Frankie too .. and we all head down ..

Dinner is a slice of beef in that Italian bread .. with side salad and about 10 big fat chips .. 7 UP as usual washes it down ..

20.30 .. ish .. I get a sudden stabbing pain in my vagina .. this is something new, I really haven’t been aware of any pain since my revision surgery .. I head for the loo to inspect .. nothing obvious, but something is hurting me, I’ll have to inspect in my room ..

20.45 .. I’m back in my room, to find a recent message box from Gillian in Kentucky .. so I start chatting with her .. we switch back and forth between Skype and Yahoo, as she updates things. Her PC sounds slow to react to things, I tell her how to check her memory .. 448mb available ram .. fro XP SP3 !!! .. no wonder. I trace her “Emachine” computer model, it’s the same chipset as my one at home, she needs to go and buy 1Gb ( 2 x 512 Mb ) strips, I find her the on line manual so she can see where they go, one surprise is that DDR memory seems cheaper in the UK .. she’s going to buy and fit following my instructions .. an improvement will be guaranteed.

23.27 .. I call Karen back on her PC Skype account .. for the first time I can see her .. we have an arrangement for 21.00 local tomorrow for me to call home and hopefully speak to Claire on web cam ..

23.57 .. It’s down to Karen to end the call .. if everything was fair today, I’d be getting a cuddle in about 2 hours from now as my flight will have been landing in 75 mins .. << sighs >>...

00.35 .. I’m ready for bed, should have been an hour or so ago .. but my nails are now past their sell buy date .. and though they have been doing “lite duty” here, repairs are needed. I think me sinking my nails into Dr Suporn’s couches when getting breast massages may be part of the problem ..

01.20 .. bed time and sleeping pill .. 
More to come ...

Day 1586. Sunday 12th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I got myself ready to sleep, took the pill and cuddled up to the pillow wedged between my breasts. Well it seemed to take longer for the horse slaying sleeping tablet to take effect, but once it did, it did as it said on the box .. well Dr Suporns words anyway. However ..

06.45 .. ish .. I wake in agony, laying well over on my left side, sans pillow I hugged to sleep .. I roll over on to my back and try massaging it .. it doesn’t seem to help .. Tramadol or not to Tramadol is the question .. with hind site I should have taken one .. however I need a “pee-pee” .. I made it so .. and back to bed.

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. I might as well get up now .. I still feel heavy, like I did yesterday .. I sit at the laptop, check my e-mails .. well I don’t know if I’ve offended anyone, but I haven’t found the three or four Yahoo boxes sent late in the evening repeatedly by friends in England .. a few hours earlier in real time .. but today my screen is empty .. I know it’s only 45 minutes, but my bladder feels very full .. like yesterday .. I wonder if this is a side effect .. of those sleeping tablets.

I shower and wash my hair .. gosh my hair needed that ..

09.25 .. I join Frankie, Alison, Christine and Zoe for breakfast, there is one other at the table too.

10.18 .. I’m back in my room .. gosh I need the loo ..

10.30 .. Kathie in Seattle pops up on Skype ..

10.53 .. Kathie rings off ..

11.05 .. I’m in the corridor, I beckon the maid to come and service my room before I dilate .. While the maid does the necessary, I do some diary notes ..

11.23 .. The maid has finished .. time to ready myself .. Just as I am ..

11.25 .. Nima from Iran pops up for a chat .. he’s in the office .. so can’t chat long .. nice of him to pop in and show he cares too ..

11.31 .. Nima has gone .. now I’ll try again ..

12.50 .. Gift arrives .. just as I’ve entered the bathroom and had my post dilation “pee-pee”. I show her the little video I’ve just made regarding post dilation waste disposal .. “that good idea, we need to show patients how to do it that way” .. << grins >> .. I’ve got loads of tricks to share with newbie’s ...

The interlude starts .. gift giving me a breast massage ..

13.03 .. Gift is on her way .. time for me to cleanse .. and inspect a little more ..

13.22 .. I give Frankie a call ..

13.28 .. The call ends .. I need

13.02 .. Gift has gone ..

13.22 .. I call Frankie to see if she’s up for anything about lunch .. she says she’d like to tag along to get out of her room, but she doesn’t normally do lunch .. I need ten minutes or so ..

13.30 .. ish .. Frankie catches me in my underwear, I’m still not ready .. I need to Betadine and cream to finish my post revision dilation routine .. while I  do I play her the little video showing my trick that Gift thought was clever and useful .. Frankie seems to think so to .. << smiles >>.

13.40 .. We head of out .. Swensons ice cream parlour seems to  be cool with Frankie .. so it’s an ice cream lunch.

Gosh it’s so hot outside .. not overly humid, but the sun is scorching .. neither of us has creamed up .. so I head off trying to walk in the shady spots ..

In Swensons, Frankie has the snickers ice cream creation I had last time, I go for the Twix variation .. same cost. The waitress gives us glasses of iced water too .. that’s a relief .. something to wash the lunchtime pills down with.

Post lunch I drag Frankie around The Forum, in search of the big tops Julie ( the French girl ) assured me were there in two different locations .. well I think I found one location .. they had some swampy tops that were made of satin .. to sticky for these temperatures. I buy some yogurts and things and we head back, after Frankie fails to find the paper shafted cotton buds she’s trying to find.

As we cross the road, and get the closest to the massage place I offer Frankie a foot massage .. she declines .. she just wants to get back to the hotel .. but tells me to go get one and she’ll make her own way back. I’ll see her back to the hotel first .. she’s struggling a little, I hope I haven’t pushed her too far.

15.10 .. Back in my room, I put my yogurts and things away in the fridge .. and find my tube of tooth paste I bought the other day in 7-eleven .. LOL .. I was only half mad that day then .. I’m sure I bought some more, just couldn’t find it.

I find a message from Eirikke on a Yahoo box .. I answer and a short session starts .. 

15.37 .. I try home on Skype .. and Karen answers. We chat for a while, I promise to try and call back tonight on Skype around 21.00 here .. to talk to Claire.

15.44 .. Call over with Karen I suddenly remember my travel insurance, call the number on my policy but that non emergency number is closed at weekends. I’m in a  bit of a panic till I read the expiry date .. I had actually bought an extra weeks worth anyway .. I’m covered till the 20th .. so I’ve got all of next week to book 3 more days cover ( an extra day to cover diversions in flight I was told I should always do ).

16.10 .. I’ve answered a concerned e-mail from a group, and offered the duty news guy on the news desk at work the opportunity to interview me for a bulletin drop in ..

16.40 .. Patricia rings off .. I’m out of here ..

16.50 .. I meet Alison and Co coming out of the lift .. I tell them where I’m going, Alison can’t do massages for medical reasons .. but nothing is stopping Christine .. she’ll come to if I give them a few moments .. I follow them into there room ..

16.55 .. ish ..  while Christine gets herself organised to go for a massage, my company mobile rings .. it’s the news hub reporter in Manchester. I do an interview with the news hub of our group of 13 radio stations across the UK from Alison's room, they asked me about what it felt like out here, were we worried, etc.. .. I'm not and the clinic staff aren't warning us not to travel to Bangkok. The news hub does the weekend news for all 13 stations.

17.10 .. We are in the massage place .. sadly the airconditioner has broken, so they are using some large fans .. it’s just bearable. Christine oohs and r’s a few times, well you do .. but by the end she feels really good .. as do I. When we are asked to roll over, I’m shown a cushion to use below my breasts .. I feel comfortable till she starts pressing across my shouldrs when my breasts get firmly planted into the padded mat .. I grit my teeth.

18.15 .. We float out of the massage place, taking a couple of photo’s to mark the occasion ..

Back in the hotel I take a dusk opportunity to visit both the 3rd floor terrace and the roof .. I’ve got  some stunning sunset shots from the roof .. including the “Big Buddha” overlooking ChonBuri from a hill side, illuminated by setting sun ..   

19.15 .. Frankie pops up from across the hall on Skype .. enquiring about dinner .. Cue Zoe knocking on my door .. I end up with the whole of Alison’s clan laughing and giggling with Frankie on Skype .. as the crow flies .. less than 10yards  away !!!

19.20 .. We all head down to dinner ..

Dinner for me tonight is the red duck curry with steamed rice .. 7 up washes it down as usual ..

As the meal goes on I’m starting to get an ache in my chest .. I’m concerned the squashing it got during the massage has upset things there.

20.30 .. I’m back in my room .. I’ve missed a call from Andrea on Skype, who left here about 5 days ago, she left a typed message 10 minutes ago .. I try calling back .. no answer .. I  reply to her text message.

20.40 .. I remember my tablets .. sorted

21.00 .. It seems Claire is quite happy to sit by the computer, see me and chat with me. “It’s daddy” ..  Apparently Claire thinks I’m “on a course”, she’s told that when her carers go on holiday or away for a few days .. she accepts that as a reason for me not being there.

Well Skype is super unreliable tonight .. with video, after two crashes at home, I suspect it’s the same unreliable version I replaced here a week or so ago. I end up talking to Claire our full time Skype phone at home .. she keeps looking at the little colour LCD screen “where’s daddy” .. expecting to  see me on that screen too.  

21.30 .. I start watching the local TV channels for news in Bangkok .. all looks very peaceful
at the moment ..

23.38 .. Petra pops up for a chat ..

23.45 .. Phew, I was wondering as my breasts had been aching for a few hours again .. but they still measure 44 inches .. same size for last 48 hours .. << smiles, double back flip, Yippee !!! >>.

00.04 .. I say goodnight to Petra .. up pops Tina on Yahoo voice .. we chat for quite a while.

00.49 .. Tina says goodnight ..

00.50 .. I’m heading for bed .. I decide to keep the mega sleeping pill for tomorrow .. I take a Tramadol and an Xanax sleeping tablet .. 

Tomorrows not only a new day, but it’s the “Songkran Festival” .. Thai new year and happy water throwing .. my pump action “super soaker” is  loaded with bottled water !!! .. I’ll be tight with my ammunition then .. LOL.

01.10 .. nightie night .. well it’s the earliest yet !!!

More to come ...

Day 1587. Monday 13th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

Well I think I slept quite well really, the Xanax did it’s job in the end, and with the Tramadol killing the discomfort in my breasts I did drop off quite quickly. I did wake up at one point boiling hot, so I threw back half the duvet, though the pain killer was wearing off I did fall back to sleep ..

06.40 .. I’m awake and very thirsty, I take a good drink and try to get comfortable cuddling my best friend .. the pillow .. and I did dose off.

Happy Songkran .. or New Year ..

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. I snooze it twice ..

07.53 .. Up and at it, I know I shouldn’t have done, I log into the Transgender_outreach chat room, it’s a bit late, there’s only Michal and one other, the other soon leaves .. well Michal thinks she’s dosed of. Michal and I discuss the recent postings on this and other groups about the state of NHS care and results verses the Thai experience.

We do a private via Yahoo and I share a couple of “intimate” photo’s .. we’ve both seen and heard about a certain Dr Bellringers results and methodology .. so this is an education for Michal .. who I’m on very open terms with anyway .. she is one of the communities biggest support props .. 

Michael M: *shock* this is you?
Sarah_Heleneuk: yes
Michael M: congratulations very good ..

08.42 .. Kathie in Seattle pops up on Skype .. her husband has “jury rigged” a web cam .. so I can see her now ..

08.50 .. There’s a knock on my door .. I say good bye to Michal and Kathie quickly, as I suspect this is the clinic girl arriving early .. I pump up my super soaker and crouch low behind the door .. it is Wi .. but I don’t squirt her, I hope this isn’t a “fo par” on my part which might be seen as an insult for not doing it, but she’s dry at moment and I’d hate for her to have to go to see other patients here wet, and getting wetter.

