Sarah's
Transition Diary .. days
57 - 84
Day 57.
Two halves of beer
produced
better sleep results than expected. In trying to protect my liver as
much as
possible, I think my reduced alcohol intake is helping on the weight
loss
program as well. I think average 1 pint of beer a week and now only 1
bottle of
medicinal Claret a week with meals is all helping, and well within what
anybody
would call moderate.
Day at work interrupted
by DT1,
who was coming down for the day, then wasn’t, but surprised us anyway
and
turned up. So many jobs got sidelined in a free chatting afternoon.
Home only a
little late, then get a phone call from a business friend Malcolm, who
I’ve known professionally we worked out later for about 27 years ... so
definite friends. Anyway, end up at his home later in evening to
deliver some
work to him, and we started chatting, wife Alison and 20's old son
included.
At this point I need to
mention
that this family are very Christian and live in one of the most
conservative
areas of the country, very much church goers and pillars of their local
community, live by the Bible and are very genuinely nice caring people. Anyway, having got chat about my
daughter out
of the way, I move on to my Transition. Having sounded out the depth of
there
religious ideals, I thought I’m going to loose my first friends, I
honestly did, having read about similar scenarios from other
“girls”. However, they weren’t that shocked, and Malcolm said
he had sensed that I was different from other “blokes” and business
friends, saying he respected my customer first attitudes and my gentler
personal manner.
Alison said she had
guessed what
was coming before I actually got to the nitty
gritty.
Well we got into some serious “Christian” debate, led by Alison,
trying to steer me away from the “final solution”. Anyway, to cut a
long story short ( a lot was said in about
2 hours ),
when I left them at 1.25am for my 30 minute drive home, we left as
friends
possibly even closer, with a request from them to ring if I ever needed
to chat
about things, and that they were going to pray for me when I left,
carrying
some spiritual offerings for me to read. You know what the odd thing was ?
I got 10 minutes away
from their
house, just joining the M25, when a sudden feeling of warmth and well
being
swept over me, a sudden dawning that I will keep most of my friends
now, or the
power of prayer ... I don’t know .. but it felt good. Gosh, I really though
that this was
one couple who I’d definitely loose as friends ..
I’m so lucky, or is my line in telling people something special ... I
don’t know. It’s a 100% score so far, people who I’ve told
are all with me, not one as yet declared
they
don’t want to know. No queasiness today thank
you.
Day 58. Friday 4th February 2005.
After last nights great
news .. and
little sleep, I get up
and the morning at work blasts past as we pick up and do some of the
jobs
skipped yesterday. However, I suffered an attack of the weepie’s
lunch time while walking to find Valentine cards for Karen, don’t know
why, totally irrational given my state of mind this morning. If this
had
happened in work I’m not sure how I’d have handled it. I managed to
bottle it fairly well, but my eye’s continued to water as I looked for
suitable cards in Clinton’s on Oxford Street.
I do manage to compose
myself on
the way back to work and nobody notices, I hope. Get home and sit down
to talk
to Karen about last nights chat with Malcolm and Alison. Told Karen
about my
attack of weepie’s at lunch time ... and
it starts me off again ... twice ...
I bloody hate this
when it happens ... it is really uncontrollable when it strikes, not
sure how I
didn’t let go at lunch time really.
Anyway
.. a few cuddles
later, about an hour, I’m feeling better but totally embarrassed by it
all ... makes me feel really ... lost for words here folks ..sorry ...
RH bud
seems very tender today, don’t know if I slept on it last night or
something, but the slightest touch is seriously painful ... yet not
exactly unpleasant
... am I going do dally here ... or confused ... possibly ... maybe ...
I
don’t know. Another no queasiness day.
Day 59. Saturday 5th February 2005.
Well it’s the weekend .. hoorah .. so much to do and little time to do it. It’s a
“Transmission” night tonight, would like to go, but really
can’t be bothered, no friends have contacted to see if I’m going,
and as this is a RR visit month I need to save the dosh
anyway ... whinge, wine ... lol. After a
cuddle and weepie in bed I eventually get
up, and dress “femme andro” .. bra to protect my
buds, pink and purple shirt, lilac jumper, girls jeans with pink
leather belt
and lilac trainers, simple jewellery .. but
femme.
Go and do some shopping
in Waitrose in Sunningdale
before
lunch with Karen, nothing out of the ordinary at all. Do a quick visit
to see
aged uncle in Burnham, who knows nothing of Sarah
.. lucky he’s not very observant .. LOL.
Collect daughter from respite care centre in the afternoon and visit my
mum.
Karen’s starting to
feel
rough ... there’s a bug going round the school she works in ... I’m
sure I’ll be next ... such is life. We have a Chinese takeaway, as per
usual on a “non event” Saturday night. Have a chat on the UkAngels chat room, and then have an early
night. Another
no queasiness day .. yes
...
it’s looking up.
Day 60. Sunday 6th February 2005.
It’s the Sunday morning
weight in ... 14st 2lb ... dam it
.. 3/4 lb on this week ... that’ll be the combination of
“pig out Wednesday” lunch at work, and fact I’ve been
drinking 1.5 ltrs of water every day at
work this
week. Thought I was getting too dehydrated and feeling groggy at
beginning of
week, and I must admit from Tuesday onwards I have felt better, so I’m
going to continue this treatment at work, not so easy on a busy weekend
at home.
Oh er .. Karen is
not a happy bunny .. feeling
cold, sore throat,
aching joints and headache .. she won’t be
working for a few days, thinks she’s got “the school bug”
which has decimated some classes. Give some arm’s length cuddling to
give
her some comfort and avoid the germs .. some hope ... (avoiding the germs that is) ...
LOL.
Karen’s getting worried that so often when we
cuddle up, I start weeping .. love
her so much
it hurts .. that’s why .. and
I worry too ... Oh well, got a lot to do, weather forecast isn’t
brilliant and the motor bike needs a pre service serious wash ... so as
the
sun’s shining I get up and go for it.
2 1/4 hours later
.. the bike is reasonably clean .. only takes me 20 minutes for each car doing it
properly ... grrrrrrr ... LOL. Karen is
ill, so she stays in bed best
she can with Claire being a little moo ... till I get in from bike
washing.
Make lunch for Claire and I and do the washing up ... my poor hands .. glad to say
my nails
survived the bike washing and washing up, not sure about my skin though
... ho
hum.
Life continues, chat
with a few
on Yahoo and then give Claire some tea and put her to bed. Claire
sitting on
the loo is in a funny mood .. happy
and talkative .. “Mummy’s a boy, Daddy’s a lady”
.... well she got it half
right ... <<grins>>. Yes Karen heard it too
....
LOL. Will have to sort out dinner for Karen
and I tonight .. long
time since I last
did that ( my turn is usually takeaways .. LOL )
.. I
suppose I need to start doing more domestic stuff.
Not sure if I am
heading for the
expected “bud growth holiday”, it’s
2 months (ish) today and I’m told by a lot
of
girls this happens about now. Buds have been the most comfortable ( as
in less
painful ) today since they started growing ... well I haven’t abused
them
at work for a couple of days, and I’ve worn a good fitting bra for last
48 hours to protect them, we’ll see back at work tomorrow. Everything
else that’s been happening to my body has seemed to go on longer than I
was told by others, specially the continual queasiness in the early
days, so
I’m hoping the bud growth will continue for another week or 2. Glad to
say queasiness is still taking a holiday.
