Sarah's Transition Diary .. days 1149 - 1176


.... is for those who might want to contact me about my diary.

Day 1149. Thursday 31st January 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

06.00 .. I was awake when the alarm went off .. cancelled then dosed off.

06.20 .. I wake with a start .. gosh I need to get a move on. My head seems to feel a bit easier this morning than it did last night .. a good sign I hope.

07.15 .. I'm in the position, let the clock start ..

08.10 .. time is nearly up .. thank god .. I'm letting off a lot of gas and it feels like I need for a bowel movement and a half .. this does tend to happen when dilating .. DOH.

09.20 .. a quick breakfast, initially sitting with Sara and one of the eccentric American's. Yoghurt with fresh fruit salad in it, two slices of toast .. and some little cake bits .. chocolate !!!! .. gosh there's something I've missed.

09.55 .. Back in my room .. need to get my act together for today's little bus outing.

10.40 .. The eccentric Americans have held us up .. but finally we are on our way in a full 12 seater mini bus to the Chinese Temple, Monkey Mountain and then on to Dr Suporn's beach house.

11.02 .. At the Chinese temple. Well what can I say .. it's no ancient monument, in fact it's still being built in parts. What bemuses me and Rosalyn is the lack of English signs except, “UP”, “DOWN”, “NO PHOTOGRAPHS” and “DONATIONS”. Hmmm .. as Rosalyn points out no donations due to no photographs. Well the no photographs thing is for the inside only, my first serious stair challenge .. 4 flights in total to get to the top .. every step is painful, but I did get to the top !!

11.45 .. We arrive at Monkey Mountain .. it's a well rehearsed routine .. bus turns round and parks up, driver gets out and exchanges Baht for many little baskets of nuts and fruit. It's another photo opportunity if nothing else. These are miniature monkeys anyway, and the babies .. arghhh .. so cute. There is a female who is incredibly pregnant and must be about to pop. They climb over the bus, we are warned about bags and cameras .. so my bag stays inside the van, the camera is firmly attached to my wrist .. 

Leaving the monkeys behind we stop off and the driver buys two enormous large bags of ice.

12.08 .. We arrive at Dr Suporn's beach house .. and very nice it is too .. not massive .. but direct access to the beech .. lovely .. with a couple of pagodas, and indoor swimming pool. We get a guided tour of the house, which I suspect is only really here for the doctor's occasional use, the only bathroom we get shown, I suspect the master one .. is stunning and spacious with a large whirlpool bath that could easily hold an orgy or two .. << grins >>.
Drinks on the terrace .. and lunch is served .. but our expert cooked lunches are held up while a demonstration of how to made “pad kai” is done, not without her admitting she messed up slightly, by one of the clinic girls.

I go for a paddle in the sea .. a photo to remember thanks to Rosalyn.

14.00 .. I give Karen a quick wake up call at home from the loan mobile .. the only way I can do it.

I have quite a long conversation with a Dutch girl who was already here when we arrived, like most Dutch her English is superb, BBC English she calls it herself .. LOL. She works her 4 day working weeks for a “government agency” so she can spent 10 weeks a year out here every year .. she fell in love with the place years ago following her surgery with Dr Suporn. The conversation leads to my current unhappiness over the insecticide issue. She thinks something is odd too about my appointment on Monday and confirms my view that repeated “don't worry” from the girls doesn't help somebody in my situation one little bit, in fact increases suspicions. 

I recline on a wedge under a pagoda half way down from house to sea, gosh what an idyllic location .. the sea is lapping ashore and I can hear it .. and promptly fall asleep for 20 minutes .. when I woke up Rosalyn and partner Tina had left .. oo er .. was my snoring too loud.  

16.55 .. We arrive back outside the hotel .. and just in time, I need the loo.

17.40 .. I've laid on the bed naked for a while doing some diary notes, checking my e-mails .. time to do that maintenance thing.

Relaxing after such a pleasant day is fairly easy, so the dilation starts quite effortlessly.

18.25 .. I'm in the position ..

18.27 .. I send a yahoo message to my friend Linda .. which leads to a bit of a chat.

18.30 .. Christine from Whitby calls on Skype .. yeah .. multitasking .. though occasionally I started to type things I was saying to Christine .. LOL.

19.07 .. Christine needs to sort her lunch out .. so off she goes .. leaving me a few more minutes to cook.

19.25 .. It's cooked and I need the loo .. how unusual .. << grimace >>.

20.15 .. I join Alliana, the Dutch girl who found me 6 nights ago .. but then a minute or so later Laura and Micheline appear, I suggest we move to a table for 4 .. let it be so. I decide to try the meal I had on my first night here .. the chicken, cashew and dried chilli dish, and have to follow it up with the ice cream dish Alliana had before she disappeared .. one word .. CHOCOLATE .. << smiles >>.

21.45 .. I'm back in my room .. I add a bit to the diary .. and do a clear up from the earlier dilation, a girl on her own has so much to do. It's nice to hear from the others just how involved there partners have got .. from preparing and cleaning “the kit” too .. not going there .. and nor will Karen I am sure.

I can remember checking my e-mails and logging back into Skype and Yahoo, but then fell asleep .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

23.55 .. I suddenly wake up .. and remember I have another pleasant task to do before I actually go to sleep .. ahmmn .. << grimace >> .. but only one more night to do, well I’ve got one for tomorrow night as well.

00.45 .. I'm still laying awake .. waiting to hear from Karen, maybe I won't .. I do some diary work while I wait.

01.06 .. To pass some time I Skype out my old mate “Steve the printer”, now known as “Steve the plumber” .. spend 20 minutes talking about this and that, he seems to be genuinely pleased for me .. as we share a birthday, birth year and birth place .. we are each others oldest mates thanks to our mums getting friendly in hospital.

01.30 .. I must go to sleep .. Ill leave the PC on beside me running Skype .. Karen you can ring a mobile to get my attention if you like .. otherwise .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1150. Friday 1st February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

02.05 .. I was dozing when the computer started to ring .. well Skype, it's Karen. We chat about our days, she's reading my diary and something I said in that triggers a comment and that leads to a discussion, the end result is when I hang the phone up 30 minutes or so later, I'm booing my eyes out.

03.20 .. I've sobbed for ages, this is the last time I remember seeing the clock till I suddenly wake up ...

04.15 .. I need a pee, and now.

06.00 .. the alarm goes off .. gosh I'm tired, I snooze it a couple of times but get up eventually. My head isn't as good as yesterdays best feelings, I take the blue pill before doing anything else. I really need a bowel movement, but I'm not allowed to push anymore. I eat a couple go “pee pee”. Eventually after faffing around doing dilating prep I feel the urge to go, phew.

07.20 .. I take the position and try to relax .. Karen's words running through my head isn't a good background track to doing this. 

07.25 .. I'm stressed and not properly relaxed .. the dilator seems to have grown .. it's in but I'm short by ½” on depth, so I use the blue band to ease me in a little firmer ..

Despite my Yahoo tag with the no entry sign and a message inviting my friends to Skype me,  a friend from near Oxford pops up on Yahoo messenger and gets shirty when I give short answers rather than loads of typing .. I'm trying to relax, Skype voice calls with friendly relaxing English speaking voices helps a lot, trying to type with one hand DOESN’T.

I've got some investigating to do today, if I have the strength, I need to shop for insecticide as the hotel manager says it's readily available in the local shops.

07.30 .. I've made it to my depth I want to try and maintain .. the clock starts now.

08.30 .. I'm cooked .. so it's time to start the clean up and creme routine, after I've had a shower .. Ill have to do my hair later, no time now.

09.30 .. I join a small group for breakfast, Sara is trying to organize a visit to the big Buddha on the hill for a group of people, I'm offered a place.

10.00 .. Back in my room, I boot the PC to check in on the world ..

10.36 .. I check with the clinic as top the time of my appointment today with Dr Suporn .. I'm told to be there about 16.00 .. so I think Ill join Sara & co. for the trip. Must remember the sun block !!!

10.43 .. The maid knocks, she wants to start on my room .. fine by me ..

10.45 .. Cin arrives from the clinic, to count my tablets, check my temperature and blood pressure.

10.56 .. “Everything normal” .. she shows me my blood pressure off the machine .. 118 / 76 .. and she heads off for the next patient, leaving me to my diary and the maid to clean my room .. I hope she's quick, I need a pee before I go out to the Buddha.

11.40 .. Everyone has finally gathered, we walk through a shower to the clinic .. never thought about packing an umbrella, Sara will organize one of the little bus / taxi's to get us to the Buddha from there. Once at the clinic, and slightly wet, Mrs Suporn arranges a couple of staff and company vehicles to take us to the big Buddha.

We pile out into the vehicles, I've experienced there Landrover Discovery already so I head with Audrey and her MOM to the big Volvo XC-90. Ho hum .. the Discovery won't start .. LOL .. it is a Landrover after all .. LOL. The male staff driver uses his own long cab pickup to take the others, one of the girls nervously takes us in the Volvo.

11.55 .. The big Buddha is certainly BIG. It's another photo opportunity but at the same time this is a serious local religious place, so we show the respect necessary.

It is suggested we all do the prayer / ask for something nice to happen ritual. For a small donation, you choose one bunch from 3 different flowers, I choose the pink orchids, and you get a little pack with a candle, 3 incense sticks and three little sections of gold leaf.

Well I've chosen not to ask for something for myself, I place the flowers in the water, I light my candle and incense sticks, kneel in front of the array of miniature Buddha's and say my prayer .. I'm fighting back tears as I stand up afterwards to place the gold leaf on the three that I feel might be relevant in some way, one Buddha has a pig with it ..

Wow .. I'm tingling .. how odd .. I hope this is a sign of some sort that my prayer has been received by the gods in the light intended .. only time will tell now if my prayer for another comes true.   

En route back to the hotel our drivers take us onto another part of the hill which is a lookout vantage point .. more pictures. 

13.45 .. We are in the Pizza Company restaurant about a ten minute hobble from the clinic .. the menu is multi language, so ordering isn't as problem, but just in case I give the waitress a quick flash of my fish allergy warning .. she says OK. So it's a medium triple chicken thin and crispy with a portion of garlic bread and a medium size Pepsi .. the garlic bread was a surprise, you really could taste the garlic.

14.00 .. I call Karen from the loan mobile .. 

14.25 .. We've had our fill, I head off to the 7-11 store favoured by Sara .. oop’s error .. it really doesn't keep much, so Ill have to do a raid on the Tops supermarket tomorrow. So it's one pack of there biggest “napkins”, a box of Kleenex tissues and a 6 litre bottle of Nestle water.

15.15 .. I'm back in my room, I need to freshen up my body, and wash my hair, before my 16.00 with Dr Suporn.

15.56 .. I'm in the clinic, looks busy and I'm someway down the list .. I decide to get the laptop out and do some Skype out calls. I wouldn't say my old trusty Toshiba is slow, but by the time I've said hello to Dee, one of the girls is indicating I'm next .. so I quickly say goodbye and put the laptop back to sleep.

16.25 .. So I'm on his bench and Dr Suporn enters, a nurse takes some pictures .. then Dr Suporn tries to remove a couple of skin grafts that haven't taken. One is flapping in the wind so to speak .. but a yelp and sudden involuntary movement in my legs has two nurses grabbing my ankles and Dr Suporn moving back .. << grimace >> .. he decides to give them more time to fall away on there own, and asks me to return next Wednesday.

16.55 .. Back in the main office I complete parts of a bank form .. for my refund Ill be getting.

17.22 .. I call Andrew in Cardiff on Skype out to have a chat .. he e-mailed me late last night his time to see how I was ..

17.42 .. I Skype Bob at home .. he's in the office so answers .. we chat for a while too ...

18.35 .. I'm back in my room .. boot the laptop and blast in some diary while seated.

19.35 .. Oo-er .. I better get a move on .. Sara's last night here ..

More to come ...

Day 1151. Saturday 2nd February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

07.45 .. I get up ..

Well the Saturday morning weigh in obviously can't happen, but I did do it on Thursday in the clinic before our trip to the BIG Buddha .. and it was 86 Kg .. still 7 lb or so down on my hospital admission weight, even with all my clothes on.

09.05 .. Breakfast time ..

10.30 .. I'm in that position, but not reached full depth, that takes another 25 minutes to get the last ½ inch.

11.30 .. I say goodbye to Abby .. I need to do a full clean up job and shower.

While flushing myself a large ( about size of 50p piece ) of grey and white skin falls out into the bath, I catch it for safe storage and examination by one of the girls .. it's probably the bit pointed out by Dr Suporn on Monday when we could see inside me ..

12.30 .. I phone the clinic and ask if anybody is coming, saying what has happened. This clinic girl's English is poor, I'm told to call Jib on her mobile. Jib is at the hospital sorting a couple of girls out .. says she'll come see me about 13.30. I do a quick cleanup in the bathroom so the maid can service my room.

12.50 .. I join a Canadian girl for lunch .. but service is slow and I'm worried about missing Jib.

13.38 .. I'm back in my room .. I reboot the laptop and start some diary notes.

13.45 .. Jib and another comes visiting .. Jib inspects what dropped into the bath earlier .. it's a chunk of grey / white holey skin with lots of fine stitches .. she says “don't worry” it's normal and just vaginal skin replacing itself. She stays and chats about my concerns, I'm sure Jib, apart from Sophie, has the best understanding of English of all the Suporn girls. She's going to try and find out more info for me on that insecticide. I stress the need to be able to keep my own GP properly informed, I think she understands. I confirm my support and thanks for Dr Suporn and his girls, but explain I've lost a little faith in other things here.

The other girl takes my blood pressure, it's well up on the last measurement, Jib says I should try to relax and not worry about things, easier said than done, clearly. 

15.08 .. I call Karen, I've had a look earlier at the BBC weather forecast for the north Midlands's not good, it sounds as if Karen isn't going to risk going to see Claire, the home confirmed last night they had some lying snow.

After a short call I ready myself for a walk out .. I have some investigating to do ..

Drug store chap next to Macdonald’s, speaks a little English, takes the bag of pills and goes to his computer .. it's a shake of the head, I'm not sure if that means he hasn't got any or can't find information ..

I head down to Boots the chemist .. it really hasn't got a pharmacy section, and the staff don't speak English.

I head for the Foram supermarket to see if I can find this product .. partial success !!!!

14.55 .. I call Karen again .. I start a Yahoo photo sharing session with her and before we Know it we've nearly blown an hour .. I like hearing her voice.

19.05 .. I arrive in the café on my second attempt .. ruddy doughnut !!! . After flashing my fish allergy card I order a green Thai chicken curry. He asks if I like it hot .. “hot please, I like hot” .. “you sure” .. “Yes” .. he goes off to the kitchen. We are discussing tomorrow nights options and agree to try the in house Chinese restaurant at 19.00 tomorrow. Rosalyn is eating the special of the month desert, a St Valentine days .. frozen yoghurt with strawberries and bits of chocolate .. Ill have one of those too .. only 100 Baht.

20.10 .. Back in my room.

21.20 .. I'm in that position .. but things are definitely starting to tighten, or I'm not relaxed enough ..

21.30 .. Still ½" short of depth .. this is a little worrying. I increase the tension on the blue belt and see how it goes ..

22.00 .. I'm at depth now .. it's been a struggle and not exactly comfortable.

22.30 .. Clean up time before I call mum’s at 16.00 England time .. I got 30 minutes ..

23.05 .. I call my mum .. it's short and sweet, before she passes phone to Karen, equally short ..

00.25 .. Karen calls me back from home .. another rather “short” call ...

Do some research on the poisons I found listed in the shop .. till I see the actual can again I will not know for sure ..






01.55 .. Nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1152. Sunday 3rd February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

I had a mixed night to be honest, this bed is so ruddy hard that laying on my side for very long is painful, my preferred position.

07.15 .. I'm awake and very warm .. and very much in need of the toilet. Well it looks like my self control is coming on in leaps and bounds .. which is a relief .. << giggles, sorry >>.

07.30 .. I boot the laptop to see how the world is, and pop into the Trans-mission and Transgender Outreach chat rooms before heading off to the shower.

07.55 .. I really must get on with showering etc, so I duck out of the chat rooms and head for the shower then do a creme job. Michael (minimacromantic) says he’ll give me a Skype call tomorrow .. oh to hear an English voice.

09.05 .. I'm in the café and join Tina and Rosalyn at a table for 4 .. one of the acentric American's joins us. Breakfast is a ham, mushroom, cheese omelette with 4 rashers of fatty bacon, and a couple of “sausages”, part two is a bowl of muesli for the fibre, and part three is a bowl of yoghurt and fresh fruit salad. I really don't know what to do other than keep checking my weight, I really don't want to overdo the eating .. but eat enough so as not to be like Audrey and Laura who are so thin they have no stamina. At least they have someone with them when they exhaust themselves.

10.05 .. I'm back in my room and facing the drudgery, I need the loo urgently and sort that out.

10.12 .. I've started my dilating prep when the lights flicker then go off completely. It's hammering down with rain outside, and as I'm on the shaded side of the Hotel it's never really bright in here,especially now. I call reception, it's an internal problem and they are working on it ..

The bathroom really is pretty dark, so I have to do things virtually by touch.

Well I can't delay this really .. so with curtains wide open as they’ll go to maximise the light.

10.25 .. I'm in position and more than a little tense, I'm scarred of doing this when I can't see so well ..

10.30 .. I'm an inch short on depth !!! .. I increase the pressure till it's really uncomfortable .. and secure the blue band ... I do this several times, every 5 minutes or so ..