09.05 .. After examining my vagina which is a little swollen on the right labia minora again, doing a breast massage and taking a look at my video recorded trick from yesterday, which she thinks is a clever idea (she says I must give the file to the clinic), she takes a mental note of my web site address and leaves. She wants to look at my site later.

09.15 .. OK I’m in panic mode .. to late to shower now if I want breakfast .. when there is another knock on the door .. I spy ( through the door spy hole ) .. Zoe .. I crouch down low and open the door .. she’s surprised to see me holding my water pistol .. grins ear to ear when it doesn’t fire .. I give it a couple of pumps and give her the shortest squirt I can .. I’m aware of Alison standing out of site, so I reassure them by saying it’s bottled water .. LOL. I’m not dressed .. I promise to come down asap.

09.40 .. After a quick wash and dress I’m in the restaurant with Alison & Co. and Frankie ..

Breakfast is my Thai staple .. muesli, yoghurt with fruit, a slice of fruit bread and slice of chocolate marble cake, a glass of pineapple juice and 2 cups of coffee.

We sit and talk for ages about problems with relatives. My only real problem ( a prt from the worry over my sister Juliet now ) is Karen’s sister Tracy .. I think she just lacks the intelligence really to handle it properly, she’s full of ancient, historic tabloid paper bull shit .. even the Sun, Mirror and News of the World now treat us with due respect and paint honest pictures most of the time .. but Tracy is just dumb to it all .. she’s seen some bashing web sites or something and that’s her mind made up .. not helped by a husband who I think is the same, though he’s also quite intelligent in the computer world. Ho hum ..  

10.35 .. I’m back in my room ..

I’m sorting myself out .. can’t find my pill dispenser .. I loose 20 minutes hunting for it .. DOH.

I go to the bathroom to shower .. the towel mat is missing .. I don my dressing gown and venture into the corridor .. the maid is about 20 rooms away .. the problem is soon sorted ..

11.59 .. I’m about to get in the shower when Jillian in Seattle  pops up for a Yahoo messenger chat .. she’s due out her for her rework on breasts and SRS in 24 days .. I’m off home in 9 ..

I do some diary notes before heading for an even later shower ..

12.30 .. shower time at last .. I’ve just got the first spray of water on my body when there is a gentle knock at the door .. my “hello” is answered by Zoe .. I grab a towel and lean around the corner of my bathroom door and open my room door a crack .. the Alison clan have been out, and have come back wet and “painted” ..

Sorted and ready to go out myself, I call Alison’s room, Alison answers .. that’s a relief .. I ask her if it’s OK for Zoe to join me outside .. seems like she’s already got the message and is starting to dress again .. Alison says yes.

13.15 .. ish .. Christine, Zoe and I venture out onto the street, the doorman points at my “super soaker” and giggles, we walk down the short distance to the main road. It’s not long before we start getting wet from passerby’s and a group standing on a corner down the road come towards us to dowse us .. gosh it’s cold, and I’m glad the bag is doing it’s job on my camera.

The locals are really friendly, one who speaks a little English is called “Nook” .. not only do they soak us they paint us with something and dab powder on our wet faces and neck .. what a sight we are. We are invited to join their group down the road, so we do. It’s fun, I’m offered a beer, but decline.


Zoe takes control of my “Super soaker” and does some fine “Arnold Scharzaniger” posses .. LOL.


The water is flying, in the main the throwers seeing me holding a camera, albeit in plastic, don’t hurl to much my way .. some pictures you can see distortions from water droplets in front of the lens .. but it’s clear the joy on everyone’s faces.

At one point Zoe takes a face full of water, forgetting to keep her mouth closed, so I get her to take a mouthful from my ammunition bottle and rinse out .. “to late" she says .. I took a 2 litre bottle of drinking water to use as ammunition .. the Thai's just don't worry about their water it seems .. they are probably immune to the bugs.

I’m sure Zoe will be OK .. several times in auto pilot I’ve used tap water to rinse after brushing my teeth .. DOH .. she was being very bold stepping forward into the road to get into the action with the locals.

Disaster .. my camera battery goes from full indiction to flat in five minutes .. I’ve taken about 75 photo’s, some are a disaster, but many are fairly clear even through the plastic bag. We head back to the hotel, promising Zoe we will return in an hour or so.

13.55 .. Back in my room .. I strip off my wet clothes, put camera battery on charge and clean up a little. I off load the pictures so far .. delete about 10 and copy the good ones onto a USB stick, with other Alison & Co pictures from recent days, and take them down to them .. Christine, fresh out of the shower by the clutched towel, takes the key off me.

14.25 .. Time for lunch .. a bio yogurt to which I add nearly all of the last of my dry ginger and a squirt of honey .. and a chocolate biscuit ..

I spend some time adding a couple of photo’s ( above ) to my diary, with Alisons permission of course as Zoe is in them .. as I’m working I’m talking to Jillian in Seattle on Skype .. hands free voice allows me to do other things at the same time .. LOL.

15.50 .. Ready for round 2 !!!

15.55 .. We are back on the same corner with the large group .. they really seem to take to us and really want to be photographed with us. In the end I start to trust them and start taking pictures without the plastic bag .. I do get some stunning ones, though I do say it myself .. again ..

At one point Zoe is determined to throw a large bucket of water over the back of a pickup truck .. she’s struggling to lift let alone throw it << smiles >> .. so one of the locals assists.


No water shortages here then. We've seen the rain, so we know there isn't .. this went on for ages .. if you don't like getting yet on New Years Day in Thailand .. stay indoors ..


A fruit seller arrives .. we are offered some fruit .. who is paying for this .. I'm not sure .. but we are being plied with all sorts. Christine can't identify some of it either .. but it's nice.


There are certain rituals in all of these festivities .. one is the painting of the skin with a slimy paste .. which is for the receiver supposed to bring good luck. A special ritual is the pouring of highly scented water over somebodies hands or shoulders .. these are tiny bottles, so I guess they don’t do it willy nilly. Apologies for the self portrait, smiling hurts, and I'm not supposed to, Dr Suporn will tell me off for this if he see's it .. LOL .. and .. what no earrings !! This was early on .. you should have seen me later .. << grins >>.
Notice the eye bags from lack of sleep.


The three of us get the full treatment many times .. my hands get the Jasmine water treatment several times, then a girl pours some into my hair and around the back of my neck.

Here Christine is seen getting a good smearing .. as was Zoe ( hidden ) ..


We are encouraged to get our fingers in the goo and smear the faces of our new friends .. one of whom is called “Tom”. Another, my English speaking friend "Nook" from this morning, is football crazy .. “David Beckham, Man U” .. he says grinning. This is "Nook" .. this was soon after we arrived .. I was untrusting at this point and the picture is soft due to the plastic bag .. which later started to "steam up" .. DOH.


Several Thai’s try to engage me in chat .. even those who speak no English .. this is fun.  Sorry, this was another softened by the plastic bag. The traditional Thai "wee" greeting shown here has signifcance .. held high initially is a mark of respect .. he's lowered it  from over nose hieght here. He doesn't speak English ..


My English speaking football fan, "Nook" takes my camera and takes a few pictures of me and our new friends .. his T shirt says "satisfaction guaranteed" .. what can that mean ..


A brightly coloured "carnival float" passes by, it was the only one we saw .. the "main event" was down on the road past the hospital apparently .. about 2 miles away.


Time is getting on .. guess the caption time .. or a record title ..

Mine is "love and affection" .. the look on their faces as daughter "marinates" mum with cold water says it all .. mum is holding a little pot of "goo" to smear on others .. serious Thai interaction. This was the last in a rapid sequence of three ..


17.00 .. As we try to leave some of the locals are trying to get us to stay .. it’s quite touching really .. they seem to have taken to Christine and Zoe in particular .. well if you could see all the pictures I took ( I've kept only about 380 ) .. they were in “the thick of it” for sure .. the man and woman in this picture has children too .. Zoe's been playing with one this afternoon .. the woman hugged and caressed me warmly too as we tried to leave ..

17.10 .. I’m back in my room, to strip off again .. I’ve got wet clothing everywhere.

19.08 .. Knock, knock .. it’s Zoe asking about the Pizza party Frankie wanted .. we call Alison first two doors away on Skype .. Christine answers .. they are up for it ..

19.12 .. We call Frankie .. DOH .. she’s ordered hers without calling us .. we scramble into her room .. to order ours ..

19.22 .. The pizza order is done .. I have a quick tidy up in my room .. the party will be in here ...

19.38 .. I head down stairs .. leaving Zoe and Frankie, whose Pizza arrived, watching Popeye on my TV, Zoe was playing with Loppy ( Loopy ) too.

19.50 .. I return to the 7th floor with Pizza for 4 .. however, Alison and Christine are stuck in their room .. waiting for security to come sort their safe out .. again.

19.55 .. ish .. we have a party .. Pizza and Pepsi all round, Frankie and Alison have the chairs .. Zoe and I are on the bed .. Christine sits on the floor close to Alison.

I let Zoe amuse herself with the remote for my camera .. she’s clicking away as we eat.

The pizza is gone, except Zoe hasn’t eaten all her crusts .. so I connive a plan “I have a treat for you if you finish that one” .. “What sort of treat?” .. “a chocolate one” .. she ate both crusts, not just the one .. LOL.


I collect the chocolate covered wafer bar from my fridge .. I don’t let go till Zoe’s used the remote control .. LOL .. the wrapper is tough for her, so I assist her. We are talking about the news from Bangkok .. and registering with the consulate there .. something I should do.

Zoe and I review some of the pictures she's taken .. she's most amused at catching Frankie's then her mum's backsides as they walk past .. << smiles >>.

Frankie disappears leaving us chatting .. Alison and Christine are suggesting that they should go when ..

20.52 .. Zoe points out to an open Skype window on my Laptop .. it’s Karen on Claire’s laptop .. but as soon as she talks to me and realises I have friends round she wants to go .. so she does.

Alison and Co. decamp to their own room two doors away ..

20.56 .. I call Karen back on our Skype home phone .. as clearly she’d shut Claire’s laptop down. We chat for a while .. Claire makes one of her short phone calls to me .. apparently they are going to go for a drive .. Claire is getting agitated .. danger sign, so where’s Robert ? .. in his room .. hmmmm. I just hope this visit doesn’t end in disaster.

21.04 .. As I'm blowing kisses goodbye, Claire kisses the phone .. apparently .. then Karen ends the call ..

21.50 .. I try and create an account with the British Embassy in Bangkok, as suggested by Alison .. this isn’t going to be easy .. I create a login and wait the five minutes they suggest for a confirmation e-mail .. nothing .. so I login manually as they suggest.

22.00 .. There are fireworks going off in the distance .. I try calling Frankie .. no reply. After a few minutes I think about going to the roof .. the fire works have stopped.

22.15 .. I finish on the embassy site .. still no e-mail from them ..

Time to put some pictures into today .. by far, this has been the best day of my trip ..

00.05 .. Tina rings off ...

00.06 .. Well timed, Karen calls on Claire’s laptop .. she can see me, but having updated Skype, it can no longer find her web cam .. DOH.

Chat with Claire, though she’s 21, is at a child of 5 or younger level .. it’s hard work to keep her interested .. but this has got her interest for sure ..and she is happy sitting there talking to me ( and Karen) for 30 minutes .. looks like this will work well once the care home fulfills it’s promise to provide a router near enough to her rooms.

00.36 .. The new laptop’s battery is getting low .. thinks it needs cycling a few times .. so Karen and Claire say goodbye ..