Day 61. Monday 7th February 2005. <>What a day, good and bad ...
First the bad
bits .... Wake up with alarms and Karen is
still very
poorly. She insists she’ll be OK getting Claire out to school, so I get
up and leave. Lovely morning really, see gorgeous sun rise while going
up M4 at
7.30, beautiful, wish I was stuck in a car in the jam to watch it more
... Cut
across to Westway, and join usual train of
bikes
weaving up centre isle of two lane bit over Edgeware
Road. Get near to top of flyover and 2 bikes in front are stuck. Typical prat in Landrover
Discover driving along white line to stop people passing. Room to get a bus down the outside, so I pass down
outside, get in
front and bastard rams me off the road into the high curb.
I’m shaken, but bike is over at 45 degrees laying on fairing on high
curb. I can’t pick bike up from correct side, so struggle and fail to
lift it, another bloke gets out of his truck and helps me ... guy in
Discovery
drives off !!!! Bike is ride able so I
quickly catch
up and he gets message, takes 1st left ( my
usual
route ) and stops outside school. Look behind me to see Police
motorcycle cop
across junction, I get his attention in the end. Driver is German,
Discovery,
though UK reg is left hand drive ...
Driver blames me
for trying to drive through a non existent gap ... hang on I was past
him
BEFORE he hit me, I have scrap in paint on back of pannier to prove it,
and he
says impact has broken his headlight washer jet, which is 10 - 12" from
edge of car, and pokes slightly ahead of bumper ..
great design .. but
got him I hope.
Anyway, police won’t take action as no witness stopped, and I’m not
hurt. Get to work, another 3 minutes on road, 40 minutes late, and need
to
leave at 12.15 to go to hospital for my foot to be checked out, not
because of
this accident. Those who have known me for awhile,
will remember me limping around a few venues in May / July 2003, after
I broke
a big toe in a sailing accident. Well the 2 little toes on same foot
have been
giving me hassle for last 12 months.
Rush home, shower and get to hospital in Frimley
5
minutes late .. car
parking
at hospital is a nightmare at best, and when a barrier is broken,
leaving just
one open, the queue is back to the main road. Anyway, report to
reception in
orthopaedics, and take a seat. Pretty young female doctor comes from
examining
rooms, and calls out Mr G* ... I get up and walk towards her, stopping
just
short, she try’s to look round me and says louder Mr T* G* ... I try to
block her view .. she looks at me .. covers mouth and says sorry quietly ... follow
me.
I have no idea what all the others in the waiting room were doing
behind me ...
lol. In the treatment room ... “ Sorry I
thought you were a tall woman” << I smile broadly >> , well
I
am drab (well almost as drab as I can get ), I explain I’m a
transsexual,
but not quite 9 weeks on hormones ... and trying to live as a male
still. She
smiles and blushes. She’s beside herself, apologises again and asks if
I’m ok being called T*, or would I prefer to be called by
“another” name. I say it’s OK with my drab name till I deed
poll in a few months, she asks again am I sure, am I really sure, I say
YES.
Well she alters my computer record, special notes section at top
“Transsexual on Hormones” ... <<grins>>. She’s
quite keen to learn more about transsexualism
and
asks a few questions while manipulating my foot, but educated and
leading
questions, as if she already knows about it and is trying to analyse me
and see
if I am genuine .. hmmmm,
next time I’ll leave my toe nails painted ... LOL.
Anyway, foot is a problem and I’ll get appointments for some special
type
of x-ray that has to be pre-planned, and an MRI scan of that part of
the foot.
She, and her boss who examines me after ..
think
it’s due to a swollen bit of nerve, but till they get an accurate 3d
image of it ( MRI style) they don’t know whether it’s surgery or an
injection ( tennis elbow style) to reduce size of troublesome nodule
... but
they are always benign she reassures me. I did feel queasy mid morning,
hormone
style queasiness, don’t know if it was
triggered
through stress of bike accident or thought of afternoon hospital
appointment. I
hate hospitals, even just visiting people stresses me out, and go into
shock
when being treated ( minor op's
) too easily .. had them worried in the
past while
having jobs done ... LOL.
Day
62.
Tuesday 8th February 2005.
Well after yesterdays
down’s then up’s today was pretty boring by comparison. Relative
easy day at work except for some hassle with our computer archiving
system, due
to some oversight’s in planning by ex colleague “E”, the system
failed after a recent update to keep archives long enough ... oh er .. just hope
nobody needs them
... lol.
Post lunch “Power
Walk”, saw me in Oxford Street at Evans and Alders which is closing
down
soon ... hmmm .. could
be
some nice cheap accessories there before end of March. Evans new season
socks
are fun ... but totally not suitable for drab life at work ... doh. Leave for home an hour late, such is life.
Karen’s still not well and has another day at home.
It’s pancake day ...
maple
syrup and cream in this house, over a pint of batter mix gets consumed,
mainly
by me (oop’s) ... ok ... the diet restarts
tomorrow ... doh ... it’s “Pig Out
Wednesday” tomorrow and it’s “Square Pies” from
Selfridges pie shop .. heavy .. “lamb and rosemary” for me ... OK ... diet
restarts on
Thursday and I’m resigned to gaining a pound maybe on Sunday ... LOL.
Last Sunday I commented
that the
buds seemed to be getting less painful, not totally true, “power
walk” at lunch time bought most of the pain to the fore again, and one
rush down a flight of stairs had me clutching my chest in pain ...
oops. When I
got home from work I was a little queasy too, but didn’t last long at
all.
Day
63.
Wednesday 9th February 2005.
Well it’s “Pig Out
Wednesday” at work today, the morning work front is fairly quiet, and
boss DT1 turns up on cue an hour before lunch. Surprisingly lunch was
lighter
than expected, the Pie wasn’t too big and the portions of mash and peas
a
lot smaller than Karen would have served up ... maybe something in that
and the
post marriage weight gain ... LOL. Glad I took my “pudding” with me .. an apple and a
banana.
The afternoon goes
peacefully
enough, and I’m only 30 minutes late leaving for home. My buds and nips
are giving agro again and I think I need to try and find a solution,
and I must
say the uneven development is a growing concern, even though others
have told
me they’ll start to balance out later, gosh I’m praying that they
do. So it’s olive ciabatta bread, some
“Eposes”
cheese and olives for tea.
Karen is still well off
colour,
and still off work, do what I can to make
her feel
better. Go out later for a beer with Bob, the chap I crew for. I tell
him about
my week, the accident and the incident at the hospital on Monday. I
wasn’t sure that he’d really put all the information I had given
him previously together ( re me, hormones and “serious changes
ahead” ) and worked out what the end result was going to be .. but he had. With all the chat, my 2 halves of
beer had
lasted 2 ½ hours ... doh. But the
good
news again is no queasiness today !!!
Day
64.
Thursday 10th February 2005.