10.53 .. The power comes back on, and I boot the laptop .. I need to unwind ..

11.00 .. I use the mirror to check my depth .. I've made it, I guess I’d better add a while to my time to ensure I'm not creeping down in depth. 

11.30 .. I'm in real time .. but feel I should dilate a little longer .. so I check my e-mails ..

12.00 .. oop’s .. a little to long ..

12.10 .. Go to start clean up to find there is no water pressure in hot water taps !!!!!

12.15 .. I'm naked bar a bra and skimpy dressing gown, with a fold of Kitchen roll wedged between my thighs when there is a knock on my door, two men from house services and my room maid.

They come in and turn hot taps on .. ah .. there is a trickle now. One chap disappears and occasional words are being exchanged on two way radio’s.

12.22 .. I think the other chap must have found a breaker out on a water pump somewhere, cause suddenly there is a surge of water from shower and sink, the man in my room smiles and says “OK” .. and leaves.

I do my clean up and lay on my bed for a creaming session .. it's such a relief just to lay here for a while knowing that’s all over for another 10 hours .. << grimace >>.

I do a little diary and check my e-mails ..

13.15 .. I need to go and eat .. lightly I think if it's going to be a Chinese tonight. 

13.20 .. I find myself almost alone, apart from the young Canadian girl who I go and join, but she was about to leave anyway. I order the fresh fruit platter, with a Pepsi just for a change. My food soon arrives, the Canadian has gone but Audrey and her Mom have arrived, they occupy the table for 2 next to mine. They are up for the Chinese tonight so we might have a little party there later.

14.10 .. I'm back in my room, I really want to go out to the supermarket, I wonder if it's open actually, but the weather is more like England today, well no England is very cold today, it's still very warm here but it's frequent down pours of rain and I don't fancy getting caught out in one.

I top off my lunch with two mini banana’s and a yoghurt, I wash my four tablets down with a glass of what I thought was cranberry juice .. well it is, but only 9% .. the rest is apple and green grape juice and water, so it won't treat my little problem as aggressively as I hoped .. my wee has gone a little cloudy and it burns slightly, so I might have a UTI .. hence the cranberry juice that is supposed to be good for those.

14.40 .. Ill have another go at some diary pictures I think.

14.45 .. I notice Cathy in New Zealand is up on Skype and give her a call, we chat about this and that. She's in the enviable position of being 6 months post op in a few days and is looking forward to one dilation a day .. with Dr Suporn it's not that simple .. will probably be 9 months to a year to get to that point for me .. but I'm looking forward to that.

The afternoon rain isn't very inviting, so instead of going shopping I sit down and format two more days of photo’s ... bang goes nearly 3 hours.

16.02 .. Kun appears to check my vitals, it's a pity these calls can't be better timed .. supposing I’d wanted to go out. Anyway all seems to be OK now, the high blood pressure of yesterday has abated.

18.40 .. Christine from Whitby calls me on Skype .. she's caught me at a bad time .. we agree to chat tomorrow morning UK time.

18.55 .. As I leave my room I meet Rosalyn and Tina heading my way from 710 to Amanda in 706, Amanda will follow us down.

Outside the entrance to the Chinese we linger waiting for others, Rosalyn does a quick raid inside, they have a large round table that seats 8.

Some of the others arrive, I get to the table to realise my doughnut cushion is missing .. a quick trip to retrieve.

The food isn't the best in the world, but the portions are massive ...

The first course ordered by Jayne was I thought just sweet corn soup .. but NO .. it's sweetcorn and crab soup .. I've swallowed three bitterish tasting mouthfuls before Tina has time to warn me .. oh s**t.

For me that’s put a dampener on things, but the rest of the food is OK. However Audrey and I are laughing at one point on how she can go and wind a less than accepting sister up when she gets home .. think falsifying ones “assets” and novel use of dilators as reflective table wear set amongst candles .. LOL. 

21.50 .. I'm back in my room, I've got the drudgery to do.

22.30 .. I'm in that position .. relaxing isn't easy .. and I'm a half inch short of depth and pretty uncomfortable with it. I arrange things repeatedly under the blue belt to keep an increased pressure there

22.41 .. I start a Skype call to Karen, we don't manage to say a lot in 45 free minutes ..she's sending e-mails .. I'm doing some diary between fiddles below.

23.30 .. My time is sort of up, but I allow an extra 10 minutes to allow for the fact it wasn’t till gone 22.45 I got  to depth.

I say goodbye and put some Enigma on to relax too .. gosh it works for me. After I've got the dilator out I almost fell asleep to the music. I go do the clean up routine and can't really relax till I'm creamed, padded and quite comfy .. the music has moved onto an Enigma CD I've had for ages but not really listened to as it didn’t seem as good as the others .. well it does now .. a couple of tracks really float my boat.

01.23 .. I give Karen a final call .. I'm not feeling to well at this point .. I hope the surprise crab in the soup earlier, all three spoons full, hasn’t given me a dose of fish lurgy .. at the moment my stomach doesn't feel good .. time will tell.   

More to come ...

Day 1153. Monday 4th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

01.50 .. I finally settle for the night .. I'm not feeling 100% but I have felt worse. My stomach is churning away, I'm not sure if from the three mouth fulls of soup that had crab in it or the deliberate over eating to try and absorb that crab and any enzymes that where in my stomach.

Well it was a mixed night, though worrying about things as I do .. I did manage some good sleep.

07.20 .. I'm awake, gosh my head is spinning this morning, and the taste in my mouth is disgusting. I can't tell if it's the usual taste of a close call with my fish allergy, because I'm still suffering to a degree from the bitter taste post insecticide. I need the loo, I take the blue anti nausea tablet as I head to the loo .. my stomach is churning but I only manage a number one.

09.00 .. I'm in the café and join Louise and Sue from Oxford, Louise is in discomfort, she says she's a walking experiment after a repair last week .. and soon heads for the “comfort” of being horizontal .. Rosalyn appears with out Tina, who is still a sleep .. was a heavy nights eating last night.

I've decided on a light breakfast .. muesli, yoghurt with fresh fruit salad and a couple of slices of fruited bread.

09.50 .. I'm back in my room and need the loo urgently, sadly the maid hasn’t done my room, so the do not disturb goes on and I do wjhat I need to do.

10.20 .. I'm in the position, getting No.2 in is getting harder / more painful by the session now, but not so that I have to stop and reach for painkillers. Initially I hit that brick was at about 3/4" short of what I know as my depth, so it's push in harder and use the blue strap to maintain the pressure, when I feel it ease off, I adjust to get more pressure.

10.35 .. I'm at my depth .. top tip here, not sure if I've mentioned it yet, if you need reading glasses bring two pairs .. one should never leave the bed side cabinet or your face on the bed .. times I've left mine in the bathroom or on my desk / table .. DOH.

I can just about balance my laptop on a cushion and type a little while I cook. I check my site stats and I can see I'm getting a regular visitor from a local ( in Thailand ) person using 1440 x 900 resolution screen, that’s a rare standard reserved for laptops and some odd “wide screen” TFT desk top monitors. This isn't on the hotel network, I suspect from 400 yards away .. Ill have to make a connection from there later to check the ISP stats to see if my suspicions are correct, my own laptop with it's mix of browsers creates a pretty unique foot print itself, it's surprising how much info I get.

It doesn't matter, this diary is open to anyone, and I hope the person who is reading this realises where I'm coming from, I am totally open about everything, including my current predicament.

10.55 .. There is a knock on my door, it's Noon from the clinic doing her rounds, I tell her to get the maid to let her in ..  She checks my blood pressure and temperature “all normal” and asks about my weekend .. not a lot to tell really. She's going to organize the house keeper to bring me more water over at 12.00 .. so Ill have to be prompt with my clean and cream routine.

11.05 .. Noon is on her way .. I do some diary ..

11.30 .. I'm cooked .. just got to do the rest before the housekeeper arrives.

11.55 .. Well that was a record .. LOL .. did I forget a stage .. no. I start to get dressed when there is a little knock on the door .. I look through the spy hole .. nothing, I open the door to find six bottles of water, suddenly the housekeepers face appears round the corner, she's delivered six bottles next door too .. gosh she must be fit.

Water delivered and paid for, I gather my things and head down for lunch .. except I forgot my doughnut .. arghhhhhh !!!!.

Doughnut collected, I join Tina and Rosalyn in the café .. I settle for the cheese and ham sandwich .. I really must start to eat a little healthier and lighter here or the weight will be pilling back on.

14.30 .. I head round to the clinic .. taking a bag of washing with me to swap for the clean stuff. Noon sorts me out some extra rubber gloves.

Tomorrow’s trip to Bangkok has thrown up an issue over what is correct to wear at the Royal Palace. A Princess died last month and officially the country is in morning. As a result a strict code of dress is being used at the palace, I thought I might have to go out and by a black skirt .. sounds like my “wine” coloured skirt might do.

16.07 .. I try calling the solicitors dealing with my late uncles affairs on Skype .. the secretary is with a client .. call back in 40 mins ..

16.15 .. I call Carolyn on reception in London, probably not the best time to discover the gossip.

17.04 .. Call the solicitors again, manage to speak to secretary, they’ve had a reply or two back she can't answer one of my questions, she'll need to speak to the solicitor who is on the phone.

Mrs Suporn is eager to sort out my excessive overpayment, especially as my eyes were not done. In the end settle for walking out of her office with 120,000 Baht in my handbag and over 140,000 Baht being returned to my account in England.

18.05 .. I leave the clinic carrying a stash of cash probably equal to the average yearly wage here in Thailand. Once in the hotel I quickly sort out and lock cash away, except for the near third I need to use now to clear my bill. I return down stairs to pay my bill and hassle the manager .. for the info I need to e-mail Karen with to give to my GP..

Hmmm .. the can now in his possession isn't what was used in 701, it's the version I saw in the supermarket.  

19.15 .. I try calling Karen on her mobile, if she's on early break Ill get her, but I don't, do I assume she's on late lunch and call her in an hour ..

19.40 .. I'm in that position and nearly at depth ..

19.50 .. I'm just about there, this is a little easier than this morning, probably because it's only been 9 hours gap. I lay and do some diary .. 

19.57 .. My room phone rings .. it's the hotel manager, it appears the can I saw last week isn't around anymore, all he has is the new type can I saw in the shops .. this isn't the same product I bet .. well what he showed me was mosquito and cockroach variety .. the can I saw originally said “Ant Killer”.

20.40 .. I'm cooked .. I need to do a quick clean up and get something to eat.

21.10 .. I'm in the restaurant, and soon joined by my American room neighbour in 703. I was stunned the first time we met in the restaurant as she proceeded to take a stack of tablets and things. Today she explains she takes massive doses of vitamin c amongst others, and she contributes her good looks in late years to this regime.

21.50.. I'm back in my room .. time to get sorted for the night and wait for Karen's call.

23.32 .. Karen calls on Skype ..

23.55 .. I say goodnight to Karen ..

More to come ...

Day 1154. Tuesday 5th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

04.10 .. I need the loo

05.25 .. I snooze the alarm once

06.10 .. I'm in that position

06.17 .. I call Christine on Skype, chat to Julie & Petra on Yahoo

06.20 .. I'm at depth

06.55 .. Christine is off to bed ..

07.10 .. I'm cooked .. it's a mad rush round now, quick shower and head down to an early breakfast.

08.30 .. I'm in the café for breakfast .. I have a routine now .. bowl of muesli first, then yoghurt and fresh fruit salad in it. Part three is as I fancy .. today it has to be a quick ham and cheese omelette with three rashers of bacon .. don't know when Ill eat next.

09.00 .. I'm back in my room, a quick toilet session, and for the first time, I really should have practised this before, I try creaming while sat on the loo by touch only. Creamed, I go lay on the bed to inspect to see how I've done .. OK it seems. One last mad scrabble to get ready to go. 

I get to the lift when I realise I haven't got my doughnut .. as I get to my room door I can hear the phone ringing .. but it stops as I enter to grab my doughnut.

09.18 .. I'm the last on the big van .. DOH .. and our guides for today are Aey and Kate. We drive out of town heading fro Bangkok when the driver pulls into a garage, the tank looks full .. the girls jump out and head into the shop .. they are buying water and nibbles for us all.

Back on the road, it's an hour along motorways before we get to the outskirts of Bangkok .. and join the traffic jam that is Bangkok. The more we get into the city, the newer taller buildings start to change the skyline. A few miles from the Royal Palace we drive past one of many government buildings .. the Ministry of Corruption !!! .. is this promoting it or trying to fight it .. ??? .. LOL.

We soon arrive at the palace, the driver stops in the road outside to let us off .. and we squeeze through a gap in the hedge.

We go in through an entrance, and the decency police pounce on people not correctly dressed. Those who sin are either rejected or lent a sarong to wear.

The Royal Palace

18.30 .. we are back ..

19.20 .. I'm in the restaurant .. time for a quick meal, the Thai chicken, cashew nuts and dried chilli dish seems appropriate .. I join the German from 704 along with Tina and Rosilyn and a few others.

20.10 .. I'm back in my room and start to prep for the drudgery, and slap on some after sun kindly offered by the German girl. She's got little water and has been using tap water to brush her teeth !! .. after FFS!! .. I give her a spare 2 litre bottle of water to see her through till the morning ...

20.20 .. I find a message from Audrey on Yahoo .. seems I didn’t look to happy at times today .. well to be honest I wasn’t .. the heat along with too much activity took it's toll on me at times ..

22.10 .. I'm in that position ..

22.42 .. I start a Yahoo photo share with Linda ..

23.49 .. Karen calls on Skype .. we chat briefly but I need togo do a clean up routine, this has been a bit of a long session ..oop’s.

01.45 .. I do a photo share session with Karen so she can see what I've seen today.

02.15 .. nightie night

Loads more to come for today !!! ..

Day 1155. Wednesday 6th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

06.15 .. I'm awake .. I can sense my bladder is quite full but I'm in control. Well it seems my plan of sleeping nicker less and pad less has worked nicely, the cream seems to be more evident still this morning, and I've not marked the slug mats I've been sleeping on. 

07.15 .. I might as well have a shower ..

08.04 .. Julie pops up on Yahoo and asks to Skype .. sorry Karen, she woke you up because Julie used the wrong Skype ID !!. Julie wants to demonstrate a freebie frequency shifter, that is supposed to make her sound like a girl .. it doesn't .. the result is a cross between Micky Mouse and a dalek. 

08.43 .. I end my Skype call to Julie ..

10.10 .. There’s a knock on my door, It's Noon from the clinic for my daily (?) visit .. “happy Chinese New Year”. She checks my blood pressure and temperature .. both normal, she waits and counts my pills while I do a pre dilation clean up job. You have to lose all dignity really when you do this, Noon wants to have a look at my wound, so she's there as I lay down to do that, she watches me as I start to prep myself and the number 2 Thai boyfriend..

10.28 .. Noon leaves, I can get on with what I need to do ..

10.35 .. I'm in that position, but worryingly nearly an 1" short on my depth .. I have to increase the pressure .. I try to do some diary to take my mind off things ...

10.55 .. I'm pretty close to my depth now, that was hard work .. and not exactly comfortable ...

11.45 .. I'm cooked .. time for a clean up ..

12.45 .. As I leave my room heading for the clinic Noon is hiding outside my door and tries to make me jump .. “Boo” .. LOL. We walk together to the clinic.

In the clinic I'm aware it's lunch time, so I order myself a small KFC meal, and have a glass of water .. it's pretty warm again today. Tina and Rosalyn appear off the street, looks like they’ve been shopping.

13.25 .. My lunch arrives, so I head through to the back dinning room to eat it in peace, not that the clinic waiting / social area is busy at the moment.

13.55 .. I'm about to leave when Noon tells me the Dr will see me now. Well it's mixed news .. though the negative bit is a minor detail. Next Tuesday Dr Suporn wants me to dilate twice in the morning then come to the Clinic about 16.00. He’s going to perform a minor correction to remove a small patch of skin that isn't healing, it’ll need a few stitches apparently. However the good news is the rest is looking good, I can restart hormones immediately and start “dynamic” dilation .. I can even soak in the bath here at the hotel for 30 minutes .. yes, Yes, YEs, YES .. sorry .. LOL.

14.20 .. I leave the clinic and head for the hotel .. smiling all the way though the heat is stifling today.

14.25 .. I'm in my room, I eat a small banana and a biscuit and take a Progynova. I'm going to build up slowly .. the one pill today, two tomorrow and for the next week till I get home and ramp it up to three to give me the boost I need. Ill have to think about when I start ton introduce the Duphaston again. Maybe Ill do one a day next week.

15.10 .. I freshen up a little and head off for the Tops supermarket.

16.20 .. Back in my hotel room, I unload my goodies and get ready to return to the clinic ..

16.52 .. I'm back in the clinic .. my old laptop takes so long to boot up .. 

17.02 .. I call into the Engineering conference call in England, and listen mainly to what is going on for an hour .. the skype output level and delay doesn't help ..

18.15 .. I'm back in my room.

19.00 .. Food time .. and I forgot my ruddy doughnut again !!! Well it's a pretty amusing time, with both Tina and Audrey who has the most droll sense of humour being really funny, both have me giggling away.

20.10 .. I return to my room .. sort of in fear of this and I do all sorts to delay it happening ..

21.45 .. I can't delay any longer .. I lay down and relax, on goes ERA to relax too. It's the regular Thai boyfriend number 2 that leads tonight’s entertainment.