I’ve had chats with Kirsti and Davina, who is now full time .. I’ve done a few pictures for today .. wish I had space and bandwidth to do more .. did I mention the time too .. LOL.

02.20 .. DOH .. time for bed I think ..

02.40 .. Time for a Xanax and a Tramadol .. I lat there massaging my breasts till they kick in, I wedge my breasts with the pillow .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1588. Tuesday 14th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

It was probably gone 3 am before the tablets worked ..

07.30 .. I was awake just as the alarm went off ..

08.03 .. I get out of bed .. hmmm ..thinks I missed a snooze wake up.. 

09.38 .. I’m in the restaurant ..

10.32 .. As we leave the restaurant .. I spy Jib in reception.

10.35 .. I’m back in my room .. just have to wait for Jib to turn up ..

11.42 .. Jib arrives .. first she checks my blood pressure, it’s normal. Then she goes on to do a breast massage .. there is little or no discomfort as she does the right side, but the left, though hurting less, in another story. I tell her that getting the full movement range back with my left arm is proving problematical .. she raises my arm across the bed .. “ very tight, need to massage” .. well I have as Dr Suporn suggested .. she massages a different place .. and seems to relax the tightness a little.

Before she goes she looks at some of my pictures from yesterday and my little post dilation glove trick. Apparently she does do that, but doesn’t tie it off as I do .. shame the girls don’t show things in the same way, seems it’s pot luck with who you get for your first hotel dilation, and what they show you.

I tell her about Frankie and I’s plans with Nanda tomorrow, she suggests I call Aey to ask her to come see us both early.

12.02 .. Jib leaves heading for Frankie ..

12.18 .. I spot Emma on line .. it’s only just gone 6am at home. She’s just woken up and is going through her e-mails .. still not fully over the jet lag .. the lucky thing has till next Tuesday to get over it before returning to work .. I’ll have 4 days. She’s happy to be home with friends and family too ..

There’s a little knock on my door .. it’s Zoe .. returning my USB key .. I invite her in to talk to Emma .. Emma can see us, we can’t see her .. she thinks she’s too rough to show her face this morning. Zoe tells Emma about the fun we had yesterday, I drop the link to yesterday’s page in the text box ..  

12.36 .. I say goodbye to Emma, and Zoe returns to her room .. I start today’s diary notes.

12.55 .. I give Frankie a call to see if she’s up for lunch .. she’s not, but she was just thinking of calling me for an Infranview tutorial on batch conversions .. I’m more than happy to oblidge, so I pad across to her room and show her.

13.12 .. Back in my room .. time to start sorting my photo section .. I start by creating the page templates, and correcting the gaffs in the index page. When I made it I assumed I’d be home by now, so I’ve corrected the factual errors there and extended it down .. the day count is 35 .. now just one day less than my SRS period last year .. ho hum.

14.40 .. I stop for lunch .. a strawberry yoghurt, a chocolate biscuit, a banana and my tablets .. then do some more basic pages ready for me to add pictures too ..

15.35 .. ish .. The power goes off .. I’ve got about 4 more pages to create and my battery here is getting really “flaky” .. I’m sure I have one short circuit cell now.

15.50 .. I have all 35 pages setup ready to start adding pictures too .. “the easy bit” .. NOT, well not in time as I discovered yesterday .. so what do I do with myself .. the laptop battery is about to expire .. so I put the computer into “hybernate” mode, as I don’t want to loose the info in Nero for a CD I’m burning for a girl here..

15.50 .. ish .. I’m on the roof taking daylight pictures of the horizon. The “Big Buddha” looks great in the sun .. I go down the stairs to leave the building .. I pop out on to the third floor “Balcony” above reception and take some photographs. 

16.00 .. As I leave the hotel .. the power seems to come back on ..

I’m heading for a foot massage but as I hit the main road I spy Alison and Co. ahead of me. As I approach the foot bridge over the road, it looks like the massage place a few shops ahead is closed anyway .. so I follow them up the bridge .. Zoe spots me first and I join them .. as we walk over the bridge Zoe takes hold of my hand .. she’s so sweet.

Alison and Co. are just out for a wonder around and maybe an ice cream .. well it’s an excuse for me to look for tops again .. << sighs >>. So we wander around the Phoenix store within the Forum and then around some of the outer floor space. Alison says she needs to return to the hotel .. so she and her family head off .. I’m quite sure Zoe would have come with me to give Alison and Christine some peace,

17.20 .. I’m back in the hotel ..

17.38 .. Frankie appears .. she’s been in The Foram too, looking for me .. she say Alison and Co after we had separated.

17.50 .. I call my home Skype phone, Karen answers, Claire who is always hungry is already asking for her lunch .. at 11.50 UK time .. << grimace >>. Seems Robert has renewed his weight loss efforts and lost ½ stone last week .. he bought some strawberry tarts as a treat to himself .. take half step backwards .. << grimace >>.

19.04 .. Alison calls me on Skype .. except it’s not .. it’s Zoe of course. She’s enquiring about dinner .. sounds good to me, and I’m ready too !!

The five of us head down to the restaurant .. the waters move a table into place for us.

Dinner for me tonight is Spaghetti carbonara, a slice of “Sucher” cake ( chocolate ) all washed down with .. 7up.

20.50 .. Back in my room .. DOH .. Thunderbird / Lightning is reminding me that I’ve got a dilation to do tonight, 3 days gone already .. << grins, thinking of Frankie and Alison now knowing what twice a day is .. a drudgery !! >>

21.00 .. I use the clinic loan mobile to call Aey, the duty girl for tomorrow to let her know Frankie and I’s plans. She’ll come early at 09.30 to see us.

21.05 .. I try to call Frankie .. it’s cleared down, so she’s probably on another call. A minute later she calls back, I wasn’t wrong, talking to her sister .. so I tell Frankie what Aey said. I guess I better set my alarm for 07.00 and get up then, so I’m ready and sorted by 10.00 when Nanda will arrive.

21.15 .. I call Karen on our home Skype phone, she’ll call me back from Claire’s laptop.

21.25 .. Karen calls me from Claire’s laptop .. it’s a similar call to yesterday really .. however one worrying thing is that the laptop has been on charge for nearly half the day, yet it’s only showing 27% battery charge .. hmmmm.

21.55 .. Karen gets Claire to click the button to end the call .. I can only assume it was her ..

22.25 .. I call into work, to speak to Carolyn non reception .. it’s her first day back after two weeks off .. we chat about all sorts .. as she sorts the outgoing post.

22.46 .. I say goodbye to Carolyn .. “see you soon” .. yes in less than 2 weeks.

22.48 .. I try my partner Steve on his office phone .. it forwards to his mobile and then voice mail .. I suspect he’s taken extra time .. so I try his home.

22.50 .. I call Steve & Fiona at home .. Kayliegh answers .. they are on there way home from Norwich, Steve has taken a few extra days off. Kayliegh says to try back in a couple of hours, I tell her the time here .. I’ll maybe try again tomorrow.

22.52 .. I’ve finished my calls, I really should dilate .. but I should get an early night.

23.45 .. Well I’ve cleared 230 pics off my main camera card .. I can always use one of my spare sound cards .. time to get ready for bed ..

More to come ...

Day 1589. Wednesday 15th April 2009. <>Memory Joggers ...

Memory Joggers ...

I slept pretty well till ..

07.00 .. The alarm goes off .. gosh I still feel heavy, as if I’d taken the wrong sleeping pill last night. I allow myself the luxury of one snooze period.

07.43 .. Up and at it .. a quick check on my e-mails .. no reply from the company who will be renting me the parking space.

It’s a full monty in the shower .. including a little conditioner.

08.35 .. I’m in the restaurant, Frankie is already there, but no sign of anybody else. I have my usual 3 courses, remember to take my pills too ..

09.08 .. Back to my room ..

09.34 .. Frankie pops up on Skype .. no sign of Aey yet !!

09.36 .. Knock, knock .. it’s Aey. She checks my blood pressure first .. 102 / 62 with a heart rate of 72 .. good she says. It’s then a quick, and a little rough on the painful left side. The right side was feeling good till she’d finished with me.

09.45 .. Aey has finished with me .. I let Frankie know she’s on her way.

09.52 .. Kathie from Seattle calls on Skype, she sounds terrible .. she’s got a cold ..

10.02 .. I find Nanda and frankie waiting for me .. sorry ..

It’s the long route nanda takes across country in a big loop round to the Crocodile Farm

13.20 .. We’ve arrived at the crocodile farm .. Nanda wants to eat first so we do.

I’m persuaded to try the crocodile steaks, I’m assured it’s like something between Chicken and pork ..

13.45 .. Our food arrives .. I tuck in ..

13.55 .. I haven’t finished but I’m starting to feel really odd .. I stop eating.

Frankie settles the bill, it’s her treat .. we leave and I head for the toilet and try and make myself sick .. with limited success .. I’m starting to feel very odd ..

More to come for sure .. the next 20 hours or so is a nightmare, with me being taken to hospital Thursday morning for an adrenalin shot .. my fish allergy had been seriously triggered, the first time in 34 years .. swollen face and tongue .. I was so panicked  when I realised, pictures were the last thing on my mind ..

More to come ...

Day 1590. Thursday 16th
April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

10.15 ..ish .. I called the clinic, I tried Aey’s phone being near the top of the list in my loaned mobile .. no answer, I try Jib’s. Jib answers and says she’ll locate Cin in the hotel and send her to me. Apparently she was in with Alison two doors away, she arrives promptly takes one look at me and phones for advice / help .. I’ll be collected by Gift and taken to the hospital.

10.30 .. ish .. I’m wheeled down to reception by a hotel porter or two and loaded into the clinics big bus by Danny and Gift .. just glad I don’t pass any friends on the way down, though one of the waiting staff saw me and gave me an odd look.

10.40 .. ish .. I’m in the hospital, wheeled around by a porter with Gift never a foot or two away. Before I’m allowed to see a doctor I have to go through reception or admin, blood pressure, heart rate, temperature and weight ( 84Kg are recorded ). It doesn’t take long, then I’m wheeled through to see a doctor, past rows of other waiting patients.

He’s a youngish chap, very Thai smiley. He examines me and explains that on an allergic reaction scale of 1 to 4 this appears to be a 2. he’s not overly worried at this stage and orders an injection, I’m sure he said "adrenalin", and some other pills for me to take ..

12.00 .. ish .. I’m back at the hotel, I’m aware my tongue is feeling normal again ..

14.45 .. My room phone rings .. do I need a car to collect me .. no I think I can manage to walk it now ...

15.30 .. I’m in the clinic and taken straight in to see Dr Suporn, he checks me all over .. he’ll see me for the final time on Monday ..

17.40 .. ish .. A breast massage with Cin and a nurse ..

18.00 .. ish .. Skype out to Steve and Fiona .. Fiona answers ..

Hours spent tweaking a picture of Aoi and Eve .. removing a glasses imprint from Aoi’s nose and removing some reflective glare from the background ..

02.55 .. I finally start a drudgery .. it does hurt .. I won’t do this again ..

03.40 .. I’ll call that cooked then .. not bad after 5 days ..

04.05 .. I’m finally in bed ..

To come LOL ...

Day 1591. Friday 17th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept well till ..

06.03 .. I hadn’t muted my speakers on the laptop .. so when Gillian calls on Skype it auto answers and wakes me up .. we chat for 15 minutes then she lets me sleep !!!

07.30 .. The alarm wakes me up .. I snooze it twice before getting up .. a quick e-mail check and into the shower ..

09.12 .. I’m heading out to go down for breakfast and join Alison and Co. in the corridor .. we then meet Aey .. I bet that’s the last we see of her then ..