Having “tweaked” my
back slightly getting washed last night, along with the buds / nips I
have a
disturbed night, and wake up thirsty about 4.30 and discover my front
of my nightie and crop top is slightly
damp .. the
hot water bottle Karen handed me as I got into bed has leaked slightly
after
falling asleep cuddling it holding it to my buds. I sleep through my
alarms and
Karen wakes me up at 6.30 .. oops.
Karen is still poorly
and
won’t be going back to work today. So half hour late to work, and so is
colleague “C”. Lunch time see’s me
doing a power walk to M&S next to Selfridges, for more tights ( 2
“3
packs” of their “soft and glossy”style)
and something to help the buds. “ A vest
that
thinks it’s a bra” is the sign that catches my eye, pink, white,
black or pale blue, in 2 styles. Like the thin strapped version, it’s
more girly. Bum .. the
white
ones jump from size 12 to 18, and no other stock available. I want
tight
support, so reckon a 16 would be ideal, I’m normally an 18 / 20 top. So
I
get a pink one, which when I get it home proves to be the right colour
anyway
... much lower contrast than white .. so might be able to hide it under my usual drab
wear for
work.
I’ll try soon. Leave
for
home a little late to make up for late arrival this morning, did I need
to .. not really
I suppose. Pasta
in a cheesy sauce with a small salad for dinner, Karen surprises me
with fruit
and jelly for pud ... LOL. On the
bright side, no queasiness again today.
Day 65. Friday11th
February 2005.
Well what a lovely day !! Karen has to be told to stay at home, half
term next
week and she was desperate to go back to the school for the last day
and spread
any remaining germs ... Drop bike of for a service in Chiswick on my
way
through ... and they give me a CBF600 as a loan bike
!!
.. vroom vroom
... V4 engine
.. nice noise .. <<giggle>> ...
I decided
to wear the “Vest that thinks it’s a bra” to work today ...
and yes it makes a difference for sure, passes the bounce test on the
stairs
with little or no movement / discomfort ... YES ... yes ... LOL.
However, that gentle
grip around
the chest reminds me all the time why I’m wearing it, even when sitting
at my desk ... So lunch time it’s back to M&S and get another
style of “Vest that thinks it’s a bra” .. this
one is very white and looks like a vest .. but
possibly more “drabish” for work till
I’m fully out there. In M&S an assistant I asked to see if they had
a
white size 16 yesterday, explaining I was a transsexual with bits in
need of
support, sees me queuing with another in my hand, and gives me a broad
smile
and a “hello” nod ... I’ve always said in shops if you are
straight with people ( assistants) you gain
nothing
but respect ...
Back to work and a
rather
energetic afternoon, well it helped to burn some calories, but
discovers
“vest/bra” is a little warm when exerting myself ... hmmm.
Get to leave late to collect my bike, due to a last minute plea for
help as
I’m putting my kit on. Return loan bike, sadly, and collect mine .. £324 .. for a service, and I supplied the oil !!! Ok, it
includes 2
pairs of front disk pads .. at
£32 per pair !!!! Motor cycles ... cheap commuting
...
NO WAY.
Dinner is of something
we
haven’t had for ages .. Tesco
Pork and Stilton sausages, backed beans and a jacket spud without the
usual
dollop of “Olivia” on it ( it’s a
guilt thing / diet <<grins>> ), and “semolina” for pud ... core I’ve missed that too recently. Not
looking forward to the Sunday morning weight in
!!
Another nice thing today ... no queasiness.
Day 66. Saturday 12th February 2005.
Well no peace for the
wicked, get
up and make Karen a cup of tea, return for quick cuddle before
disappearing
rapidly down to Portchester to work on the
boat for a
day. Lose half a day of my time cause some “Pro’s” are in
fitting a new echo sounder transducer into the hull, just where I need
to work
in the engine room .. doh. So I get to do my bit after a few
hours, and as
I can’t work very well with artificial light with what I need to do ...
that’s it for the day. However Friday’s purchase of M&S
“Vest that think’s it’s a
bra” “Mk2" is as good, if not better, than the more girly
spaghetti strapped version because it seems to give more support. Very comfortable indeed. Get home just after 7.00
pm and
it’s Saturday night at home .. must be Chinese take away night ...
LOL. And no queasiness to report today.
Day 67. Sunday 13th February 2005.
It’s the Sunday morning
weight
in ... 14st 0 3/4 lb ...YES yes
.. 1 1/4 lb off this week, the
lightest so far this side of Christmas
... in fact since I started recording my weight on day 3 of hormones. Oh .. but this is not
a happy day.
I not prepared to say at this time why, but I’m now having great
doubt’s about my future, I don’t want to do this ( as in
transitioning ) on my own, as Karen has started to voice doubt’s that
she
can go through with it after all. All I can say is we both spent until
3pm in
bed weeping over what may and now may not be.
I hope we can work
things out.
Karen acknowledges that she has never seen me happier in 22 years, but
the
doubt’s I now have about our joint future leaves me torn, siding on
wanting to do what is right for Karen and US than what is right for ME
...
Later in evening I visited my friend Linda to look over a PC she had
just built
for a friend, tea and biscuits supplied, return home about 10.30. Linda
is
coming with me to London on Wednesday as company on RR trip, but I tell
her I’m
thinking of cancelling RR appointment cause of problems I’m
having.
When does one day start, and another finish ... Because of way I feel I
don’t take night time hormone pill.
Spend most of night
crying /
weeping, disturbing Karen who tries to comfort me, but I can’t control
it. I feel so bad about myself now, if there had been a button by my
bed”
push now to end it all” I would have happily pushed it. Leave bed about
3.00 and go to settee in lounge, about an hour or so Karen stirs and
comes and
gets me .. I am still in tears ... drags me
back to
bed, cuddles ... I can’t stop and I don’t know why. Think I sleep
from about 5.30 till about 6.00, woken up by
alarm clock Well at least there wasn’t any
queasiness.
Day 68. Monday 14th February 2005.
When I woke up, I had
stopped
weeping, but I decide I’m too tired to work, and try to return to sleep
... I’m feeling so cold, snuggle down under duvet and extra
blanket, suddenly tears start to flow again, Karen nestles up behind me
and
cuddles me. At 7.00 I refuse my morning hormone pill ... I’m ready to
give up on transition it’s just too painful, at this time I’m
cursing ever starting, the good feeling times of the last week or so
have been
completely erased.
I call my boss “C” at
8.00 and tell him I’m not coming in ... I am exhausted ... I know
why, but I can’t reason myself out of it, would be silly really to some
... but my heart aches so badly, can’t explain why. Karen phones GP for
help at 8.30 but he’s on holiday this week, and locum is working our
surgery, the same one who checked my blood test results and wrote out
the
script for my first hormones, but Karen only wants to see our GP of 20
years. So no help.
Karen tries to
re-assure me about
the future, she doesn’t want me to go back pre hormones times cause she
says I’m a lot happier on hormones, and it’s a relief to her. Karen
says I misinterpreted what she had said yesterday, what she had said I
had
taken so deeply to heart. About 10.30 my buds start to burn and my 2 vege’s which have
been
almost pain free for last few weeks start to ache.
Another TS did tell me
you
can’t just give hormones up if you want to give up ... and told me what
to expect if I did try ... she was right about sensations. Worse
than some of the growing pains. Karen eventually persuades me to
take my
morning pill about 11.00, and 15 minutes later the burning sensation in
buds
suddenly fades and vege’s stop tingling.