21.50 .. Using the slightly brutal technique dictated by the manual and Sophie, it takes about 5 minutes to reach my depth and then continue for 15 minutes. Out comes number 2 and number 3 is a worrying sight .. the difference between 31 mm and 34 mm doesn't sound a lot till you have to look at it and think .. hmmm .. Ill keep those words to myself.

22.15 .. I'm applying firm pressure to big boy .. slowly it eases in though this is far from comfortable .. << grimace >> . It takes about 5 minutes for this to finally bottom out and after a couple of dynamic cycles I'm within about a 1/3rd of an inch of full depth with number two boy friend. So it's 15 minutes of dynamic and not very pleasurable at all, I came close to removing it a couple of times, but in the end I persisted till I’d done 15 minutes “quality” time.

At the end I'm barely able to move, I lay there in a double puddle of goo just enjoying the relief that big boy is now beside me and I'm trying to relax again .. I exchange a few lines on Yahoo Messenger with Audrey down on the 3rd floor .. seems like we’ve both had the same visions as this was the first time for both of us tonight .. of walking like John Wayne tomorrow .. LOL.

But hey ho, I've done it .. probably it’ll get harder next week, but at the moment the relief knowing I can do it now is something else .. << Cheshire cat grin >>. 

Chat on Skype with Karen ..

Chat on Yahoo with Linda ..

Sort some diary notes ..

01.25 .. a quick clean up and time for bed ..

More to come ...

Day 1156. Thursday 7th February 2008.

07.05 .. I'm awake ..

07.20 .. I need the loo so make it so .. once sorted I take a shower, Ill have to do my hair later I think ready for Pattaya tomorrow.

08.23 .. The PC booted while I showered .. I notice an old friend Louise on line and send her a message

08.44 .. I must go do breakfast ..

09.10 .. I'm in the café .. I sit initially with Louise the girl from Oxford and a couple of others. This isn't a good table for the way we tend to group up, soon Rosalyn appears but can't join us. Louisa leaves and I use the excuse to go sit with Rosalyn for my next course .. LOL.

Soon Audrey and her Mom arrive, this will be there last breakfast with us, she has to leave the hotel at something like 05.00 tomorrow morning for there flight back to the USA .. Ill miss Audrey .. we seem to have similar thought patterns humour wise at times even if we are really a generation apart.

10.25 .. I'm back in my room and start to prep to dilate. I set my laptop up ready to play Enigma to relax me and I'm pretty well half way ready to go when there's a knock on my door.

10.45 .. I spy Noon outside. So there I am, in my bra, a section of “kitchen roll” gripped between my legs while I pad around so I let her in .. if anybody is considering this the first thing you must do is to loose any sense of shyness. I found it hard / embarrassing initially, but now it's a little easier, these girls aren’t nurses, but clearly they’ve been taught what is Ok and what is not when they inspect things.

She takes a look down there as I lay on the bed, then takes my blood pressure, 117 / 77 I think it was today.

Noon disappears and I set to completing my prep. With this dynamic method, the use of number 2 and number 3 Thai boyfriends, consumption of Q-C ( Thai equivalent of K-Y ) and clean up materials has rocketed.

11.35 .. I've messed around delaying things .. but now I'm in position .. I've started Enigma ( CD called New Age from 1999 ) .. and relax. My version of this CD is a limited edition UK one with bonus tracks and plays for about 74 minutes .. the first track .. “The voice of Enigma” is a serious chill out and relax track .. the voice tells you “ Good evening .. this is the voice of Enigma .. turn off the light take a deep breath and relax” ..

11.40 .. Number 2 is in but short of my depth, it takes five or six minutes of discomfort to get to my depth.

12.05 .. Time to change, yes I do two time these boys .. LOL .. << grimace >> .. playing the field .. hmmm .. sorry .. so I lay there legs together holding in number 2 while I quickly “gloop” up number 3. You really do need two pairs of hands doing this method .. the possibilities for making a serious mess are many.

Number 3 in part in .. gosh this isn't pleasant, though I think it might be easier than the first time. It takes about 2 minutes to actually get it in past the taper .. and I'm short of my target for this one by about 2/3" of an inch. After 5 minutes of increased pressure I am there just about there.

12.15 .. Being at depth I can now concentrate on the 15 minutes “quality time” .. after ten I am starting to ache down there .. but have to continue .. Sophie says “no pain, no gain” .. well she's the expert so I have to endure.

12.30 .. Glad that’s over .. the withdrawal isn't easy either .. it's a relief just to lay there for a few minutes while everything relaxes down there. I need to do the personal clean up, lunch is approaching so Ill leave the dilators in my sink to wash after lunch .. they are “clean” really as they had condoms on .. “safe” mode in Thailand.

Personal cleanup done I head off to the café for lunch.

13.10 .. I join the Canadian girl whose name I can never remember in the café .. I go for the fried mushroom dish in the vegetarian section, the waiter asks if I like it spicy .. “Yes I like it spicy”. They do tend to hold back for westerner’s, oh my gosh .. they didn’t on this. One mouthful really got me and I'm not sure why .. the bigger chillies were quite OK .. I then started to examine each fork full and I spotted a little green chilli .. there wasn’t many on the plate .. POW .. gosh those babies are hot !!! .. LOL. Oh the girl informs me that the Pattaya trip is now off for tomorrow, seems we blew the allowance on Tuesday’s trip to Bangkok.

13.54 .. I'm back in my room to be ready to call Karen in a few minutes.

I'm just about to call Karen when Audrey pops up a Yahoo box .. they have no hot water in there room, she's waiting for a man to come and look.

14.00 .. I Skype Karen, she had quite a late call from Claire / BIG Bob last night from the new care home. Clearly they are really trying to push Claire’s envelope at the moment in an effort to get out and about and more social .. but I'm not sure that trying to take her to a Disco was quite the right thing to do .. she likes music and dancing .. but she doesn't like it normal disco loud.

14.18 .. Karen needs to get ready for work .. so I hang up and start some diary ..

15.20 .. I head down to see the manager .. I get a heavy deputation, the manager, the manageress who had my room moved that Friday night and the man who did the spraying. They say that the can used now was not the can I saw, I saw “Ant Killer” clean and bold, but now they say that product isn't in the building. There is clearly a planned cover up going on and I'm really unhappy.

15.47 .. I'm back in my room ..

I do a search and come up with a number for the British Embassy in Bangkok, however it's now closed for the day, and I don't want to use the emergency contact number, clearly at this late stage it's no longer an emergency.

I try the number written on the cans I was shown, it's a recorded message in Thai .. I'm at a loss, though I here the word “operator” several times and I try dialling “0" and other numbers to see if I can change the message or anything .. after 6 minutes I give up.

I call my insurance company and let them know the situation. The girl on the end of the phone takes copious notes from me, and says somebody will call me back, she's got the Thai mobile number off me and the Mercure Hotel phone number and my room number.

17.10 .. My phone rings, it's the travel insurance company help people. The woman ( Bab’s ) is as concerned as I am that now there seems to be a cover up going on, it is the only word to describe it. They are going to sort out legal assistance for me if I need it here, they also want me to go to a clinic in Bangkok or Pattaya to be checked out .. they are going to send me info by e-mail. I make it clear to Bab’s that the care I'm getting here from the clinic for my surgery is fantastic, and I don't want them drawn into a problem caused by the hotel here if it can be helped, even if it seems they may have told the doctor I went to see to back off from getting involved with me on the Monday 28th Jan. "Bab's" final words are that somebody will call me tomorrow to see how I got on at which ever hospital I choose to go through.

Once the e-mail has arrived I'll have to try and make some sort of plan to get to Pattaya tomorrow independently, I don't want a repeat of what has already happened.

18.15 .. Time to wash my hair ..

18.45 .. My phone rings .. it's the legal department from my insurance company, the news they have for me gets me wondering, I take note of what they say .. but I can't say what they’ve told me here yet .. I need to keep some things to myself at the moment.

18.58 .. I'm in reception .. the party heads out to the street to find food, but the place is pretty deserted out there .. Chinese new year and everyone is at home ?!? So we turn round and head back into the hotel’s cafe.

The hotel was obviously expecting us, they’ve already set a table string up for 12 people.

20.55 .. I'm back in my room. The laptop / hotel network won't plat together, I suspect there might be a network problem .. several re-boots later I get a connection that seems to be stable.

The e-mail from the insurance company has arrived with the info I need .. just need to make my plans for escape.

I yahoo chat with Audrey, whose getting ready to leave in the early hours, and trying to dilate too .. I end up e-mailing her with an MP3 of Enigma’s “This is the voice of Enigma” .. so she can see how I chill out.

I need to dilate .. so I start to prep for it ..

22.50 .. I'm in that position trying to relax .. number 2 goes in quite easily but it takes a while to achieve my depth. I call my mum, probably with hind sight not the best time to do it .. but it’ll give me a good excuse to break away in 15 minutes when I need to change dilators. I should have guessed her health worries be number one topic.

23.15 .. It's change time, I say goodbye to mum. Number 3 goes in with a little difficulty, I'm going to have to choose another time to call my mum in the future. It takes a while to relax and

23.30 .. I'm finally at depth with number 3 .. let the 15 minutes quality time begin.

23.37 .. Karen calls, I stop Enigma .. her voice does relax me ..

23.45 .. 15 minutes is up, I take number 3 out and try to relax for a while .. as In chat with Karen. Eventually I'm aware of things tightening so I have to say goodbye to Karen so I can go clean up .. Ill call her back.

00.57 .. I call Karen back ..        

A final flurry of messages with Audrey on Yahoo .. she's one nice American for sure.

01.30 .. Nightie night .. well actually I've taken to sleeping totally in the buff .. just laying between a couple of slug mats to keep the bed clean, so that the Dermazin cream can stay on my skin longer without being absorbed by a pad in my nickers.

Day 1157. Friday 8th February 2008.

05.55 .. I'm awake .. and need the loo, glad I was holding a wedge of kitchen roll, the act of trying to stand up starts a trickle I can barely hold back on .. hmmm.

06.30 .. I'm trying to relax to start dilation when an old friend totally ignoring my Yahoo status message tries to initiate a Yahoo messenger session .. hmmmm ..

06.40 .. Number 2 in but I'm nearly an inch short .. I have to go for it, it takes nearly 10 minutes to reach depth and it wasn’t pleasant .. 15 minutes meaningful dilation follows as per instructions ..

07.05 .. Change over time .. the initial stretching going from 31mm to 34mm is pretty unpleasant but once into the parallel body I'm surprised that I get to 1/4" or so of number 2's depth almost immediately .. 15 minutes of quite uncomfortable “meaningful” dilation follows.

07.25 .. I'm done, what a relief just to lay here for a while as things relax below.

07.30 .. Let the clean up and shower begin ..    

10.15 .. I'm back in my room, I call the British Embassy .. they’ve got a ruddy multi option telephone exchange, that does English and Thai .. I do not like these. I eventually get to speak to a chap in the consular section .. his advice is to go to the hospital and get them to contact “Baygon” about this “Ant killer” product that the hotel is trying to hide.

11.00 .. I've been waiting for the clinic girl to come check me out .. it's a no show so far .. and I need to get on.

11.15 .. Noon arrives .. she doesn't actually want to check anything .. “you look strong” is her words .. she rubs my arm and leaves. She's made a big assumption there, did she ask how I actually feel .. NO.

11.30 .. I need to go round to the clinic for some supplies .. before I head off for Pattaya by cab.

12.15 .. I'm in the clinic .. I need supplies of Detadine, Hibiscrub, cotton wool balls and some more large gloves. They are short of Large gloves so I get rationed with a few that might last through till Monday if I'm frugal ..

13.05 .. I quickly put my supplies away and sort myself out.

13.15 .. Apparently reception cannot order me an ordinary metered taxi .. I have to go with there chauffer car service .. Baht 1,700 for the return trip and 30 minutes waiting time included .. 

14.17 .. We enter Pattaya, I know the time because I started my little friend and recorded the time. We have to drive along the beech road, gosh this is a pretty place, if not westernised for the tourist trade.

14.27 .. I enter the reception of Pattaya International Hospital worried about what level of English I might find. The “New Patient” receptionist is a bad start .. but a colleague with good English soon arrives. My passport is photocopied and a patient record form is filled in .. I'm turn number 83 .. I don't wait long to be called around to be weighed .. 87 Kg .. and have my blood pressure and temperature recorded .. my blood pressure was 121 / 65 from memory with a 76 heart rate.

I'm told to take a seat .. I don't have to wait long, a nurse is walking around saying “eighty wee” .. I twig after a while she means me.

14.39 .. I'm taken to see a doctor. Dr Kobkul is a very pleasant lady with good English .. she listens to what I have to say and examines the two plastic bags .. the Vitamin one she instantly recognises at Vitamin B, not K that my muzzy head heard 13 days ago. However that does sho the doctor I saw 13 and 11 days ago lied on the last appointment when she changed her story on the vitamin pill, that it then became another anti nausea pill.

She thinks there is not a lot to worry about, but she's concerned about my blood pressure being low, and wants to do a full set of fasting blood tests, this means a return trip early tomorrow before breakfast, and she says nothing to eat after 22.00.

14.55 .. The doctor has finished with me .. I have to wait for the pharmacy. I sit and wait for a while ..  but before that my bill has to be paid .. Baht 1,242.00. I'm called to pay, once sorted I'm sent to the next window to collect my tablets. I've got two bags .. Sibelium 5mg ( Flunarizine ), two to be taken at bed time, with ten days supply. The other bag is “Dramamine”, one every 8 hours “for Dizzy, Nausea and Vomiting”.

I sit and wait for the pharmacy, a chap brings me an appointment card for tomorrow.

16.00 .. Drugs in hand .. I leave the hospital and go and find my car and driver in the car park

16.45 .. I'm back in my room, and not sooo desperate for the loo after all. However I do go and sit on the loo, I notice an odd mark on my knickers well above the pad line .. there's a little lump by a stitch at the very front, I bursts as I clean and some goo runs out .. ahhh .. I don't need this. I freshen up and head straight for the clinic.

17.15 .. I tell Noon about what I've found .. so I'm invited in by Noon and Aey for a look see .. it's the usual routine .. “don't worry” .. not a problem .. hmmmm .. I wonder what Dr Suporn might have said. 

I head back to the hotel, I need to dilate before I eat and now Ill be late for Rosalyn and Tina’s final meal .. bum.

18.00 .. I start the dilating routine .. I'm trying against the clock .. it takes a long time. It takes nearly ten minutes again to get number 2 to depth ..

18.21 .. Christine calls on Skype .. she'll be here in Chon Buri on Monday .. I can't wait, even if we’ll only see each other for a short period, she'll be whisked away at 11.00 on Wednesday for her admission to hospital.

18.25 .. I'm cooked with number two .. Christine has been doing yoga classes to learn to relax .. I tell her Enigma is my relaxation .. Ill give her a copy to try.  I prep number three as we chat, she's aware of what I'm doing.

18.30 .. Number three is in but getting to the parallel part and depth takes time. It takes 5 minutes to get to depth with number 3, 15 minutes quality time to follow.

18.50 .. I'm sort of cooked .. so it's a quick clean and cream, freshen up and get ready to eat.

19.30 .. I head downstairs to eat, I get to the café before I realise I've forgotten my doughnut ..

Dinner tonight is a rib eye steak with pepper sauce and baked potato .. but the pudding is chocolate heaven, having seen one of the other girls having it .. 55 Baht .. a bargain .. I took a picture of it .. LOL .. this could be repeated.

20.15 .. Rosalyn and Tina say goodbye to everyone, they’ll be leaving here at 07.00 tomorrow heading for Canada. Rosalyn and I hug each other goodbye .. it's a sad moment really, these two and Audrey and her mum who left this morning have been the best company so far. Rosalyn and I exchange a hug .. she wishes me luck with the rest of my stay and at the hospital tomorrow.

22.00 .. I take the bedtime pill from the Pattaya doctors prescription .. gosh 20 minutes later I'm so very tired ..

22.40 .. I retreat to the bathroom and get myself ready for the night .. I really am rocking and rolling on my feet, I feel so heavy.

23.10 .. I'm fighting to stay awake .. Karen's got to collect her flowers on the way home ...

00.05 .. Karen calls .. it's only a short call, I seriously am struggling to stay awake. Seems it was good news ish with Claire again last night, and the flowers this week are far superior to last weeks lot, they’ve made up for the non delivery it seems this week.

00.20 .. Nightie night..

Day 1158. Saturday 9th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

03.15 .. I wake up needing the loo .. clean and cream time.

05.30 .. My alarm goes off .. I am so tired, Ill have to ask about those late night tablets .. one snooze on the alarm won't hurt.

05.40 .. The alarm goes off, I really must get up .. it's a struggle though. I head for then loo to sort myself out before I dilate.

06.00 .. I'm in that position doing the final prep, condoms on both dilators and I gloop up number 2 .. and insert it.

06.15 .. gosh I was an inch short of depth initially .. it took 10 minutes of hard work to get to depth .. let the 15 minutes quality time start now.

06.30 .. Number 2's fun is over and I clamp him ( or should it be her given my leanings .. LOL .. << grimace >> ) between my thighs, as you do, I lube up number 3 .. this isn't fun at all but a necessity that one has to dedicate too if it's going to be a good result. Number 2 slides out effortlessly.

06.35 .. Number 3 is in .. well it's stopped half way along the tapered nose .. I'm still not doing pain killers yet, but this is hurting. I increase the pressure, and again, it starts to slide .. that’s a relief .. I'm really surprised that I find myself almost immediately at what I've called depth for this one .. before I start “quality time” I see if I can get a little more .. after 5 minutes I'm sure I'm at the same depth as number 2 .. wow .. and a little ouch !! Withdrawl though with number 3 is as unpleasant as entry this morning, I'm sure I used enough Q-C.