Breakfast is a four course affair .. I’ve got to cut back .. Muesli and milk, yogurt and fruit, pancakes and maple syrup, some fruit bread and marble cake, washed down with pineapple juice and coffee.

10.30 .. Frankie and I give up on seeing Aey .. and decide to head for the clinic.

10.40 .. ish .. in the clinic .. the dress maker is there with my skirt .. a quick fitting .. it’s good ..

10.58 .. Time for a quick breast massage, care of Cin and gift if I remember correctly ..

11.20 .. Danny drives a few of us up to the big Buddha .. Alison and Co’s camera has gone flat .. they can have my picks and I take their’s .. so to speak ..

12.20 .. Back at the clinic .. Nanda is in .. we agree to have lunch somewhere, after I’ve sorted some files out for the making of Dilation disks .. I need to run my washing that’s just been cleaned and my skirt back to the hotel .. so I do.

12.50 .. Bow takes me up to a computer in a back room on the first floor .. it’s an old dog of a Compaq, running XP SP2, 512mb ram .. it takes 15 minutes to read off 820mb of files of my memory stick .. then find Nero won’t run cause of a virus on the PC .. same as a week or so ago down stairs .. they need an IT manager here !!!

13.25 .. ish .. I’m back in the reception area .. Nanda has gone .. so I tag along with Alison and Co. for an ice cream lunch at Swensen’s, well it’s something to eat with my tablets ..

14.50 .. Back in the clinic .. a cold drink of water gets to the spot .. it’s hellish hot outside today.

16.30 .. ish .. Back to the hotel briefly .. I call Karen on Skype .. 

17.00 .. Back to the clinic .. to take a photograph in “the chair” with the skirt and a white top .. and take a DVD with the Nero files burnt on it by Frankie ..

In the clinic I give the DVD to Mrs Suporn .. explaining what is on it and what went wrong earlier. She asks me to explain to Aey what is wrong with the computer upstairs .. the same apparent virus that was infecting the downstairs computers last week .. apparently Aey is responsible for looking after the computers .. hmmmm .. how often do updates get done .. clearly not often.

I put the skirt I took delivery of earlier on and sit on the throne .. Aey does the honours with my camera as I try different hair arrangements aided by Cin, encouraged by Mrs Suporn.

17.45 .. After the “photo shoot”, I change back into my ordinary skirt and wait for a breast massage .. that clearly isn’t going to happen  ..

18.00 .. I give up and head back to the hotel .. once back I put some “working class” eye’s on and sit at the computer, download today’s pictures .

18.31 .. I Skype Frankie .. she has a crowd behind her .. LOL .. she’ll give me a call when they want me to go for dinner.

Julie in Dorchester is struggling to install a  later and more stable version of Skype 4 .. she just manages to do it as I put my bag together for tonights meal .. she distracts me and I forget to put my door card in my bag .. DOH.

18.50 .. Frankie calls back .. time to go .. it takes me a couple of minutes to say goodbye to Julie and get my shoes on .. I seem to step into the hall the same time as Frankie. We are followed down the corridor by the National Geographic photographer photographing our progress, then us laughing at the lift .. hmmm.

Down in the restaurant we are photographed ordering our meal and smiling and laughing about the situation Frankie’s got us in ..

We are soon joined by Alison, Christine and Zoe .. just as our food arrives .. Frankie and I had ordered the same meal, spicy thai chicken with cashews and dried chillies .. two rices arrive but just one plate of food initially .. more laughing / smiling gets the photographer at it. As we eat, we are circled by the photographer getting Frankie from all angles .. reporter and photographer have enough and depart with Aey.

We treat ourselves to an ice cream dessert .. mines an enormous banana split.

We decide to head back, leaving the latest arrival Karen, with Christine, Julie and the other American on holiday .. ummm .. what’s her name .. << grimace >>. I have to go via reception and beg another door key card ..

20.35 .. Back in my room .. suddenly I need the loo .. gosh .. I have a poor sense of smell .. but that might be my trouble from Wednesday gone down the tubes ..

Tina pops up on Yahoo then we voice for a while ..

A chat with Emma about antivirus software initially .. she recommends one called Nod32 .. I check their web site .. I’m confused by the pricing structure ..

23.15 .. Julie from Dorchester returns briefly on Yahoo to find out how dinner went .. LOL.

23.30 .. I need the loo again .. gosh .. I hope that’s the end of that ..

I get another spam Yahoo message via Tina’s account at Yahoo ..

Do some diary ..

02.20 .. and to bed with a tramadol .. gosh my breasts are aching .. 

More to come ...

Day 1592. Saturday 18th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

07.00 .. The alarm goes off .. I snooze it a couple of times ..

07.25 .. Up and at it .. I check my e-mails .. seems my internet connection is working at the moment ..

07.45 .. The shower doesn’t take so long to warm up at this time of the morning .. well there’s a lesson then ..

As I dry off I notice that the area’s of rash are beginning to subside a little .. so it’s another dribbling of the lotion and rubbing it in. I dress then sort my pills / supplements for the day .. the “morning” portion of my box is hard to close the lid there’s so many in it at the moment.

08.38 .. I knock for Frankie, she’s not quite ready yet so I return to my room .. and do a little of this while I wait.

Frankie soon calls and we head down to breakfast. Alison and Co. soon arrive to, Zoe has made a game show video to amuse herself and others with, Frankie and I are given DVD copies to watch.

09.40 .. I return to my room to get ready to go out ..

10.02 .. I’m in reception, Nanda is here and talking to Frankie .. Nanda and I are soon off, leaving Frankie at the hotel to build her strength up for her long flight home in the early hours of Monday morning. This is the first time I’ve ridden in the front, and notice the “heater” controls. Unlike UK market vehicles, where the temperature scale tends to be mainly red .. the scale on this is all blue .. heat not required, just degree’s of coldness .. << smiles >>.

10.30 .. We arrive at Nanda’s “apartment” by the sea .. it’s on the 1st floor and would have a stunning sea view if it wasn’t for a tree in the way .. a chain saw would soon sort that .. LOL.

I take some pictures, OK it’s a very basic “apartment”, think one big room with double bed, wardrobe, and a fridge in it and a large bathroom. There is a balcony with the view and a cane sofa on it. Nanda gets me to take some pictures of her and the three girls who are in “servicing” her room.

I take an opportunity to record some lapping wave noises on the beach here, while trying to get closer to a rock my foot goes into the water .. though I am hot, the water is still warm on my foot .. a couple of minutes of sound should do .. sadly later I discover the microphone attenuator was on .. so the recorded level is a bit lower than I wanted .. DOH .. the display was impossible to read in bright sunshine.

We head off to see the turtle conservation project at Ko Sri Chang pier in Amphoe Si Rocha, Nanda wants to go feed them, and show them to me .. so off we go. As we travel I cream up ready to cope with the sun.

11.17 .. We’ve parked up on the man made island where the turtle project is .. today is already starting to warm up for sure.

11.25 .. Nanda buys some squid to feed the Turtles in the “lagoon” .. gosh .. we agree these are such beautiful and gracious creatures .. in a way it’s a shame they have to be caged in like this, but if it’s in the name of conservation .. that’s fine. In the middle of the end where the feeding place is a “cage” .. where the smaller turtles are kept for safety I assume. Nanda want’s to feed them some more, so I buy her another 10baht box of squid to do it.

We wander round past a chinese temple on the way back to the wagon, Ninda buys a couple of small trays of “french fries” ..    

11.40 .. We are back on the road .. heading for the new shopping centre or “mall” near Pattaya .. “Harbour Mall”. It’s not really finished but it’s pretty big .. Tesco Lotus is the main occupier.

12.05 .. We are inside the “Mall” .. it feels pretty big .. we try to find somewhere to eat, but chance upon a camera shop .. yes they stock filters .. I manage to find a replacement 62mm circular polarising filter .. 1650 Baht .. it’s just about the same price as at home .. it’s a “Hoya Pro 1 Digital Filter”, my old one was 20 years old from my old Vivitar series 1 film lens.

12.45 .. We stop at a coffee bar for a quick refreshment, the coffee is good and a lot cheaper than “cost-a-lot” coffee shop on the Edgware Road, like 10% of the London price !!! 

13.00 .. ish .. After a quick comfort break, we head for Pattaya to collect nanda’s ring before going on to the tiger farm .. yes correct .. a tiger farm.

Except the new year celebrations are still going on .. so we  get held up for a very long time .. Nanda and I make some wrong calls on when to turn .. at one point it takes an hour to go a few hundred yards .. so dreams of seeing the tigers evaporate. However being caught up in all this was really exhilarating .. to see so many people on the street enjoying themselves so much.

Where else can you go and have complete strangers come up to you and gently paint your face with affection, then go a couple of yards and be dowsed and be clean again just for it all to start a few steps further up the street .. and the secret of the cold water is revealed .. as I catch a large block of ice being dropped into a barrel on the back of a 4 x 4 in front of us.

Several times we are persuaded to wind our windows down when the people outside indicate they just want to daub us “ a little bit” .. so we get daubed, it dries and flakes off .. what a mess .. LOL.

There are water tankers everywhere .. refilling the tanks on the back of the 4 x 4's .. as I watch, somebody dancing on top of one of the tankers falls off and catches a girl on the back of a scooter as he hits the floor. He gets up, it seems he’s OK, the girl is holding her head, but smiling ..  

Nanda is beginning to loose the will to live, so’s my bottom. Nanda decides to head off in the direction other vehicles are .. we start zig zagging along the coast beach roads to bypass the que, at one point as Nanda signals right a chap on a motorbike tries to over take .. bang .. he doesn’t come off, he rides off, but the 4 x 4 has a damaged front bumper.

17.15 .. We are in the gem store to collect Nanda’s ring .. we are plied with coffee and “Thai tea” while we wait for the ring to appear .. it arrives, gosh it’s beautiful .. what she’s paying for it to be specially made is a lot of money .. but it’s a lot of ring .

Nanda speaks enough Thai to be able to communicate, and translates when a woman says I am beautiful .. I think not, and the flattery will not get her anywhere sales wise.

We join another small jam as we leave Pattaya heading for Chon Buri.

Nanda wants to take me to one of the Thai “select & cook it yourself hot pot” restaurants. She knows a good one and has made “friends” with a young Thai waiter. She gets me to call Aey to ask if the liquid they give you at the hot pot place is fish free .. she thinks so .. I’ll play my card there to make sure though. “Do you mind flies ?” she asks .. I’m not overly worried I say .. “ That is good, because there will be some where we are going, but you cook the food anyway.

As we drive along, we start talking about some personal stuff .. she notices I’m wiping my eyes, and apologises for distressing me. It’s OK I say, “I just wish I really knew where Karen and I stand, I’m not sure from what she says, and doesn’t say” ..

I’m so scarred of going home, only to discover that I’m shunned totally and everything is over .. recently in phone calls she’s seemed more distant with me, one thing for sure it’s constantly on my mind and the worry and stress from that is slowly destroying me inside.

18.55 .. We arrive at this restaurant about a mile from the Aikchol Hospital on the Pattaya side, as we do there are flashes of lightning on the horizon out to sea.

Nanda finds her favourite waiter and we go to a table .. I show the waiter my label, he understands, he replaces the “broth” liquid that forms the ring of the hot pot “broiler” with a kettle of plain water. Nanda gets a selection of things she wants and some dips, I go and collect a couple of plates of stuff that I feel I can eat safely.

I’ve got a selection of meats to cook in the broiler, and some pre cooked stuff to, like noodle filled “spring rolls” and some cooked and dried meats, some tomatoes and chunks of apple. The sauces Nanda has got for us to dip into are sweet chilli, a hot read chilli and an even hotter green chilli dip .. phew .. the Soda water and beer struggle to keep the heat down.