Hormones addictive ? Maybe, or you need to
be weaned
off slowly, later confirmed by a friend who had been on and off them.
Strangely ... I start
to feel
better in my self, and try to convince myself last 20 hours was just a blip .... one bu****
of a big one, and I sure don’t want to do that again. Get up at midday
and try to concentrate on some work ... it’s hard
..
Karen puts one of my bra’s on the bed with
a
“wear it or else look”, and the relief to my buds is fantastic
after I’ve dressed. Laying in a towelling dressing gown all night for
warmth without a crop top and nightie (
yes in my
anger / confusion last night I had refused to wear those), the
towelling,
though soft, had really caused some aggravation, specially as I rolled
over and
trapped flesh.
I feel cold even though
heating
is higher than we would normally have it. In the evening I feel a
little better
again, but memories of last 30 hours are nightmare stuff
..
hope I can sleep tonight. Chat with Linda on
messenger
for a while this afternoon, she’s relieved I will be going to see RR
again on Wednesday. After I took 1st pill this morning, I did feel
queasy for a
while.
Day 69. Tuesday
15th February 2005.
Well it’s back to work
rather sheepishly and sleeplessly ... will have to fill a form
for
“self certification” for yesterday, so I have to lie ... sorry
Claire ... had to blame you for a sleepless night, could hardly tell
the truth
for what really happened. “C” my colleague gives me an easy time
about it thank goodness.
Really
still
out of it, so much so that this entry and the rest of the week are
being done
from memory on Sunday 20th, hence the briefness. Just remember feeling really
nervous and
apprehensive about tomorrows visit to see “Uncle Russell”.
I’m sure I didn’t feel any queasiness
today at least.
Day
70.
Wednesday 16th February 2005.
It’s a days
leave today to see RR. Sleep through alarms and get up 45 minutes late
...
great start. Rush about, wash my hair and Karen dries my fringe for me.
Just
time for me to do a really “lite” makeup
job before my friend Linda knocks on front door. It’s
school holidays so the roads are very quiet, and we get to the
“shoppers
free car park” in Sunningdale with plenty
of
time. We end up on Sunningdale station
standing in a
freezing wind for 15 minutes before train arrives. Notice later that
most
“RG’s” are wearing trousers ...
LOL.
Overslept
..what else
was going to go wrong ... yes
... the train gets delayed at Twickenham, and when we arrive at
Richmond to
grab a District line tube, we see our train leaving without us ... damn
.. this will make us late at “MAC” for our
make overs. Get to MAC 10 minutes late,
Linda opts to go first
... so I walk around High Street Kensington for 50 minutes, buying a
pair of
“art deco” style earings from a jewellery
counter in Barkers ... reduced to £12 but counter owner gives them to
me
for £10 and wishes me well for being her first customer of the day.
Back to MAC’s
where Linda is nearly finished, looks fantastic, and is very happy with
the
result, Linda finishes about 15 minutes after “Lisa” starts on me
... and disappears off to the shops. Lisa does my face today, a
gorgeous
gregarious blonde, and I’ve asked for
another day time look. Lisa, like Nadia last time, is interested in the
changes
I am going through. She compliments me on my skin and how smooth it is,
I say
I’m lucky and explain that I am on hormones and that my skin has
changed
drastically over last 10 weeks ... including getting very dry, so she
goes
through moisturising routines with me and introduces a new MAC product
called a
“mattifier”, a clear liquid used as a
base, that makes skin look and feel silky soft, and
removes any shine ... incredible stuff . So she does the
business on me
... and I prefer this look more than the one “Nadia” gave me last
time, though that was still good. So I “restrict” my self to buying
the “mattifier” and the new foundation
that feels great on my skin, is a nice match, £36.00 the two products.
Linda and I head of to
Selfridges
for lunch with the girl who knows about me for lunch. She is held up so
we nip
into a couple of shops on Oxford Street while we wait. So we finally
meet and
Linda gets to meet the infamous “Zero”. They get on like old
friends, while we eat lunch in “Starbucks” inside Selfridges. Soon
lunch is finished, and we part with girly kisses and go our own ways. I
now
regret not buying the lipstick earlier, as I need to touch up and don’t
want to have to remove what I’m wearing and change it for what I bought
last time from MAC’s, which I was carrying
in
my handbag, so buy that from the MAC counter in Selfridges.
Off to Selfridges
luxury ladies loo’s in the basement to
“freshen up”.
Linda and I then head off into Oxford Street to do a little of what
girls do
best ... shopping ... LOL. Monsoon (swoon), River Island (
poor girls Monsoon) and a few other places. 2.55PM
..
better check with Sue .. RR’s secretary how
late
he is running. First attempt gets recorded message
.. nobody in office till tomorrow
... mild panic sets in. Try
again 5 minutes later and she answers phone ..
phew ... RR is running 20 minutes late today
( at 3.00pm).
OK, excuse to walk down to Oxford Circus and look
around Top Shop.
Leave for RR’s at
Earl’s Court about 3.35, planning to arrive about 4.15. DOH ... get there bang on 4.00, and the 3.30 who
recognises
me from Transmission is still waiting. She goes in to RR at 4.15 and I
go in at
4.40. RR greets Linda, and gives her something to read
..
a printed copy of his treatment regime.
Later he tells
me that he thought Linda was another TS, no
I tell
him, just a very honest and down to earth girlie CD.
Anyway, we had a longer
than
planned chat, 35 minutes, and I bring up the subject of last Sunday’s
and
Mondays “blackness”. He says it is an extreme reaction, rare but
not unheard of, and can’t promise it won’t happen again, I pray that
it won’t. RR is happy that I’ve actually lost weight overall in
last 10 weeks, albeit 1 - 2 lbs only. One relief is that he didn’t
prescribe Androcur for me,
it’s an evil drug that many girls are put on. I question that, and he
says I look as if I’m doing just great as it is, so he writes to my GP
saying he is very happy with my progress and wants him to carry on
prescribing
as is and tells me I should have more bloods done in 3 months.
So
next follow
up appointment is made for 4.00pm 15th of June. I leave £90 lighter, but
pretty
happy. Walking back to Earl’s Court tube I realise I really must get
some
smaller, hollow backed silicones. My current ones are flat backed and
all this
time pressing on my buds is causing a fair amount of discomfort. Linda
and I
get the train back to Sunningdale, back to
my house,
cup of tea and then go with Karen to the “Reading pub night” meal.
Pleasant evening as usual, and I get to sit opposite another TS,
Helen from
Woking, 18 months on hormones, full time doing RLT (real life test).
She gives
me loads of tips, is envious cause I didn’t get put on Androcur when she did, and promises to send me a
load of
useful letters to use when I come out to my employer and start my RLT
sometime
later in year. Go home happy, later apologising to Linda for not
chatting to
her much during the meal, she says that’s OK realising Helen was being
a
great help to me. No queasiness today ... hooray.
Day
71.
Thursday 17th February 2005.