06.55 .. I'm sorted, just got to do a shower ,and do the clean and cream job.

07.35 .. I return to the horizontal for the Betadine and cream routine when I find a Yahoo message box popped up from Audrey, she's got home safely, and is recommending the wheel chair service. She's very tired and is thinking about not dilating .. I suggest she at least does 15 mins with number 2 .. she hasn’t dilated for probably 30 hours .. she's had a very long trip. She accepts that’s a good idea.
I do a quick clean up, so the maid can come in and put the 20 Baht tip out for her that I remember most mornings.

I get my act together, I'm going to annoy the driver by doing some “tip tap” as Karen calls it as I'm driven to Pattaya for this mornings blood test.

08.02 .. I'm driven away by the same driver as yesterday. The laptop comes out and I make a list of the poisons I found on a piece of paper, I'm going to ask if I can be screened for those too if it's possible.

08.31 .. I'm in real time .. I return to yesterday’s diary and finish it off, maybe Ill try and sort Tuesday’s Bangkok experience out on the way back to hotel later..

09.00 .. We are in Pattaya and not far from the hospital .. time to put the laptop to sleep.

I'm quickly received and today I'm number 15. I only have a short wait before I'm taken to be weighed and blood pressure taken .. weight this morning fully dressed with shoes on .. 86.25 Kg .. my blood pressure was 121/ 67 with a heart rate of 78bpm. I'm told to take a seat by the “emergency room” door.

I don't wait long, a charming young Thai male nurse calls me in and I'm told to lay down. He’s having problems finding a vein on my right arm .. taping places in my elbow. He finds one after a minute and in goes the needle .. I'm looking away, little pain though. They aren’t as modern here as at home, to it's not a needle and vacuum tubes that draw blood out, he fills a syringe when I look, and another nurse is handed it and she fills three or four tubes from it. The nurse puts a plaster on my arm after holding a finger pressure there for a while.

09.20 .. I'm in real rime as I sit and wait my blood test results .. they’ll take 30 minutes apparently. I'm court out when it takes 25 .. switching the laptop off.

09.45 .. I'm called back to see the same doctor, she goes through the results .. she asks if I'm menstruating .. do I pass that well ?? .. no .. I explain my situation .. the hospital miss recorded my name, I'm Mrs here and not Ms .. so she's puzzled, then grins.  Seems I'm a little low on everything, everything they’ve checked except platelet’s are on the low side of normal. She says I need to build myself up and is going to give me a multi vitamin course with added iron. She warns me the iron might make me constipated .. something I don't need as a post op .. so she gives me one with just a little added iron.

She wants to see me again in a month .. I’d love to but .. so a follow up will have to be done by my GP back at home.

I'm sent to the pharmacy and go to pay, today's bill is 2150 Baht. While I'm waiting I take some photographs, and fill in a questionnaire about my impressions of the hospital .. all very good to be honest .. the area’s I've seen are just clean, it's what you notice .. everything looks freshly polished. As for Dr Kobkul Danpongprasert .. she's been caring and considerate, she's also put a little faith back in Thai doctors, she's clearly straight and honest. However it's going to be down to my GP I suspect to do a toxins screen to make sure my system is clear.

This brings me back to my relationship with Dr Suporn and his clinic, and that first Thai doctor I saw.

Dr Suporn is a demigod whose reputation as number one in the SRS field is clearly justified. The young ladies who work for him on the customer care side I do worry about slightly .. they aren’t medically qualified I am sure, yet clearly take it upon themselves to make medical decisions at times, like my weepie stitch yesterday that I think may now be two stitches side by side.

I would recommend to anyone, if they can afford Dr Suporn's fees to use him .. his technique is unique, and carries slightly more risks .. I trusted him with my life and would do again .. even with the worries and stress caused by the interference in the other doctors treatment of me for the poisoning.

It's that interference that has been the big marring of my trip, but lets face it, this was down to the hotel and it's incompetence in using an insecticide product properly and safely, nothing to do with the clinic.

As for the doctor I saw 2 weeks ago today, then two days later, I'm sure she was a good doctor who gave me an honest and frank opinion, who was then forced by the clinic and or the hotel to change her diagnosis of me, water it all down and then LIE to me about the medicine she had prescribed. If this was England I would be making a complaint about what happened to the General Medical Council .. she and others would have ethical questions to answer and has caused me to question a lot of things here, and produced one hell of a load of unnecessary stress.

10.14 .. I'm back in the car heading away. I had commented on our trip to Bangkok that Thailand doesn't seem to have any roundabouts .. well there is one in Pattaya .. I've just gone round it.

10.22 .. The driver pulls into a garage to refill the car .. it's still got over half a tank anyway. Gosh I am hungry .. looks like a hotel room yoghurt and biscuit feast when I get there .. then Ill wander round to the clinic to use the network there while I can .. I wonder if the clinic staff missed me on the round.

11.10 .. We are back at the hotel in Chon Buri .. gosh I'm hungry. I head for my room and raid my fridge, a yoghurt, a glass of “cranberry” juice and some biscuits so I can take my pill collection.

I have the urge to use the loo, I'm sitting on my throne when ..

11.20 .. Aey and the new girl knock on my door wanting to do an inspection. I let them in and return to the loo. What follows is a bit of a french farce between Aey and me. I point out the two slightly weepie stitches, clearly some sort of infection .. Aey asks if it's acne !!!!. She calls Dr Suporn, supposedly. Once finished she tells me it's not possible to have an infection there .. really. 

12.10 .. I head around to the clinic, and bump into 2 others coming out, they ask if I fancy a walk down to the big mall .. I say yes qualified with I need to eat lunch. We go into the hotel and wait for another to finish eating ..

We head off to the big Mall, it's a lot further than I fought, just getting there exhausts me. With little breakfast and no lunch yet ..

I manage to get a cable to allow me to connect my laptop to the TV audio wise .. I find it does work but have to trick the TV into thinking the DVD is playing .. DOH. 

15.55 .. I just about made it back to my room, I slept for about an hour ..

17.00 .. Christine calls on Skype .. she's got 24 hours before she's on her way ... here to Chon Buri.

17.30 .. The drugery ..

19.30 .. I'm in the hotel café, Laura and Micheline are on a table on their own next to the big group one, I shun the group, that is dispersing anyway, and go sit with Laura and Micheline

21.12 .. I call Karen's mobile, she should be at Claire’s new care home along with Robert .. she's there, she holds the phone to Claire’s ear .. at least I get a hello.

23.32 .. Linda pops up for a chat on Yahoo ..

24.02 .. Linda says good night .. and I must too.

More to come ...

Day 1159. Sunday 10th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept quite well I guess, thanks to that “stabilises circulation” pill I took last night .. till suddenly something wakes me up ..  

06.05 .. I need the loo .. embarrassing again .. as I crunch up to roll off the bed I can feel a little trickle .. lucky I've got some kitchen roll between my legs .. I can't “pinch off” the flow .. but at least it doesn't gush till I'm ready for it on the loo. I'm not to worried about this problem at the moment .. it can take months for this to settle down.

A quick check on my e-mails .. Karen has sent me some pics she and Robert took yesterday in Alfreton, where Claire’s new home is, got a more up to date picture of Robert too << smiles >>.. though he wasn’t smiling. Claire seems happy, she was opening up her Christmas presents that didn’t get to Littlehampton.

06.50 .. I'm in that position, before I do anything I need to take some intimate photo’s .. things are changing down there all the time.

07.10 .. At depth with number two, let 15 minutes quality time start .. and another photo as depth record.

07.30 .. Mistake .. I removed boyfriend number 2 before I “lubed up” number 3 .. so now there is a couple of minutes delay in getting number 3 in, so things are contracting .. and it hurts more getting the big guy in this time.

07.35 .. At depth with number 3 .. another photo .. let 15 minutes quality time begin.

08.15 .. Showered and clean, I slump on the bed and take a quick 5 mins in the Transgender_Outreach chat room. I find Jessica from Croydon in there, and 5 minutes becomes 15 .. doh.

08.30 .. 5 minutes .. yeah .. time to Betadine / Polidine and Dermazin .. breakfast is calling. An inspection of the two stitches that were oozing yesterday seems to look good .. almost vanished completely

09.15 .. Breakfast time in the café .. it's strangely quiet when I arrive .. but soon we have a party of 6 munching away.  I go for breakfast remembering the doctors advice yesterday .. so it's the muesli, yoghurt with fruit salad, an omelette with 3 rashers of bacon and 2 “pork sausages” .. a couple of slices of ginger cake with a pain au chocolate and a slice of fruit bread .. I just need to exercise that off now. As breakfast finishes, Jib appears, she's the clinic girl doing the round this morning.

10.20 .. I head back to my room, Jib follows me to check up on me. We've only just entered my room when the phone rings .. it's my medical insurance company, well the cat is now completely out of the bag as Jib listens to me talking. Call finished Jib asks me where I went, I tell her the truth .. she seems a little on edge. Jib starts to check me over and count my tablets .. and the phone rings again .. insurance company again. Jib leaves saying she'll come and see me later.

10.50 .. I go and knock on Astrid’s door in 704, and offer to set her up with a Skype account on her borrowed laptop .. she's spent a fortune using the clinics loan mobile phone. I soon get her up and running, I took my laptop to her room too .. so when her install was complete we tested between laptops and I added her as a contact.

Problem is her laptop doesn't have a built in microphone, and she doesn't have one, so as a quick test I plug my walkman headphones into her microphone socket .. hey .. two way communication. I offered her the loan of my headphones till she can buy something tomorrow, but she says she'll use more of her phone credit up first .. well I offered. She has managed to buy €10 of credit so she's really ready to go .. she seems grateful.

11.30 .. Back in my room .. I need the loo ..

I go to the PC with all good intentions, but end up talking to Rachelle in Canada for ages.

Before I leave my room I start to back up the 1.04Gb of photo’s I already have on to yet another of my data keys, so I've effectively got 3 independent copies of everything.

13.15 .. Time for lunch .. it's a toasted cheese and ham sandwich, with french fries and salad .. a Pepsi and 500ml drinking water.

14.15 .. I'm back in my room .. I send a couple of e-mails and add some diary stuff.

14.45 .. I aught to go out and get some supplies in I suppose .. but this is the hottest time of the day .. mad dogs and English woMEN .. LOL.

15.00 .. I head out to the Tops supermarket to top up with some things ... more Kitchen tissue roll  that I use so much of, 2 more bottles of Evian and a 6 litre monster for washing water .. some more pads and a few little sweet things to snack on. The walk back takes some effort out of me.

16.25 .. Karen calls on Skype .. just as put my shopping bags down ...

17.00 .. Call my friend Lynn the DJ at her home, we chat for nearly 20 mins about allsorts of things .. many people at home don't know about my insecticide incident and then knock ons, Lynn does now.

17.02 .. My friend Gabrielle leaves me an offline message on Yahoo ..

17.20 .. Lynn and I say goodbye, I restart Yahoo to find Gabrielle’s message .. It's nearly 20 minutes old, I answer and she's still there. So we chat for a while, even though I know I should be in that position sorting things.

17.45 .. We both concede we need to do things .. Gabby is off shopping, I've got to get in that position .. it's going to be another later dinner.

18.05 .. I'm in that position, Enigma is playing through the TV audio channels .. Number 2 goes in and it's a bit of a shock to find I'm nearly an inch short .. 15 high stress minutes later it's more or less there ...

18.20 .. Not making the earlier mistake, I'm holding number 2 with my thighs while I get number 3 ready .. out pops number 2, number 3 starts to creep in, even after just 20 seconds it's painfully tight, trying to relax doesn't work initially .. so I just have to keep the pressure on .. nearly 5 minutes just to get the taper in. Well once the parallel bit is in I'm surprised that I reach the same depth as numer 2 in just a couple of minutes.

18.30 .. I'm at depth with number 3 .. quality time starts now.

18.45 .. It's a relief to remove number 3 today, I can't hang around, to the bathroom to use the loo and clean up.

18.55 .. I've just layed on the bed to do the clean and cream job when my phone rings, it's Astrid enquiring about dinner .. I apologise as I'm late .. Ill be there in 15 minutes .. yeah right.

19.25 .. Vanessa calls on the room phone, she's just read an e-mail from me and is making contact. She's already eaten but would like to come up and say hello .. I tell her to give me 5 minutes.   

19.45 .. Vanessa knocks on my door pops in for a chat .. she's off to the hospital tomorrow for her SRS on Tuesday.

19.55 .. I'm in the café for dinner, the waitresses move another table to make a 14 seater ..  

21.10 .. I'm back in my room .. I add some diary notes and try to contact Gabby .. I think she might have now installed Skype .. as I found a listing for her Yahoo ID name on Skype.

21.55 .. I need go and clear the mess in the sink ready for the mornings drudgery.

22.03 .. Gabby returns on Yahoo .. later we do a photo share session ..

22.10 .. Sandie from Poole pops up for a chat on Yahoo ..

23.15 .. Time to get ready for bed ..

23.55 .. I'm in bed .. I call Karen on Skype .. I took just one of the Sibelium blood pressure tablets before I called .. 15 minutes later I can't keep my eyes open .. so have to end the call again .. nightie night.

Day 1160. Monday 11th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

03.50 .. I'm awake, very dry so I take a drink .. then I think I need the loo .. it's the hassle of creaming afterwards when you just want to curl up and sleep.

06.05 .. 5 minutes before my alarm I'm awake .. the tell tale tingling below is a warning sign, I head for the loo. Number 1 flows freely, number 2 I'm starting to worry about. One really needs to be empty before you dilate.

06.50 .. I've done the bathroom side prep and I'm on the bed preparing myself and the two Thai boyfriends.

I relax for a while and log the PC into a few things, email, Yahoo and Skype.

07.00 .. Number 2 is in place but I'm short of depth by an inch .. and it's uncomfortable. I really have to bare down on it to move it in very slowly .. it's nearly 15 minutes to get to my depth .. as the quality time starts, I make a Skype call to a friend.

07.15 .. I call Michael (minimaxromantic) on Skype, and log into the transgender_outreach chat room. I can't really type, but as Michael and I chat he's typing for me in the chat room and I can read what’s going on .. hey this is a useful arrangement. Michael and I manage to make each other laugh at times, and I forget what I'm doing down below, I've gone into autopilot.

Now this is interesting .. I've gone and done 25 minutes “quality time” instead of 15, when I switch to Thai boyfriend number 3 it goes in a lot easier relatively, and what’s more it goes virtually to depth straight away ..

07.55 .. My time really is up, it's lucky the laptop microphone and the quality of this skype call hide some of the noises as the big boy literally “pops” out .. LOL .. oo-er.

08.00 .. I say goodbye to the room and Michael and start the cleanup routine. I leave my hair in the shower, Ill do it after breakfast or Ill never get there.

08.52 .. I'm showered and creamed and all fresh as I head for the café and breakfast .. yes and I've done it again, where’s me doughnut .. another round trip to collect it.

Initially I sit with Vanessa and her friend whose name I have forgotten at this point. Vanessa is on today's 11.00 trip to the hospital for SRS tomorrow. Her friend was planning on doing the next three nights at the hospital too .. I point out that tomorrow night she'll be fighting for the couch with the clinic girl who does the sleep over .. so it's probably best she comes back to the hotel that night. Vanessa and friend return to there room, so I move to another table to join some others.

10.10 .. I'm back in my room .. time to wash my hair. I get the urge for the loo, that’s a relief .. LOL .. no it is, I'm worried about constipation with these iron enriched vitamin tablets the Pattaya doctor gave me.

I double wash my hair .. it still doesn't look as fresh as a single washing in the UK does ..

11.30 .. Kun and the new girl come to check on me, the new girl does my blood pressure ( 132 / 78 & 87 ) and Kun takes a look you know where .. there's a lot of chat going on in Thai which is disconcerting. They count my pills and go, Kun confirms she'll be doing the airport run this afternoon leaving the clinic at 15.00 .. which seems very early to me .. ho hum.

12.30 .. I've sorted some diary to here, and now in real time. I need to finish dressing, I'm going to wear my floaty summer dress and my suede kitten heeled sling back shoes. I think Ill make an effort with some eyes and a little lippy.

12.55 .. I head for the café, I only get as far as 710 when I realise I've forgotten something.

I'm almost alone in the café, initially only the quiet Canadian girl. Jayne soon arrives followed by a few others. Feeling guilty about breakfast earlier, I settle for the season fresh fruit selection and a 7UP.

13.45 .. I head back to my room, I want to call Karen. Before I do I need to freshen up down bellow .. I use the loo and do a lay down cream job .. it's much easier when you can see in the mirror between my knees .. LOL.

14.03 .. Finally get through to Karen on Skype. It seems that Karen's visit to Claire on Saturday has cheered Claire up, she was quite talkative apparently last night on the phone,and in an extended phone call with one of Claire’s minders.

14.25 .. I'm in the clinic, as I'm early I decide to do some work on the laptop, sorting pictures for another couple of days .. people compliment me on the way I look, I feel good to the medication from Saturday’s doctor visit has really lifted me up.

14.50 .. Kun says we are off, Christine’s plane is arriving early. It's the 9 seater bus for this trip, I sit in the middle in the second row so I get the luxury of two air con vents ..

Gosh the drivers in a hurry .. we are charging down the motorway at 130 - 140 Kph .. in what is basically a high roof van .. it doesn't feel to stable to be honest .. << grimace >>.

