Sarah's Transition Diary .. weeks 281 - 284

.... is for those who might want to contact me about my diary.

Day 1961. Thursday 22nd April 2010.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept well .. If my water glass was to be believed.

06.00 .. The alarm goes off .. gosh I feel weird .. and I really need the loo .. up and at it. As I enter th bathroom I see my face in the mirror .. my face is a bit swollen again .. that ruddy pub has done it again 3 times on the trot !!!.

06.30 .. Gosh I feel so rough, but I have to go to work today .. I take an antihistamine prescribed by my GP .. “Chlorphenamine 4mg” .. “May cause drowsiness: if so, do not opperate machinery or drive, avoid alcohol” .. Karen takes a picture .. with me holding our radio clock / calendar / weather station as a reference .. I’m not a pretty sight.

In the shower I’m aiming for a quicky routine but after 15  - 20 minutes I start to feel really tired .. oo er.

07.15 .. I’m finally in the kitchen and take the rest of my pills and supplements before my breakfast. The Chlorphenamine may have kicked in my head starts to feel better though my mouth is swollen, but now I'm really tired .. what to do .. I really must get to work today really.

I have a cup of tea and go sit in the lounge to see what happens .. not a lot .. I could happily go get back into bed and sleep all day.

08.20 .. I can’t put this off .. I get ready for work .. at least the bike should keep me awake ..


This diary is currently under review .. it will return .. just check back now and then .. should be by 01/09/10.

Day 1971. Sunday 2nd May 2010.

Memory Joggers ...

09.45 .. ish .. I wake with a start .. oh heck I need to get a move on ..

12.10 .. ish .. I head for the garden centre, to get a couple of things I need .. some flowers for Christine and Karen ..

14.10 .. Lunch is served ..

14.20 .. Lunch over I rush around finishing my packing and loading the car ..

15.15 .. I head for Derby to drop Claire off .. we don’t get far before the “where’s mummy” start .. << grimace >>.

The traffic is terrible in places, we get dfelayed by an accident on the M25 and delays through roadworks on the M1.

17.50 .. ish .. I leave Claire eating a sandwich and head for Whitby ..

19.38 .. ish .. As I leave Pickering heading for Christine's, the TomTom says 21 miles and 28 minutes to go ..

19.57 .. I arrive at Christine’s .. she's expecting me in another 10 minutes .. "has that thing got wings" she asks as she opens the door to me.

I unload the car .. she likes the flowers and I thinbk the cheese collection was a bit of a surprise.

20.15 .. Dinner is served .. it’s a savoury crumble with butter beans, asparagus, mushrooms and a few other things .. it’s really nice, but I need to pick out the chunks of broccoli, now I know it has a high iodine content.

00.20 .. I head for bed .. as I do I nip out to the car to get another bag from the front .. “It’s Monday now .. happy birthday” .. she decides to open them in the “morning”.

00.45 .. I’m in bed .. some rescue remedy .. nightie night.

More to come ... ( edited / added too 7th / 8th May ).

Day 1972. Monday 3rd May 2010. ( Christine birthday )

Memory Joggers ...

I slept quite well really .. even if the bed is a bit different to home.

07.30 .. My alarm goes off .. I get up and go and shower..

08.20 .. ish .. Breakfast .. I have some cereal’s and toasted home bread from Christine’s bread maker .. it’s lovely.

11.15 .. ish .. we head down to town to have lunch.

Lunch in Whitby ..

12.40 .. We’ve had lunch and start to head back to her house, however we do a detour through the museum, initially to see the cards they are now selling, 4 of which are using the photographs of works of art that I took on my last visit .. << smiles >> .. we then move on to see a jewellery exhibition then wander around the museum itself.

13.18.. a phone call, business related .. I missed it .. shame ..

13.50 .. ish .. We are back at Christine’s house ..

13.55 .. I find a message from Lucinda .. so I reply and she pops up for a chat ..

14.30 .. I get the message from Arqiva .. and log in to work .. I meet Andrew on line, he’s been trying to sort it for an hour .. so I wade in .. 5 minutes later it’s sorted ..

A quick trip to Lidl’s .. some beer and ice cream ..

Christine’s friend Jackie arrives .. she’s driven 67 miles to get here, she’s staying over night.

18.25.. Christine’s friends start to arrive .. in the end there is about 12 of us . .enough to make Christine’s fully extended table cramped .. but a lot of fun ..