Still
struggling with getting up due to black Sunday / Monday’s disruption to
sleep patterns. Get to
work later than hoped, even though I was doing a “middling bit” ( 9.00am start ) as “C” was on leave today. Bit
of a busy day but no real problems, except for our automation system
that
through another wobbly, and didn’t want to do a “full audit”
to repair the data base, a 15 minute job ends up taking 35, this system
is
rubbish, American rubbish. “Zero” says it was nice to meet Linda at
last yesterday and obviously likes her, who wouldn’t.
Linda says the same
about
“Zero” later in a chat on Yahoo. Go for a lunch time power walk, as
I’ve missed out all week. Go home later and get a bit of a surprise
from
Karen. She tells me she had told her closest friend about me a few
months ago,
who is the school nurse at the school she works in, another Sarah.
Karen is really
concerned about
telling people, but has never been there when I have told others, and
wants to
see / hear how I do it with such great success so far. So she wants me
to meet
her friend Sarah, and have me tell her as if she doesn’t know. Two
things
here ...
1: She knows all ready so knows what is coming.
2: She’s a nurse, and may know when she’s being flanneled.
This is going to be
really hard
for me, would sooner have gone in without her knowing. Karen tries to
organise
it for tonight, but Sarah has gone out, and now I have till next
Thursday to
worry about it. Such is life. From memory, no
queasiness
either today.
Day 72. Friday 18th February 2005.
Another
interesting day ahead.
Work first, an easy day thank goodness. For the last few days, Karen
has been
communicating with the wife of an American TS called Jessica who is
currently
living in the UK for safety while she transitions. Sharon, the wife, is
keen to
meet another wife in the same position as her, that is, one who is
supporting a TS through transition, like
Karen is. They don’t
have a car, but it’s been agreed we will meet
“drab” in Windsor tonight at about 8.20.
Several texts later, we
discover
they are in the “Wetherspoons” pub
opposite the castle early, so they can eat. So they’ll be waiting for
us
rather than the other way round ... LOL. Anyway, go into pub and go
upstairs
and as my head clears the stair gallery I see somebody waving, its
Jessica, in
“Josh” mode .. that
is drab like me. We go over nervously and we sit, then I get up almost
immediately to go get a round of drinks. Now remember, this maybe
Windsor, posh
area and all that, but this is a “Wetherspoon’s”
pub.
Cheap,
cheerful, with loads of parties of lads and girls out enjoying
themselves on
cheaper than average booze, hence 3 “security people” watching
people. They
are
cheap, cause to lower costs they don’t employ enough bar staff, half
are
acting as security. So it takes over 10 minutes to get served. Although
I
deliberately chose a quiet area of the bar, I am aware I am getting
some odd
looks from other male customers, and I am getting nervous. Return to
table with
drinks and Karen is nattering to Sharon and Josh.
We talk about all sorts
to do
with transitioning, well we would, that’s
what
we are here for. Josh introduces himself as a typical loud mouthed
American
from Indiana, and if we want him to shut up, just say
... LOL. After about 45 minutes of Josh chatting about his life so far
and his
feelings for Sharon, we as SO the same, Josh
and
I have finished our drinks, so we agree to give the wives some space as
they
still had half their first drinks left, and we’d go and have a chat
downstairs and another drink before coming back. So now it’s my turn,
and
Josh gets Sarah’s life story and my fears for the future.
We are standing at the
back of
the downstairs part of the pub, and there is a large party of about a
dozen
girls standing close by. After about 10 minutes I realise we might be
the
source of conversation for a sub group of 4 or 5, as they keep looking
our way,
grinning and talking behind there hands. 2 blokes standing in a “Wetherspoons” pub drinking glasses of wine .. what’s wrong, so both have long hair,
ones got
very long hair in a ponytail with a big fat bright purple scrunchie
... perfectly normal in my village ... LOL.
Anyway, we return to
our
wives with more drinks and 40 minutes later security are trying to get
us to
leave the comfort of the first floor no smoking area cause its 10.55. Wetherspoons have no idea how to treat and
respect their
customers who are NOT groups of half pissed yobs and yobettes.
Josh and I make it clear we are not amused, move down stairs but refuse
to
follow “securities” instructions to go to the area they want us.
As their back is turned
we go to
another area, and refuse to move till we have finished. I’ll never go
there again, trash gutter level business. Anyway, we leave as good
friends and
walk Sharon and Josh round to the station to make sure they can still
get a
train, otherwise I’d run them home to Ealing. Home to bed satisfied
that
this is a couple we can meet again if they wish. No queasiness as such
today
... it’s been a while again.
Day 73. Saturday 19th February 2005.
Why do weekends give me
the blues
... now there is a question. Saturday
morning,
considering last night ended on a high note, and I’m concerned for
Karen
again as she says Sharon has the same concerns as hers, and I
immediately think
it all the negative stuff coming to the fore again, and start to weep
again ...
bugger this does hurt and is really draining on energies.
Get up much later than
planned
again, it’s already lunch time. Karen checks her email and there is one
from Sharon, they feel the same about us as we do about them, so it
looks as if
we have some new friends to socialise with. Start to worry about going
out
tonight but Karen says I must. It’s Gabby’s
birthday bash at the LMNT restaurant in Hackney, then on too
“Tootsies” club. So I shower and get dressed. Karen does my fringe
for me again. OK, I have lost a little weight recently, but big problem
...
that 1 ½" I’ve lost off my waist in first 8 weeks of
hormones, for only 1lb lost in weight means most of my skirts are now
far too
loose to wear as my hips have not really started to fill out at all, so
where
has that 1½" of “waist” material gone too, that’s
not 1lb worth of weight surely.
Supposed to be meeting
at Gabby’s about 5.00pm for coffee, but
don’t
leave home till 5.15, and it’s a 30 minute drive, to meet Freya ( a TS friend
from
Bracknell), a RG friend of hers, and Cassie. I get there, no Freya and Co., they
are stuck on
M4, and arrive some 20 minutes after me. I was going to go with Freya and the rest originally in her people
carrier, but
due to recent problems I decide to drive myself, so that I can leave
when I
want should the need arise ... << sighs >>.
This is the second trip
to LMNT
in 4 weeks, and we hit the same traffic as usual on M40 / Marlyebone
Road. Next time I vow to take them a completely different route
guaranteed to
save us 20 - 25 minutes travel time ... won’t be hard. Anyway, ends up
10
of us at restaurant and we have a good time, 2 courses and drinks for
£18.50 a head, food is good but a little “lite”
on the plate ... still I am watching my weight. I take 2 others on to
Tootsies,
a CD “Lorraine” and her really nice wife whose name I’ve
forgotten ... sorry.
Anyway Tootsies is it’s
usual self and Gabby is surprised later by a birthday cake that Cassie
had
organised with the Adam & Eve girls, Josie, Lisa ans
Terri. Did intend to leave about 12.00, but ended up at that time
having one
for the road ( orange juice ... LOL ) with
Lorraine
and her wife. Get to talk about all sorts, their daughter, life
as a fresher TS and agree to meet again at an up coming quiz night
Wednesday
week, which Karen later agrees to come to. Get home at 2.15 am and in
bed at
3.00, It can take nearly as long to remove makeup properly as it does
to put it
on, and because I’ve got to look after my face now, I don’t go to
bed in makeup late at night anymore ... slapper
.. me never .. well
not anymore ...
LOL. Queasiness ... what’s that ... << grins >>.