15.25 .. We come to a halt on the motorway into Bangkok .. there's little coming the other way either for a while .. this must be serious.

15.33 .. We are moving again .. I've managed to get to day 7 sorting pictures for web pages .. just got to sort the pages now .. hmmmm.

16.03 .. We are at the airport .. the van drops Kun and I off and we head into the meeting point at door 9. I think we are rather early, so I head off for the toilets, just in case. It's a ruddy long walk to find them, and only after being pointed in the right direction by a charming girl at the information desk.

My nightmares have arrived .. public loo’s and no longer being able to “point and shoot” .. these are not particularly clean, but I have seen a lot worse. I do the business gingerly and return to Kun’s side.

It's a long walk back from door 4 to door 9, the way I'm dressed in a flimsy just below the knee dress I am getting some looks, but my confidence has seriously grown in the last month. I feel really alive as I walk and the stares I'm getting, knowing or otherwise I find empowering. I just strut forward purposefully.

16.43 .. Christine appears .. and from the angle she approaches I'm hidden by the clinic sign till the very last moment. She's clearly surprised to see me, I capture the moment for ever, Ill e-mail to Christine’s mum Pat later. 

16.55 .. We are in the bus on the way back to Chon Buri .. I do a few notes as we chat about this and that, if Christine is nervous she's hiding it well. 

18.05 .. We are back at the hotel. Kun leads Christine in to reception. The receptionist is booking her in and doing her stuff, I chime in “an empty room down 702 end would ne nice” .. the girl grins at me and does a search .. 708 .. that’ll do nicely. The way the numbering works, her front door from mine is one pace into centre of corridor, one pace to left, one pace to right .. couldn’t be a lot closer.

We do a bit of messing around, I help Christine get the wireless internet sorted on her laptop .. oo er it's a Vista machine .. I follow my nose and soon have it sorted.

Christine wants to freshen up after her flight, I need to make some calls and use the loo.

19.00 .. Christine knocks on my door as I finish talking to Bob on Skype .. and after a quick look see at all the junk she'll have in her room post srs we head for the cafe.

Some quick introductions and Christine is away .. life and soul of this end of the table.

20.15 .. I need to dilate .. I'm overdue.

22.30 .. Dilation is done and dusted, just need to clean up and wash up.

23.55 ..Karen calls me .. not the best of endings and I'm weeping as I type the last words for today ..

00.25 .. Nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1161. Tuesday 12th February 2008.  ( Dr Suporn does a small "revision")

04.15 .. I need the loo .. I make it so.

06.10 .. The alarm wakes me up, I really need to get on so I cancel the alarm and set myself up.

06.55 .. I'm in that position .. number 2 is a mile of depth .. sadly I think I might be constipated and this is limiting my depth. It's hard work but eventually I get to nearly my normal depth.

07.26 .. I've been at depth for a little over 5 minutes when Abby in Arizona calls on Skype .. we chat till my time is up with number 3 when I need to clean up. Apparently she Knows Vanessa who is having her SRS today. We chat about this and that, it helps take my mind off the discomfort of number 3 for a while.

07.55 .. I'm cooked with number 3 and I have to go and do the clean, shower and cream regime.

08.55 .. I call Christine on the internal phone to see if she's ready .. very nearly so.

09.05 .. Christine and I are in the café for breakfast, via a loop back to my room via the 3rd floor when I remember my doughnut .. grrrr .. LOL. Christine gets called to reception for a phone call .. she needs to go to hospital today at 11.00 for some x-rays so they can see what they are up against for her BA Thursday and FFS in a fortnight after that.

After a brief return to our rooms, Christine had to go and get her room safe reset, we head off to the clinic, via the short back door method. I need some supplies and a better time for my revision / adjustment this afternoon. Mrs Suporn has few staff around at the moment, so my supplies and washing will have to wait till later .. and I'm promised a call back ( soon I thought ) to firm up the time for my treatment later.

Christine and I sit down for a while, Jib soon invites Christine in to sort out what size inserts she wants for her BA, as she's heading off to hospital at 11.00 there won't be any shopping done now. I head back to my hotel room and await the call. 

Back in my room, I create two new pages of photographs and upload them. The two days are my admission day to hospital and my OP day itself, nothing gory there .. I was passing the time pre surgery. As the last two I did didn’t seem to work initially I do a test, and they seem to work.

13.15 .. I head for the café, a light fruit lunch might be in order. Christine is sitting with my American neighbour from 703 and chatting. I join them with the help of a waitress who moves the tables together.

Though last to order, my plate of fruit salad comes first along with my bottle of drinking water. I'm soon finished .. and I have things to do.

13.50 .. I'm back in my room, I'm expecting to see Dr Suporn between 15.00 and 16.00 ... but the promised call still has not arrived, so I better get on and dilate. I set things up ready to go and get number 2 in position before I call Karen.

14.00 .. I give Karen her wake up call .. except she's awake drinking her tea as usual. She didn’t get to hear from Claire last night and she had no lick trying to raise them.
14.40 .. Kun calls the loan mobile to tell me my appointment with Dr Suporn is now 17.30 .. grrrrrrr .. so I've dilated 2 hours early .. ruddy brilliant. It takes a lot of effort to get her to understand my question if I need to do it again nearer the appointment time .. eventually the penny drops and yes Ill need to repeat it at 16.00 to be ready for leaving for the clinic at 17.00. I think Ill take a couple of Tramadol at 17.00 too just to help.

14.50 .. I start some diary for today .. gosh I'm annoyed.

15.55 .. Back to the drudgery .. with only 2 hours passing it's hardly surprising that number 2 slides in with little effort and is to depth in seconds. Number three is still tight but it is easier for sure. I do a clean up and cream job, but leave the main washing up till later .. I take a couple of Tramadol pain killers to help make sure of the least pain possible in 30 minutes. 

17.00 .. I leave my room and head for the clinic, picking up Christine on the way .. interestingly we both have 17.30 appointments. I'm feeling sick with worry as I arrive. Clearly Dr Suporn is running Thai time today ..

After a short wait, I'm shown to a shower room to wash down below the waist with hibby scrub and put a hospital type gown on .. except these are almost knee length in bright apricot .. Jib apologises saying they’ve run out of “European” sized ones .. so this is a little snug.

Once gowned I enter the main room, and my things are put into a locker .. in fact it's Sophie’s locker I'm told to use, and at this point I loose all sense of time .. as my watch is now in my handbag. It's another embarrassing wait, sitting on one of the communal trial doughnuts, till I'm taken into a consulting room by Jib to be creamed with local anaesthetic cream by one of the nurses .  Creamed and plastic taped, I'm taken back to the main room and sit with Christine and chat for a while.

Eventually a nurse and Jib collects me and I'm taken upstairs and have to sit and wait again. I'm feeling sick and I'm trembling .. Jib and a nurse both try to calm me, and I ask for a glass of water. I can't stop shaking and I'm getting very hot, so the air conditioner is cranked up.

Eventually a similarly gowned Australian girl, who I knew was due a revision today, hobbles out of the operating theatre in six inch steps .. my hearty leaps into my mouth, and I'm glowing a lot now. She's half way across the floor towards me when I'm told to go with the nurse .. my turn. Ass In enter Dr Suporn is sitting on a chair hiding round the corner, I didn’t notice him till he said “hello Sarah”. 

I'm told to get up on the table .. this is to be my first taste of some sort of stirrup .. I gingerly lay down and my legs are placed in the rests and they are adjusted. I'm really trembling as the bottom part of the bed is removed and Dr Suporn positions himself. The plastic tape comes off and I'm washed with something that is pretty cold. I'm not looking at anything other than the ceiling if I can help it, and that’s out of focus. My legs are draped in cloths and things are being stuck on me.

The nurse who led me in is doing her best to comfort me, but I can't stop trembling .. she tries holding my hand and arm in different positions but nothing helps.

Dr Suporn makes a start, and injects local into different area’s down there .. occasionally he hits something that I do feel and I twitch .. I'm continually being asked if I'm in pain. The nurse is admiring my ring on my right hand and asks if it's my wedding band .. no that’s on the left hand.

She tries all sorts of different tracks, including talking about Karen and the kids .. but to use a phrase Christine uses I'm “trembling like a jelly on springs”. One nurse is at my head talking to me and stroking my arm and hand, a nurse by my left leg occasionally rubs and massages the toes on that foot.

I'm guessing that Dr Suporn only took 15 - 20 minutes in total down there, as he finishes I'm told to hold a mirror while he gives me a guided tour. There are quite a few new stitches down there and clearly it seems he's taken some bulk from my right hand labia, as they now look balanced. To be honest, I'm still trembling and can't really see what he's pointing at.

In a flash Dr Suporn has gone .. to see Christine for her first consultation, leaving the nurses to help me away. I'm walking easier than the Australian girl, but my head is spinning and I'm feeling faint. I'm helped out of the theatre and sit on the settee outside where I was before. I'm plied with some cold water, but I'm still trembling and start to glow profusely, the nurse switches a big fan on, great idea till she sits between it and me.

Eventually, still feeling very odd, I attempt the stairs back down to the ground floor. Leading with my right leg is more painful than the left, so it's one step at a time down the sweeping staircase. I collect my stuff from the locker and attempt to dress, getting my clean knickers on without dropping them on the floor or separating my legs to far isn't easy.

18.55 .. Says my watch as I reenter the main waiting area .. officially the clinic is closed at this time. It's only the staff, me and I suspect Christine in consulting room 1 with Dr Suporn. Jib has got the supplies together I need .. back on the antibiotics again .. and a load of other stuff. Kun insists I must be driven back .. I assume it's her boyfriend who drives us back the 300 metres or so to the hotel front door. A doorman helps me out of the car and is given my water supply to be taken to my room.

19.10 .. I need to eat .. so I head off alone after knocking on Christine’s door. However, when I get to the lift I realise I haven't got my doughnut. As I turn to go to my room the lift arrives and out steps Christine.

19.20 .. We are in the dinning room and take the spare two seats on the end. I'm in need of simple food and a lift up .. I risk the lasagne again, it hadn’t improved, and another of those lovely round chocolate dessert cakes .. that was the lift up bit .. LOL. 

Christine is chuffed at the outcome of her consultation with Dr Suporn, she's going to have some money coming back as he's doing less than planned for on her face .. simply some things don't need doing, like my eyes.

20.40 .. I'm back in my room .. well my internet package expired at 17.23 tonight .. and I'm not paying rip off sums for a few hours access, Ill just have to do something else till after Christine leaves for the hospital tomorrow .. then I can use her package till I leave. It's diary time till I get a text from Karen to say she's home .. Ill burn some time off the loan phone then.

Well the local anaesthetic wears off pretty soon and I've got a real pain on the right side of my vagina. It really burns, specially after I've been to the loo. I hold out for as long as I can.

23.15 .. I take a couple of Idarac pain killers then get ready for bed, doh .. need to do my washing up too.

23.57 .. I get the text from Karen .. “Hi just got in give me 5 mins b4 u call X” .. I don't use “text text” she receives and sends to many at her age .. LOL.

00.04 .. I call Karen, we don't really say a lot in 15 minutes, my bank has acknowledged the receipt of the £2K plus refund from Dr Suporn, they’ve charged £20 for the privilege of there computers taking micro seconds to do all the work ..

00.20 .. nightie night.

Day 1162. Wednesday 13th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

06.10 .. The alarm wakes me up .. and I need the loo.

09.00 .. Christine and I head for the café .. she's in good spirits though she admits to being a little nervous, who wouldn't be.

Breakfast over .. Christine heads round to the clinic to collect some money, I need to finish eating then collect my washing to take to the clinic.

10.20 .. Christine and I pass each other just outside the clinic, I've got to drop my washing off and I'm going to buy an extra set of dilators. Knowing my luck Ill either break one or end up leaving them where I shouldn’t .. I just want to be safe. I try to organize a car for Janice and I to visit the jewellery factory in Pattaya tomorrow .. think it's sorted, and I drop my post cards off for posting, finally .. DOH.

10.50 .. I join a slightly nervous Christine waiting to be collected from the hotel.

11.10 .. Christine calls the clinic, they are late .. usually they are prompt with the 11.00 pickup for the hospital run.

11.20 .. The clinic’s Discovery pulls up and there's only room for a little one .. relatively speaking .. the vehicle has 5 people in it including Christine. I wave her off and snatch a quick picture to send to Patricia, her mum.

13.40 .. Lunch is a plate of seasonal fruit ..

14.00 .. I give Karen her wake up call .. why do I regret it in the end.

14.20 .. I head round to the clinic with the 5000 Baht for the spare dilator kit .. then go for a walk which shouldn’t be necessary. Apart from the pill bags, I have no contact information about the Thai GP that saw me after the insecticide incident, but I remember where the clinic is so I walk there .. and back. I photograph the place from the outside along with the street name sign on the adjacent corner .. checking that the pictures are sharp and readable .. they are .. very.

On my way back I buy a couple of souvenirs, one for Karen and one for Claire. I call in at the Tops supermarket and get a few things in for Christine, a 6 pack of “kitchen roll”, 6 litres of water and two packs of “Whisper” winged night time pads for her to try and help tie her over.

16.10 .. I'm back in my room and shattered .. shouldn’t have walked to that doctors.

16.15 .. Aey and one of the new girls comes visiting .. they’ve got a new underarm thermometer.
BP 126 / 76, HR 78 .. if I remember correctly .. 

17.14 .. I call Christine on Skype as she's on line .. She seem’s in good spirits and has had her chat with MorNing.

17.29 .. I call Dad & Dee .. it's a short call ..

17.33 .. I call Bob to see how things are there ..

18.00 .. Bum, I should have started dilating an hour ago ...

20.30 .. I head for the café and dinner .. I'm the last to arrive as usual. I order sweat and sour chicken .. so why do I find a prawn in it !!!! .. it gets sent back .. another plate appears a little to quickly for my liking
.. I hope they haven't just fished out the prawns, otherwise I'm going to know about it later. It's got to be a chocolate brownie ice cream for comfort.

21.50 .. I return to my room and spot two recent missed calls from Christine, I call her back. She's had the shaving and “cleansing” business done .. oo er .. and is now going to try and sleep. She thinks the builders working on the floor above are doing nights too.

24.00 .. Karen calls .. have I phoned my mum .. no .. we end the call and I phone my mum.

24.01 .. I call my mum .. tilt ..

24.17 .. I call Karen again .. after 20 minutes on the phone the call ends with me weeping again .. three more nights till I'm home .. to be honest I'm worrying  about the future now more than anything.

I can't sleep , so I do some diary ..

03.00 .. oop’s .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1163. Thursday 14th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

05.05 .. I'm awake and feel the need to go .. so I do.

06.10 .. The alarm sounds, but I'm already awake and on the throne .. << grimace >>.

06.50 .. Let the drudgery begin .. it takes 20 mins to get to dept and

09.15 .. Breakfast time

10.20 .. I'm back in my room ..

10.55 .. I head for reception to await Janice and the car.

11.00 .. A driver and car are here waiting for us .. but no Janice ..

11.10 .. I call Janice’s room .. she's dilating, but will be right down.

11.18 .. Janet finally appears and we can get off the jewellery place in Pattaya.

12.15 .. We have arrived at this massive jewellers / jewellery manufacturers / museum and are quickly taken in. We are soon singled out for VIP treatment for some reason .. is it because they asked where we were from .. do they smell money.

13.20 .. Purchases made, we head out to find our car and driver. We find the car, but no driver.

14.25 .. We are back at the hotel, we pay the driver the £1500 baht for his services for 3 hours .. then add 100 Baht tip between us.    

16.10 .. I head for the clinic, once in the first thing I'm given is my final load of washing back .. 225 baht’s worth.

16.35 .. I'm in examining room 2 for my final examination by Dr Suporn. Before he appears out of the other room I'm on the table and two of his theatre nurses are cleaning me up and one starts to remove some stitches from the area where my nicker leg elastic has been annoyingly tweaking them .. that’ll feel better though some of the stitches are well bound up, and a couple make my eyes water .. literally .. << grimace >> .. as the nurse tugs them.

Dr Suporn slides through the separating door from the next room and does an examination between my legs .. he's pretty happy it seems, and says there is no reason not to go home on Saturday. He does lecture me on the “creaming” technique I should use .. I mustn’t force the labia apart he told me on Tuesday, and I thought I was being clever using a cotton bud to distribute cream along there .. he's not happy with me. He demo’s squirting cream along the crevice with my knees apart, then bringing my legs together to “blot” the cream to spread it .. sorry .. am I being to graphic here .. LOL.

Following my appointment with him, I say thanks and shake his hand for what he's done for me, amazing really. As we part I ask if Christine is Ok .. “no problems” is his reply.

I return to the communal area and wait for my supplies. It's Amanda’s last meeting with Dr Suporn too .. and she's waiting for her supplies. Noon is doing the business with me. First thing she gives me is the leaving present, it's a boxed candle arrangement that looks like a wreath of flowers, where the flower heads are candles too. I get 10 tubes of Dermazin cream, to add to my 18 tubes of Q-C jelly .. and enough pain killers and Valium to wipe out a small village .. bags of the things .. I hope they don't cause problems in customs.    

17.15 .. I'm back in my room and notice a load of missed Skype calls from Christine’s mum .. she's gone off line, so I find her BT number using BT directory enquiries on line and I Skype out her .. she's relieved to hear from me the news from Dr Suporn .. she'll phone everybody now with the news ..  

17.30 .. I realise I need to dilate ..

17.55 .. I'm in that position ...

18.44 .. I try to get Andrew in Cardiff on the phone, but he's out, so Ill have to try again later.