18.45 .. Christine orders the Chinese take away .. I drive her round to collect it ..

Well the “party” is very nice .. the food goes down well with generous quantities of wine .. this my last chance to drink till after Thursday .. so I “push the boat out” .. an ice cream course comes before the cheese.

The cheese I bought down comes out with an apology for the Époisses .. we should have removed the cheese from the fridge earlier .. it’s a bit cold. Most people tuck in .. and seem to enjoy the selection .. including the Époisses ..  

22.50 .. I call Karen .. when I return people are starting to go home ..

23.35 .. time for bed ..

More to come ... ( edited / added too 7th / 8th May ).

Day 1973. Tuesday 4th May 2010.

Memory Joggers ...

07.30 .. My alarm .. my head !!!

08.06 .. I finally get up ..

Breakfast is a bowl of cereals and some of Christine’s bread toasted .. it’s lovely .. a cup of tea and as Christine puts it “ a glass of crushed British cox” ( Cox apple juice ) .. lol.

09.15 .. Post breakfast I head for a shower ..

A trip to a garden centre a few miles away so Jackie can help Christine select some items to fill some gaps in Christine’s front garden.

We walk down into town for lunch ..to a wonderful historic place founded many years ago, and still works in the same way .. the interior in the first floor restaurant is wonderful, with the staff uniformed in a really old fashioned way ..

A walk along the beach with two lovely friends and a visit to Christine’s “Chalet” .. as the local council call them .. it’s a beach hut .. or a shed as Christine refers to it .. << grins >>. It’s one of those .. a blue one.

An arty picture looking back down the beach .. don’t let the blue sky fool you .. the northerly wind was bitter cold .. those kids playing in the distance must be hardy Yorkshire stock .. LOL. I had bought my bikini with me to Whitby .. but blue skin isn’t fetching .. << grimace >>.

Christine’s Chalet is a blue one like this .. no it’s a beach hut .. OK it’s a bright coloured shed .. yes I'm wearing a seriously warm cardigan .. for Surrey standards .. I am going slightly blue with the Yorkshire May heat ..

17.45 .. Martha pops up on Yahoo for a chat ..

17.48 .. Dinner is served .. a delicious mushroom and vegetable Thai curry .. with rice .. it’s fab. Dessert is some “German” chocolate ice cream .

Jackie departs for home ..

18.44 .. Dawn pops up for a chat ..

18.48 .. Dawn is off to play with the kids ..

BBC4 .. a string of programmes on the sea and rescue services ..

Christine and I chat about some serious stuff .. my work and home situations included.

23.15 .. I’m in bed .. a dose of Rescue Remedy .. nightie night.

More to come ... ( edited / added too 7th / 8th May ).

Day 1974. Wednesday 5th May 2010.

Memory Joggers ...

I didn’t sleep very well .. despite 2 doses of Rescue Remedy .. worry about Thursday ..

07.45 .. The alarm goes off .. I was awake ..

08.07 .. Up and at it ..

Christine makes breakfast and she persuades me to try her special Yorkshire porridge .. so I do .. first time I’ve had porridge .. she puts sliced banana and raspberries in .. it’s really nice actually. Her home made bread smells lovely .. and it tastes it to .. wholemeal with some chopped nuts in it.

11.10 .. I send messages to a GRSinThailand member whose having her surgery with Dr Suporn tomorrow.

12.00 .. A conference call .. about our new weekend cover scheme .. a few of us have doubts .. Gary can’t resist having a go at me .. << bits tongue >>  hmmmm.

13.15 .. We head off to the Wits End café .. it’s a short drive and is basically at the far end of Whitby’s beach. The place is run by Italians .. and the food is superb .. I need some fuel to get me home .. so I go for a jacket potato with cheese .. it’s lovely and we sat in the “walled garden” to eat it.

14.25 .. ish .. We are back at Christine’s .. a final sort out and use her “facilities” before I leave.

Leaving is a wrench .. Christine is a lovely person, really funny and generous with her time .. I am fighting back the tears as we hug goodbye.

14.35 .. ish .. Having set my TomTom up I finally head off ..

I stop on Moors to take some photographs .. my rapid progress had been halted by a load of cards stuck behind a 4 x 4 with a horse box ..

Ten minutes later I’m back at that queue .. only it’s longer .. I start to pick cars off in one’s a nd two’s ..

19.14 .. I’m home .. gosh I am shattered ..