Day 74. Sunday 20th February 2005.
It’s the Sunday morning
weight in ... 13st 12 3/4 lb ...YES yes
.. another 2 lb off this week and
first time below 14st for a very, very
long time. Given all the dire
warnings about weight gain on hormones, I’m one very happy bunny.
<<< smiles >>>. Another
minor
grizzle this morning, such is life, but up and at it at 10.30.
Decide I must do my
diary, as a few
have e-mailed to see if I’m alright as there hasn’t been a web site
update for 6 days, since black Sunday / Monday. Claire throws a wobbly
lunch
time, and her lunch is hurled across the room and plate smashes. Well
that’s her lunch over.
Nice bread and even
better
cheeses ( including a ripe french
Eposse, yummy, and the downfall of my diet
possibly
... << grins >> ), so she’s missed out. After that it’s
all a bit quiet, chat to a few on line, do some work in preparation for
a PJ I
hope to be doing in 3 weekends time ( techy
stuff I’m afraid ... ). New week tomorrow , at least it’s going to
be a better start than last and I’m feeling quite positive about the
general outlook again ... and dare I say it looks as if the queasiness
has gone
... no I won’t say that ... LOL.
Day 75. Monday 21th
February 2005.
I know it’s getting
cold at
the moment, but last night I had real problems getting warm in bed ...
you
would not believe the layers Karen pilled up on me to try and warm me
up, she
used to be the chilly one. Karen and I don’t like living in a hot
house,
specially at night, however I really am feeling the cold sooo
much more these days ... A late start again ... oop’s,
well only 20 minutes, but like to be more dependable, anyway we seem to
have to
work all hours so flexibility on both sides is status quo.
Takes about an hour to
warm up
after I arrive, even keeping one of my motor biking fleece’s
on all the time. Morning at work is hassle ... 12 telephones doing a
dance
around offices on top floors, and info supplied by staff on those
floors was
wrong, so 3 phones don’t work first time ... grrrrrrr.
Sorted by lunchtime ... well almost. So it’s
a
late lunch power walk to M&S to get 2 more “Vest’s that think
they are bra’s”, 2 more exactly same as other 2, colour and styles
.. I like them both.
The silky lycra top I’ve worn
today doesn’t really
support without a bra, so the buds did get aggravated while out and
about.
Phone my doctors in the afternoon to see if my prescription is ready to
collect
post RR last week, receptionist says she’ll try and sort it for
tomorrow,
my pill stock runs out Wednesday night ... oop’s.
Starts to snow in the afternoon as I look out
thinking about
going home ... doh. Anyway, get
home without
any snow falling, but it’s so cold. Dinner continues in the dieting way .. quiche, jacket
spud and
salad, don’t mention the pud though ...
rice pud with a dollop of strawberry jam
.. ho
hum ... but the odd treat doesn’t hurt ... much ... LOL. Planning an
early night tonight, so that’s it for now ... and what I said yesterday .. still no
queasiness
... life is looking up.
Day 76. Tuesday 22nd February 2005.
Slept a lot better last
night,
Karen gave me a hot water bottle and an extra quilt ... she loves me .... <<smiles>>
.
Karen adds I wanted a good night sleep as well so she made sure I
didn’t
wake her up shivering .. she
loves me !!! Wake up to find a sprinkling of snow, and it’s still
coming
down. Set off to work, and actually it’s not as cold as a few recent
mornings
... Hum drum day at work, though one of yesterday’s telephone’s
that moved still don’t work .. grrrrr .. to many cooks
sometimes ...
wish I’d done it all myself.
It’s “Pig out
Wednesday” tomorrow and it’s been decreed an Italian day ... so
it’s a Pizza for me ... have to wait and see if it was a good call or
not. Phone GP’s to see if prescription is ready ..
it is .. so I
call Karen to
collect for me ... she loves me ... Rush home through a blizzard on M4,
and
make the trip to Lightwater’s Moss
chemist, the
chosen one for Sarah stuff. However, my pills, which I’m desperate for,
are out of stock, I’ve got just one day + 1 pill left.
Although “Brevinor” was supplied by them last time from
stock,
and your supposed to stick to the same brand you start on ... they now
tell me
it’s not a stock item, but promise to have some in for me tomorrow ...
and also discover my GP has short changed me on Oestrogel,
only one can prescribed instead of 3. Karen says she’ll collect pills
for
me tomorrow, I’ll ring my GP tomorrow for
more
gel.
I’ve decided as I’m
in this for the long term, I’m going to get an annual “season
ticket” for my prescriptions, should save a little over the year. Karen
is miffed, she wanted an early night, with me, but Bob phoned from the
boat at
20.00, saying he was about to leave and was I up for a beer ...
Felt a
little cold from time to time today .... brrrr
...
must be a girlie thing I think ... but still no queasiness ... this
might be
over at last ... there I have said it, just hope it stays that way.
Day
77.
Wednesday 23rd February 2005.
Not the best of nights
... woken
up twice in agony as somehow I’ve caught my RH bud between my arm and
body whilst sleeping on my side or turning to do so ..aargh !! Look out of bedroom
window as I get up .. big
relief .. no snow, but the street looks
frozen solid.
It was ... very slow progress up hill behind house before getting to
well
salted main road. Actually get to work before 8.00 for a change ...
LOL.
Anyway get stuck in and
discover
cause of rogue phone not working for 2 days ... doh
... mia kelpa
... Morning
drags ... and because it’s “Pig out Wednesday” not really got
anything to nibble. Carolyn to the rescue with one of her special
health shop
organic breakfast bars ... odd .. but
quite nice ... not sure whether my old male self could have eaten it
...
<<grins>>.
Lunch arrives at 1.00
on the dot,
Pizza is proper Italian style and very nice ... so is the Garlic Bread,
especially with a drizzle of the complimentary chilli olive oil on it .. OK, OK .. the
diet is cancelled for 24 hours .. LOL. The
afternoon
goes quite quickly, hassle Karen about collecting my missing pills a
couple of
times, second call confirms she’s got them.
When I get home I
discover that
the prescription has been messed up even more ... and I’m 10 pills
short
of one week’s supply ... doctors and maths ... not a good point I feel .. oop’s
sorry Dr L*****. Anyway a quick shower and hair wash
..
and out to the neighbour across the drives.
She’s a widow, and an actress, been living next to us for about 18
years.
She is the next, and first of our neighbours to get the “About me”
spiel ... guesses 5 minutes in .. and
appears to be really happy for me, she understands too she says as she
knows a
couple of other TS’s ... lifts my and
Karen’s spirits, cause Karen was far more positive to questions from
Lin
than I thought she might be ... << SMILES>>.
She wanted to know my
name and
promises to use it when right. So we leave her house as closer friends
I feel
than when we arrived, she feels I have the right to be me without
prejudice ...
indeed. Talked about my experiences so far, Ascot raises some smiles,
it
appears she has never seen me leave the house ... now she knows she’ll
be
waiting to see me leave. Lin says her 2 daughters will be really happy
for me
too ... I’m sure they will know very soon ..