20.10 .. I head down to the café to eat .. they are doing a special St Valentine’s day buffet .. why there are only 5 Supornista’s eating here tonight is a mystery, specially as normally we’d have 10 - 14 here at this time.

21.52 .. I give my business partners wife Fiona a call .. 

23.30 .. I've received an e-mail from Jill, Group HR Director of my company, so I Skype out her mobile and we chat for a while. Seems she was under the impression I had no leave left to carry over .. well I'm sure it was 8 days .. anyway she's says she's pleased to hear from me and she'll call again next week when I'm home to chat about return dates and my needs and requirements initially.

23.38 .. Karen calls .. she got the dozen roses at school today, the pictures she's e-mailed me look quite impressive.

24.03 .. The hotel network dumps me finishing the call.

00.05 .. I get back through to Karen, a minute or so later there's a knock on the home front door .. Tesco’s are delivering apparently .. she'll call me back.

00.36 .. I say goodbye to Karen .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1164. Friday 15th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

01.45 .. I finally turn the bedside lamp off .. so be honest I don't feel to good .. a little nauseous .. I wonder if I eat something from the buffet last night that I shouldn’t have done.

06.00 .. I need the loo so I might as well get up and get sorted.

06.50 .. I'm in the position .. am I getting blase about dynamic dilation .. I reckon I can multi task now and go to the TX chat room, typing with my left hand .. LOL .. huge number of typos though. I get to depth with number 2 in 10 minutes.

07.45 .. I'm through the routine and need to go clean, shower and cream. Gosh I've got hairy armpits at the moment .. out with the shaver, and a little plucking so I've lost some more time.

09.10 .. I head for the café and breakfast. I end up sitting at a table with a new girl I first saw last night. She's from Oxford in England, Jenny I think, shame Louise and Sue left last week .. she doesn't know them. She came out of hospital yesterday post SRS .. she didn’t sleep to well last night either .. having similar problems to what I did. She took a Valium last night, and looking at her eyes she's still spaced out. She's not eating a lot .. something I tell her she needs to change .. and she then agrees and does go get more to eat.

She's a very pleasant girl indeed, definitely not one of the weirdos, and we chat about the problems she's had with idiots during her transition. She's very natural looking and her voice is fantastic .. I must ask her if she's trained or had surgery for it. I end up spending a lot more time with her in the café than I intended ..

10.15 .. Back in my room I should have enough time to quickly rinse my hair and let it dry naturally .. but the maid is in my room so that’s cancelled .. will have to do it tonight as I pack my bags.

10.30 .. We are all in the big bus waiting to go, except one who is determined to run her life in extreme Thai time .. Janice the American.

10.55 .. Janice turns up and we are finally on our way .. on the outskirts of town we head of differently to last time, and end up going into a guarded housing estate where we stop briefly outside a very nice looking house .. I won't need to tell you who lives in this house .. this must be Dr Suporn's main residence.

So from there, with another staff member loaded on board, and some supplies .. we head for the Chinese temple again, stopping at a “Tesco Express” for even more supplies.

11.35 .. We are at the Chinese temple finally. I take a few shots and a mini video .. as there is a religious ceremony going on which if nothing else is very noisy at times as they hit the big bell and drum .. did I mention the fire crackers too !!!

Well for me, there is no point climbing to the top, been there got the T shirt two weeks ago .. well I have to the shop .. a chance to go and buy some knick knacks in the souvenir shop. 

12.45 .. We arrive at Dr Suporn's beach house .. the staff swing into action in a well practised plan.

I'm persuaded to try a fresh coconut .. coconut isn't my favourite food at home, in fact I avoid it like fish .. but this looks so different .. it's not brown and hairy, it's sort of got a green skin. The staff driver opens one for me, hacking the top off with a small cleaver. The liquid is poured into a glass, it's almost clear and tastes very refreshing. I'm then handed the nut and a spoon to scrape out the centre .. I try it .. gosh it's really very nice.

13.10 .. Leanne is in the pool ..  much against doctors orders .. photographic evidence is required .. I must say she looks very good in her white bikini. In the summer I'm going to have to see what I can wear .. << smiles >>.

13.15 .. My “chicken burger” lunch is served .. hmmmm .. it's a luke warm McChicken Sandwich .. but it's soon out of the way.

13.57 .. I notice the time, time to call Karen.

14.12 .. I say goodbye to Karen and check the phone balance .. that’s blown 250 Baht of credit .. still enough to make another similar call and send some text messages .. 

14.20 .. Leanne asks what I'm doing, everybody else is relaxing and she thinks I'm working .. nope just sitting in the shade doing some diary relaxing .. “oh am I in it?” .. << giggles >> I ceck the spelling of her name and show her the 13.10 entry .. she giggles too. 

I'm going to get a Thai massage this afternoon, but apparently I'm last on the list .. maybe something to do with a name starting with “S”.

15.50 .. my massage time ..

Dropped off with Vanessa’s friend Kathie at the hospital .. I go and see Christine .. I think she's surprised ...

Tuck - Tuck back to the hotel .. 100 Baht ..

19.20 .. I'm in the hotel café for my last dinner.

20.30 .. As I leave the café I'm loosing my fight not to cry .. by the words of Kathie and Danielle’s mum, Danielle’s mum says I'm very special, Kathie agrees, I say I'm just me and we should all help one another .. Micheline and Laura hug and thank me for all I helped them with .. Micheline is in tears too.

More to come ....

Day 1165. Saturday 16th February 2008. ( I fly home to England today .. to a refreshed and even happier life .. I hope )

Memory Joggers ...

04.20 .. Natures alarm wakes me up .. I rush to the loo.

06.10 .. The alarm goes off .. I lay there for a while .. I'm worried the slug mat I'm laying on feels a little damp .. but it's just perspiration I'm sure .. I lay there a while before getting up and doing things all wrong .. shower and breakfast before dilation.

07.25 .. I'm in the café for the final breakfast, I'm nearly alone. I'm half way through when Jenny appears and joins me. She thanks me for the advice yesterday, she realises it was good. Breakfast today is the lighter option .. muesli, yoghurt with fruit salad, I give the omelette bacon and sausages a miss and go directly to the last course .. pain au chocolate, fruit bread and a little cake to help a slice of buttered wholemeal toast down .. two cups of coffee completed the deal. Jenny wishes me well as I leave.

Post breakfast I go to reception and pay my bill .. the final two weeks instalment is 26, 678.04 Baht. I'm now embarrassingly wealthy in Baht .. I've got somewhere in the region of 32K Baht left .. so I could have done the jewellery place yesterday in cash only, rather than putting 13k Baht on my American Express card .. DOH.

08.10 .. I'm back in my room .. I need to get a move on.

08.25 .. I'm in that position, number 2 is in but way off depth. It takes 15 minutes to get top depth .. gosh I'm dreading tonight’s .. this one is only 9 hours after the last .. I've got to go 18 or 19 hours too the next .. << grimace >>.

09.25 .. I'm cooked and go shower off my lower half and sort myself out.

09.45 .. I've just creamed and got my knickers on when the phone rings .. it's Jib “I'm here now to take you to the airport” .. what .. I was told 10.30 .. I ask her up to have a little look because I'm worried by something I've found at the entrance of my neovagina.

Jib soon arrives and takes a look .. using the mirror I show what I'm worried about. It's a flap of dead skin and stitches sort of half attached right by the entrance, I had to hold it up out of the way to get the dilator in, when I first noticed it last night it came as bit of a shock.

Jib assures me it looks a lot worse than it really is .. it is a flap of dead skin still held along one side by sutures .. it's come away from near the uretha and will fall off in a week or so on it's own .. I hope so.

Jib disappears to see another patient leaving me to dress and do my final packing. This isn't going well .. I've got a shed load of stuff and nowhere to put it. The maid lets me into Christine’s room and I drop her some more stuff .. including an unopened box of cookies and two different types of liquid hand soap.

I pack my purple carry on bag with bulky but light stuff and open the expander. I pack all I can, in the laptop bag with the laptop. The medical bag gets stuffed with a few non medical things as well to compensate for the 28 tubes of Q-C and Dermazin cream I've had to put in there. it's actually a lot of volume.  I just can't get the lid of my suit case shut .. Jib arrives just in time.  

I'm kneeling on one side, Jib is doing the same the other side .. very slowly the lid is sinking .. oh I do hope those tubes of cream aren’t going to burst or leak .. 
A bell boy arrives with a trolley to collect my bags .. if they do me for weight bang will go a lot of my Baht. As we go down in the lift a final time, Jib asks if I've enjoyed Thailand and will I be coming back. I say I've enjoyed some, she says I should bring Karen here one day .. at this point I start to choke up as I say “Ill miss some of the people” .. Jib rubs my arm and smiles at me.

11.40 .. We drive away from the hotel in Jib’s boyfriends Saburu Imprenza, the suspension is a little hard even with the doughnut, which making me a couple of inches taller, I'm getting bumped both ends .. LOL .. << grimace >>. It's quite a long drive back up the motorway, but luckily we don't find too many holdups.

12.25 .. I'm in the airport terminal getting booked in. After a little bit of discussion they are going to allow me to have my purple bag with me in the cabin along with my “medical” bag as long as I can carry it on the wheel chair. I'm given a sticky label to wear with a wheel chair on it, with my flight number and seat number (24G) written on it. While we wait for the wheelchair to arrive I take a couple of final pictures .. of Jib and her boyfriend and the boyfriend returns the compliment twice .. as I closed my eyes .. LOL. Jib wants me to email her both of them.

The wheel chair soon arrives .. Jib gives me a final hug goodbye and I get in the chair to be buried in all my bags. Well I get to go the fast track everywhere, a queue of one at the disabled immigration desk .. soon through, others are queuing 20 or more deep.

I'm wheeled through Duty Free and half way along I indicate for my driver to pull in to money exchange .. 64.3 Baht to buy one pound .. 20K Baht returns me £310 and a few baht change. I need the loo, my driver does speak good English, having indicated what I need he says there is a loo I can use by the check in gate.

We have to pass through security .. my second carry on bag is first questioned, well I am, then I have to unpack it. The security man wants to know what’s in the dilator box. I’d rapped them all in a pair of socks each, I pick the one I hope is the “travel” one, take it out of the socks and show it to the female security person .. showing isn't enough, she wants to examine it .. she doesn't have a clue .. LOL. Next my bottle of Poldine is questioned .. I'm well over the liquid allowance and my Thai Lux shower cream has to go in the bin. A supervisor is called, what’s the Poldine for .. and for a moment I thought they where going to take the polythene off .. but they don't .. phew .. I have to show Dr Suporn's letter again .. they are finally happy but I have to re pack the bag .. it took ages to fill it smoothly and now it's a joke .. at least the Poldine is standing vertical. 

Gate E6 and a long queue looms .. my man simply drives me past them all, down a ramp to bypass a few steps, then he pushes me through across the queue, a woman steps back and asks “ are you OK my dear” .. I nod and say “Yes thank you”. I'm pushed straight to the end of the desk so I'm dealt with immediately. Once I'm checked in there my man indicates where the loo is. There is a massive disabled loo .. that’ll do nicely. This the first loo I've found here in Thailand without the bottom spray .. how odd.

By the time I've finished, all clean creamed and fresh, they are waiting for me to be boarded first along with a couple of tiny kids. My driver has been replaced, a younger chap drives me the last few hundred metres to the aircraft, where a pair of hostesses unload me and lead me through to my seat. My expanded purple bag is a tight fit in an overhead locker and I notice my medical bag has to go in on it's side .. I hope the Poldine / Betadine bottle doesn't leak. As I'm seated the stewardess tells me I must wait at Heathrow till everyone else is off then they’ll unload me.

Everybody else streams into the aircraft .. and we sit and wait for a while .. cold towels are bought around .. lovely.

13.35 .. We get “pushed back” .. and once away from the building the engines rumble into life .. then we taxi for quite a distance making several turns.

13.45 .. We are off .. it's a lovely day up here .. the flight plan looks like we’ve got some very favourable conditions, because now the ETA is 18.05 GMT .. rather than 19.35 GMT ..

14.10 .. We are cruising, time to get the laptop out, download today's camera pictures so far and sort them .. gosh the self portrait I did being pushed in a wheel chair by the chap at Bangkok airport isn't too good, he looks right miserable .. so do I .. sorry. First drinks of the trip with a miniature bag of nibbles each is produced.

14.20 .. We've crossed out of Thailand into Burma .. I'm definitely going home.

14.30 .. They start the first food run of the trip .. it's a choice of Pork or Beef .. it's the beef for moi.

15.40 .. We've flown over the edge of the Bay of Bengal and now we clip Bangladesh as we head into North India to fly along the edge of the Himalayas ..

16.15 .. I've been to the loo for the second time, doing a cream session in an aircraft toilet is not funny .. in fact it's nearly ruddy impossible.

16.20 .. Back in my seat I reboot the laptop to have another go at some diary, and do some more backing up, using the PCMIA USB2 card certainly speeds this operation up. Earphones plugged into the laptop ( I was a little organised in the hotel and made sure thery got into the laptop bag ) I listen to Enigma as I type.

16.40 We are a third to half way across India .. flying just of the Himalayas when we hit some fun turbulence .. the odd jolt is worse than Jib’s boyfriends car . .<< grimace >>.

Well I'm going to be stuck on this plane for a while, so I do some more photo pages for my web site .. while playing air drums occasionally to Enigma and Era ..  

18.05 .. I take a look at the flight data .. seems we’ve hit one hell of a head wind .. the 18.05 ETA earlier is now 19.49 .. DOH.

18.30 .. As we’ve skimmed north .. the outside temperature has started to fall .. it's now -48 C at 34,000 feet .. and we’ve still got another 8 hours 22 minutes to run to our destination.

19.15 .. The moving map stopped working about 17.00 and hasn’t come back .. this is frustrating .. Era is keeping me happy now. I'm sort of up to date with today's diary .. Ill do some more photo bits ..

19.53 .. This side of the aircraft finally gets what the other side got 30 minutes ago .. something more to eat .. it's a sort of ham salad mini croissant .. followed by another drink opportunity.

20.37 .. I've done a few photo pages, a couple I can't edit here, I'm putting a couple of anonymous “medical” pictures in which I can't display here with people behind being able to see what I'm doing. The moving map display is still off, but it's getting colder outside .. -54C .. I can't believe we are only just over half way .. another 6 hour’s plus flying time.

20.40 .. I need the loo and I'm a bit sleepy .. I might try and sleep for a while.

20.50 .. As my neighbour heads for the loo, it gives me a chance to experiment .. doughnut or no doughnut .. research says, at least for a short while, sans doughnut is the preferred method. Sitting two inches lower now puts my hair clip in conflict with the seat backrest .. lucky I slipped a scrunchie on my arm from my handbag earlier.

Well I think I might have slept for a couple off brief moments, but nothing substantial .. after a couple of hours the relief of not sitting on a doughnut is replaced by grief in another area, so I return to the doughnut.

The map display has not returned working at all, about 2 ½ hours to go I assume we are over Austria or a little further east as we hit a long period of turbulence, I remember that from the way out.

00.20 .. I'm in the loo when there is an announcement about a “refreshment service” about to start .. and I think I might be causing a queue here too.

00.30 .. Another meal is served, the choices are seafood pasta or chicken noodle .. I have no choice. It's airline fair .. small portions of adequate quality.

00.55 .. As the stewardess moves along the aisle she stoops down to have a word with me .. “as your our wheelchair passenger, please wait when we touch down till the aircraft is clear, Ill come and assist you and your belongings off the aircraft” ..  fair enough.

01.00 .. Another 1 hour 46 minutes till we land .. assuming we aren’t stacked .. I feel need for some of Michael Jackson’s ballads .. enter the “History” double CD. 

01.46 .. An hour to go .. where are at 38,000 ft and it's -69C outside .. brrrrr. I'm rattling through 21 pictures for day 25 in Bangkok .. half way there .. I've got a bit of a problem .. it was a day with odd light, I should have used the camera in RAW mode to get the full beauty .. sadly I didn’t so I'm trying to adjust each frame in Corel Photopaint 8. Music is currently Meatloaf “Bat out of hell III”

02.18 .. or should I now say 19.18 GMT .. we are starting to descend into Heathrow .. still got 4 more Bangkok pictures to process .. time to switch the laptop off. 

19.45 .. Then fasten seat belts sign has been on for 10 minutes, but suddenly I need the loo now .. I unstrap and dash for the loo. A quick tinkle and basic clean up .. I'm back in my seat in under 4 minutes.

20.05 .. GMT .. We touch down at Heathrow .. It's been a 13hour and 20 minute flight. I'm sore down below ..

21.35 .. We are in the car ready to head home .. I’d forgotten how hard the Jazz suspension is .. ruddy hard even with the doughnut .. I can see my Cavalier getting a bit more use in coming weeks.

21.55 .. We are home ..

22.50 .. Start a dilation .. very painful, I'm so tired start 1.5" short of depth .. end up 1/3" short I think.

00.30 .. Clean and cream time .. not easy ..

01.00 .. In the kitchen to take a pill .. snatch a weight check .. 13st 91/4 lb .. hmmmmm.

01.05 .. Finally get to bed ..

More to come ...

Day 1166. Sunday 17th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

04.00 .. I'm awake, worried, I go empty my bladder just in case.

08.45 .. Karen returns to the bedroom with cups of tea.

09.30 .. I'm up and head to the bathroom .. with decent light and a decent mirror, I'm horrified of what I find growing on my eyebrows .. a load of hairs are removed.