19.30 .. Dinner is served .. a grilled chicken fillet, a slice of ham, salad and potato salad. Dessert is a portion of French rice pudding.

20.04 .. I call Christine to let her know I’m home and safe .. she offers to let me convalesce down there if I don’t mind another 4.5 hour drive so soon .. I thank her again for her wonderful hospitality. 

21.45 .. I’m in that position .. a dilation before hospital tomorrow.

22.25 .. I call it cooked .. and head for a cleanse.

23.10 .. I’m in bed .. a large dose of Rescue Remedy night follows .. it doesn’t help a lot.

More to come ... ( edited / added too 7th / 8th May ).

TDay 1975. Thursday 6th May 2010. ( RSH Admission )

Memory Joggers ...

I barely slept ..

05.40 .. The alarm goes off, I was awake .. up and at it ..

07.06 .. We are on the road .. I’m going to be a little late ..

07.40 .. Karen drops me off and kisses me goodbye in the car .. I walk down the path to the “Short Stay Surgical Unit” .. I ring the bell to be let in.

I’m shown to my bed .. room 4 bay .... “T” .. are they trying to out me .. other bays are numbered 1 - 4, this one is “T” .. no not T for transgendered, not T for Trevor ( my old male name ) but T is for trolley. Yes I’ve pulled the short straw again and got a trolley rather than a bed like 12 days ago .. << sighs >>. The room was only really designed for 4 beds, but they’ve crammed a trolley in a corner behind the door. I suddenly realise this was the same room, but bed 1, that I was in for my tonsillectomy 4 years ago or so.

I’m told to take a seat and left to stew for a while ..

“Emily” the ward sister comes and introduces herself, she asks how I prefer to be called .. “Sarah is fine, it is my name”.

She asks if I’m OK, I look rather pale .. “are you nervous” .. “Yes, that’s an understatement” .. “There’s nothing to worry about” she assures me.

She explains a few things about where I am and what I’m here for .. but also mentions there is some confusion that will be sorted.

I’m here for two different procedures with two different consultants .. one of whom I’m yet to meet .. and the computer has booked me into two theatres .. at the same time .. not quite sure how they are going to manage that one then .. “I’ve heard of time share apartments, not time share patients” I quip nervously << grimace >>.

Emily explains the consultants and AN anaesthetist will come and see me soon, and one of the nurses will come and help me get ready once I’m next in the queue. She puts two bands on my wrist, gets me to sign some forms and then leaves me with a sample pot to use when I’m ready.

I get my book out to try and distract myself .. I don’t get very far ..

An Anaesthetist comes to see me and goes through my notes and asks a few questions .. “I see you’ve had a few anaesthetics in the past, any problems?” . .I explain the few issues I’ve had .. “Oh yes I see that here on some notes” ..

Suddenly another Anaesthetist pops in through the curtains .. there’s a quick exchange of humour between the two and a discussion of who is going to have me .. they leave it to who ever collects me first !!! << grimace >>. The first promises to copy his notes to the other .. and the second one, a very cheery Asian leaves.

The Anaesthetist re assures me everything will be ok .. explains the two procedures, “both are very quick and simple procedures, you’ll only be out for 30 minutes or so as long as both surgeons get together in a timely manner .. hmmmm. He says he’ll probably see me later and disappears.

08.55 .. I only get through another page in my book when I hear “hello Sarah” .. and look up. The Urologist introduces himself .. for the first time, “Miss Hutt has asked me to take a look at you this morning while she has you out”, and explains what he’s going to do .. then dissappears.

I’m left to my book .. I need the loo .. so go provide the sample the nurse has asked for.

Back to the book .. I get through a few more pages, nurses keeping coming to see me with questions .. I start to wonder if I’m the star attraction as they seem to asking odd questions and just want to come and say hello really.

09.46 .. A nurse says it’s time for me to get ready .. she tells me to strip my top half off and she’ll help me with the theatre gown .. so I do .. I’m then left to undress fully, take all my hair clips out as instructed and put it in a scrunchie high up.

09.55 .. I’ve just packed everything into my locker when an oriental male nurse and Emily appear .. they are ready for me. I get on the trolley and I’m covered up .. I’m shaking .. Emily strokes my hand and tells me not to worry. We don’t get far when the trolley bumps something. The nurse apologises saying “some of there trolleys are worse than Tesco’s ones in straight lines” .. and he giggles.

09.58 .. I’m “parked” in a waiting area along side a man ..