There are three Thai people playing live to entertain everyone here, Nanda isn’t overly impressed, but they make a pleasant enough noise for me, I take a couple of pictures of them.

19.50 .. ish .. We are stuffed, and cooked, it was warm before we started, the heat from the broiler made us even hotter .. I take a couple of pictures of Nanda .. just for me and her, she’s made me promise that I will not show her in any of my web pages .. done deal.

20.05 .. ish .. We leave the restaurant .. gosh it’s great to be in an airconditioned environment again .. Nanda tips the car park attendant who has washed all the windows on the car .. the car is going to take some washing though .. LOL.

20.20 .. ish .. Nanda drops me off at the hotel .. I thank her for the great day, it was nice to be out and not stuck in the hotel.

20.28 .. I’m in my room seconds when Skype springs into life .. it’s Frankie .. she, Alison, Christine and Zoe did another Pizza party tonight .. 

20.50 .. ish .. my 30 days unlimited internet use is now up .. and it cuts me off. I check with Karen, occupant of 701 at the moment, if the offer to loan me her user name and password for me to use after she goes to the hospital on Monday afternoon still stands .. apparently so .. great. Now what to do .. 5 hours usage for 700Baht, or 10 hours use for 1,500 Baht .. given that 30 days unlimited 720 hours costs only 3000 Baht, or 100Baht for 24hours access .. you can see my annoyance ..

21.22 .. I’ve bought 5 hours in one week 700Baht package .. to tied me over till I can use Karen in 701's login ..  and try to call my Karen .. no answer .. so I try her mobile .. it rings a few times then nothing .. I assume her battery is flat. I cal the home phone, leave a message asking her to text me when she’s available ..

21.47 .. I get a text from Karen ..

21.48 .. I finally speak to Karen .. after the call I’m in floods of tears, I’m really beginning to fear the worse about her feelings towards me now .. she won’t confirm or deny anything feelings related with me ..

23.55 .. I’m going to bed .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1593. Sunday 19th April 2009.

Memory Joggers ...

06.05 .. I’m awake .. I check my watch .. DOH .. still ages to go, so I wrap myself round a pillow and dose off.

07.30 .. The alarm goes off .. it wakes me up .. I snooze it and try to do some breast massage, I can’t with this clinic bra on, so I strip that off. That’s easier for sure .. but not as easy or effective I guess as having a clinic girl do it for me.

07.55 .. After two snoozes of the alarm and some breast massage I get up and head for the loo .. I’m getting a little desperate.

08.05 .. I’m in the shower .. not quite the full monty with hair wash .. my hair will do for an inactive day. Post shower, I rub some of the lotion into my parts where the post fish rash still persists, it’s not faded much on my legs and neck, though my chest looks a little better. 

08.35 .. I’m in my underwear, I call Frankie to see if she’s ready for breakfast .. she soon will be, she’ll come knock when she’s ready .. gives me time to dress too.

08.45 .. I head down with Frankie to eat breakfast .. we chat about little Zoe’s video we have both watched, given her age and apparent little help from Alison, she’s done really well. We’ve been there a short while when Alison and Co. turn up ..

Everyone is a little sombre .. even Zoe, at the thought that Frankie will be gone in the early hours tomorrow, and they’ll be following 32 hours later .. followed by me 24 hours after them on Wednesday.

As we nearly finish Aey pops in to the restaurant as she starts her hotel care round for this morning .. she’ll come and see us later.

09.45 .. Frankie and I head up to our rooms ..  

09.55 .. I need the loo .. again .. OK well this has got to be doing me good actually .. help get rid of anything still in my system .. it’s been a little sluggish the last few days.

I start some diary and a revamp of the clinic pages .. off my index on my diary .. the first click in will introduce the doctor and his wife, drop down and there will be the group shot .. click on that to see and hear the girls ..

10.50 .. Aey arrives at my room, she asks me about my adventure yesterday and last night with Nanda then checks my blood pressure. She examines my breasts and does a massage, concentrating on my left side mote than my right. She says I must go for more massages at the clinic tomorrow .. well it’ll be my last chance too, as Tuesday is the beech house trip .. so I guess I’ll have to try and make the most of it.

11.05 .. Aey heads for Frankie, she’s still asking what room she’s in .. hmmmm.

11.40 .. I need the loo again ..

12.06 .. Nanda calls just to make sure I’m OK following last night’s meal ..

I start work on the revamped clinic front page off of my main index ..

13.05 .. Frankie calls .. do I fancy a foot massage ..

13.50 .. We head off for 7-Eleven and then a foot massage .. in 7-Eleven Frankie persuades me to try a strawberry “slurpy” .. think “slush puppy” and you know what I mean  .. 10 Baht for a small one .. they cost a lot more at home .. .

14.10 .. We are in the massage place, I spy a new girl, Frankie get’s “Jit”, I get the new girl “Wan”. Frankie starts first, and finishes first .. Jit takes my right hand and massages it, I think she can feel something is wrong with my right thumb .. something I show her later. Jit remembers our names well .. so she should we’ve been in there a few times .. LOL.

15.15 .. Wan has finished with me too .. so I nip round the corner to remove the “crops” and sort myself out, when I get back and pay, we are offered tea .. hot Thai tea .. without milk .. gosh it’s lovely. Frankie is getting a hand massage too now .. as a freebie .. before I sit on the stool I demonstrate my unequal thumbs to Jit .. she understands “motorcycle accident”.

15.25 .. Time to leave, Frankie says goodbye ..

15.35 .. I go on line and go visible on Yahoo and Skype .. Tina spots me and calls .. so we chat. While we do Frankie arrives, with data key, for me to transfer the last of the pictures from today .. and some of the turtles I took yesterday in her absence. Frankie disappears back to her room to carry on packing ..

15.49 .. I call home and talk to Karen, maybe I’ve been mistaken the last week or two, and been stressing over nothing ..

16.15 .. Frankie calls, she’d like to use my laptop to check in at the airport .. no problem.

17.00 .. A very late lunch .. an apple, a bio yoghurt with dried ginger and a squirt of honey. I finish off the last of the dried Mango too.

I carry on modifying pages in my diary, the diary index, the sound files index page and others. this does take time, but as it’s a Sunday, I do have time to burn as they say.

19.05 .. ish .. There’s a knock on my door .. it’s Zoe collecting me for Frankie’s last supper .. Frankie want’s to eat light and quickly, so she can go do the drudgery ( her word’s , we know where she’s learnt that phrase folks ) and grab some sleep, so we head down for the main restaurant.

As we are finishing our main course, Julie the french girl ( whose leaving on Friday ) joins us with Christine and another American Robyn who are leaving on Thursday .. so the table is full of people leaving this week. I take an opportunity to grab another photograph .. of the table, the waiter steps in to take a couple for me, goodness knows where he was aiming the camera for the first one .. LOL.

20.32 .. We head back upstairs .. Frankie grabs a usb key from her room and comes to mine to copy the last pictures across .. Christine comes in to see what DVD’s Frankie is leaving to me to give the clinic tomorrow.

20.39 .. Christine, Alison’s partner takes the probably the last, and in fact the first picture of Frankie and I together .. phew that was close.

20.47 .. As Frankie shuts my door behind her, I set my alarm for 02.10 .. I’m going to be there to wave her off at 02.30 tomorrow morning.

23.26 .. I login to the hotel network and load Skype .. there’s messages coming from Andrea .. I call her .. voice is so much faster .. she’s dilating too. As is the way, with low hotel bandwidth, the call drops repeatedly.

23.47 .. I call Karen .. she’s eating and a repeat of Coronation Street is starting .. not much chance for a conversation then .. byeeeeee.

23.54 .. Back to Andrea ..

00.35 .. I’m ready for bed, except I still haven’t done any nail repairs .. I’d better do them now ..

01.15 .. I’ve got an hour to snooze .. nightie night.  

“Added to” Wednesday 22nd April.

Day 1594. Monday 20th April 2009.

02.15 .. My alarm goes off .. so as planned I get up, take my door card and camera and go to find Frankie .. I can tell her room is in darkness, I head for reception .. my flip flops are incredibly noisy at this time of night .. DOH .. only to be told by the receptionist who giggles at my appearance in dressing gown and camera,  “702 customer already gone” .. early !! .. since when does the clinic do early ? !!

02.25 .. Back to bed .. nightie night .. part two.

I soon dose off ..

06.25 .. I’m awake .. and very thirsty .. a large drink of water sorts me out and I dose off.

07.30 .. The alarm .. I snooze it a couple of times and do a breast massage the best I can laying down on my back .. gosh this is going to be a nightmare at home sharing a bed with Karen .. clearly it’ll have to be done after she’s up ..

08.45 .. ish .. I catch up with Alison & Co at the lift .. and head down to breakfast. Zoe is missing Frankie .. tomorrow it’ll be there turn. Alison, Christine and I discuss how quickly this has all gone .. well retrospect fully it has .. but I’m well past my sell by date. Of course it’s mentioned I shouldn’t be here, and they should be the last of our little party to leave.

10.35 .. Bow arrives in my room .. she checks my vitals .. 128 / 78  & 76 bpm. She follows with a breast massage and a pill count .. my last one probably in my room.

11.10 .. I’m in that position .. with Gillian voicing on Skype .. well Gillian is a Dr Kamol patient and very happy with her results .. but she’s intrigued by the noises she’s hearing down the line .. I turn it up a little and explain this is my dynamic dilation sound track  .. “What’s Dynamic dilation?” .. she’s 8 months post op I think and still dilating static twice a day. Well she can’t see much, so I ask her if she want’s to see what I’m doing .. having already pointed her at my web page on dynamic and the sounds.

She asks if she should try it .. definitely not I answer back, unless Kamol says she can try it .. I explain the potential time savings .. clearly a lot  

11.55 .. I’m cooked, and say goodbye  to Gillian .. time to cleanse.

12.10 .. I’ve just finished my cleanse and got my underwear on when there’s a knock on the door .. It’s Karen from 701 .. offering me her user name and password for the Wi Fi .. I get a piece of paper and she writes it down .. gosh she’s a life saver .. after 13.00 she tells me. No problem .. so I burn up some of my connection time chatting with friends.

12.35 .. I catch up with Bow as she joins me in the lift on the 3rd floor, then we catch up with Karen in reception, she’s checked out completely and is waiting for the clinic van .. she’s waiting to go to the hospital for her FFS and AM tomorrow morning. She asks me about pain and the trouble I’ve had .. Bow is trying to shut me up .. I tell her not to worry, the hospital will sort any pain issues .. and my problem was a rare one.

I walk with Bow to the clinic .. slow down she says .. “my legs short” .. LOL .. she’s also wearing pretty heeled shoes too.
12.45 .. I’m in the clinic .. can I have a breast massage please? .. yes I’m told, can I wait till some of the others come back from lunch .. no problem.  

13.08 .. They come back for sure ..  << cringing at site of Jib and Aey together in reception >> .. phew, I get called through by Gift for a breast massage .. she starts on me then Aey appears .. Gift looks at me and says “I didn’t call her” .. I know she didn’t.

Aey can be as brutal as Jib to be honest, where as Gift, Bow and Wi definitely play on the cautious side. But if Dr Suporn is to be believed, it’s Jibs “brutal ness”, or one of the nurses, Dawn, who really hurt my right side once .. that would do my left side the best.

13.25 .. My breast massage is over .. I head into reception and boot my laptop and call Karen ..

13.37 .. I finally get the laptop booted, via another account .. it got stuck on mine again .. odd.