A quick trip to the kitchen to sort out my breakfast before doing the routine.

10.10 .. I'm in that position .. and happily soon get to my “normal” depth with number 2 ..

I unpack my cases a little, find some more souvenirs and pressie’s for Karen. The CDV discs I bought at the Chinese temple are .. very Chinese .. with poor picture quality .. ho hum. 

17.15 .. Decide to go start Cavalier and bike .. car started OK though a little sluggish after 5 weeks .. bike did start after a struggle.

Hearing bike running, Lynn came out from next door to find out how I am .. hug and a kiss .. she’d been worried about me, but Karen hadn’t seen her.

19.00 .. Dinner is served .. it's cheese and ham stuffed chicken breast .. with a jacket potato and a little salad. Pudding is a selection of fresh fruit .. orange, apple, grapes and half a banana.

20.55 .. I'm in that position .. and have depth with number 2 in 5 minutes .. I fell asleep ..

21.45 .. Swap to number 3 .. I'm at depth again within 5 minutes ..

22.05 .. I'm finished, but Karen is now in the bathroom .. arghhhh. So I go down stairs .. one thing leads to another and Karen doesn't call me when she's finished in the bathroom ..

23.00 .. Realising the time .. I go check the bathroom to find it empty .. my body has already shrunk back, so doing the final “clean up” isn't easy as it should be.

00.15 .. I finally climb into bed.

More to come ...

Day 1167. Monday 18th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

00.10 .. I'm finally in bed .. but sleeping isn't easy .. though using a small pillow from beside the bed as a wedge does help.

07.00 .. I've pushed the boundary .. nearly seven hours in bed without a loo break .. this boosts my confidence.

08.30 .. I got up and made the tea, snaffled my breakfast while I did so I could get the first tablets of the day into my system. I did a weight check this morning .. 13st 91/4lb.

10.15 .. I'm in that position .. I give Christine a call in Chon Buri, she's in good spirits, in fact her sense of humour does keep me amused. I'm using our spare room bed for doing my dilations, this is our old hard double bed, but the fact is the bed is pretty soft compared to my hotel room bed. The soft bed means the mirror won't sit still when I need it to be .. it's frustrating to say the least, Ill have to find someway of making it more stable .. maybe a little board with some clips on.

13.00 .. Lunch .. turkey soup, and a couple of slices of bread and honey .. just wish my taste wasn’t so far off still.

16.20 .. I saw my GP, well the lady doctor that I now hope will be my GP as our GP of 20 years is leaving the practice next month. She's a little disturbed by how the insecticide poisoning was handled in Chonburi with the possible intervention of Dr Suporn's clinic in the proper treatment by that GP who was “got at” out there. Anyway, she's going to pick up on the Pattaya hospital doctors treatment and monitoring and has asked me to go back in 3 weeks for another blood test. She wanted to have a look at me too, but then decided to do that when I go back in 4 weeks post blood test results. In the mean time she says I should eat plenty of red meat and drink orange juice with every meal. Apparently orange juice helps the absorption off other food .. news to me.

To keep my company happy she's given me signing off notice valid for 3 months from 16th January. I walk away with a prescription .. for ONE 20g tube of Flamazine cream equivalent to Dermazin .. and what I believe is supposed to be 150ml ( woopee do ) of hibiscrub, though the prescription says “Chlorhexidine gluconate skin wash 1%”. 

At the chemists, the cream isn't a problem, why only one tube when I use a 25 g tube in two days, I don't know. However the “hibiscrub” isn't in stock .. come back tomorrow.

18.45 .. It's turkey curry .. yummy.

20.30 .. Went upstairs to do the routine, promptly fell asleep during my time with Number 2, so slightly shortened my 15 minutes with number 3 to ensure I hit the bathroom before Karen did. I watch the programme about the lizards on TV while I'm “working” .. though to be honest I should be listening to something soothing.

22.10 .. I'm out of the bathroom so Karen can go in .. but I need to wait to return to do the clean up of my “equipment”.

23.10 .. Karen and I are in bed .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1168. Tuesday 19th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept a bit better having taken a Valium before bed.

07.30 .. I'm awake, not desperate for the loo but go anyway .. over eight hours .. this is good .. if I can repeat this a few times I might be confident to loose the plastic sheet and towel in a few days.

08.30 .. Karen makes the tea.

I find that my Philips Skype phone is throwing a wobbly, so I want to reset the base station. I'm not sure why or what I said, but Karen bites my head off because I've asked to move out of the way so I can reset the Philips base station ..

10.00 .. I head upstairs to do the drudgery in tears .. once I've calmed down, I call Christine in Chon Buri .. she's had a good day, including that magical day 5 first shower post op. She soon cheers me up with her droll sense of humour.

13.15 .. Lunch is served .. it's the last of the turkey soup, with a chicken sandwich.

16.00 .. Karen runs me to Lightwater .. I need some extra hooks to put on the back of the bathroom door. I also go to the chemist to go and collect the hibiscrub .. but it seems what the doctor prescribed isn't hibiscrub, but a weaker product that isn't available to chemists. I buy an extra set of reading glasses too. Karen goes into Budgen’s to get a few things for dinner, including some steak and some Tropicana non concentrate orange juice.

Once home I cut the label off my new glasses .. and they literally fall apart. Karen drives me back to Lightwater to change them .. 

18.30 .. Dinner is served .. Rump steak, jacket potato, salad and garlic bread. Pudding is sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream.

20.15 .. Time for the drudgery ..

20.45 .. After a little messing around I'm finally in that position .. and yes I managed to fall asleep again with number 2.

22.20 .. I've had to wait for Karen to clear the bathroom so I can do my clean and cream routine, and get washed ready for bed.

23.15 .. I'm finally in bed after taking one of the blood pressure tablets the Pattaya doctor gave me .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1169. Wednesday 20th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

Well with that tablet inside me I slept like a log .. best nights sleep for ages.

08.20 .. I'm woken up by Karen returning with a cup of tea .. I feel around me .. I seem dry apart from a tiny patch on the back of my knickers, caused I discover by melting cream leaking out.

08.30 .. I head for the loo .. ah I needed that .. so I've been over nine hours without going to the loo .. this is excellent news.

10.00 .. I finally get up .. head down stairs for a quick breakfast before returning to the drudgery.

A weight check .. 13st 9 ½ lb.

I'm in the bathroom doing my prep, ( sitting on the throne ) when I can hear my Skype phone ringing .. why Karen can't pick it up and answer it I don't know. I go down to collect the phone after I've finished .. I guessed it was Christine, and I wasn’t wrong.

11.00 .. I'm finally in that position .. and give Christine a call. Christine has me in fits of giggles again .. she can be so funny. She's had some visits in the hospital from some clinic girls who gave here BA breasts a “work out” .. I’d heard from others that this can be quite painful .. Christine confirms this, and that Aey is the one who works it the hardest .. << grimace >>.

12.30 .. The drudgery is over .. time for a shower and cream session. I do a photo session too before I cream using the our new camera .. it does close ups much easier than the compact camera, even if I can't see through the view finder while doing it.

13.30 .. Lunch is served .. a torpedo roll with coronation chicken filling and three small tomato’s .. followed by an apple and a banana.

14.15 .. I boot the PC to check my emails.

I chat for a while on Yahoo with Jessica in Indiana and Julie in Dorset .. while putting an email together to the clinic regarding my insecticide poisoning and the continued side effects.

16.38 .. I've sent the e-mail, only time will tell if I get the result I need .. a report from the doctor I saw on Saturday 26th January .. will the clinic be honest now and help me, or will I get stuffed with a smoke screen .. time will tell.

17.30 .. A cup of tea and a biscuit or two.

18.50 .. Dinner is served .. pudding was cold creamed rice with a blob of Strawberry jam .. lovely.

20.45 .. I head up stairs .. for a dilation session.

23.10 .. I take a Valium before bed .. the time isn't to bad .. nightie night.

More to come ...

Day 1170. Thursday 21st February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

I slept well initially, but then spent a long period awake about 03.00 .. I guess this jet lag is proving more difficult to shake off than I thought.

07.00 .. I'm awake, I play it safe and head for the loo.

08.30 .. Karen brings me a cup of tea .. but don't have a lot of spare time this morning.

09.15 .. I've found a receipt for Protyre’s in Slough and after a trip out to the drive in my dressing gown to make a note of the tyres on the Jazz. I give them a call, I hate being “sir’d” on the phone .. but I don't bite. Yes they have stock, £50 each all inclusive of vat, balancing and new valves. I'm worried about the tyre wear pattern, it smacks off under inflation as the inside and outer edges are both badly worn, leaving plenty of tread in the middle, yet I always run them at the max Honda recommend to get the max fuel economy. So I book a session on there all wheel alignment laser bed .. £30 will buy peace of mind.

09.30 .. I head for the spare room and the drudgery.

09.45 .. I'm in position .. and make rapid progress to depth with number 2.

09.50 .. Let the quality time begin .. I call Christine to see how she's got on .. she left the hospital OK this morning, after some light hearted moments with Dr Suporn re her first dilation .. but
10.50 .. I'm cooked with number 3 .. I have to end my call with Christine so I can go and clean up.

11.45 .. We head for Slough and the Protyre place to get a pair of tyres put on the Jazz.

12.15 .. We are at Protyre, I'm madam’d all the way now, Karen and I decide to walk across to M&S Simply Food a few hundred yards away while the car is being done to collect some goodies to eat.

12.20 .. We are in M&S, the one basket I collected soon becomes inadequate, and I collect another. We end up buying a load of fruit making use of some of their special offers. A pack of Welsh cakes gets returned to the shelf in favour of a couple of packs of hot cross buns .. DOH .. I like Welsh cakes.

12.45 .. We return to Protyre just on cue to see the Jazz being removed from the Laser alignment bay. Karen gets in the car while I go sort the bill .. £130 as expected, but apparently the front discs are nearly worn out .. they can do discs and pads for £147 .. Ill have to see what Honda want .. I assume a lot more for sure. I’d prefer to use original parts.

12.50 .. Bill paid we head for home.

13.25 .. We are home, gosh my bottom hurts. Before heading indoors I have a job to do .. try and remove the cement that Karen's father told her to sprinkle on our Tarmac drive to soak up some oil he split while doing Robert’s oil change.

I manage to remove most thank goodness .. what a stupid idea that was, cement powder on a tarmac drive .. DOH, luckily ( I think ) the cement Karen got from her sisters was old and hadn’t reacted with rain and gone hard.

14.00 .. I've finished, as I enter the back door I'm sure I heard the Skype phone ringing .. I did, Karen has answered it and is talking to Christine. Since this morning Christine has run into a problem .. she had to make a call for help when she discovered she was suffering the same problem as I did on my first day , only worse, she's now back on a catheter for a few days .. it's not unusual. It's a Buddhist holiday today and a very smartly dressed MorNing ready for a night out had arrived to help Christine apparently.

14.20 .. Lunch is served .. Pea and ham soup with a ham sandwich.

I'm so tired, I don't have much energy for anything, I go to the PC and check my e-mails and do the page for Day 25 in Chon Buri .. the 21 photo’s .. I must try and do some more, even if from the partial comfort of my laptop in an arm chair or laid out somewhere.

15.45 .. Karen does double check with me if I really want to go see my mum .. well not really but we won't be seeing her this weekend, so I suppose I’d better ,make an effort. I run out of energy after a while in the afternoon and find I can't really concentrate on anything .. mum rambles on about the American friends arriving in early April .. and she takes nanother snide swipe at my sister, which pisses me off no end. I'm getting really hacked off with mothers vandetta’s against Juliet, Auntie Audrey and at times my dad. With my sister and Audrey it's mum who created and then blew up the situations .. I really have to bite my tongue at times.

17.45 .. We are home .. I check my e-mails .. open my diary but close it after one line .. I really can't be bothered with it at moment.

19.00 .. Dinner is served .. for me it's a jacket potato with coronation chicken. Pudding was a M&S slice of “zesty” lemon cheese cake and a little ice cream .. gosh that was good. 

I've still got to renew the re-enforcings on three fingers on my left hand .. they are now 6 weeks old, and I'm in danger of doing damage to them now with such a wide band of new nail unsupported .. so I go and sort them out.

21.15 .. My nails have taken longer than I expected .. and I must get on and do a drudgery.

Starting off I feel quite fresh and I get to depth quite quickly .. however I have a tendency to relax a little once at depth, well you do, the most painful part is over and now the repetitive rhythm along with watching TV is just enough to put me to sleep.

Needless to say .. things take a lot longer to complete ..

24.00 .. I finally climb into bed, and set the alarm for 06.30 in the morning so as to do a pre breakfast dilation .. nightie night.

Completed from memory only Friday 22nd Feb while journeying to see Claire in Alfreton.

Day 1171. Friday 22nd February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

06.30 .. Time to get up, I was awake anyway. I head for the loo, where the body functions on cue so the dilation should go like a doddle. I nip down stairs and do a weight check, 13st 91/4lb, then collect the Skype phone. As I pick the phone up I hit contacts and Christine is there on line. I head back upstairs to start.

06.54 .. After a lot of fiddling about, some “necessary”, I'm finally in that position. I'm an inch short again as I initially try to find my depth. As one has to, I start the process of repossessing my depth. Session by session this is getting more painful, but I'm determined to try and keep off the pain killers for a s long as I can, as Sophie suggested.

07.05 .. I'm surprised that I've got to depth already, so I pick the Skype phone up to call Christine .. DOH .. she's gone off line.

07.25 .. I'm almost at depth with number 3, I spotted Cathy on line on Skype in New Zealand, so I give her a call. She's post op, bout 4 months ahead of me, though with another doctor. We chat for a while, it's already Friday evening there and she's got her daughters for the weekend.

07.45 .. I'm cooked, and just on cue Karen calls out to me when do I want the bathroom .. “now please” .. things are working out ok.

08.10 .. I'm showered and clean except for my hair .. I offer Karen the bathroom, she tells me to finish. So I do a quick creaming, do my washing up and wash my hair.

08.25 .. I'm downstairs, I quickly boot PC and laptop to transfer the diary and other bits back to the laptop, my hair wrapped in a towel doesn't want to stayn that way. No reply from the clinic on my last e-mail.

08.30 .. I quickly sort out my day’s pills and do breakfast. It seems odd now back at home, eating so little for breakfast, compared to what I was consuming a fortnight ago in Chon Buri, I don't have a chef doing omelettes and bacon.

08.37 .. Breakfast consumed, I'm in the lounge about to dry my hair when Christine calls. Despite her little handicap, it sounds like she went down for breakfast this morning. She did her first totally solo dilation this morning without any hassle, but she's discovered as I did that prep and clean up is adding an hour to the chore. We chat for a while about this and that, but I have to breakaway, we agree to chat again on Monday, she knows we are off to my sisters tomorrow.

09.43 .. We are on the road for Alfreton in Derbyshire for Claire’s first review meeting and hopefully to spend some time with her.

10.45 .. Gosh my back is aching, sitting on the doughnut has raised my back above the lumbar support which is very good normally in the Cavalier. I'm in real time, I start yesterday’s diary ..

11.15 .. Still another 73 miles to go, my back is really giving me hell, so I try reclining the seat back .. typing is still good but for the moment my back feels a little easier .. will be my neck next I suspect .. doh.

11.55 .. This reclined position is good .. my back ache has stopped and at the moment my neck doesn't feel too bad.

12.25 .. We are at the services where the M46 we’ve been travelling joins the M1 at M1 J24 .. time for lunch. We head in and use the loo’s before going to M&S for lunch via the Thornton’s chocolate booth and W H Smiths to get Claire a magazine. There’s a display stall for “WOW” .. ( Wellbeing of Women ). One of the people on that stand thrusts a leaflet into my hand as I walk past .. with me hobbling along as I am she probably thinks I need it .. << grimace >>.

13.00 .. Lunch consumed, we head onto the M1and our destination Alfreton some 27 miles further on. I read the leaflet from WOW .. looks like a very good cause .. Ill have to investigate becoming an annual donator like I do with the RNLI and Gires.

13.30 .. We arrive at Claire’s home. We are soon shown in and taken through to see Claire for a while before we have the meeting. Claire hasn’t seen me in about 8 weeks, and seems a little weary of me. She's got a new TV and a combined DVD player / video recorder in her sitting room, which really is a bedroom that’s been converted just for her use.

We are taken through to a conservatory for the meeting, but by an external route, which given the breeze and fact my coat is in the car, is ruddy chilly.

The meeting slowly gathers but then has to start with the big boss of the care home group missing .. he's stuck in traffic. Well it seems the home staff are very pleased with the way Claire has fitted in and changed some of her behaviours already. There have been a few instances, one where she bit one of her key workers so badly she had to go to hospital .. but the girl is unperturbed and thinks Claire is lovely and settling well. Claire’s certainly exceeded our hopes so far, in that she's going out of the home and walking to local shops, getting her out of her room was impossible in Littlehampton.

One thing that I don't like the sound of too much is the emphasis being put on Claire being here in Alfreton for a long time, Karen and I would like to see her move to the companies new home, in Maidenhead, a 35 minute drive from home.

15.15 .. The meeting comes to an end and we return to see Claire. Karen eventually gets invited to sit next to Claire .. something I'm denied. I start to get pretty uncomfortable, so I use Claire’s loo to sort myself out, including a creaming session .. ah that’s better. On my return to the room Karen doesn't think and asks why I took my cushion into the loo in front of Claire’s minders .. DOH .. well I'm not answering that.