LOL. Tomorrow is another day
.. and Karen’s friend .. I’ll sleep
happy tonight,
If I don’t worry about tomorrow night ... I won’t even mention the
“Q” word .. it’s
history now I am sure ... it’s been 8 days, ignoring black Monday which
was my fault though not in control, it’s been 14 days ... Yes.
Day
78.
Thursday 24th February 2005.
Slept well again, given
the late
night we had after seeing our neighbour Lin last night. Get up with the
alarms,
check out of the window ... no snow .. excellent. Into work at a reasonable time, and
the day was
to pan out as pretty, average, though through a tip off got myself a
3.0Ghz Athlon XP Barton for £86 delivered
... that will make
my main XP machine fly when I’ve got the XP Pro sorted .... grrrrr. Lunch is fun,
I join a
group of the girls from the office, saying goodbye to one who is
leaving.
They all left before
me, so
it’s a short “power walk” to catch them up on route to a
local bar. Got to stop doing that thing at that pace ... was only about
500 yds, but was a little to brisk,
and sitting in the bar I was aware of the pain in my buds ... such is
life ...
and that’s with a magic vest on. Chat in the bar got around to
diets, and I commented I lost 2lb last week and my target was for about
another
12lb.
One of the girls, “K”
commented it would be an excuse to go and buy a new wardrobe, but “ you boy’s don’t appreciate shopping like
us girls” .. which raised a giggle with the
other girls .. I bit my lip very hard, grinning as little as possible
.. oh er
.. wait till I tell them at work in a few
months time ... LOL.
Afternoon drags by, contemplating tonight’s chat with Karen’s
friend ... Hmmmm. Ride home and start to
prepare
myself mentally ... then the phone rings ... Karen’s friend ...
she’s not coming, she’s stuck at a hospital with an injured child
from the school she is currently the nurse for.
Bum ... the wait goes on .. wanted to get
that one
over and done with. Make a start trying to off load all the important
stuff of
my sick XP Pro machine on to a spare PC. Not looking forward to doing a
total reload. Such is life with Microsoft
products ... grrrrrrrrr. As for the “Q”
word ... still OK.
Day 79. Friday 25th February 2005.
Another painful and
cold night
... getting warm and staying that way without Karen getting overheated
is a
problem. Again I was woken up by my RH bud hurting like hell where I’d
managed to trap it between upper arm and body while laying on my side.
Anyway,
up and out of here to work, but hey it’s Friday and the weekend starts
tonight. Quietish day at work, just how a Friday should be.
Best lunch all week,
cold sausage
sandwich ... yummy ... one of my favourites still ... LOL ... Karen
loves me.
The afternoon drags, little to do after reinstalling 3 phones for our
tenants
in our building. Home at last .. what
to do .. damn .. need
to fix
XP pc but Karen and I are out to dinner with my Dad whose birthday (77)
was
yesterday and my wicked step mum. Sort of arrange a trip down to their
place in
Somerset at Easter in 4 weeks time, that’s going to be the day Dad
&
Dee get to learn about Sarah.
Well it’s the travel
inn in
Old Windsor, Dad & Dee like staying there, and as OAP’s they like it .. it’s cheap and
the food
is simple English ... and always served tepid ... complain .. moi ... yes I did, as
I always do
there ... excuses, excuses, same waitress as last few visits .. must see me coming ..lol.
In the bar before we
ate, I
noticed 2 couples ( I suspect of the
uneducated
drinking class ) sitting and drinking and often glancing my way. As we
went to
eat and walked past their table I caught the end of a male comment “ what was that? ” followed by male laughter
.... I don’t care at all. Anyway we had a reasonable time and got home
in
time for an earlyish night by recent
standards.
Day 80. Saturday 26th February 2005.
Wake up about 6.00 as I
normally do, alarms or not. Due down the boat again
today to do some more pre season work. To early at this time,
another
hours kip at least, snuggle down and dose off again ... wake with a
start 2 1/4
hours later ... over an hour late for my pill and later than I wanted
to get up
and go. Do the bathroom duty routine,
and
I’m ready to leave the house at 9.55 ... doh.
Shoot into Camberley to get a half decent set of kitchen scales so we
can start
to weigh food properly and easily if we are both to cut down on what we
eat ...
hmmm .. wishful thinking maybe.
Argos in Camberley, at
10.08 in the
morning ... it’s packed ... what so many people without anybody to
snuggle up to on a Saturday morning ... lol.
Takes 20
minutes to get what I want and leave. Quick visit to JD sports nearly
opposite
to get a sweat band to modify for work ( please mummy dear ) to put my
door
opening fob into and keep very handy ... gosh the new “security”
system at work is a pain if like me you spend much of the day wandering
around
and through “locked” doors.
A group of “lads”
looking at trainers eye me up and laugh ... let them
..
I don’t care .. I expect to get more of
this as
I start doing more “andro” dressing, but
today and last night I was in male mode really, just like at work
everyday ...
maybe that is the problem .. I don’t pass
as
male very well anymore ... <<sighs, smiles>>. Anyway,
eventually
get to the boat about 11.40 and get stuck in to jobs.
Well Bob does now know
for sure
that I will become a woman in a short while. With all the resent
conversation
with him about what I am doing and going through, I was slightly
suspicious
that he wasn’t fully aware of the final solution, and it became
apparent
after a few odd comments I dropped in to conversation, he didn’t. He
was
surprised almost when I told him I would be “swapping sides” later
in the year, but without doubt now he knows ... and still seems to be
OK with
it. “ When you come sailing you’ll still
be wearing jeans and things ” he asks ... Yes I say ... thinking when
we
are at sea ... not necessarily when we are going ashore ...
<<grins>>.
Anyway, leave the boat
later than
expected, phone home, Karen not noo happy
and she
tells me to ring my mum and explain why we are not there. Phone mum ...
get ear
chewed off ... tell her we had planned / arranged to see her tomorrow
when
Claire is back from respite ... well so I had thought. Saturday night
at home
... Chinese take away ... it’s a comfortable routine ... one thing with
my main XP machine being broke ..
I’m doing everything on
my laptop .. including
this ... oh the
luxury of a wireless network ... Karen can cuddle me on the sofa while
I do my
emails and surf the net ... tehe .. this is the life ... tomorrow I must get on with
some PJ
work otherwise I will jeopardise the work i
n
Colchester in 2 weekends time ... nightie nightie folks . On reflection, I’ve just
realised
this was the first Saturday for a while without an early morning weepie ... wow ... I’ve been pretty up beat in
myself
most of the week ... things are looking up for sure ... << big
smiles
>>.
Day 81. Sunday 27th February 2005.
It’s the Sunday morning
weight in ... 13st 12 1/4 lb ...YES
, yes .. another 1/2 lb off this
week , not a
lot really, but it’s off rather than on .. and
due to the weather in the last week I didn’t get to do any serious
power
walks. “Pig out Wednesday” was a bit of a calorie stuffing session
too ... well things should improve more now ... Get up and make tea for
two ...
back to bed ... would really have liked to have cuddle up longer this
morning
but there are things that need to be done. Used the kitchen
scales I
bought yesterday for the first time, weighed my breakfast cereals this
morning
... a “portion” of “Special K” is supposed to be 30g
with 125ml (about 135g ) of semi skimmed milk.