13.38 .. I call Karen .. she’s getting her breakfast .. so not a lot can be said really, I’m in a public space too so I don’t want to start weeping.

Alison and Co. arrive .. she’s got the 14.30 with Dr Suporn .. 30 mins before me ..

13.45 .. I say goodbye to Karen .. and call my mum .. it’s a pleasant enough call really, dealing with my mum anyway. I try both of Bob’s numbers, home and mobile .. answer phones both times.

13.53 .. Off with the laptop .. I’m going to try and get my hair washed and blow dried just down the road ..  Aey tries to stop me because Dr Suporn is now on his way back early. Mrs Suporn intervenes and says I can go ..

13.55 .. I go into the hairdressers a couple of doors before the massage place .. for a wash and blow dry. My hair gets the full monty treatment, lots of enthusiastic brushing during the drying stage, and 45 minutes later my hair looks fab .. and the cost .. 200 Baht .. wait till I tell Ashleigh when I see her .. I know I'll probably get a dirty look and a wise crack ..

14.42 .. I’m back in the clinic .. Alison is in with the doctor, so I sort of expect to be next .. but I’m not .. several other patients get seen before me.

15.20 .. I finally get called into see Dr Suporn, it’s a full strip job .. while he’s sorting a patient in exam room 2, Cin and a nurse start doing a breast massage on me .. when Dr Suporn suddenly appears he see’s what’s going on and smiles.

This is my final examination .. he inspects my breasts, asks about pain, it’s still the left one .. more pain needs more massage he emphasises .. but otherwise he’s happy with the position now after he said that the left one was slightly high .. looked fine to me .. but the girls followed his instructions as to manoeuvring it int the right place through massage.

He moves down to the other end .. he’s happy there .. are any of the stitches bothering me at all .. “just occasionally when I move” in an odd way. He says I should soak in a bath to help the stitches dissolve. 

15.45 .. Aey wants to take some photographs .. vagina in different positions, with the gloved nurse holding things open .. then a full set of breast ones when I stand up.

15.50 .. I’m back in reception .. yes please Danny .. a Thai tea will be good !!

16.20 .. I run through the changes I made to my site over the weekend, in the way that the clinic detail now comes up .. Mrs Suporn is happy with it, she smiles quite a lot as she reads it .. Dr Suporn takes a brief interest, I think Aoi sent him across to look .. he smiles when he see’s the picture of three of them ..

19.10 .. ish .. Alison, Christine, Zoe and I head down stairs for their last evening meal .. it’s in the Chinese .. fried rice for 4 and a set of individual dishes we share .. Zoe’s steak is lovely .. mmmm .. mind you my chicken with ginger is really nice .. oh and some body chose the chicken with chillies .. gosh they have a bit of a bite back .. as Alison discovers .. I think she ordered that.

20.20 .. I pay cash as it’s been done as a single bill, and Alison charges it to their room.

20.35 .. I’m back in my room .. not looking forward to tomorrow in certain ways ..

23.21 .. I call Karen .. nothings changed .. I’m starting to feel like I’m going to go back and get a very hard time .. it’s not what’s being said, it’s what isn’t ...

23.33 .. The call ends ..

"Completed" Wednesday 22nd April enroute from Thailand.

Day 1595. Tuesday 21st April 2009.

Well that was a good sleep for sure ..

06.30 .. My alarm goes off .. rehearsal time in a way, for me tomorrow.  I snooze my alarm twice while I do a breast massage.

Back to one pill, 3 times a day of the weaker “Danzen” anti inflammatories instead of the “Reparil” I’ve been on for the last ten days .. tape measure to the ready over the next few days.

07.10 .. I’m in the shower .. but it’s not a full monty today.

07.40 .. I sort my daily pill pot out .. I’ve exceeded my stay time for sure as I’ve run out of my “Skin hair and nails formula” vitamin supplement .. just 4 left .. 2 today and 2 tomorrow then, instead of three a day.

08.00 .. I go knock on Alison & Co.’s door .. we head on down for breakfast, it’s a sad affair really .. Christine looks so sad and down .. Zoe’s mood is hardly raised by mentioning seeing her friends .. or the fact it’s straight back to school for Zoe and Christine on Wednesday morning .. that’ll be interesting.

08.43 .. Back in my room .. 

08.52 .. A quick dash out .. I’m plotting things .. I need to find out the opening times of Swensens .. ah .. not good news, open’s at 10.00 , but the massage shop open’s at 08.00 .. dare I. Seems most commercial businesses open at 10.00 and stay open till around 20.00 in Chonburi.

09.40 .. I find Alison heading for the lift with family and belongings .. they haven’t called a bell boy. I’m back in my room briefly to unload, and reload .. I’m soon down stairs .. but realise I’ve forgotten something and rush to my room to get it for the trip.

Zoe looks dejected .. she says it’s unfair leaving me here alone .. I assure I’ll be Ok and we can chat on line and things if she wants.

09.55 .. ish .. the small van arrives to take Alison, Christine and Zoe to the airport and on home .. I go down to knee level to hug young Zoe goodbye, she says she’ll miss me .. I’ll miss her too !!. I follow on with hugs and goodbyes with Alison and Christine. We agree we need to meet back in the UK to now .. I think Alison and Co are safe .. I guess they know I’m harmless too. I wave them goodbye as the large bus arrives driven by Danny for our trip ..

10.02 .. We are all waiting to go .. except we are missing one person .. Aris .. the American. Somebody jokes that the world revolves around Aris .. is that a joke ?

10.20 .. Aris arrives .. good of her to join the 10.00 bus so promptly. The trip follows the two others I’ve done in the past .. first stop the clinic, to pick up one of the house keepers, and Jit from the massage shop. Then on to a store to pick up some supplies before heading off to the Chinese temple.

11.10 .. Well it’s still not finished .. << LOL >> .. I go to the top fairly quickly, well a lot quicker than post op SRS for sure .. with the new filter to I get some cracking new pictures with this camera .. I have a look through the gift shop .. they certainly have a range of stuff for all size wallets .. clearly a lot richer than mine .. some of the larger ornate pieces are beautiful .. and must weigh 20lb or more .. but I’m nearly souvenired out just a couple more things on my mind.

11.45 .. Who is the last to return to the bus .. Aris .. hmmm.

12.15 .. ish .. We’ve missed out Monkey mountain .. and gone directly to heaven .. or Dr Suporn’s Beach House. This is such  a nice place to just relax.

Decamped .. I head for the beech to start some recordings of the sea .. before the crowds arrive.

12.40 .. Lunch is served .. for me it’s chicken fried rice .. a few crisps, some slices of apple and the biggest grapes you have ever seen .. OK .. four large pips in most .. but these are small plums .. enormous. “Sprite washes it down”.

13.05 .. ish .. Nanda arrives, she has lunch with us with the blessing of the clinic..

Nanda and I get on, and have got on really well. She understands I fight my fears of the future with self criticism and attempted wit .. at some of which she grins at in a “I really know what you mean” way .. well she knows me better than most here after our chat the other night before dinner.

Nanda starts speaking to a dutch girl, Nardia .. so I disappear for a while .. across the street to get away from the sound of the sea to get some “atmos” and birds singing, I have to do battle with passing cars and motor bikes though .. although this is a quiet road really.

I return to the beech house and Nanda and I speak more .. at one point I’m fighting back the tears again, she looks at me with one of her knowing looks .. As she prepares to part she says she’s enjoyed my company on the three days she’s been out with me, “I have to Nanda, it was nice to get out and see some other stuff”. When she comes to London she’ll look me up, she says if I’d like to see Holland I’m welcome to go visit and stay, but she repeats she has a very small accountants house.

14.10 .. ish .. Nanda leaves .. I have her e-mail address now so we can stay in touch .. I sit in the half way pagoda .. the birds in the neighbours garden are really going fo it, I get some excellent bird sounds, including some loud ones .. wish I knew what they are. Out with the camera again, I sit in the same pagoda again and find some birds to “shoot” in the trees. I head to the beech .. I want a shot of my feet in the water .. sadly there’s nobody to do it for me .. so it’s down to me .. no long shots.

15.10 .. I get out of the sun into the airconditioned bliss of Dr Suporn’s beach house lounge and get my PC out .. I spot a router .. it’s not plugged in .. it soon is .. I’m live on Skpe and Yahoo and download some e-mails .. but at 09.10 UK time it’s probably not a good time for most of my friends..

I off load the audio from my Marantz  .. and have a listen .. definitely caught some good atmosphere .. and different wave sounds .. on to the rocks and on to “sand” .. it’s not really sand .. it’s loads of broken see shells certainly at water line level .. and it makes a really different sound. 

15.40 .. Wi says I’m not going to get a massage, and that we will be leaving at 16.00. If I want a massage it’ll have to be in the clinic or at the massage shop .. fine, I lost out because I’ve been having massages .. yes at my own expense, as the others could if they wished.

I send an e-mail to Karen .. I missed my call to her at 13.45 .. I apologise and send her my love.

15.55 .. I pack up the laptop and get ready to leave.

16.05 .. We are on the road, back to the hotel, I start to get tearful, not so much about leaving here but what awaits me at home. Aris wants to stop for souvenirs .. they have a regular stopping place, so Danny obligees ..

Nardia notices I’m weeping, suddenly Jit’s hands are on my shoulders from behind the seat .. Jit’s trying to talk to me but my head is full of other voices and thoughts .. Jit says “come to office after” .. I wave a thank you I hope.

As we move off Jit’s still trying to massage me but soon gives up ..

17.07 .. We are back at the hotel, I collect my laptop from Danny at the back doors and head straight in without looking back .. I’m really not happy.

17.14 .. I call my mum .. having told her my feelings she then starts on how Karen has bloomed in my absence .. getting out and about ( I’ve never stopped her in anyway ) .. does she not realise my insecurities at the moment .. I’m crying again. Then she starts on her own track, well I gave birth to a son, and now I find I have two daughters ..what about my feelings she asks .. well that didn’t take her long to swing things around. I’m gushing and have hit a new low thanks to her, well I now know who not to call when I need support .. so I hang up on her .. gosh she has a way with words at times .. so many times.

17.29 .. I respond to a message left by a friend, Linda, earlier .. we chat for a while, about what’s just occurred with mother, what I seem to sense from Karen .. but I need to get to The Forum for a couple of last things ..

( Mum now gets on the phone to Karen’s school and probably drops her in it as to my identity apparently)

17.40 .. I get a text from Karen saying to call at 13.00 UK time .. 1 hour 20 minutes away.

17.50 .. I head off for The Forum .. I want to get Robert a decent leather belt, and a “tree of life” for Karen .. and a thank you card for Dr & Mrs Suporn. I was seriously considering going to see Maan and Jit to see if they’ve got a fridge in there shop so I could buy and store a chocolate cake from Swensens for the clinic till tomorrow, Swensens don’t open till 10.00 tomorrow, the massage shop opens from 08.00 - 21.00. But I chicken out on that ..

Well I soon find what I need in the Phoenix store inside The Forum .. and a reel of “cellotape” to sort some of my packing .. hope I’ve done the right thing with the trouser belt .. it’s quite a flash black leather one .. it’s got a clever buckle, and it’s supplied extra long .. so he ( I ) can cut it to length.

18.55 .. I return from The Forum to find a message on Skype from Christine in Whitby .. but I need to call Karen first .. I give her a quick call.

Well it seems the message my mum gave to the school secretary was to ring Sarah, she thought I was going to top myself there and then, at the time after my call to mum it wasn’t far away .. having enough pain killers and sleeping tablets to do a proper job of it on ten people, let alone 1 .. I felt so low .. it was chatting to Linda immediately after about my feelings and what my mum had just said to me moments later that changed my course slightly .. certainly the red mist cleared and went grey again.