A female nurse from a nurses station comes across and asks if I’m ok .. she can see me “shivering” and puts another blanket on me. Somebody comes to collect the male beside me and that nurse walks off to.

Somebody else arrives in the waiting bay .. another male .. who has a leg in plaster, and seems quite jolly. The male nurse at the waiting area’s nurse station comes across to me. “I can see your very nervous, do you want to chat while you wait ?” .. “Yes OK if you want to”

So we chat about all sorts of things .. not related to why I’m here.  

10.16 .. “Jay”, the assistant anaesthetist comes to collect me, and the nurse tells him I’m very nervous and stands by while Jay does yet another run through of all my info ..

Jay wheels me off assisted by the male nurse for part of the journey.

10.19 .. I’m in the anaesthetic room .. it’s the white anaesthetist who has won me .. he and his assistant spend a minute getting there act together before trying to get a cannular in the back of my hand.

I’ve been here before .. “Pump your hand as if your picking up £50 notes the anaesthetist quips with a smile” .. so I do .. little evidence of veins in the back of my hand. He gets Jay to “squeegee” my arm to force blood into my hand, which has now been hung over the side to get gravity to help. There’s a lot of tapping on the back of my hand and I’m warned of a sharp scratch .. “missed” .. << grimace >> apparently there is no blood coming out, he apologises and pulls it out .. then it dribbles blood. A pressure pad is taped over that whole.

Another attempt .. more hand clenching, more “squeegeeing” of my arm .. “ Ah there’s one, I’ll go for that .. sharp scratch” .. OUCH. “I’ll just try flushing that to see if it’s ok” .. it’s not .. resistance and no blood .. till he pulls it out again. “Jay” chirps up “Sorry Sarah your hand it beginning to look like a pin cushion” as another pressure pad is taped on .. the anaesthetist gives Jay a seriously dirty look .. I can’t see Jay’s face or my hand which is being help down over the edge out of sight.

The anaesthetist says he’ll try the other hand .. I point out the vein on the side of my wrist they used 12 days ago and in Thailand on both trips .. the anaesthetist looks and says yes that looks good. Jay starts to squeegee my arm again ..

10.27 .. They’ve finally got the cannular in on one well worn vein on the thumb side of my left wrist. The anaesthetist apologises for the stress caused and I’m given something to relax me before the anaesthetic. It only just starts to wash over me when a large syringe is put on and the lights go out very quickly.

11.17 .. I start to wake up in recovery .. as I start to gag on the pipe still in my throat .. “Ann (?), Sarah” I hear with an alarmed tone. A hand lands on my forehead and pushes my head back .. and the thing in my mouth is taken out .. “Sorry Sarah” .. My head is lifted and an oxygen mask is put over my face ..

As I come to more I look around .. there’s about 8 bays here in recovery .. seems to be staffed about one nurse to 2 patients. A male is wheeled in beside as another is wheeled away .. from the other side .. it looks quite a mouthful of pipe he’s got .. is that what I could feel ?

The nurse starts to ask me how I feel .. she lifts the oxygen mask and I slur a few words .. I’m bone dry and my throat is really sore .. “I feel really light headed .. odd” .. the mask is put on again and it hisses louder.

After some time I’m feeling more with it .. “Emily” comes to wheel me back to the ward ..

11.52 .. Says the clock over the door as I’m wheeled back to my bay ..

Two nurses fuss around me for awhile taking my stats then I’m left alone for a while .. “try and sleep Sarah” .. they draw the curtains most of the way cutting my view of the clock.

It’s a bit like last week .. every ten minutes or so my stats are being checked .. after the second set they put me back on oxygen.

12.45 .. ish .. The nurses return and sit me up slightly .. but leave me on oxygen after feeding me some water. My head is starting to spin again, on their next return the nurses lay me down again.

13.30 .. I’m sat up again and after checking I’m feeling better this time I’m offered some food .. I opt for a beef sandwich and a cup of tea .. the nurse says to stay on the oxygen till she comes back.

The food arrives .. the bread is pretty stale .. lovely .. not.

In a conversation with a nurse she says that once I’ve used the loo and more out of the anaesthetic effects I can go home. So I get up and sway across the few steps to the loo door .. the nurse tells me not to lock the door, she’ll stand guard just in case ..

Gosh .. this isn’t easy .. feels like I’m squeezing it out of a smaller hole .. the good news is that the direction is spot on .. << smiles >> .. but it seems to take an age.