30g would not keep a
fly alive,
settle for 40g with 140g of milk .... probably two thirds or half of what I’ve been
stuffing
in the mornings .... this is going to get
interesting
.... hmmm ... or even hungrier. Frustrating
morning
with computers is followed by a luxury lunch of sun dried tomato bread
as a ham
sandwich, and a little luxury .. 4 slices
of buttered “Christmas” malt loaf .. yummy. Go and see my mum in the afternoon after
picking up
Claire from respite. Didn’t feel I could take over my sewing I want her
to do for me after yesterdays “heated” exchange. Seemed to have
forgotten that when we get there ... told her I’d bring them over asap.
Having lost 2 inches
now off my
waist in last 12 weeks, few of my skirts fit ... doh.
Dinner is a home made curry, made via the new scales to check amounts,
seems
Karen’s eye was spot on in the past ... LOL. Got a spare PC running XP
Pro now ... just need to get some programs
installed
to make it useable. Seems I can’t pick up the mail boxes out of my
broken
machine ... hmmm ... this needs more work ... I’ll have to see if I can
export
it all out of Netscape mail ... grrrrr.
Must say the
buds are really getting to fill my 38AA M&S balconette
bra quite nicely .... <<
GRINS>> ... and
they are a lot more comfortable when being “cupped” properly.
Day 82. Monday 28th February 2005.
I don’t like Mondays,
specially when the frost looks like snow at 6.00am ... <<brrrrr>> .. lol. So it’s up and
out, get
to work and hands take 30 minutes to become useable ... even with thick
winter
gloves on. Fortunately it proves to be a quiet day. The sort of job I
do varies from day to day, including the
work load. Some days
it’s all go, other days you recuperate from the stressful times. Surf
the
net and find you can get spare inserts and backs for my SOS Talisman.
Chatting to Carolyn at
work ( she who knows about me) .. there
has been more comment to her about my finger nails ... “K” reckons
I must “pay to have them done every week” .. we
both giggle ... she’ll find out later in the summer. So lunch
time’s power walk sees me trying 3 different chemists trying to get
spares, two used to keep Talisman’s but no longer do .. no call ... eh .. sure I’ve read a larger
proportion
of the population suffer allergies now a days, than when I was first
given mine
by Karen about 20 years ago.
Looks like I’ll have to
buy
the bits on the internet. Think I need to add a note to mine about
taking
hormones and a blood clotting warning, just in case. So what bought
this on ? .... I’ve had a couple more near
misses on my
motor bike since I was knocked off 3 weeks ago ... oh er.
Buy a little treat at lunch time for dinner tonight, in New Quebec
Street near
Marble Arch there is a smashing little organic butchers that shows
amazing
looking sausages in the window ... I succumbed ... four “Wild Boar
&
Apple” and four “Pork, Honey and Mustard”... £5.03 ...
gulp.
Karen does them for
dinner, 3
each and 2 for my sandwich tomorrow ... <<grins>>. They
were fantastic .. specially
the wild
boar ones. Crack the problem on my main XP computer ... having bought a
copy of
“Registry Medic”, which didn’t do anything for fixing the PC.
I opened up my spare similar spec PC and borrowed the memory strip out
of it
... clutching at straws. Open up troublesome PC, pull out memory strip
and
there is a wedge of fine bust between 2 chips like you would not
believe. Try
spare memory strip, and PC boots perfectly ....
hmmmm.
Put original strip back
in, clean
... PC boots fine ... grrrrrrr ... and PC
memory had
passed the “bios extended memory test” on boot up every time. We
live and learn. Out for a beer later in the evening with Bob, owner of
the boat
I crew on. As we enter the pub, Lin my neighbour who we
told last week about Sarah is there with a couple of other
women. We
have seen each other there many times before, and normally it’s been a
wave at each other and that’s it. Tonight she comes over, gives me a
hug
and two girlie air kisses ... <<blushes>>
..
says hello and asks if I’m alright ... I am
now
... <<smiles>>.
Not sure if she’s told
her
friends ... lol ... I’m not worried. Bob
was a
little taken back though ... and I explained that I had told Lin last
week, and
how accepting she proved to be. Lin then left shortly afterwards with
one of
her friends. Had a long chat with Bob after that about female attitudes
to me
when I tell them ... he’s surprised a bit ... but I think his
understanding of Sarah is really beginning to come together. He’s yet
to
see pictures of Sarah, think he’s in for a bit of a shock when I show
him
next week.
Day 83.
Get up with a smile on
my face
... things are looking up after last night (computer and pub) even
more.
Initial snow turns to rain on way in to work ..
at least it wasn’t as cold as
yesterday. The
menu’s out for tomorrows “Pig Out Wednesday”... Japanese
.. a lot of fish ( very allergic here ) and a
few “vege” options ... 8 Tofu pancakes in
the form of Chinese crispy duck ones, and a side dish of soya
beans ( high in estrogen’s ...
<<winks>> .. ), even the rice had fish in it ... grrrrr ... could be interesting.
Mid morning power walk
to
Sausage sandwich for lunch .. Pork, Honey and Mustard ones ..
with tomato chilli pickle as usual ... “C”
my colleague says “ blimey that smells strong” ... it’s the
sausages .. delicious ... mmmmmm.
The 3GHz Athlon XP
Barton chip
I ordered last week arrives in the afternoon. Rush home through a
terrible down
pour excited to do swap of CPU’s .... only to discover my earlier version of Asus
A7V333
motherboard won’t support it ... grrrrrr
...
I’ll have to get another board ... lucky late version Asus Athlon XP boards are being sold off really cheap
now ...
“Spare portion” of
Sunday nights chicken curry is my dinner tonight ... with orange jelly
with
mandarin oranges in for pudding ... Karen fancied it ... but a little
sharp ...
the fruit was in natural juices. Got to go do some real work now ... lol ... and it’s the “Mayflowers” Wolverton quiz night tomorrow, Karen and I are
being picked
up by a friend ( and T-girl) called Ashley at 7.15 ... so it’s going to
be tight on time ... and an early night to night to if we get our way.
Day
84.
Up with the lark ...
another
freeze your B***s off morning ( that would
save a bit
of money ... if only ....LOL ). Get to work on time (ish)
and get stuck in. It’s “Pig out Wednesday”, and I’m
looking forward to my Japanese delicacies ... oh er.
It arrives on time, my order is “Tofu Pancakes” and a portion of
Soya beans. Hmmmm ... the pancakes are
fine, if
rather small ... more like a starter than the main course
..
as for the beans ... YUK ...
Well I’m glad I bought
my
pudding ... banana and apple .... LOL.
Most of the others are stuffing some sort of Sushi or Japanese “Fish
and
Chips” . I worry ... I’m very allergic to
fish. An hour later I’m not feeling very good ... quite queasy in fact
... but this won’t count on the usual scale. I wonder if my pancakes
were
handled by somebody who just handled raw fish ... Feel poor till home
time and
it doesn’t get better when I get home.
“Tg”
friend Ashley calls to say she’s been ill all day and can’t do the
meeting tonight which she was going to drive Karen and I
too. So I get ready quickly and drive us myself. It’s a
“Mayflower” group meeting at Kingsclere
near
Diary
.... the next 28 days....
Return to Diary
Index.....
Return to page 1
(main
page).....