Karen says I’ve been reading to much into things .. much what was said by Linda, Karen thinks all the hassles I’ve had following the surgery complication and the fish allergy hit has put me into an emotional low .. maybe she’s right .. but at least she paint’s a picture now of actually wanting me home tomorrow .. something I had started to assume she didn’t. 

19.23 .. I return Christine’s call from earlier ..

19.40 .. I head for the massage shop .. Jit is there and does me a full body massage .. with a few extra’s frown in too .. massage type things, nothing sordid. We are sort of communicating by a mixture of spoken words and signs occasionally, most of the time it’s quiet and I just lap up the sensations that this form of Thai massage creates.

I’m weeping again .. she spots and stops .. “Sarah Jib?” .. I point to my wedding ring and hold my heart .. she smiles at me and rubs the leg she’s working on differently for a moment .. I think she understands my pain ..

20.54 .. Nearly ten minutes longer than I should have had, with the additional hand massage, Jit says she ‘s finished ..

20.57 .. I leave Jit and co after hugs all round, Jit says “I never forget Sarah” .. I’m sure she says that to all .. but we’ve tried to teach each other language skills, and she likes my hair it seems ( she keeps telling me ) .. I love her full body massages. Should I have gone for a full monty oil one this time .. I don’t know .. I’ve never had one, and Wi said they leave you sticky afterwards, but I was so tempted. Writing this on the plane .. one thing I should have tried to do was to buy a pair of the crop trousers they make you don for a massage .. as a souvenir to remember them by .. that would have been  brilliant.

21.01 .. Back in the hotel I swing buy the restaurant to see who is there, one is Aris, hidden round the corner is Sophie .. she’s heading back to the UK tomorrow too, but with BA, to stay with her mum for a few days in Suffolk before heading into Missouri USA. She then says she’ll be setting up business in the UK as she doesn’t actually have a residency permit for the USA. You know, listening to her talk .. it sounds like she isn’t going to work for Dr Suporn much longer .. clearly certainly not full time, if that is what she’s doing now, many believe she’s only part time cause of the length of time it takes to get an e-mail from her.

I ask / tell her about my dilation sound track .. she knows nothing .. either she’s not been told about it ( though I would have thought unlikely if they are really going to give it out to girls ) or she’s niffed cause somebody else has had a good idea .. I suspect it’s the former actually.

I sit with Aris and Nardia, and have an ice cream dessert for dinner .. it’s a chocoholic one .. disappointing, but only £2.50 .. so not bad for the price, washed down with a 7-UP.

22.05 .. Back in my room .. I quickly check e-mail and for Yahoo messages .. not a lot .. I start my packing ..

22.41 .. I finally get through to Karen .. we chat, but we don’t for about 15 minutes .. my doubts are still there ...

23.36 .. Christine from Whitby pops up .. she should be on the stage, she’s soo funny, my face hurts from stopping myself from smiling and laughing .. Patricia .. tell your daughter off please .. you said she’d promised not to do this weeks ago .. << grimace >>.

23.44 .. Christine says goodbye .. back to my packing .. she knows I’m running late and she excuses herself .

After chatting on Yahoo earlier, Linda gets her Skype working .. we chat for ages and I do a photo share session on Yahoo .. Linda was my saviour on my last trip, and we feel comfortable together talking about intimate things, so I share some photo’s with her .. she’s jealous she says .. in the end she says she’ll nip round on Thursday maybe and have a coffee .. it’s less than a 15 minute drive to me.

02.40 .. Well I’m sort of packed .. my big suitcase did close rather easily .. what have I forgotten .. there is a small pile of stuff actually, including my dirty clothes from today and nightie and night bra.

03.15 .. After a brief call to Karen to discover when my hairdressing appointment is, ( 10.00 am Saturday apparently ), I tell her I’m virtually packed .. I’m glad I didn’t leave it till the morning ..

03.20 .. I’m in bed .. nightie night ..

“Completed” 22nd April, flying back from Thailand.

Day 1596. Wednesday 22nd April 2009. ( I fly home to an uncertain future .. today !! )

Memory Joggers ...

06.30 .. The alarm goes off .. I leap out of bed and turn off the airconditioning .. I’m freezing. I strip off my nightie and bra, jump back into bed and try and warm up with some self breast massage.

06.50 .. The second snooze has gone .. up and at it. I find a Yahoo message from Alison .. they made it back home about 11.00pm .. the message she’s left is barely an hour old .. I answer .. but obviously she’d already gone to bed. 

06.55 .. To the bathroom to shower .. I’m sure my hair will be OK ..

07.20 .. Finished and dried off from the shower, my earlier thoughts that my hair would survive are wrong .. so I wash my hair ..

07.45 .. My hair is dry enough to cope with, so I tie it up and put my cloths on .. I’m going home in my LTS “Thai print” long skirt, that has become a very loose fit for some reason .. I’m hoping the scales will love me tomorrow .. even if I am carrying nearly 2lb up front I can’t shed .. << grins >>.

08.00 .. In the restaurant .. I sit with Julie, she gives me her e-mail address, she already has mine. Conversation turns to cheese, it’s her choice, she likes to eat a lot of dairy products, especially cheese .. she’s looking forward to getting home .. it seems the Thai’s don’t do cheese.

Just as I’m finishing Christine arrives, it seems I can’t unload any off the accrued supplies from Emma / Fiona / Alan or Frankie .. seems like they might go to waste.

08.45 .. I say goodbye to Julie and Christine .. I return to my room to do a bit more packing .. I put the laptop away and tidy around .. I write the “Thanks” card to Dr Suporn and Aoi, I also enclose a 1000 Baht note with a little note asking them to send across to Swensens ice cream place for a big chocolate cake so the staff can celebrate my leaving properly !!! It’s well covered, the biggest was only just over 800 Baht.

09.12 .. I’m hot and bothered and in the clinic, Wi gets me to sign for my CD and leaving present .. maybe another candle. I ask if there will be a girl accompanying me bac to the airport .. seems not. Last year Jib and her husband / boyfriend took me up, but that was a Saturday and they were heading into Bangkok after. I hand over the card I’ve written to Dr & Mrs Suporn to Aey, and I tell her that this is strictly for the Dr or Aoi to open ..

09.18 .. Wi leads me into exam room 1 for my final breast massage .. I’m just stripping my top and bra off when the sliding door to room two opens .. in walks Jib .. The line was something like .. “I’ve come to give you big love for last massage .. so Wi is on my right, Jib on my left .. they give my breasts one final quality work out .. I really don’t know how I’m going to manage at home and work .. time will tell .. others manage it so I must too.

09.32 .. My breast massage is over .. I dress ready to return to the hotel .. but first I abandon everything and run down to the massage place to give them my card ..

They are really pleased to see me, Jit points to my skirt “beautiful, Sarah beautiful” << blushes >> , I smile back and shake my head, Naam gives me their e-mail address, I tell them to look at my diary in a week and see themselves, having written the address on the back of my company card .. have I set myself a challenge .. probably .. but I have their mail address too now. As I turn to leave Jit calls “Sarah” .. I turn .. “love you Sarah, no forget, come back again”.

I return to the clinic to collect my things and head back to the hotel.

09.39 .. As I arrive at the hotel the big bus is there already, I do a time check .. oh hell .. but fear not .. Bow is there with a big clinic bag .. that’ll be for Nardia who is going in to hospital today for her FFS work .. They’ll be back soon apparently, though Nadia thought last night she was going in lunchtime.

09.41 .. Back in my room, for the last time .. I finish packing then call for a bell boy.

09.53 .. As I exit the lift for the last time, the clinic’s Sophie is heading into it ..

The big van is back .. that was damned quick if it was a hospital run .. 60 mph all the way and don’t stop to boot her out ..

I’m sort of hurried into the bus .. the “bell boy” has been a familiar face, opening the front doors for me on both my trips .. bum .. I didn’t tip him in the sadness of the last minute, I was being pointed into the bus by the woman from the hotel staff. As I turn to sit inside the bell boy wee’s to me and says come back again soon ..

09.56 .. I’m driven away by Danny  .. nobody to wave me off or take that final photograph .. such is life.

10.15 .. I call the home phone .. and leave a message on the answer phone .. I hope I didn’t wake Karen up.

I try Nanda’s mobile .. no answer .. well I don’t know how much credit is left on that phone .. as the “balance” number didn’t work .. but I suspect it’s the bulk of the 1000 Baht I put on it .. well paid for anyway.

Out with the laptop .. time to get some notes in while I can ..

10.35 .. This battery really is finished .. it’s soon saying empty .. 15 minutes .. so I switch it off and “enjoy” the ride with Danny .. taking a few pictures along the route ..

With the airport very close Danny makes a call .. it sounds as if he’s organising to be able to stop .. he’s talking half Thai and half English .. odd.

11.18 .. We arrive at the departures level of the Suvarnabhumi airport .. Danny parks up in the drop off zone, leaves the engine running, jumps out and loads my bags onto a trolley and wheels it up to the check in desk .. he then turns and says .. “Good bye Sarah, come back again soon” .. and with that he walks away .. well maybe this is standard service, and last time I got a favour from Jib. But this is the service Alison got yesterday from Mr A, except he dumped them by the curb side.

I produce my “doctors certificate” from Dr Suporn, a wheel chair soon arrives. My assistant is called “You”,  he’s a young and happy Thai type, not the grump I got last year. The check in staff, are keen to help, my fans can’t go on as hand luggage, not a problem, “You” finds an Eva packing box / tube, it’ll go in the hold and I can claim it the other end .. and they don’t charge me for it either .. now those 20 lb statues I’d been eyeing up .. DOH.

The wheel chair service jumps all the queues like last year, straight through emigration using the VIP / aircrew channel .. and on to security ..

Thanks to “You”,  I’m able to keep my water bottle but not the contents, which he pours into a container “I refill for you at gate” he tells me .. << smiles >>.

Hmmm, they’ve changed the rules it seems, or they got missed last year, but my nail scissors won’t be allowed in the aircraft .. they confiscate them .. somebody will be going home with a nice pair of nail scissors .. Karen will be pissed with me now for another reason .. she moaned at me when I took them to Thailand .. another trip to John Bell & Coleman then for another pair next week.

Then we move onto the contents of my medical bag .. they want to know what is wrapped up and hard in the bottom .. “delicate I say, careful, break easy” .. my dilators .. I’m asked to unwrap one and show them .. oh and a quick flash isn’t enough, I have to rotate the one ( number 2 ) so they can see all round it, “You” had jumped back as soon as he saw it .. bless .. but the security girl is insistent .. “you got medical certificate?” .. out it comes again. Finally everything is OK.

Once through security “You” takes me down the ramp to the loading gate at E6. I’m the second to arrive, another “disabled” person has beaten me to it.

11.55 .. “You” parks me up in a position that I can just see the aircraft ident through a gap, before he leaves me I give him a 100Baht tip .. he explains he’ll be back to wheel me onto the aircraft later. I dig the camera out and zoom in and compare .. this is the very same aircraft .. B-16412 that bought me out here.

12.25 .. After a quick comfort break ( note that they never have paper towels in the disabled loo ) “You” wheels me through to the aircraft, where a couple of stewardesses take over .. I’m hurried onto the aircraft, ashamed moments later that I hadn’t turned to thank “You” again .. I start off in my allocated seat, 25C, and isle seat on the outside row .. nobody yet inside me.

A family of three arrive, “dad” starts to whinge at a stewardess, seems they were promised three seats together, not with one behind .. for a while he squeezes in and sits beside me.