14.39 .. send a text to Karen “Should be Ok for 16.15" .. she told me earlier she should be able to get to me by that time.

14.45 .. send a text to Karen “Brain not working, suggest phone hospital first .. love XXX”

15.00 ish .. I’m starting to hurt down below .. quite a lot ..

15.45 .. A junior nurse asks if I’m ok, walks away and returns with Emily .. I tell them I am in agony don’t there, serious burning sensation ..

15.50 .. ish .. I’m in agony down below .. I’m given a Tramadol ..

16.30 .. A nurse comes to see me again, asks how the pain is and I say it’s not changed a lot .. she gives me another Tramadol and 2 Paracetamol together .. she says that Paracetamol can act as a catalyst on the Tramadol and make it more effective. A fan is produced to cool me down as I’m feeling rather warm ..

16.50 .. ish .. The nurse returns to check on me .. I’m feeling a lot more comfortable .. in fact I’m now floating off the ruddy trolley to a degree .. oo er. She asks if I’d like something to eat .. yes please .. I choose from 2 items .. the one without fish.

17.11 .. a text from Karen .. “Hospital told me they would ring when u r ready 2 b collected. Stil waiting! Will get all the traffic now. C u later.”

17.11 .. send a text to Karen .. “Sorry XXX”

17.13 .. a text from Karen .. “Any idea how much longer?”

17.21 .. send a text to Karen .. “I don’t know, got pain under control now, 2 x Tramadol and 2 x Paracetamol, only got Paracetamol to bring home, sorry I’m a pain ..... ”

17.44 .. send a text to Karen .. I’ve created a heart in “X’s” ..

17.46 .. a text message from Karen .. “R u ready yet?”

17.48 .. My food arrives .. cheese and ham pasta bake with “garden peas” .. the pasta bake is actually quite nice, but the peas !!! .. not good.

18.16 .. send a text to Karen .. “I want to come home”

18.17 .. A nurse comes to see me, asking how I feel ? .. “OK I suppose, can I go home please” .. “well if your OK I’ll sort out your discharge papers”.

18.18 .. a text from Karen .. “Have you asked why the delay”

18.19 .. send a text to Karen .. “discharging now”

18.21 .. A text from Karen “OK on my way”

18.30 .. ish .. The nurse returns .. I’ve tried to ring Karen but there is no answer, I tell her she’s on her way because she’s sent me a text. The nurse smiles .. “OK, I’ll get your discharge pack and go through it with you”.

She soon returns, runs through everything that I have to take home and reads me the riot act .. “we recommend with the type of anaesthetic you were given you should not drive for 72 hours as it takes ages to leave your system .. you might feel some of the effects for even longer”

“You might continue to have problems passing urine for a while and produce drops of blood .. this should pass in a week, if it gets worse you may have a UTI and should see your GP with your discharge papers”

“If you start to bleed a lot come back to us, if you have any worries call this number and we’ll talk to you”.

“A follow up with the specialists will be arranged for 8 weeks time, you’ll get appointments through the post”. “AppointmentS” I query .. “probably as two worked on you today”.

She leaves me to get dressed ..

18.55 .. I’m dressed .. and wondering where Karen is .. I’ve heard the door bell ring several times but no sign of Karen. I need the loo so I go sort it. While sitting there I hear the door bell followed by a familiar cough just outside.

19.00 .. I leave the loo .. it is Karen. I do some final sorting of myself, wander down to the nurses station to only find a complete stranger there .. “who are you she asks” .. “Sarah *******, my lift has arrived” .. “Ok, take care, goodbye”

19.05 .. We are in the car .. gosh I feel odd .. that climb up the grass to the car, as in a short cut, really was exhausting .. 

19.35 .. Karen stops in the village, parking right outside a pub, so she can walk back and vote ..

19.41 .. We are home .. phew .. I lay out on the settee, Karen asks if I’d like anything to eat .. hmmmm ... something comforting .. “a bowl of French rice pudding please .. with a little strawberry jam”.

Karen delivers my dish .. lovely ..

21.10 .. I’m so tired, and I’m starting to ache again down below .. so I go and get ready for bed ..

21.48 .. I’m in bed .. Karen delivers me a cup of tea ..

22.20 .. Karen joins me in bed .. waking me up .. that’s lucky as I realise I haven’t done my “final indignity” so get up to do it .. but I fall asleep again quite quickly afterwards.

More to come ...

This diary is currently under review .. it will return .. just check back now and then .. should be by 01/09/10..