16.42 .. We finally leave heading for home. I store a GPS position into Kate for the back entrance to the care home. As we drive home I store a few other GPS positions with the intension of creating a stored route sooner or later .. probably later.

17.40 .. Back to yesterday’s diary ..

18.25 .. I've finished yesterday’s diary, and tweaked Wednesday’s a little .. but Wednesday is a bit of a hazy memory now. I'm very tired and keep yawning .. it's 01.30 in Chonburi. Kate says it's another hour and 25 minutes till we get home, well till we collect the planned Chinese anyway. I really can't concentrate on things now, so I'm going to lay the seat out more and try and nap for an hour .. providing Karen keeps below the speed limit and stops the Kate’s warning siren from going off .. LOL.

Did I sleep .. like heck I did .. << grimace >>.

19.00 .. We were warned about a hold up but chose to ignore it, there is a broken down truck just before the big climb on the M40 up to High Wycombe, and for a couple of miles the speed comes down to 10 mph.

19.20 .. We leave the monotony of the M40 at J4 and head across past Marlow to Maidenhead and the M4. In fact on this route some 2 hours 45 minutes after we left the care home we pass within a couple of miles of the new home, that will be opening shortly. If we can get Claire in there sooner rather than later, all the better.   

19.45 .. We are going through Bracknell .. time to call Mary and order that Chinese take away. Mary answers and immediately recognises my voice .. “we were just talking about you, thought you should be back .....” .. it's nice to be thought of occasionally. I'm having stir fried duck in black bean sauce, “hot” as Mary says, Karen goes for her old favourite stir fried chicken in satay sauce. Two boiled rices and a portion of deep fried beancurd complete’s the order. Sadly we haven't got a bottle of white wine in the fridge.

19.56 .. I'm in the Chinese in Bagshot .. I'm looking forward to this .. Mary gives Karen and I a warm welcome.

20.10 .. We are home .. time to eat .. and a very small glass of Menetou Salon Blanc hits me like a a big feather duster .. what no wine for 7 weeks .. hic.

Post food, I check my e-mails, to find a pretty aggressive reply from the clinic following my robust e-mail to them yesterday .. I can see I'm going to get nowhere near the info I request. The clinic even suggests “It should take about 20 seconds to get the answer using Google (as I did)” referring to the contents of “Baygon Ant Killer”, have they supplied the precise link .. NO. I spent hours trying to find it .. “Ant and Roach Killer”, “Crawling insect killer” .. yes .. loads of records .. but I'm sure “Baygon Ant Killer” is a completely different/individual/unique contents product. 

21.30 .. I've sorted my firewall problem here, and can now transfer at will from main PC to laptop, that’s a relief .. the brain wasn’t working totally .. I’d locked the laptop down while in Thailand to the nth degree .. and had forgotten to loosen it off a little.

More to come ...

Day 1172. Saturday 23rd February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

00.30 .. I'm finally in bed ..

I dosed off quite quickly and I think I slept pretty solidly.

05.00 .. I'm awake, very awake. I take a drink from my still full water glass and try to dose off .. I end up looking at Karen's back listening to her purr and breath. I did manage to cat nap a few times but nothing solid.

07.00 .. I get up and use the loo, I'm not desperate but as I did away with the plastic sheet last night for the first time, just laying on a very thick wedge of towel .. my confidence is building so I don't want to risk anything.

08.45 .. Karen brings a cup of tea in .. well I didn’t know she’d gone so I must have dosed off. We watch the news but I know I have to get on with doing the drudgery if we are going to get out today.

09.45 .. I must crack on .. so I get up and head for the kitchen via the loo to sort breakfast and tablets. It's the Saturday morning weigh in .. 13st 9 3/4lb .. where’s that 1/4 lb come from .. last nights Chinese.

10.35 .. Gosh where has the time gone .. I'm in that position but this isn't looking good .. I'm noticed the last few sessions I'm starting at a steadily increasing distance from “my depth” .. I'm 5 ½ weeks post op now .. and I know as days pass I'm getting to that stage that Sophie warned about .. the 8 to 12 week window. A week ago I would have to get through an inch to hit depth .. I'm now at 11/2 inches initially and it's unpleasant using the force necessary to get the dilator to depth.

10.55 .. I've only just managed to get to “depth” .. let 15 minutes quality time begin.

11.10 .. I swap over to number 3 but it's another struggle .. though initial insertion is only uncomfortable I'm unusually short on depth. I seem top me a little odd comparing notes as I had with others in that according to the markings I get the same depth with number three and I do number two, as close as my eye’s can tell, most other’s I spoke to in Chon Buri said they got about 1/4" less with the larger one, much as what Sophie said to expect.

However .. where as I had been starting with maybe ½" to battle through, it's been getting more .. nearly an inch today. It took another 15 minutes to get what is my depth for number 3.

11.40 .. I'm cooked, but Karen is in the bathroom. I do the cleanup laying down and what till I can get in the bathroom.

11.50 .. I'm in the bathroom and start to sort myself out .. I’d liked to have done a hair wash but it's OK, it’ll do for tonight.

12.30 .. I'm cleaned, showered and creamed .. all I got to do now is get my act together to leave as soon as we can. I've decided to take a sleeping bag and set up camp on the bedroom floor we will be using at Juliet’s for dilation purposes .. the bed in that room is to small and too soft. I pack all I need to in the big red clinic holdall .. the bag is full. I also have to pack a clothes bag ..

13.00 .. Time for lunch .. brie and grape sandwich with a few crisps .. apple, banana and hot cross bun .. all washed down with orange juice.

I go and finish packing .. then load the car up.

13.45 .. We leave home, I need to secure some more rubber gloves just in case .. so we try stopping in the village .. DOH .. out chemist is now only opening in the mornings on a Saturday. On to Lightwater and Macdonald’s Pharmacy, I know Lloyd’s my usual chemist don't have any. Success .. sort off .. I've had to buy a box of powdered ones, Karen warns Ill be leaving white marks everywhere .. maybe these are just an emergency supply then. Karen wants to post a card to a friend.

13.59 .. As we drive away from the Lightwater post office, next stop Juliet’s .. via a garage somewhere .. the Cavalier has 350 miles clocked and about 1/3 of a tank showing .. we might make the big Shell garage near Juliet’s .. depends if Mrs Schumacker is driving or not.

On the M3 heading west Mrs Schumacker is resident, I fix Kate up, not because we don't know this well travelled route but because I want the speed warnings for Karen .. not that she seems to be heeding them .. << grimace >>.  

A fill up a couple of miles from Juliet’s 442 miles about 50.28 litres.

15.31 .. We arrive at my sisters .. I hope Karen didn’t fall foul of any camera’s .. she had been going for it.

16.10 .. I head upstairs to do a dilation. It's a sleeping bag on the floor job to do this in the bedroom we have .. the double bed is too soft to work on. Well it works, though with my bum on a hard surface all the angles change .. finding the correct comfortable projectory angle for the dilator throws me a little.

My son Robert arrives while I'm upstairs doing the business.

17.15 .. It's taken about as short a time as possible under the circumstances .. in fact I'm glad it's gone so well .. time for the clean up ..

19.05 .. We leave for The Bull pub at .. hmmm, DOH ..  a little place about a 15 minute drive from my sisters ..

19.40 .. Dad, Dee and there 3 friends finally appear ..

We had all pre booked our food, I had asparagus as a starter, a cheese stuffed chicken breast wrapped in bacon with daphnias potatoes and vegetables followed by a chocolate pavlova for dessert .. yummy .. LOL. Well I started the evening well behaved .. 2 glasses of lemonade, one glass of wine with the meal. 

Well Dad seemed to enjoy the evening ..

Juliet’s friend, “Ephinie” is sitting next to me and talks to me and Sindy’s boyfriend almost continuously .. LOL .. she's an accomplished wild life photographer and likes my new camera.

22.25 .. Dad’s taxi has arrived .. so that group depart for home leaving us to chat before we head back to Juliet and Robert’s.

22.40 .. We are the last to leave the pub .. it's so “early” for a Saturday night to find a pub with no customers. Robert speeds off back home, knowing Robert & Karen will be following Chloe home. Gosh I wish he’d thought about my back side little, though I'm glad we are in Juliet’s “new” Volvo V40 estate .. it floats over bumps a little better than Robert’s 4 x 4 pick up / estate.

23.05 .. Our son Robert heads back to Bath ready for Uni on Monday .. he's doing a lot of revision at the moment supposedly.

Back indoors I head straight for the loo for some relief .. by the time I return Sindy is already mixing up the cock sucking cowboy cocktails .. the local speciality .. it's butterscotch schnapps with Bailey’s floating on top .. but as Sindy is a little merry she's having problems with her floating technique .. LOL .. but they taste the same even if visually the impact is gone. 

23.50 .. Karen drags me up to bed, once we are both sorted in the bathroom there seems to be a second party starting downstairs .. mind you it didn’t keep me awake for long .. 3 “Cock Sucking Cowboy” cocktails after such a long abstinence from alcohol puts me to sleep.

More to come ...

Day 1173. Sunday 24th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

07.05 .. I'm awake and a little dry .. gosh I slept pretty well I think.

07.20 .. I go downstairs to use the loo .. I can hear Juliet and Robert talking in the kitchen. Juliet has quite a load on her hands today .. Sunday lunch for 12 !!!!

I return to bed .. but after a short while I realise I need to do an early dilation ..

08.05 .. I'm on the floor, Karen is on the other side of the bed trying to shut out what I am doing I am sure. With 15 hours past since the last one things aren’t going to be easy, given recent history. It's not .. alarmingly the initial wall is over 1 ½" short of my depth. It takes 20 uncomfortable minutes to get to depth .. 15 “quality” minutes follow.

08.40 .. Time to change .. brain not working this morning, I remove number 2 before prepping number 3 .. DOH. It's not a comfortable start, I'm really trying to relax but this oak floor through one layer of sleeping bag is giving me a pain in the bum and back .. I try some deep breathing but really want to keep as quiet as possible so as not to upset Karen.

Depth comes in just over 10 minutes .. this is beginning to get painful rather than just uncomfortable now. I'm getting a pain on one side of the canal opening on the right side that isn't pleasant.

09.15 .. Ok I'm finished .. I sort myself out and gather up all I need and head down stairs to the bathroom .. I have a short wait. Once in the bathroom I try to sort myself out. As what happens quite often post dilation .. I have the urge for the loo. 

Well I sort myself out the best I can, I've left my mirror upstairs .. so I have to do my douching “blind” .. I've tried at home in rehearsal, but gave up. Well I thought I’d got away with that, I shower off and dry myself. I'm standing with one foot outside the bath, drying the other on the edge of the bath .. I suddenly feel a trickling sensation .. bum .. betadine flush has dribbled out of me onto the floor .. luckily onto my towel and not Juliet’s supplied linen .. so that’ll probably be a stain. I'm not sure if that was due to doing the flush blind and getting the angles all wrong or not staying in the shower long enough.

09.35 .. Back in the bedroom I need to do a cream job, so I crouch down to get back onto my back when I feel another trickle .. lucky I’d put my night time nickers back on to return upstairs .. they’ll be stained too then. I'm laying on a pristine slug matt .. another trickle .. another stain .. I'm a little worried now .. I've never had this. I sit up as vertical as I can to see if I can encourage anything else to come out .. nothing .. so I cream and put a clean pad and knickers on.

09.55 .. Karen wants to go and shower .. she waits till the coast is apparently clear.

10.05 .. This is the first trip where I'm downstairs before Karen. Juliet is hard at it prepping vege’s and the two joints of meat .. it's going to be beef and pork today .. oo .. crackling.

Karen soon appears and we sit in the dinning room and snatch a quick breakfast .. cereals, croissants and pain au chocolates .. lovely.

13.55 .. Lunch is served .. wow .. lovely, I just wish I could taste it properly. Roast dinner followed by a cheese course followed by dessert .. 1 ½ helpings of Juliet’s sticky date and toffee pudding .. I think my weight will be back to pre op levels tomorrow.

15.30 .. Dinner is over really and everyone is stuffed, but Dad’s got to have his cake .. and it's been specially made with a picture of a Hadley Page Halifax aircraft on the top .. done by a cake “artist” from a downloaded picture off the internet. The sides of the cake have clouds painted on .. it's really good. Juliet later slices it up and we all have doggie bags to take home.

16.20 .. Dad and Dee’s friends ( the “telly tubbies” as Juliet refers to them) from our neck of the woods head for home, I go upstairs to pack all my stuff into bags.

17.05 .. It's raining as we leave Juliet & Robert’s place, we are taking Dad & Dee home.

17.20 .. We are at Dad & Dee’s place .. I switch the computer on to do the five minute job of copying all of yesterday’s and today's photographs from my 4GB USB key to their hard disk.

However .. Dee had installed Google earth on this machine .. and it was set up to auto detect and install updates. This old 1GHz Celeron PC is far from fast, specially as some idiot ( not me ) put XP on it .. so it's 20 minutes before I can do anything with it. Eventually I can copy across 100Mb of pictures, create Dee a shortcut to them and set them as her screen saver. Dad likes the pictures anyway.

18.05 .. We drive away from Dad & Dee’s place in horrible drizzly conditions. We meet a couple of queues unfortunately which does delay us somewhat.

19.00 ..Karen pulls into a garage as the washer bottle is now empty ..

19.58 .. We are home ..

More to come ...

Day 1174. Monday 25th
February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

23.15 .. I'm in bed.

More to come ... or maybe not.

Day 1175. Tuesday 26th
February 2008.

TMemory Joggers ...

I slept pretty well after taking something to help.

06.50 .. Karen gets up and does her routine.

07.00 .. Karen returns with cups of tea ..

07.13 .. Karen heads for the bathroom .. I head downstairs to the loo, then on to the kitchen .. pre drudgery breakfast.

07.35 .. I'm in that position ..

08.00 .. I call the doctors .. after a bit of a wait on there 6.2ppm telephone line I'm given two appointments .. 15.30 with the new doctor for me, 16.00 with the outgoing family GP for Karen .. I quickly call her mobile to give her appointment time .. she'll need to leave school sharpish later.

08.45 .. The drudgery is over .. time to shower, cream then wash my hair ..

10.26 .. Bob arrives .. I'm very nearly ready .. my hair is dry enough, I need to nip upstairs and clip it up and put some jewellery on.

10.45 .. We head for Bob’s house .. via a fuel stop.

11.15 .. We arrive at Bob’s house .. a cup of tea and a shortbread stick for a little refreshment.

11.30 .. To the office and the struggling PC .. Windows XP Pro and just 256mb of memory .. it's a joke. I identify the motherboard type, Asus A7V266-e .. I built a load of these. Sadly the memory I've bought with me is not compatible .. this needs DDR PC2100.

A trip to the website finds 2 Gb of Kingston CL2 spec memory for just over £60 .. a bargain .. Bob goes for 2Gb to be the same as me.

13.15 .. We are hungry .. time to head to the pub.

13.20 . .We are in a pretty empty pub .. it's us and two others .. and the staff. Lunch is a bacon and Stilton baguette .. it's really very tasty .. it's got enough flavour to almost overcome the bitterness in my mouth.

14.25 .. We are back in Bob’s house, I go to the loo and freshen up down below in preparation of seeing my doctor, incase he goes looking down there.

15.03 .. We leave Bob’s house heading for Lightwater and my doctor’s surgery.

15.28 .. I'm in my doctor’s waiting room .. I'm 2 minutes early.

15.45 .. My old GP comes out to call a patient to his room, spots me, gives me a wave and asks if I'm OK .. I wish he wasn’t leaving .. he's been so supportive.

15.49 .. I'm called through to the consulting room, it's my first meeting with the doctor that is replacing my GP of 20 years .. he's got a hard act to follow.

16.00 .. I walk back into the waiting room to find Karen there waiting for her appointment .. with our original GP.. I take the car keys to dump some stuff and walk around to the chemist to see what I can get.

21.35 .. I'm finally in that position .. I'm late .. 

More to come ...

Day 1176. Wednesday 27th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

08.28 .. Christine calls from Thailand on Skype ..

08.44 .. Bob calls on the BT line .. I answer him on another phone, I guessed it was because his computer memory had arrived .. correct .. I suggest a 12.00 pick up as I've still got to do the business.

11.45 .. I'm ready to roll, so with time to spare I start doing some tiding up moving stuff back upstairs.

12.00 .. Bob arrives ..

15.45 .. I'm home ..

15.50 .. I set off down the village to the chemist .. they’ve got my gloves in but the price is now £7.48 a box, not the £5.20 I was told yesterday .. I need them.

19.00 .. Dinner is served .. Pizza and chips followed by a slice of Tart au Pomme with a little ice cream.

19.32 .. Ex colleague Chris gives me a call on Skype ..

More to come ...

Day 1176. Wednesday 27th February 2008.

Memory Joggers ...

08.28 .. Christine calls from Thailand on Skype ..

08.44 .. Bob calls on the BT line .. I answer him on another phone, I guessed it was because his computer memory had arrived .. correct .. I suggest a 12.00 pick up as I've still got to do the business.

11.45 .. I'm ready to roll, so with time to spare I start doing some tiding up moving stuff back upstairs.

12.00 .. Bob arrives ..

15.45 .. I'm home ..

15.50 .. I set off down the village to the chemist .. they’ve got my gloves in but the price is now £7.48 a box, not the £5.20 I was told yesterday .. I need them.

19.00 .. Dinner is served .. Pizza and chips followed by a slice of Tart au Pomme with a little ice cream.

19.32 .. Ex colleague Chris gives me a call on Skype ..

More to come ...

Diary .... the next 28 days....

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