Lucky for the moaner, and me .. two people have failed to check I on seats 26E&F, the stewardess, 2nd time lucky, asks the girl in 26D if she’d swap to 24 C .. yes she will .. so dad squeezes out and it’s a merry go round. As the doors close I have the wonderful situation of a spare seat beside me .. I quickly move to the window seat 25A. Well something’s gone right this trip .. LOL. Looking around the cabin, there’s only about 4 other empty seats ..

12.52 .. “Push back” starts .. once in the middle the engines are started and we roll away ..

13.01 .. We roar down the runway and head for London .. as we climb my ears pop a couple of times .. and I try and do some subtle breast and arm stretching exercises ..

13.23 .. Looks like we can use electronic equipment now .. so out comes the laptop .. just as a savoury snack bag arrives. As soon as the laptop is booted I stick my clinic picture CD in .. disappointed .. yes I am .. no surgery ones at all and none of my improved vagina .. just loads of boob ones, and nose, starting from the 27th .. three days post op. Ever somebody hasn’t done their job properly, or some have been lost.

13.35 .. We cross the border into Burma .. goodbye Thailand. Our estimated time of arrival is a little earlier than Karen was expecting .. 18.27 UK, 00.27 Thai time.

14.10 .. My lunch is served .. Pork with rice .. a few vegetables .. it’s airline food .. there was a small dressed salad, the main, a roll and butter, some fruit ( grapefruit segment, Guava, and Papaya ) .. and a square of a gateaux .. and a glass of water.

14.20 .. I look up to see we are over the Bay of Bengal ..

14.28 .. I’ve finished eating, well it filled a hole I suppose, so I get the table out on my spare seat, and place my food tray on it and start using the laptop.

14.35 .. The stewardess returns and offers me another drink, tea or coffee .. I ask for some more water and a coffee .. she does the water first but has a wobble as she offers me the coffee, and knocks my water onto the floor .. onto my laptop bag, across the supply that is running, and the hem of my skirt gets some too. The stewardess is in big time apology mode, I tell her not to worry, everything will dry and power supply is still working.

15.01 .. I look up to see we are just skimming over the corner of Bangladesh and into India ..

15.20 .. My attention is soon grabbed by an “English” man  walking down the isle with a small child over his shoulder .. with very Thai facial features. In fact it’s a double take .. cause for a moment it looks like the bloke is my non approving brother in law Stephen .. he’s got a Thai girl friend .. but it isn’t.

15.30 .. I look out below .. nothing but a grey haze .. 

15.35 .. My laptop suddenly switches off .. I mean there’s no controlled shut down, it just went off. I might have lost power .. and this battery is trash ..

15.40 .. Well I’ve recovered a back up document .. so little actually seems to be lost .. phew.

16.00 ..I look up to see we are running with the Himalayas and about to skim past Kanpur in India ..

16.03 .. Time to squeeze myself out of my seat, I’m beginning to regret wearing this really long skirt, the girl in front has reclined her seat, making it difficult for me to escape with a glass of water by my side .. the loo is empty, that’s a relief, and it soon was. I’m getting irritated by the thick pad I’m wearing, so I change it for an airline one .. these are dainty .. I’ll have to be very sure on the placing .. so be it.

16.10 .. I’m back in my seat, one thing is for sure, the intermittent wailing from the air conditioning is getting to me, sailing folk like Sandie in Poole would recognise this sound to be like the mid channel buoy a few years ago ( might still be the same but I haven’t done a trip to France on a small boat from The Needles end for 10 years or more ) .. just 3 hrs 20 into this flight. The smaller pad is quite comfy, just hope I’m covering the area I’m still spotting on ..

16.30 .. We are a beam “New Delhi” it’s to our south .. this seat in row 25 is annoying in some ways, it’s in the middle of the wing really, my view straight out is across between both engines, so I doubt if I’ll get any decent pictures out of the aircraft .. other than clouds.

16.35 .. I’ve caught up with today .. so I’m going to visit a few of the other pages I’ve skimmed over .. see what recall I have .. my 2000 + photo’s will help .. I decide to listen to some music .. Labi Saffre “So Strong” cd will do .. as I reach for my headphones stored with my Marantz in a pouch .. I realise I should have recorded that wailing noise, which has stopped. As I unpack thinks I realise my right hand index finger is in mortal danger .. I’ve re-glued the edges several times really .. should have been replaced 2 weeks ago ..  

16.55 .. As we head for the border with Pakistan .. we are suddenly getting a bumpy ride .. I put my seat belt back on tighter .. a few moments later on comes the seatbelt light ..

17.03 .. We’ve crossed the border into Pakistan .. the turbulence is history and the seat belt sign pings off .. we are about 1/3rd of the way home .. travelled 2149 miles, 4084 miles to go .. outside air temperature ..-36 F, -38 C .. as I spin through the flight stats the flight arrival time is now 19.26 UK time .. 01.26.Thai time .. so 12 hr 23 min flight ..

17.25 .. A casual look out of the window, I can see water and buildings ahead of us .. though pictures aren’t brilliant.

17.30 .. A Stewardess brings round a tray of snacks .. do I go savoury .. like earlier .. no I go for the Lotte Choco Pie .. Labi Siffre finished a while ago and I’m listening to Peter Gabriel .. and “Don’t give up”  with Kate Bush comes on .. I’m in tears .. Peter’s lyrics is a description of the way I’ve been feeling, especially “stand on that bridge keeping my eyes below” .. what I needed to hear back from Karen was Kate Bush’s lyrics .. but I didn’t get them .. I know I have friends out there, they like Tina Phillips, and Gillian have spent hours chatting to me and keeping me company ..

17.40 .. As we cross into Afghanistan I can see mountains below .. a little later it’s snow capped mountains [7534] .. I can see cumulus nimbus clouds ahead and below .. hold on tight folks .. then we seem to vear away from them .. DOH.

18.05 .. We are half way between Kabul and the Turkmenistan border when we start bumping around, I look out .. hmm didn’t go round those clouds reaching up to engulf us .. there are some lovely snowy mountains down there . .shame about the near blanket cloud cover ..

18.15 ..The clouds gone, but so has the snow covered peaks .. it’s all getting flat and brown down there.

18.47 .. Another snack is forced on to me .. I’ll take the savoury option .. Eva Air “mixed nuts and rice crackers” .. as  I nibble I realise we are nearly half way home ..

18.52 .. I flip my seat screen to distances .. 3078 from 3162 .. too the outside temperature has plummeted, it’s on the same screen .. -67F, -55C, in fact there are ice crystals at the bottom of my window ..

19.02 .. While playing with my camera capturing the ice crystals on my window, I’ve missed that magic moment of equi distance .. I wonder if the captain will turn round and do it again .. DOH .. anyway I’m now closer to home than Bangkok & Chonburi .. we are now abeam Ashkhabad.

13.39 .. ( BST ) .. [19.39 .. Thai time] .. as we are closer to home now I guess I should switch to UK time. Through the cloud I can see water ahead .. we are just about to pass over the Caspian Sea.

14.02 .. I suddenly need a “pee pee” .. the stewardesses are replacing my empty water glass every (150 cl ) every half hour to 40 minutes .. and I keep drinking them .. well what goes in must come out. 

14.21 .. We’ve been over Azerbaijan for a short while now trekking along the edge of the Caucasus Mountains .. it’s getting a bit bumpy again ..

14.35 .. We’ve veered away from the Caucasus’s a bit and we are flying over Georgia heading for the black sea .. a quick check on the flight data .. 3936 travelled, 2310 to go .. nearly 2/3'ds of the way home .. I’ve put stacks into yesterday’s diary .. still more to do ..

Writing about yesterday’s phone calls and on line chats has me in tears for a while .. and again I feel isolated up here at 37,989 feet. I just hope Karen and Linda are right about why I’m feeling this way .. maybe I should try and get to see my GP in the morning and see what he / she thinks. I’m not sure I want to see my mum on Saturday, or tonight for sure, as we will drive through Egham on the way home.

15.00 .. More snacks .. I go the savoury route again, thought there was some odd looking sandwiches / rolls .. I was tempted ..

According to the moving map we are now over the Black Sea .. and it’s sort of smoothed out a lot ..

15.10 .. Another full cup of water arrives .. then another ..

16.10 .. As we leave the Black Sea and enter Romania, we get a bit of a shaking for a few minutes .. below is a landscape masked by a haze, covered with rivers it seems.

16.20 .. OK, yesterday’s diary is complete .. choices, choices ..

16.40 .. I decline another glass of water .. what ? We are abeam Brasov, I look down it’s all a bit lumpy down there patchy cloud ..

16.55 .. The flight data says we land in 2 hours 20 minutes .. we are doing 550 mph, at 37993 feet, it’s -71F outside, -57C, and we’ve travelled 5120 miles, 1135 to go ..

16.58 .. An announcement .. another meal is coming .. I wonder what it’ll be .. soon find out as the lights come on.

17.35 .. In the 30 minutes or so it’s taken to eat, we’ve Rumania, crossed Hungry and Slovakia, now we are into Czech Republic .. all this water is getting to me .. so I head for the loo .. I’ve just put a seat cover on and hoisted my skirt when the plane bounces, the seat belt sign comes on and there’s an announcement about severe turbulence a head .. well I’ve started .. I’m not going to stop now. Gosh cattle grids in the sky or what .. I proceed with as much speed as possible .. and return to my seat .. just in time to collide with a trolley just outside the toilet door.

17.43 .. I’m back in my seat .. and strapped in .. it’s not continuous juddering .. most of the time it’s like the new section of M1 .. super smooth, but the high way agency have fitted cattle grids at irregular intervals .. << grimace >>. I look out of the window .. there’s the cattle grids .. some towering clouds not far below ..

17.55 .. We are over Germany .. eta now 19.12 ..

17.58 .. My ears have just popped .. going down .. no we’ve gone up to 40,000 feet, maybe to  escape the clouds .. or the thermals coming up from them.

18.00 .. or 24.00 in Chonburi and in this body clock .. I’m getting tired .. hopefully home in about 3 hours .. we are landing in 75 minutes ..

18.05 .. DOH .. OK I’m mentally exhausted, why has it just dawned on me that I have 2 seat backs with two displays .. I don’t need to keep changing screens ..

18.10 .. ETA.. 1 hour .. great. I wonder which way the approach will be, from the home side or the London side. I’m guessing London side from the angle of our approach .. looks like we are heading for the Thames estuary ..

18.35 .. The captain announces our decent .. and indeed we do ..

18.47 .. 27,000 feet and falling rapidly .. time to pack up the laptop .. ETA 19.05 ..

19.02 .. We level out and bank south .. the captain announces we are going to be stacked for 30 - 35 minutes .. oh great ..

19.26 .. We are down .. so not 30 minutes in the stack ..

19.38 .. We are parked at the gate, so I call Karen on her mobile .. she’s still at home ..

19.40 .. The aircraft is empty except for me and one other wheel chair user ..

19.50 .. I’ve been delivered to another area to wait for a wheelchair to get me through immigration, baggage claim and through customs ..

20.28 .. I’ve finally got a wheel chair .. what a load of rubbish OCS are ..

20.40 .. I’m finally reunited with Karen, but then deserted by the OCS wheel chair pusher and the ruddy porter, both of whom were supposed to see me to my car .. according to the OCS supervisor.

Karen has bought the Jazz to collect me, gosh I feel every bump in the road with my breasts .. I end up cradling them over crossed arms to reduce the impacts of bumps.

21.18 .. I’m home .. 

23.02 .. I’m finally in bed .. 22.5 hour day ..

To come  LOL ..

Diary .... the next 28 days....

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